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OCTOBER 7,1994 — THE DECREE — PAGE 5 Fans suffer most from strike Top Ten... Things to do when there is no baseball or hockey 10. See “The Scout” — actually don’t waste the time or money. 9. Read a book (there are many books on the topic of labor problems in sports — a timely subject.) 8. Go to the new Toy’s R Us store. 7. Watch Congress argue over baseball’s antitrust stand ing. 6. Be glad the NFL officials agreed to terms so at least there is football to watch on Sunday 5. Place bets on when each sports league will be back (Vegas has opened a special line on these bets.) 4. Throw darts at pictures of your favorite owners and players. 3. Remember the last time there wasn’t a World Series — this only applies to people 90 or older. 2. Be glad golf heis no strikes or lockouts. 1. Search for the truth which is out there. Letter offers advice to Clinton By ALAN P. FELTON The following is a letter I mailed to the White House last week. If I suddenly disappear, well, I suppose we all know why: Dear Mr. President: How long, oh how long, be fore you become fun again. The Presidency has had a bad effect on you and we are all suffering for it. These are dismal times for the weak and the weird and you are making our lives no easier. I know you are a busy man, but maybe, you could use some ad vice. So here goes, a step by step plan to revitalize your Presidency and guarantee your re-election in 1996. 1. Replace the entire White House st^. What is going on up there? Are you people getting so soft that you cannot fire anyone? Stephanopoulos must go. Hell, he can’t even get a decent haircut so how is he supposed to advise you? Send Dee Dee Myers out with him. I advise you to bring James Carville to Washington. You could sponsor a wrestling match between him and Janet Reno and all the proceeds could go to defi cit reduction. 2. Drop A1 Gore from the ticket in 1^6. He has all the cha risma of a case of gonorrhea and is just as much fun. As a replace ment may I suggest someone like Hunter Thompson or David Letterman. Now that would bring excitement to your campaign. On second thought, don’t call Dave. He couldn’t take the reduction in Opinion 3. Issue an immediate pardon for O.J. Simpson. If this trial con tinues you will never get any time on CNN. 4. Do something with Ross Perot. He is waiting silentiy in the wings to spread his wrath over the national political scene again. Maybe he would take an ambas sadorship to Haiti or South Af rica. Don’t underestimate his power and appeal. Perot may be nothing but a criminally insane, whiny dingbat from Texas, but so was George Bush and you see what happened to him. 5. Bring Hillary in as your of ficial chief advisor. She has all the brains in your family and is as tough as they come. You could send her over to the Senate cham ber and let her punch Bob Dole in the mouth. If her punches back the Secret Service would take him out and there would be less com petition in 1996. 6. Don’t make any more stu pid remarks like “I didn’t inhale” or “Gennifer Flowers who?” Okay, so you are not perfect, but who is? Half the country would vote for you if you admitted that you smoked pot and enjoyed it. In regards to your sleazy women, well, all I can say is lay off them until you are out of the White House. No American wants to know their President is a sex fiend. - 7., The most important By PATRICK BRANNAN The sports industry — that’s right, industry — is being rocked with labor problems as 1994 draws to a close. The 1994 base ball season ended more than two months early, the National Hockey league (NHL) was strug gling towards a work stoppage Oct. 1, and the National Basket ball Association (NBA) has ru mors of a Thanksgiving lockout turning up in the press. What’s wrong with this picture? What’s really wrong with this picture is that the people that fund' the sports industry are being dragged through all of this too. Who pays for the sports busi ness? You and I! Ever think of that? We’re the one’s that pay $600 for a mini plan of season tickets for baseball. The NBA and NFL ticket prices are even worse than baseball. you can do is, to bring the fun back into poUtics. Do something crazy like invite Ollie North to go jogging or make George McGovern the curator of the Ri chard Nixon Presidential Library. Maybe you could just do some thing simple like call a press con ference and say, “I don’t care what anyone thinks. I’m the Presi dent and you aren’t.” Well, Mr. President, I suppose that is about it for now. Take care and please send money. Love, Chelsea and Socks Opinion For the first time in history America may be facing a work stoppage in three different sports. Never has there been more than one at a time. Baseball takes the lead with some eight labor dis putes since the mid 1970s. The NHL is facing a delay in the start of their season, scheduled to open Oct. 1, and the NBA is tied up in court with labor disputes and is talking lockout in November. Meanwhile, the fans across America sit and wonder what is wrong with sports today. As if the O.J. Simpson circus (now you can stop picking on Dr. Steve) wasn’t enough to show the col lapse of sports in American soci ety, labor strife is growing deeper with each passing day. Sports in America is in the middle of a major transition. The owners in every league are cry ing poverty and attempting to place a cap on the cost of labor. The players feel they should be entitled to what is properly theirs. George Will summed up baseball’s problems over a year ago by writing, “Baseball has two great problems: prosperity and freedom. All of baseball’s prob lems are rooted in two great American success stories, free dom and prosperity.” It’s funny when you think about it. Maybe the sports indus try has done too well at what most Americans set out to do. TTie busi ness of sports is suffering from nothing more than the traditional labor versus employer struggle. Meanwhile, you and I as the paying sports fan provide the rev enues for the parties to fight over. By purchasing tickets, buying team and league merchandise, and buying any products that are ad vertised on a sporting event broadcast we provide the money for the owners and players to fight over. Yet what do we get in re turn? Strikes and lockouts! Yet no matter what happens, we continue to climb right back into our “fan” role as soon as the labor dispute is over. In baseball, attendance actually climbs to new records the year after a work in terruption. What does that show the owners and players if after an interruption we still file back into the stadium at record numbers? Now the problem lies in the fact that our society can’t func tion without sports. Thank good ness the NFL and their officials agreed on their contract terms or the crime rate this winter would have been the only rising statistic to watch. We, as a society, find it hard to give up and do without our sports. Believe me, I’m just as guilty as anyone. No matter what, I’ll more than likely shell out my money again for season tickets for the 1995 baseball sea son which may not even exist. Yet, if we really want to show the sports industry that we hold the power, which I’ll remind you we do, we must work together and exercise our power. Unfortu nately, that’s almost as hard as it is to get the owners and players to stop fighting and just play ball. The Student Services Center Monday, Oct 10 10:30 a.m. Oct 10-21 Test Taking Made Easier Room 189 11:30 a.m. Taking Notes You Can Use Room 189 Wednesday,Oct 12 6:30 p.m. Career Decision Making Room 190 Thursday, Oct 13 4 p.m. Interviewing Skills Workshop Room 276 Friday, Oct 14 5 p.m. FALL RECESS BEGINS Wednesday, Oct 19 8 a.m. FALL RECESS ENDS Oct 19-21 SECOND half-term PE courses begin . Last day to add second half-term PE course Want to be a better student? Come to the free workshops on Study Skills. They are held Monday mornings at 10:30 and 11:30 in Room 189. For more informa tion, caU 985-5131. 150 students register for tutoring each semester. It’s free, and all you need to do is sign up in Room 190. If you are trying to decide what you want to m^jor in, or what you want to do for a career, come to the Career Decision Making worfcshqp on Oct 12 at 6:30 p.m. in Room 190.
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Oct. 7, 1994, edition 1
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