Newspapers / Elon University Student Newspaper / April 1, 1947, edition 1 / Page 1
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WHAT IF WE ARE CRAZY? $ $ $ Moron and Ghoul Published by Nobody For No Particular Reason WHO GIVES A HOOT? $ i i VOLUME 21 Proof ELON COLLEGE, N. C., TUESDAY APRIL 1, 1947 NUMBER PLEASE MELVIN NAMED MAY QUEEN BY NOSE ¥ ¥ ¥ ¥ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ Jf ¥ ¥ ¥ TRUSTEES APPROVE CUT IN TUITION Expenses For Students Will Be Sliced In Half In an extraordinary session of the Board of Trustees yesterday after noon, a plan for a fifty percent slash In tuition and board for Elon stu dents met with their unanimous ap proval and will go Into effect im mediately. The sudden generosity on .ADMINISTRATIVE NOTICES' Unlimited cuts will be allowed all students averaging “E” or better this quarter “F” students may cut only the part of the trustees came comci- classes a week, dent with the subsistence pay raise * , * * granted veterans by the Government n fhio u«M.V The faculty picnic will be held on July 30th at Lake Hoppalongafoot- Not onl/ will tuition and board cost /^xi members are compelled to half as much as previously for hard- this outing, as Mrs. Huff has pressed students, but also a motion some special crawfish cro- was passed limiting study hours to qu^ttes for the occasion. Bring your not more than two a week. An>' stu- bicarbonate, dent caught breaking the rule will « « « * be liable to suspension of his dining jjjg April Fool party announced in hall card during Sunday supper. | issue of the paper will be Miss Hardy, Dean of Women, intro- held on April Fool’s Day, 1957. duced a plan to the Board for al lowing girl students equal pririleges to boys’, but the only concession granted was that girls may stay out until 3 a. m. on.Sunday, Tuesday, and Friday, and until 3:01 on other nights. The Board also suggested that free tuition .scholarships be given to all students making an average of C or better, and that athletic scholarships be given members of the tennis, canoe and waterbomb teams. «• « * Students may not use the library for romantic purposes. Mrs. John son can’t stand seeing all that kissing and hugging going on in front of her —do it when her back is turned. « * « 4> I want a Vacation. These waterbag wars are driving me crazy. (Signed). DEAN BOWDEN NEW SORORITY POLICY IS DEMOCRATIC MOVE MISS HARDY PLANS TO WED SLOBOVIAN Miss Christiana Hardy, of the Ar kansas Hardys—not to be confused with the Judge Hardys of Hollywood —has announced her intention of wedding Prince Igor Scholmmwitz, member of the royal family of the little kingdom of Upper Slobovia in Lower Eurasia. She says she will marry him as soon as he comes of age—he is only six months old now, but expects to grow fast. King Libberschmuck, reigning mon arch fo Upper Slobovia, already has consented to the marriage, despite the fact that Miss Hardy is a com moner. When asked for comment His Majesty twirled his seven-foot mustache and hiccuped: “Anybody who can live in the same state with a razorback hog can live with my son, little Igor.” Miss Hardy is so overcome by the thought of her impending venture into wedlock, that she hasn’t yet In vited anyone to attend. She says she will get around to the invitations by 1962—as soon as she gets hold of herself. m i Denies Charges Of Having Padded Vote TALKING DOG ENTERS SCHOOL AS FRESHMAN Snobbery was banished from our campus today when a prominent sorority leader. Miss Phrygia Self center, said in candid tones, “we ain’t no better than nobody else,” and announced a new p^olicy in admitting all female bodies (woo-woo) to the sororities. As an added democratic feature, several boys also will re ceive bids to the girls’ organizations. The friction between sorority and non-sorority girls has long been a sore problem for the Pan-Hellenic Council, but the I Amma Kat sorority was first to change all this. A special dance will be thrown to bring soror ity and non-sorority (from now on there will be no distinction) together, so that they will be separated only by men and not by social prejudice. Music for the party will be furnished by “Peachy” Banana and his bunch, who feature “Music with a-peal.” Miss Selfcenter, evidently the ring- ijeader in the move to democratize the sororities, promised the former non sorority girls would not be subjected to the stiff punishment usually im posed during.,inltiation week. Instead, they are to be treated to free milk shakes for a period of two