AaJied & ^/te ^empJe Q/oo4ft"
By Buck Naked
It was a cold, blistering morning in June. The earth stood still, the
heavens trembled, and Hell quaked and belched forth an evil entity. This
entity was to grow and grasp the concept we as humans have come to
know as religion. I his same entity by the age of twelve had grown to
intellectual capacities equal to that of Plato and Socrates. By adulthood,
this entity was contemplating the theories of creation itself. Soon after
this, it then set forth on a quest to rid the world of evil and torment
students. This entity became known the world over as Dr. Richard G.
Walsh.
Now that I have provided a fitting introduction to the most
notorious and feared professor ever to traverse the halls of this institu
tion, 1 would like to provide you, the reading public, with some startling
discoveries and facts that have been uncovered. This information will
astound and amaze you. It will leave you with the same exclamation of
"Hnimmm!"
Baylor University is the largest Baptist college in the United States.
Dr. Walsh attended and received his bachelor's degree from this institu
tion. To the average person, this might seem normal and uncurious:
however, to me, a trained professional, this was enough to launch a
complete investigation.
For the record: Buck Naked is among the pantheon of students
who will be canonized upon graduation for receivii^ an " A " in a Dr.
Walsh survey course.
The first piece of information to unfold was the strangelocation of
Baylor-Texas. Texas also happens to be the state that our beloved Dr.
Walsh claims is his birthplace (although it has been rumored that he was
actually bom in Oklahoma). Nothing strange here? Wrong, Baylor is
located in Waco, Texas!
Waco, as you all well know, was the headquarters for the Branch
Davidians led by David Koresh. David Koresh was a megalomaniac.
Here on our campus. Dr. Walsh has the reputation of being the most
demanding teacher. It has even been rumored that .lesus himself could
not attain an "A" in Walsh's survey course. Could this be construed as
megalomaniacal?
It has also been rumored that Dr. Walsh at one time might have
actually been a Branch Davidian. Is it possible that he was possessed by
David Koresh upon his death? Didn't any one notice that at approxi
mately the same time that David Koresh's camp in Waco, Texas, was
burning that suddenly and mysteriously our Student Union was filling
with smoke! Officials on our campus reported that there was welding
going on under the bookstore and that some plastic had accidentally
caught on fire. This is a feeble excuse to dispel the inquiries.
Is it also a coincidence that our omnipotent professor took a
"pilgrimage" this summer to Waco, Texas? If queried on his pilgrimage
to the motherland, Walsh will attempt to dispel these rumors by calling
it a "vacation" or possibly denying it altogether.
Could our own Dr. Richard G. Walsh (a.k.a. Dr. Koresh, Rabbi,
Texas Pete, and sometimes Mr. Big) be possessed? These facts make me
and the public at large eager for dirty laundry and the naked truth, utter
a long and questioning "Hmmmm!" One last bit of gossip: ask Dr.
Walsh if he has ever received any direct messages from the Prince of
Darkness? Rumor has it that his television set was once the means of
contact!
For the record: Buck Naked is among the pantheon of students who
will be canonized upon graduation for receiving an "A" in a Dr. Walsh
survey course.
GOD TALK
by the Rev. Carrie Parrish
In "Community and Growth," Jean Vanier offers a powerful state
ment about the necessity of reconciliation in the human community:
It is often when a community is on the verge of
breaking up that people agree to talk to each other
and look each other in the eye. This is because they
realize that it is a question of life or death, that
everything will collapse if they do not do something
decisive and radically different. Often we have to
come to the edge of the precipice before we reach the
moment of truth and recognize our own poverty and
need of each other, and cry' to God for help.
You and I are members of a fractured worid where people are afraid
of each other. You know' the statistics as w ell as I do. Gun sales soar and
accounts of murder fill the front pages of every daily newspaper.
Beatings and other forms of physical abuse are not only increasing; they
are sickeningly more atrocious. Racism and other kinds of bias smolder
and erupt, leaving people injured, humiliated, trapped, dead. Childi'en
are taught to hate, to fear, and to call people ugly names.
The story' is depressing . . . and it is nur story'. .. not just Somalia.
South Africa, Iraq, Iran. New York, Philadelphia. Miami or any other
place "out there.” You and I must claim it. confess it, change it. What
will you do ... to be an agent of reconciliation, healing and justice?
Cry to God for help. Dare to "do something decisive and radically
different." Start here ... at Methodist College.
AFTER HITTINC
THE BOOKS
HIT THE ROAD FOR
weia WORKS
A day of studying can build up a mighty big appetite. Wiener
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Expires March 31. 1994
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