THE DEBRIS PAGE 4
Patience Added Four Please
to Staff of Rival Paper
The Decree, not being like
other organizations on campus
and at a loss for one certain
member on its staff, has just
created a new position. This
new position will be called
“Assistant Editor in Charge of
Bureaucracy”. This special
person’s duties will be to fill
out forms and to take the forms
through the proper school
channels. This position was
created because of the lack of
time on the part of the other
members of the staff to take
all of the various forms through
the proper channels. After an
extensive search of the entire
student body the right person
was found for this job. His
name is John H. Patience,
John’s first test was to perform
the routine task of getting money
from the Business Office -
money used to run the paper.
If the reader doesn’t under
stand how this is done, here
is an idderation of what John
had to do:
First he attained a white
slip of paper (properly called’
slip of paper (properly called
‘Inter-Office Memo’) and wrote
down how much money was
needed and for what. Then it
had to be signed by the editor,
three assistant editors, the
business manager, and the as
sistant business manager. Then
he had to take it to all the
officers of the SGA for their
signature, then to the five as
sistant deans of students, and
finally to the Dean of Students,
All for their signatures. Next
came the hard part. He took
the white slip to an office that
has never been named and ex
changed it for a blue slip, with
the proper signatures on it, of
course. Then he took the blue
slip to the assistant to the
assistant to the President of
the College who exchanged the
blue slip for a yellow slip of'
paper. Next the assistant to
the President had to sign it,
and finally the President, Then
-he yellow slip went to the huge
complex of business offices.
There numerous people signed
the yellow slip, and before he
got very far into it, he had had
that slip exchanged for a red
one, or green one and finially
ended up with a black one which"
could only be written on with
white ink to be valid. After
numei*ous more signatures and
remarks it came to a panel of
judges to find if the request for
money was worthy of the time
of the comptroller of the
college. They found it to be
and it was taken to him, who,
after long interogation signed
the black slip, and gave John
a gold slip of paper to be carried
to where he could receive the
money, John took it there and
after loking over the request,
and rumaging through many
files, it was found that the
no money - it
had all been given to other
organizations to run their busi
ness! Better luck next time,
John!
Campus Items
A recent investigation tak
en by the DEBRIS, has re
vealed some important facts
about our illustrious faculty.
For example one of our most
beloved professors of English,
Dr. Teagarden, has written a
collection of short poems which
titles; “Aint’t it the Most
Sweetest!”
Mr. Chaffin, from the Math
Department, has written a book
entitled How to be an Effective
Teachej'. Dr. Hailey of the
Religion Department is now
leaning toward Dr. James’
views. He has expressed his
beliefs in a book called God
Is Almost Dead!
A sudden flash is seen here,
Mr. C. B. Rushing has an
nounced his intention to head
the Goldwater in ‘68, Rocky
Mount Committee.
Just a few notes in closing:
(1) The cafeteria says - even
if you don’t like it, EAT IT!!!
(2) We, the students of N. C.
Wesleyan College, are filled
with deep remorse at the part
ing of our most beloved Con
stable, Mr, Ralph Downing, We
will miss him and always wish
him the best in all his future,
endeavors, A PRIL FOOL,
Elevators Added
Dr, Allen F, Cordts, Direc
tor of Development, announced
recently that elevators would
be installed in all the dormi
tories during the summer of
’68, When aske"d of this sur
prise move Dr, Cordts explain
ed that earlier this year it
was found that the pay phones
in the dormitories were not
working properly; that is they
were not making money. It
was the decision of our comp
troller to introduce some sort
of something called an inter
dormitory phone system and to
reduce the number (and sub
sequently service charge) of
the pay phones to one per dormi
tory, It was also decided that
this phone would be located on
the third floor of each dormi
tory. This is because the third
floor is the closest to the tele
phone lines and the cost of
lead-in wire would therefore
be cheaper. However there
are a number of students re
stricted to whell
stricted to wheel chairs. Since
it is impractical for them to
get to the third floors of the
dormitories under current sit
uations, it is necessary that
the elevators be installed.
Faculty Lounge Proposals
The age old problem of what
to do with the faculty and their
lounge, which has long intruded
on our territory, has at last
been solved. The answer has
always been there awaiting dis
covery. Just ask yourself what
is the most logical place from
which to glean space. The
answer is simple. Dr. Collins’
office is the most wasted space
on campus and therefore a
prime target for land renno-
vation.
