Newspapers / Southeastern Community College Student … / Dec. 1, 1968, edition 1 / Page 7
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Page Seven The Other Side By RICHARD HAYES Following exams, a fellow student told me that his instructor was a—well, how do you say it. Oh, well, I guess there's only one way to say it He called his instructor a bastard! I was horrified. What would provoke anyone to say such a thing. Or even worse, what ^if it were true? What if a professor at this honorable institution, a person of exalted position and high purpose, really were a bastard? What would be the consequences of having such a person around us, even teaching us? You can imagine how fearful I was of the possibilities, but I had to find out exactly how having a bastard as an instructor would affect us, the students. After a little diligent research I soon discovered that there was an early English "bastard" that meant a sweet Spanish wine that came in two flavors-hot and cold. Shakespeare wrote of a couple old friends who went cfown to the pub together for a little mug of bastard. But I think this is hardly what my fellow student had in mind. Surprisingly as it may sound, after some more research I discovered that being a bastard is not as bad as one might think it is. It may sound ridiculous, but strange bedfellows have had a tremendously valuable effect on history. Take the classics for example. The mother of Hercules, the most powerful men of all times, was not married to Mr. Hercules, Sr.; and Theseus, the mythical husband in one of classic literature's greatest love stories, was, himself, the product of a little bedtime story between Mr. Somebody and Miss Something-or-Other. Literary critics have never been able to discover who was the father of the honorable King Arthur. Maybe, it was because his mother had the same trouble. Since Tom Jones is only a minor classic, we must consider Tom a minor bastard, but still a rather famous one. Religion offers an illustrous example of the high esteem in which many bantlings have been held in the world. The Oriental Guatema Buddha, the Egyptian Horus, the Greek Demeter, and even our very own Jesus Christ were all borne without the consent of the Church and state. Illegitimacy enhanced their greatness rather than diminished it Adam and Eve, from whom we are all descended, got leafless and began to raise Cain without the aid of matrimonial vow—thus creating a custom that still hasn't withered away. Historically there was many great love-children. One in particular was the French King, John-the-Bastard, a precious little bungle from heaven who was named quite appropriately, I might add. The scholar, artist, inventor, and maybe the greatest genius of all times, Leonardo da Vinci, was born to parents only half serious about getting married—his mother wanted to, his father didn t From American history, we find that Alexander Hamilton, the 9’rat •tatesman; Matthew Brady, the great photography pioneer, and Phineas T. Barnum, the great showman, had a little trouble obtaining a last name. Even Lassie, an impeccably behaved screen star, was the product of a puppy-love affair. Don't misunderstand me. I'm not trying to say that all great historical figures have been illegitimate (Judas Iscariot Machiavelli, Adolf Hitler, and Lyndon B. Johnson are legitimate). What I am trying to say is that the value of bastardy has been grossly underestimated by the common man. He has been the victim of a ghastly misapprehension. And to the contrary to what one might believe, debauchery has been held in high esteem in prominent places from time immemorial. Napoleon, though not fortunate enough to be a bastard, was much fnore promiscuous as an Emperor than as an artillery lieutenant Ashe rose in rank he learned a valuable lesson—"the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world." So to break the monogamy of court life, the Emperor often went out looking for a little fresh-heir. St. Augustine took time off from his scholarly pursuits to father several illicit offsprings. These periods of relaxation probably contributed much to his studies of the anatomy in braille and biological proofs that celibacy, unlike sterility, is definitely an inheritable disease. Pope Leo X, a bachelor, of course, had no children to speak of. But his private sugar report listed at least eight little Leo's. But this was quite moral, because it preceeded the Catholic Legion of Decency. Also, it is extremely significant, historically, in light of the recent birth control encyclical. Many great people weren't this lucky. There were scores of monarchs who were not only unfortunate enough to be legitimate; they were even more unfortunate in not having any illegitimate offsprings to carry on the family name. Although Catherine the Great's son, Peter, was supposedly legal, Catherine tried in vain, with at least twenty-one known lovers to redeem her terrible error. Even though she was an utter failure, her dedication and valiant efforts can be appreciated in point with this column. Before Victoria, almost all the English monarchs tended to the affaire of state in a most unspeakable manner. Charles the I was a possible exception, but he was beheaded. And Elizabeth, the Virgin Queen, was probably a false pretender. These monarchs achieved varying degrees of success in bearing bastards. Closer to home, we find that George Washington vwis first in vwr, first in peace, second to marry Martha (you can't have everythmg), and was the father of our Country, God rest his soul. But he nwer had any legal children, God bless his soul. I guess you know what that makes us all, and God has blessed our souls. From ^is humble beginning, illegitimacy has become part