months. Sorority meetings will be held in Whitley auditorium, so that every girl will know what goes on among her fellow students. THE GORGEOUS HUNK OF FEMININTY front and centef is none other than Miss Amolda Melvin, popular Elon beauty who has just been elected to reign as Queen at the annual May Daj' exercises. She is flanked by two also rans,. Miss Mary Coxe and Miss Verdalee Norris (Vert is the one without the ribbon in her hair), who are just about to burn up with envy. Said Miss Coxe: “Just what does a girl have to do to get a figure like that?” Said Miss Nerris: “Wish I had half as much s. a. as Amolda!” —Yeah, this photo’s by Duncan, too! Play Banned In Boston To Be Given In Whitley Raiders Uncover Still In Basement Of Mooney “Tobacco Road,” the torrid play which ran for seven years in New York until it got too hot for Broad way to handle, will be presented on the Elon stage tonight at 8 o’clock. The unexpected edition of the. show, which was banned in Boston, has drawn capacity crowds at Haw River, Mebane, and Gibsonville. It was only through special arrangement with the show manager, E. Picksum Young, that Elon is able to offer this artistic and educational attraction. Gilda Lily, who stars in “Tobacco Road,” had this to say regarding the play at Elon:.“I’m glad we’re playing at Elon because I’ve always wanted to go to college.” “Hungry,” one of the hound dogs In the cast, expressed much inteerst in Senior Oak when informed of the change in intinerary of the show. Prunella Larsons, noted Acting upon a mysterious tip from 1 since breakfast this morning. a woman who claimed to be president of the Northern North Carolina chapter of the W, C, T, U., the Sheriff of Alamance* County and three dep uties broke into the basement of Mooney building on the Elon cam pus last night and found a corn whiskey still, and nearly five thousand fifths of bootleg alcohol. The still, a four hundred gallon job, was promptly destroyed by the stalwart minion bf the law. The booze was taken over by the Burlington Drug Compiijy—to cure, whooping cough. Seventy-five cases of whooping cough have developed on campus Dean Bowden, up to his neck in investigations these hectic days, sadly rolled up his sleeves and called an other meeting of the Senate. “Boys,” he is quoted as having said, “it surpasses belief that any student of Elon College could have taken part in this crime against pub lic morality. There just don’t exist such men on our campus!” “Maybe some of the girls did it,’ Senator Fulghum suggested. The management explained that the high prices were merely to keep the riff-raff out. Presentation of this show \^;as aq;anged through Wonder Productions, ,Inc., whose motto is, “If the show’s a hit, it’s a wonder.” DINING HALL INTRODUCES NEW POLICY “Rovtff” Edwards, known from pole to pole as “The World’s Most Bril liant Talking Canine,” has entered Elon College this term as a freshman. The amazing animal, a cross be tween a dachshund and a St. Bernard, with a little wolf thrown in, will ma- jor in botany (the study of trees and other forms of plant life) and will room in the bottom drawer of the dresser in Carl Coggins’ room in North Dorm. “I ain’t particular where I spend the night,” the dog asserted in his first interview, showing need for a little instruction in grammar. Be sides I’lji housebroken and Mr. Cog gins needn’t worry about my barking at night—I know when to keep my mouth shut!” When asked tvhat he thought of Eton’s co-eds, “Rowf” declared “ROWF!” r FBI PRESSES INVESTIGATION OF REDS HERE ism In one of the most heated electiont ever held at Elon College, Miss Ar- nolda Melvin, of Greensboro, this week, was chosen to reign as Queen of the May at nert Month’s annual May Day exercises. Miss Melvin, an adorable, 240-pound brunette, edged out her nearest rival, Miss Josephine Golombek, by a nose. She wu promptly accused of having stuffed the ballot box. Denying iny part in padding or stuffing^ ballot boxes or anything else. Miss Melvin was the picture of innocence as she posed for the news papers. Her legs, which undoubted ly had much to do with her victory at the polls, were exposed generous ly for the benefit of photographers, three of whom were overcome by the sight of such breathtaking feminine charm. In commenjUng upon her triumph. Miss Melvin smiled bewitchingly and said: “I don’t see how those other nasty girls could accuse me of such an unladylike thing as stuffing a ballot box. That’s a lot of stuff! Be sides, I told the boys I’d