PAGE 4 — THE DECREE — APRIL 27,1990
npi
1 he Decree
OFFICIAL STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF
NORTH CAROUNA WESLEYAN COLLEGE
Editor — John Pernell
Staff —* Dhana Chesson, Mark Brett,
D.A. L«ntz, Danielle Meckley
; TAe Decree ls located in the Student Unions North Carolina
Wesleyan Collegej Wesleyan College Station, Rocky Mounts >
NC 27801. Policy is determined by the Editorial Board of The
Decree. Republiciation of any matter herein without the ex
press consent of the Editorial Board is strictly forbidden. The
Decree is composed aad pTintedbj The SpringHopeEnterprise.
Opinions published do not necessarily reflect those of North
Carolina Wesleyan College.
Bankruptcy near
“How did you go bank
rupt?” Bill asked.
"Two ways," Mike said.
“Gradually and then sud
denly.”
— The Sun Also Rises
North Carolina Wesleyan
College is going bankrupt.
Not a financial sterility, but
rather a loss of student inter
est. Year by year student in
volvement drops; like the wa
ter level of a drying land.
Most of the campus activities
are time and time again con
ducted by the same few stu
dents. Sadder yet is interest
shown by the student body.
If the involvement of the
students in this institution
continues to gradually dimin
ish, then this place of higher
learning will be reduced to
group of buildings surrounded
by pretty pine trees. How sad.
How pathetically sad that
people of supposedly great
intellect can not see that their
ship is sinking.
The people, the scholars
and the teachers of Wesleyan,
must take control of their
school. The school only going
to be as great as the peoples’
work in progressing the insti
tution. As of now the people
are standing in a stagnant en
vironment.
Reach out! Grab for that,
which is not here, because one
day that chance to expand and
to evolve may suddenly disap
pear.
era
Memories of 20 years ago return
’Earth Day' still important
By STEVE FEREBEE
Well, it was a nice Earth Day
morning, and I was enjoying the
randy birds and fresh smells of
spring along with my newspaper
when I was suddenly transported
back to the original Earth Day
celebration 20 years ago.
I was startled out of my com
placent assurance that even
George Bush was happily sup
porting the idealism of Earth Day
Dn Steve
when I came face to face with the
John Birch Society’s anti-Earth
Day full-page advertisement in
the Rocky Mount Telegram.
At first I was merely bemused
Here are stories we'd like to read
By MARK BRETT
As we observe the world
around us, we see stories that
don’t get the press they deserve.
You know the kind of stories I’m
talking about; those wonderful
little stories that see print in the
newspapers that we all see and
pretend not to read in the super
market check-out lane. Stories
that take place in a wonderland of
the imagination, where Elvis
lives, where UFO aliens pop in
for visits on midwestem inter-
states, and where lots of “noted
experts,” most of whom seem to
hail from Sweden, verify all of
these amazing events. This, then,
is the Decree’s list of ... stories
we’d like to see!
Nazi ghost haunts mezza
nine — Yes, just as you’ve al
ways suspected, the library mez
zanine is haunted. This, noted
expert Bjom Horfkenshdedder
says, is what causes the extremes
of volcanic, dehydrating heat to
be found up there. ‘That kind of
heat can’t be generated by man,”
Dr. Horfkenshdedder said. “Ob
viously, the spirit of some dead
Nazi who wants to restrict learn
ing dwells on the mezzanine,
waiting to drive would-be stu
dents from the area. Just offer
him a can of sauerkraut and he’ll
leave you alone.”
Bigfoot sighted on campus
— Lock your doors and bolt your
windows, because Bigfoot is on
the loose! He’s been spotted
wandering the campus, and even
attempting to teach classes! A
noted Bigfoot Psychologist at
Sweden’s Bigfoot Institute
warns, “If you see Bigfoot, don’t
antagonize him. Normally,
Bigfoot is not as violent as his
cousin the Yeti, but if provoked
he can become a raging engine of
destruction.” (Latebreaking
Note: It has been discovered that
the creature spotted here is not
Bigfoot but is actually a mass
hallucination caused by the large
number of bearded faculty mem
bers employed at this institution.
Sorry.)
Satanic drug sex orgy —
Actually there’s no story with
this one, but dam it, there ought
to be.
Two-headed glowing baby
found — Yes, someone finally
put something in that aluminum
can recycling bin by the vending
machine. BeHeved not to have
actually been bom but to have
been spontaneously generated by
the abundance of noxious sub
stances to be found in the area,
the baby is a first. “I don’t believe
I’ve ever seen junk food repro
duce in quite this way before,”
says a noted expert. “Usually, it’s
a full grown politician, like Dan
Quayle.”
Elvis kills 10 in library
shooting spree — The King is
back! Coming to our library in
disguise to find a book on Cadil
lac repair, Elvis was taken by
surprise when asked to open his
book bag for security check as he
left. Frightened that the box of
jelly doughnuts he snuck in
would be discovered and he
would be asked to leave, Elvis
pulled a gun and mowed down 10
people in the desk area. Heard to
mutter “Serves the fascists right”
as he was leaving, Elvis retumed
to hiding and is still at large.
It should be kept in mind that
none of the above stories have
actually been documented, and
that they may indeed be false.
Well, actually, we made them all
up. None of them are true. But
wouldn’t the world be a much
more interesting place if they
were?
at the argument that environ
mental extremists exaggerate the
plight of Mother Earth in order to
ruin the country and take away all
of your freedoms.
But I suddenly remembered
my high school principal. The
John Birth illogicalities reminded
me that Mr. Hatchet used similar
arguments against my plan for
the afternoon of Earth Day, 1970.
I had presented a list of educa
tional reasons for the event and a
step-by-step use of the time. We
were going to go down to the
beach to clean up trash.
Now, 1 know what you’re
thinking. What could be better
than escaping the classroom for
an afternoon of unsupervised
high school partying? And to
some extend you’re right. In or
der to reach the beach I had des
ignated for our afternoon you had
to climb down a steep cliff which
usually intimidated adults. Also,
our own parties accounted for a
great deal of what we were going
to clean up. I knew we could cor
ner the market on recycled alumi
num cans from what we buried
down there every weekend.
Nevertheless, some of my
motives were pure. I had read
Rachel Carson’s Silent Spring,
and many of my friends were
talking about the growing pollu
tion problems. A student govern
ment meeting was completely
given over to discussing what we
could do to take part in a nation
wide attempt to make people
aware of the problems. I thought,
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