Newspapers / Elon University Student Newspaper / Feb. 3, 1926, edition 1 / Page 4
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Page Four MAROON AND GOLD —SEE— THE COLLEGE STORE —FOR— Cold Drinks, Confections, Kodak Supplies, Stationery And College Supplies J. H. FARMER, Manager A. D. Pate & Co. Largest Commercial Job Printing House in Alamance County Quality and Service Telephone 216 Corner Davis and Worth Streets, Burlington, North Carolina DR. FRANK E. GILLIAM DENTIST Over Rouse Jewery Store Telephone 992 Burlington, N. C. Elon Drug Company Hollinsworth Candies Soft Drinks, Sandwiches, and Drugs. ‘■What's tlie sliape of the earth?” asked the teaclier, calling suddenly up- 01' Willie. ‘ ‘ Kouncl. ” “How do' you know it’s round?’’ “All riglit," said Willie, “it's square then. I don’t -want to start any ar- giiiiient about it. ’ ’—Selected. A Puzzle in Punctuation Punctuate this, and it will not sound 0 crazy: A funny little man told this to me 1 fell in a snowdrift in June said he T went to a ball' game out in the sea I T I I Schiffman’s Lea(^ing Jewelers, GEEENSBOEO Your Class Jewelery V Gifts of The Kind That >: V >• :I: Make Giving H J J A Pleasure I ...I DR. L. M. FOUSHEE Dentist BUKLIKGTON, N. C. Office near Freeman Drug Co. Phone 21 City Barber Shop Good Hair Cuts—Ladies Welcome HERITAGE AND BOWMAN, Prop. Main Street, Burlington, N. C. CHRISTMAS FLOWERS Ail Students Wanting Flowers Foi Any Occasion, See Brown Fogleman, Representing Trollingers, Florist, Burlington, N. C. saw a jellyfish float up in a tree found some gum in a cup of tea stirred niy milk with a big brass key- opened my door on my bended knee I beg your pardon for this said he But’tis true wlien told as it ought to be Tis a puzzle in punctuation you see. —Hoosier Motorist. A weary-loo’kiug tramp begged for something to eat at a country house and was given a home-made plum cake. In less tlian two hours he was bac-k asking for the recipe. ‘For goodness’ sake, what do you want the recipe for?” inquired the puzzled housewife. “To settle a bet, mum,” replied the hobo. “Me partner says you used three cupfuls of cement to one of sugar, an’ 1 clain\s you only used two an' a half.*’—Boston Transcript; Doctor- dollars. ” Patient you (ind it, we'll split fifty-llfty.”— Life. I’ll examine you for fifteen —“All right, Boctor; and if “ I hear you gave a party last night. What was it to celebrate?’^ ■*It was for my wife. It was the tentli anniversiiry of her thirtieth birth- -lay.’*—Tit-Bits. Just Tor Fun The New Scholarship IJear the new jirofessor speak, “No more Latin, no more Greek. “Homer’s merely meant to play with. Classics must bo done away with. “No more foolish lectures on Socrates and Xenophon. “We can easily forego ‘Arma virumque cano.’ “Students have no time to lose— Teach ’em sometliing they can use. “Books like these before ’em thrust: ‘How to Build and Run a Trust.’ “ ‘How a Senate May Be Bought,’ ‘How to Steal and Not Be Caught,’ “ ‘Easy Steps to Shearing Flocks,’ ‘Irrigating Common Stocks.’ “Have a sociologic course Called ‘Respectable Divorce.’ “Life is short and time is fast— Wherefore monkey with the Past? “Make the student fit, I say. For this grander, larger day. Mold and train him so he can Learn ta skin the other man. “Thus he’ll be a power with men And a model citizen. “And some day, when he is greater. He’ll enrich his Alma Mater.” —New York Globe. Other Good Ones Bobby: “Mother, Sis sure has got a good memory.” Mother: “Wliy, do you think so, Bobby?” Bobby: “’Cause I heard her tell lier beau Inst night that that was the tenth time he had kissed her.” “Speaking of baldheads,said oiie man to another,-“ why T have an uncle whose head'is so bald, a fly slipped oft' of it and broke his neck.”! “Oh, that’s nothing,” replied the other, “My grandfather was so bald, he had to tie a string around his fore- head so he wouldn't wash his head when lie only meant to wash his face.” Trnfilc Cop: “Say you! Didn’t you see me wa-ve at youf” Mirandy: “Yes, you fresh thing, and if my old man had a seen’ you he’d a knocked off vour block.” Small Daugliter (hopefully)—‘ ‘ IIow far away is spring, daddy?” Overburdened Parc]it—“About a ton and a half of coal, dear.”—The Pass ing Show. you are going to borrow money borrow from a pessimist. He never expects to get it back.”