The
WROUGff
1956
MOUN'^’
Uebris
VOL. 1—NO. 1
THE DEBRIS
FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 1966
Summer Session
Plans Announced
Academic Dean Lonesome Jack
NoMore announced several
months ago, to his secretary,
the enlargement of the summer
school program to be held here
starting in June.
When the Dean returned from
■wherever it is that he goes, he
neglected to inform the faculty
or student body of the changes
he had made. Once he got around
to telling the college community
about the new program, he had
decided that time was so short
an additional fee of $435 would
be necessary for all summer
school applicants.
Under the new program, which
will be a two session course,
numerous courses will be added,
and several removed.
The first session will begin
June 3 and end August 14. Second
session commences August 15
and close August 23, “The
short span of the second session
will necessitate some doubling~
up in the courses offered,” Dean
NoMore said,” said, “but we
feel that the students in attend
ance will be up to the challenge.
If not, they certainly won’t be
here next semester,” he closed
with a chuckle.
Classes each session will be
gin at 5:30 a.m,, and each day
will close with vespers and a
baptismal service in the fountain.
New courses offered this
summer will include an eight
semester French course, pre
sided over by a battery of qual
ified instructors, including Mau
rice Chevalier, Peppy La Pew,
and Mademoiselle Crumble.
The anticipated failure rate of
this course should far exceed
all expectations.
Evening genetics courses will
be held among the pines nightly,
with public baths following in the
multi-purpose fountain. Soap will
be provided by the college com
ptroller and the president’s wife.
Dog-catching 41 has been added,
with instruction provided by
Coach Dondo Fryed and all
members of the local FBI.
A select group of instructors
from first floor Edgecombe will
present Demolition 56, an
advanced course in dormitory de
struction. The top ten offenders
in the class will not be appre
hended.
Summer entertainment will
consist of movies, public con
certs, and prayer meetings.
Movies, to be shown nightly,
will consist of “The Robe” “.A*
Man Called Peter,” “The Ten
Commandments,” “The Great
est Story Ever Told,” and“Irma
La Duce,”
A taproom has been installed
in the President’s office for
added relazation for the students.
All aquanautics classes have
been moved from the new indoor
Olympic pool to the Tar River,
where moonlight drownings will
be held with regularity.
S.G.A. officials, Guy Turner, Mel Gay and Mike Pratt
returned to the Student Grovemment office after their
rescue from gangsters who attacked them earher today.
Kiddie Corner
The Bear Trap
Once upon a place, there were
three bears; Infant Bear, Papa
Bear, and Money Bear. Papa
Bear and Money Bear were well-
educated Bears. They both
worked for a large organiza
tion called Bear Trust, Inc. Bear
Trust was an organization for
betterment of Bears. As an in
stitution, their first concern be
came the construction of insti
tutional buildings. This required
much in the way of funds. They
appealed to their bearethren
around the world to help them
out . Well, since everyone knows
that bears are the richest
creatures in the world, Bear
Trust was soon on good financial
ground. Since they needed some
thing to carry the expenses of
this organization, they employed,
as one of their means, Papa
Bear , to go around and seek'
funds through eloquent means.
You’ve already read that Papa
Bear was very well-educated.
This was very true; in fact, he
once received the distinction of
being the only bear in Beardom
with an education far outranking
his intelligence. Bear Trust
gave Papa Bear a car and told
him to go around and see just
how much money he could raise
for Bear Trust.
So they got started; Money
Bear, Papa Bear, and Standard
Bear, Standard Bear went
around recruiting for the firm,
while Money began the task of
construction, and Papa went out
unto all Beardom to teach about
the Great Bears, John Bear,
Charlie Bear, Martin Bear, and
J. C. Bear ( A Southern Bear),
Standard Bear soon found that
they couldn’t get nearly enough
bears to fill the buildings that
Money Bear was putting up, so
after a conference they decided
that since all the young bears
were going to bigger bear in
stitutes, they would have to be
less stringent. So they relieved
Standard Bear of his duties and
Yankee Raiders Strike
S. G. A. Overthrown
By Masked Gangsters
hired Bearer and Bearest to
assume these duties.
Soon, they began to fUl the
buildings with candidates from
anywhere they could get them.
Soon, the halls of Bear Trust
were bursting with activity,
and all over its grounds were
seen tigers, canaries, pigeons,
squirrels, snakes, leeches,
sloths, pigs, snails, and an ele
phant or two. The question of
whether to admit chimpanzees
was avoided.
Then began the task of train
ing. Some of the candidates
weren’t too fond of the program,
and soon left. Still others adapt
ed well and pursued faithfully.
So this little ecologic community
began to grow. Before long, the
“Big Bears began to notice that
something was wrong—the candi
dates were becoming restless.
