Newspapers / North Carolina Wesleyan University … / March 25, 1994, edition 1 / Page 5
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MARCH 25,1994 — THE DECREE — PAGE 5 Relationships tougher in P.C. world By BEN HAMRICK Recently, at a large family gathering of relatives celebrating my aunt and uncle’s 50th wed ding anniversary, 1 was reminded, perhaps no more than six or seven thousand times, that I am still sin gle. Single? I remarked. How polit ically incorrect! In no way did 1 consider myself single — simply matrimonially challenged. Clearly, the scowling horde of octogenarians within hearing aid range had no clue what I was talk ing about, which is probably just as well, because if their genera tion had been subjected to the vast new guidelines dominating the current Nineties dating scene, many of us may not have been bom. The year was 1944, and my uncle pursued my aunt with ab solute determination at the loCal defense plant. Whenever she Much in life escapes any recognition (Continued from Page 4) Then 1 sat through Honors Convocation, applauding so of ten that my hands sang with genu ine enthusiasm. As we congratu lated our best and brightest, I couldn’t help but remember my friend’s stamina and Sinatra’s en durance and Mayfield’s dignity and the people who made movies that I enjoyed but aren’t recog nized by their peers. So I began to thinking about students. 1 admire many of you who re-think, re-read, re-write, and accept evaluation. I’m no Pollyanna; I know many of you don’t try. But to those of you who do and who weren’t invited to Convocation: I lift my red pen for a moment and tip my hat in admiration and thanks. And my garden? At this time of year it changes almost momentarily. A clematis grows an inch; the shimmering green of new growth on a rose plant dazzles; plants that I thought our winter had killed pole through the mulch; daffodils and hyacinths and pansies nod with the breeze and spill rainbows into the world; some buds are ^jpearing, some are bursting with color juices. Those are some of my awards that no one rewards me for. wasn’t looking, he planted one rose after another in her rivet gun. Obviously his persistence paid off. But by today’s standards of conduct in the workplace, he might have been brought up on charges of sexual harassment, dis graced, ultimately dismissed, and perhaps, even more terrifying, made to repent before 50 million viewers on Geraldo or Sally Jesse Cortez Brown Gamer O’Brien Rafael. There is an entirely new “eti quette” for dating in the Nineties, and men and women alike are recreating their relationships to reflect the revolutionary change in their respective roles. Take, for example, the simple matter of paying a restaurant bill. Because no one knows who is supposed to pick up the tab anymore, most waiters (oh, excuse me. Food Ser vice Professionals) these days put the check precisely between the male and female diner, creating a remarkably awkward moment to see who will reach for it first My accountant, Trish, suggests a system whereby even before the first appetizers arrive, a man and woman reveal their 1040 forms to each other. Then they would proceed to divide the check along income-based lines. For example, if she netted about $60,0(X) an nually and he took home only $40,(XX) (a miracle of biblical pro portions at Wesleyan), then she would pay 60 percent of the bill and he would pick up the rest, and vice versa. This system would greatly re duce the social pressures of the evening unless, of course, there were some residual squabbling because one party ordered Nor wegian goose pate and cherries Opinion jubilee, while the other, as her entire meal, ate only a small din ner salad and some tap water. It’s not that 1 mind picking up the check. In fact, I was trained to do it. But this once-simple act, like every other traditional dating ritual, has become a mess of complication. If I pick up the tab, am I a dominant, patronizing male? And if I don’t, am 1 an inconsiderate cheapskate? But the check is just the begin ning. In fact, I admit it, the sad part is that the mixed signals in today’s social scene have me to tally confused. For instance, in my own de sire to fit into today’s blurred- role dating world, I have done the food shopping and attempted to cook a romantic dinner. The only problem being that, on sev eral occasions, my efforts to suc cessfully produce an edible dish of linguine with clam sauce re sulted in a large portion of pasta being permanently affixed to the kitchen ceiling. Elaine (not her real name), the senior editor of a major feminist magazine and also my ex-fian- cee, frequendy wrote that the “gender-based” roles of men and women, which have persisted since the dawn of time, are fi nally obsolete, and therefore, couples should now share equally in all of life’s experiences. Except at 3 a.m., when she would wake up and suspect a prowler in the house. Then, equally, schmality, I would be the one invariably elected to venture down-stairs to confront the heavily armed escapee from a maximum security prison. Nevertheless, the problem Elaine and I confronted were not unlike those of other engaged couples we knew. Maybe it’s be cause a commitment that’s sup posed to last through richer and poorer, in sickness and health, as well as beyond at least one car warranty, is a lot longer than most people can endure in this increas ingly fast-paced, ever-changing world. Wouldn’t it just be better to eliminate the marriage contract altogether and replace it with a short-term agreement — perhaps renewable every six months? That would do away with the stigma of divorce completely. Many law yers (sorry Fred), and formerly married persons could simply ex plain to potential partners, with out a shred of guilt, that the op tion on their last relationship merely wasn’t picked up. Of course, first you have to not prescribing unnecessary procedures and the consumer would be asked not overuse the system. The Clinton plan is not a free ride. Employers would be asked to pay 80 percent of health pre miums for employees, while all consumers would be responsible for some form of co-payment or 15 cents to 34 cents per wage hour. The limits on overall spend ing would allow employers to eventually raise wages. Tlie much maligned cigarette tax would be increased 75 cents per pack, but find a potential partner, and that’s gotten to be a major chore in it self. Indeed, identifying and fill ing that need, the personal ads in the Nineties have taken a high- tech turn to facilitate the process. No longer do folks seeking tme romance take time to write ten- page letters to anonymous maga zine box numbers. Instead, through the miracle of 900 marketing, they now choose from a whole menu of prere corded eligibles by conveniently making a phone call to their local “dateline.” Of course, at $3.99 a minute, you better find that spe cial someone pretty fast, other wise you might spend your entire first date gazing longingly at each other over a small fry from Hot ‘n Now at City Lake Park. While choices appear to abound. I’ve discovered that be ing the average American leaves me at a distinct disadvantage. There’s just no national associa tion for people Uke me. in relation to large manufacturer price increases over the last five years this increase is small in comparison. The Clinton health plan is the best method to bring this prob lem system under control. The result of ignoring this problem is sky rocketing costs, lost insurance coverage, and an uncontrollable federal deficit. The price for security may seem high, as Americans wit nessed during the Cold War, but the benefits of such security are well worth the costs. Clinton health plan has value (Continued from Page 4) to cap health care spending at 17.2 percent by 1997 through the use of the century will see federal of HMOs, PPOs, and traditional spending for health care rise to fee for service plans. 25 percent of the budget without These plans would allow in price controls. This rise in cost dividuals to join the group for a would make the federal deficit tum set limits on how unmanageable. much could be spent on care. Doc tors could not bankmpt the sys- While 80 percent of Ameri- tem because each person’s fee cans currendy have some cover- would cover the expense of tfieir age, the rising cost of health care care. could cause up to half of those The plan’s success hinges on citizens to lose coverage by the responsibility from the medical 21st century. The solution is community and the consumer, clearly the Clinton plan’s effort Doctors would be responsible for Top ten politically correct terms 10. Bald People — FoUicly Deprived 9. Short People — Vertically challenged 8. Fat People — Horizontally Challenged 7. Trash Men — Waste-Removal Technician 6. Dumb People — Cranially Deprived 5. Truck Driver — Long Distance Transport Spe cialist 4. Hunter — Animal Population Control Technician 3. Cashier — Product Tabulation Expert 2. Bartender — Liquid Distribution Specialist 1. College Professor — Mind Control Craftsman
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March 25, 1994, edition 1
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