beat their brains out if they, voted more than six times apiece.” Dean Bowden, refusing a demand for investigation of the election re sults, stated flatly that Miss Melvin could not have won the election dis honestly, because the votes had been counted by an unprejudiced commit tee composed of five South DOTraitory residents and one from North. Th* fact that the North Dorm resident had been reported ill on the day of At the demand of Congressman Martin Dies, the FBI has commenced investigation of subversive activities on the Elon College campus. Rep. Dies pressed his demand after learn- - . . • ing that several members of the stu- election was deemed irrelevant^ dent body here had expressed a de- it had nothing to do with the c^^ sire to see the “Reds” win the Nation-' Miss Golombek. wno was foremost al League pennant. First in line to be investigated will be Philip Reed, who was seen wear ing a red-flannel shirt to class this week. Other suspicious characters who are said to have communistic sentiments are the married vest in Vet's Villagge — their community already is well established. ‘Red” Beamer’s hair, as well the slightly scarlet noses of several local drunks also will be looked into by the inves tigators. If anything including dand ruff. is found in Beamer’s hair, he will be purged. in those voicing accusations, asserted bitterly: “I’ll take, the c&se to the Supreme Court!” Her disappoint ment at not having won the election was extreme; in fact, she already ha,s been stopped three times from com- miting s«lcide. columnist, said, “Tobacco Road” does not have EVERYTHING, but it has a plentiful supply of what it does have. If you’ve anything else to do, by all means do it.” Gertrude Stymie, fa mous author and poetess, describes the play as follows; “There’s too much dirt in ‘Tobacco Road’—^they ought to have it paved.” Harry Bear, who acts the part of Skeeter Lester^ has been playing in “Tobacco Road” since It was just a footpath. He has given so many performances he says his lines In his sleep. Mrs. Huff today announced a new policy for Ihe jollege dicing hall. Beginning tomorrow nomlng, break fast will be served at 9:00 to all stu dents who get up early; and to those v.'ho so desire breakfast may be served in bed. A special staff of dining-hall- lo-dormitorj' runners has been em ployed to carry trays to late risers. Luncheon Will be served as usual gossip i g). 12:50 (always five minutes late), STUDENTS NAMED TO HONOR ROLL and supper may be had at 5:30. Aft ernoon tea, a fourth meal adopted from the Himalayan lamas of Tibet, will be served from 3:30 to 4:30, with tea crumpets, and ladyfingers. “ECSTASY” NEXT WHITLEY FEATITRE “Ecstasy,” the mt>tion picture in which Hedy Lamarr flits through the woods dressed in nothing but sunlight, will be the next feature In fact, he sleeps through | to be shown in Whitley auditorium The movie will run for three months. the entire show. , o, j At last report, Dr. Bowden was seen ( Admission prices are 14 cents for continuously, starting Saturday night, headed for West Dorm to questionUdults and three Crunchles box tops,Minors will be barred from the show The office of the Dean has releas ed the honor roll for the 1947-46 winter quater. Listed below are all students who received average grades of “L” or worse “Peanut Brain, Leon Dope, Warren Burnsmeup, Rhumell Camel, Eleanor Organgrinder. “Jap” Spivey, Jaun dice Frazier, Rabbit Furr, Claude Panzi, and Rocco Sillyboy. The only person to make Grade ‘A was Mari’ “Cow” Coxe. The only one to make a “B” was another bee. Nobody was found to have made a “C” even in these times SlOO comes hard. Only the grades mentioned above were released by the Dean, because the faculty are still trying to decipher the handwriting on the exams hand ed in by the rest of the student body. “Disgraceful!” remarked Dr. Bow den, when interrogated as to the mental ability of modem college stu- some likely suspects. I for members of the student body. I after seeing it three times. PROBABLY THE BRAINIEST mem ber of the Elon faculty, is Dr. C. R. McCluck, above, head of the depart ment of English, journalism, and public speaking. What a head! Goeg to show you what too much exercise dents “Whv, I never got below an in the upper story will do for a per- F’ when I was in school!*' ! son.-Photo by . . . guess who? _ ,
Elon University Student Newspaper
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April 1, 1947, edition 1
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