Some objected to the training
program, others to the cater
ing service, and still others didn’t
like the idea of having to go to
the “Ark” once a week and listen
to Papa talk about his Great
Bears. Soon, the “Big” Bears
began Athat something had to be
done. Papa Bear had, as we
said before, a great mind. This
was true, although it had been
in hibernation since 1910. He >
asked one of the “Big Bears if
he would come to the aid of
the social community. This bear,
:^.T.Bear (seen The), was a de-
cendent of J.C. Bear, and as such,
soon established himself in “Di
vine Right.” Well, this bear soon
became very confused and mixed
up. After a brief “Reign of
Terror,” he retired and took a
job under Gar Bear, anjimpor-
tant bear official. His boots
were soon filled by Infant Bear.
Infant Bear wasn’t really an in
fant; he did, however, resemble
one, because he was so small.
He soon remedied this misfor
tune by wearing elevator claws.
He was smart enough to realize
(Continued on Page 2)
ROCKY MOUNT - The Student
Government Association of N. C.
Wesleyan College was over
thrown this morning by four
members of the student body.
At 8:45 Commander-in-chief of
the Yankee Raiders, armed and
masked, entered the S.G.A. office
and ordered the officials within
to face the wall. They then
proceeded to over turn the stu
dent government files in a search
for top secret information.
Guy Turner, Mel Gay and
Mike Pratt, the S.G.A. officials,
were held at gun point for over
an hour while the Raiders con
tinued to destroy property. Al
though the prisoners cried for
help, the screams went unheeded
by the student body passing the
Nash Dorm
il Votes
New Rules
The Council members of Nash
Dormitory held a special meeting
last Monday night and made a
few minor changes in the girls
rules. The rules were passed due
to the excellent behavior of the
residents of Nash Hall. It has
been reported that this year only
one call down has been given
and that was for a minor offense.
These girls have proven them
selves to be very dependable,
always quiet and always in the
dormitory ahead of closing time.
One of the most favored rules
passed was that concerning 2:00
A.M. late permission for all dorm
residents on the regularly sch
eduled date nights, Friday and
Saturday, In addition, extra date
nights have been allotted for those
women who desire to take them.
In order for a woman resident
to spend a weekend away from
campus, she must have the per
mission of her roommate or a
close friend. This is to make
sure that in case the girl’s pa
rents should call, someone will
be able to notify them as to
where their daughter may be
found.
In addition, study hours have
been abolished. Residents are
now permitted to be any place in
the dormitory any time day or
night. Provision for televisions
and telephones for each room
have been made.
These new rules have been
passed for the benefit of the ex
cellently behaved residents of
Nash Hall. The dorm council
commented that if these regu
lations were obeyed, there would
be a strong possibility for fur
ther extension of privileges for
the resident students.
office, which is located in the
Student Union Building. One ob
server noted that he heard the
cries for help but consid
ered them only a usual part of
the noise which escapes the Stu
dent Government office.
The four raiders, known only
as Dinardo, Red, Yank and Bobby
Bluethumb then preceded to dis
pose of the student government
officers.
Campus Police Officer Super
Trooper arrived three hours
later armed with his 007 Es
pionage Kit, which includes
30.06 high powered, long-range
water gun, a bag of hyper-
magnetic Tootsie Roll Pops
which, when cleverly concealed,
enabled Super Trooper to appre
hend two of the alledged con
spirators.
The other two conspirators
were cleverly trapped when
forced to stop their get-away
car by the advance of Mr.
Trooper’s dog force who were
on routine patrol chasing auto
mobiles around campus.
When Super Trooper finally
apprehended the two runaways
he presented them with a ticket
for Improper parking and a notice
to report to the Dean for pay
ment of the fine.
Turner, Gay and Pratt were
immediately rushed to the local
infirmary for treatment of burns
and gun wounds where four hours
later they received atten
tion. They were told to take
two aspirin, gargle with salt and
return to their rooms.
The trial of these four das-
teredly fiends will be held by
the end of the school year.
Welcome Back
Classic Tees Off
A cast of thousands, featur
ing some of the brightest lights
ever to glimmer on the Wes
leyan campus in byegone years,
will be appearing for a two day
stand here this weekend in a
thrill-packed, fun-filled spec
tacular.
The First Annual Welcome
Back Golf Class will be hell
at the Green Hills Country Club
Saturday afternoon.
The names of the returning par
ticipants would probably strike
fear into the hearts of little
children, and adults for that mat
ter, so they will not be mentioned
here.
Promoters of the event promise
a great day on the links, and an
even greater evening, if past
events give any indication,
Sunday has been declared as
recuperation day, and no an
nounced events are planned.