of the yeat tradition of ^r country and a vital part of the democratic way of life. Why, m e Soviet Union an unfathered child (bastards aren't officially recognized in the U.S.S.R. as such because it would give the illegitimate child an innate superior position over the legitinMtt one> is only given equal legal and social opportunities. But in the U. ., e LITTLE MAN ON CAMPUS see 'C(Nnpetes In College Bowl Southeastern Community College received this summer an invitation to compete in the Pee Dee Prep Parade College Bowl for Junior Colleges, produced by station WBTW of Florence, B.C. The game is based on principles similar to the nationally know G.E. College Bowl, but on the Junior College Level. Members of the SCC team were selected by a preliminary game held on the campus where approximately 12 students competed against each other. From the 12, five were chosen to serve on the team. The team included four players and an alternate. Members of the team were. J. B. McPherson, captajn, Terry Buffkin, Alan Watkins, and Tom Tothrock, with Alice Davis as alternate. Roland C. Norris, College Registrar and 1 Church Hybl, Counsler, were the team’s sponsors. Winners of the College Bowl game were determined by illegitimate child is given $800 a year in government aid, while a double-elimination play-offs, legitimate child is allowed only $600 for tax deductions. This is which allowed each team two ''Well /wy first reaction wa^*- what KiMcyof 6TUP\P 0LINP (7ATE HA$ TMl^ OF MINE LEFT ME ALONE WITH —THEN— " easily seen as a recognition by our great government of the superiority of bastards and also as an attempt to subsidize bastardy in hope of getting more of these gifted individuals integrated into our society. Because of this new insight into bastardy, I am no longer afraid of the possibilities it might invoke. Much to the contrary, I think it would be wonderful if my fellow student was right And if there are any students who have a strong conviction that one of they're professors is a bastard, they should be very proud to study under such a distinguished individual. Wouldn't it be just marvelous if all the faculty were bastards? THE COLLEGE LIBRARY: A QUIET PLACE FOR STUDY? When Leory rushed from his last class into the library for a few minutes of quiet study and meditation before his next class, he found there was no quiet in the library! If there is no peace and quiet in the library, then where will the student study? Perhaps one can study in the Student Lounge, where peace and quiet and orderliness always prevail! The writer of this article does not want to be considered a gripe, but we do have a problem at Southeastern concerning our library and how it is missused. The” library is defined as a busy workshop where everyone can go to seek knowledge. Have you ever tried to concentrate on something during an airraid? The average person would say, well no, but have you ever tried Colt 45 Malt Lager? Of course this has no bearing on this article, but the point I am trying to get across is that for most people it takes just a little bit of study to bring some knowledge into the dilapidated memory cells of the college student’s mind. For most people, the studying must be in a relatively quiet place. Well, one would say, what quieter place is there than a library? My friends, I am sorry to say it, but the average battleGeld is quieter than the library here! One might walk into the library and find any number of strange and exciting things happening there! For instance, a friendly crap game going on in one booth, a boy and girl arguing over their last date, in another, and you may even be strafed by a paper airplane, zooming in from 12:00 high, made by some illustrious student studing aeronautics, who decided to put his theory to work. The writer realizes that all of this is far fetched and somewhat ridiculous, but he hopes that it is so much in the extreme that it will catch someone’s eye, and he will take heed of it and govern his conduct in the library accordingly. 1 have always thought of Christmas as a good time; a kind, forgiving, generous, pleasant time; a time when men and women seem to open their hearts freely, and so I say God bless Christmas! Charles Dickens losses before being disqualified. Southeastern won their first game by default because their rival team, Morris College of Sumter, S.C., failed to show up. This was a brief one, lasting just long enough to answer one question correctly so there could be a score. Alan Watkins, answered correctly the first toss up question to give SCC the 10 winning points. After the show went off the air, Paul Reeves, Moderator, allowed the four-man team to play the girls who had accompanied the team as supporters: Jenny Bufkin, Dale Coleman, Alice Davis and a USC coed visitor. The boys won this round also. The second planned game of the season was played with U S C - F 1 o r e n c e, with USC-Florence winning the game. SCC’s last game of the season was played with Coastal Carolina, of Conway, S.C. Southeastern stayed with Coastal until half-time, with the score 110-110, but in the final part of the game. Coastal beat SCC 170-150. For their participation, each member of the team was awarded two World Book Encyclopedia Yearbooks. The College received a two volume set of World Book Dictionary, which has been donated to the Library. £ SGA Executive Staff meet paiodically to plan new activities. Left to right, Louise Yoder, Treasurer; Pat Clark, President; Sue McPhatter, Secretary; O. C. Stevenson, newly appointed Vice-President.
Southeastern Community College Student Newspaper
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Dec. 1, 1968, edition 1
7
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