It would be very easy to
subdivide his office or even
do away with it completely.
Then the faculty would be able
to move in and they would be
out of our domain, the Student
Union. At last, additional space
would be available for another
gaming room, and the most
worthy of student organizations,
the SGA, would be able to move
into the card room and at last
have a system of offices be
fitting their station.
Along the same lines is tne
proposal that the Trustee’s
Room be turned Into a student
center in the Administration
Building Itself. The students
would not have to make the
tiring walk from classes all
the way to the S. U. The SGA
should pass this measure with
in the next week.
In the meantime the renno-
vation of Dr. Collins’ office
will continue, with expected
occupancy within one month.
Public Sale
Twenty-seven of these cars will be
sold Saturday, April 6 at the Rocky
Mount Fairgrounds,
$1.00 down and a dollar a week
BAPTIST HYMNALMorrison &
Hall
Five foot nine.
He’s devine.
Changes water into wine.
Has anybody seen my GOD?
Covered with blood.
He drinks Bud,
Some call him the Bethlehem
Stud.
Well, If you run into a five foot
Jew
Studded with thorns.
His feet are tied,
Deciples cried.
You might say He was cruci
fied.
But could he pray.
Could he save.
Could he, could he,
Could he save?
The spring is here. Golf
balls fill the air, and clubs,
and dirty words, and little bit
of everything. As a matter
of fact, almost anything im-
maginable is in the air. This
is the season of love. I love
my golf game. Coach Scalf loves
his game, Dr. James loves his
game, the school loves the golf
team. Did you ever try to
marry a golf game?
While everyone is at the beach
playing in the sand, we are play
ing in the sand also, and the
water. There is only one catch.
Who ever succeeded in surfing
the big waves of the water
hazard on Number 18? Who
ever built a sand castle in
the trap beside the Fourth
green. Although these possi
bilities exist, I dare say the
Greens Committee and the Chief
Greens Keeper would object
just a little. Its hard to hit
a shot out of the ramparts of
a castle. Not that its not
possible mind you, just difi-
cult With the way some people
play golf, it might be easier;
at least the ball would be teed
up.
“The Spring has sprung, the
grass has rise, I wonder where
my golf ball is” (Taken from
the quotes of the Sage of Golf.)
To see two young people (a
boy and a girl) strolling through
an open meadow of spring grass
is a wonderful sight. But can
you immagine the agony of a
by Tony Demutt
player being held up by a flock-
some while they try to find
eight or nine golf balls in the
rough on the first hole? Even
the greens are tricky this time
of year. Just think, you need
a two foot downhill putt for
birdie and a 68 on the 18th.
You adress the ball, stroke it
ever so lightly, and watch it
slid past the hole, 136 1/4 feet
past the hole to be exact. In
the end, you end up 24-putting
the green and have a score of
217 for the round. Isn’t this
game fun? Just wait till you
get to No. 19, then the fun
really starts as you recount
your day’s adventures. The
alligator that attacked you in
the water hazard, the chicken
hawk that mistook your ball for
a mouse and captured it. The
V. C. ambush that took place
while you were putting out on
No, 17. But most of all, the
putt on No. 18 that just barely
missed.
In closing there is a poem
by Sally Hresan (Sullins Col-
lege, Class of ‘65) that seems
appropriate:
Oh, the golf bug has bitten
me good;
I’m in love with a putter,
an iron, a wood.
I play every day and my
score stays the same.
But golf is a crazy, wonder
ful game.
N. C. W. Golf Team at Bentnie Country Club
Fountain to be Replaced
Has anybody seen my GOD? Has anybody seen my GOD?
Let us all be thankful that
the Board of Trustees has
finally decided to remove the
faulty fountain in front of the
school. But in order that a
little beauty might be added,
they have decided to replace
the fountain with a twenty foot
high statue of John Wesley.
The statue of our illustrious
forefather will be eloquently
dressed and will have orange
water spouting from his ears
and mouth. He will have green
eyes and carry a copy of Dr.
James’s new book in his left
hand. The statue is to be
donated on April 6, 1968, by
the manger of Sears in Rocky
Mount During the ceremony
a bottle distilled water will
be broken over the statue. An
inscription at the base of the
statue will be a quote of this
great person - "Chastity is
the best course”.