—Tit-Bits. A D V PATRONIZE O u R R T I E R S AD. MGR. you find "Mrs. Homebody—‘ ‘ Don’t that travel broadens one?” Benabroad—“Maybe it does. It flat tened me.”—Tlie PJiiladelphia Recoil’d. A Somerville cross-word puzzler who telephoned a doctor for a seven- letter word meajiing “windpipe” re ceived the answer, “trachea,” also a bill for two dollars foT professional services.—Boston Transcript. Help us improve the Marooii and Gold 3, w Alma Mater Eton College A Dutcli bandmaster had a bandsman by the name of Schmidt who was in the habit of coming late to rehearsals. After frequent private remonstrances, one day he informed Schmidt in the presence of the other bandsmen, that unless he came promptly in the future he would he discharged. For two months tliereafter Schmidt was always the first one to show up, so the bandmaster, to sJiow his appreciation, announced that he would make a few remarks before tlie band, and this is what he said: “]\rr. Schmidt, I want to congratulate you, yoi; are early of late, before you .‘ame behind, and at last you come first.”’ Morrison-Necse Furniture Co. 118-120 West Market Street, GREENSBORO, N. C. The Kind of Furniture That Make a Home a Home. ► Old Darkey: “Boss, I wants to' buy a hoss. ” Livery man: “All right, Sam, come on over here. I’ve got some fine horses. Now, Sam, here’s one that has l>ecn a fine horse. How about hiiuV” “No sail, I don’t believe 1 wants him.” “All right then, Sam. Xow here’s one that’s going to be a fine hoTse and—” Now look here. Boss, I don’tl want no has been an’ I don’t want no gwine ter be, what I wants am a iser. ” Tliese are ticklish times for girls with rolled down stockings and fringe on tlie bottom of their skirts. FRESHMEN, SOPHOMORES, JUNIORS, SENIORS, ATHLETES Do You Know? ‘‘HOW TO STUDY’ The Students’ Haad-Book of Practical Hints on the Technique of Effective Study by WILUAM ALLAN BROOKS A GUIDE containing hundreds of praclical hints and short cuts in the economy of learning, to assist students in securing MAXIMUM SCHOLASTIC RESULTS at a minimum cost of time, energy, and fatigue. ESPECIALLY RECOMMENDED for overworked students and athletes en gaged in extra curriculum activities and for average and honor students who are working for high scholastic achievement. Some of the Topics Covered Scientific Staortcats in Elective Study. Preparing for Examinations. Writing Good Examinations. Brain and Digestion in Relation to Study. How to Take Lecture and Reading Notes. Advantages and Disadvantages of Cramming. The Athlete and His Studies. Diet During Athletic Training. How to Study Modern Languages. How to Study Science, Literature, etc. Why Go to College? After College, What? Developing Concentration and Ef ficiency. etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc. Why You Need This Guide “It is safe to say that failure to guide and direct study is the weak point in the whole educational machine.” Prof. G. M. Whipple, U. oi Michigan. I “The successful men in college do not seem to be very happy. Most of them, especially the athletes are overworked.” Prof. H. S. Canby, Yale. 1 “Misdirected labor, though honest and well intentioned may lead to | naught. Among the most important things for the student to learn is bo* I to study. Without knowledge of this his labor may be largely in vaifl. I Prof. G. F. Swain, M. I. T. I “To students who have never learnt “How to Study,’’ work is very often a chastisement, a flagellation, and an insxirperable obstacle to contentment. Prof. A. Inglis, Harvard. “HO^V TO STUDY” will show you how to avoid all misdirected effort. Get a good start uid make this year a highly successful one by sendiog for this hand-book and guide NOW. You Need This Intelligent Assistance American Student Publishers, 22 West 43rd St., New York. CLIP Gentlemen: AND MAIL Please send me a copy of “How to Study” TODAY. which I enclose $1.00 cash; $1.10 check. Name Address ELLIS, STONE & CO. Dry Goods, Eeady-To-Wear MllUnery and Sboee GKEENSBOBO, K. 0. DR. HENRY V. MURRA'' DENTIST BURUNaXON, N. 0. Offie« Phone 601 Realddnc« piija* I'
Elon University Student Newspaper
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Feb. 3, 1926, edition 1
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