Viewpoint
Think Before You Vote
On Tuesday, we will elect a new president or
re-elect the same one* We will also pick state and
local representatives to be our eyes ears, and
mouth in our government.
Tliis responsibility is not to be taken lightly.
Please take the time to read the information
we have provided you with on pages 8 and 9.
The candidates are described based on the
issues and what they would like to do.
The separate categories include environment^
education, social issues, foreign policy and the
economy.
Tlie next column over on this page describes
how NOT to vote. Do not, I repeat DO NOT use
this method for voting*
I. wrote that colutnn as a sarcastic warning to
those who use their responsibility to vote in an
trresponsible manner. People who vote using
things such as looks, age or even name should not
be casting a vote,
I won’t be basing my vote on anything like
what I Wrote, I will be basing my vote strictly on
Astrological predictions for die comingfouryeare.
Tracey Stark
Editor in Chief
THE
III
Pendulum
Informing the Elon College Community
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Tracey Starlc
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The Pendulum y founded
in 1974, is published by
Elon students.
Address all
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E-mail:
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October 31.1996 EdltOrialS
The Stark Guide to Voting
Tracey Stark eral physical appearance: Em- small booth and you won’t be able
Editor in Chief balmed. ‘ to remember all of the facts about
^ Perot. Hair resembles “Bob’s the candidates.
It’s that time again. Time to get Big Boy.” One word description of So you may have to break it
into the little polling booth, shut the his appearance: “Squirrelly.” down by names,
curtain behind you and pick who Next is age. In order: Clinton “William Jefferson Clinton” is
will represent you in YOUR gov- is 50 and still downing the burgers a very American sounding name,
ernment. like a freshman with the munchies. Though it does sound a bit like a
Let’s face it: Most first-time Perot. Older than Clinton, country singer’s name. In fact,
voters and many older voters have younger than Dole. that’s probably what Bill would
no clue, nor do they seem to care Dole. Let me put it this way, have ended up doing if things hadn’t
who they vote for. The way they his Social Security number is in the worked out so well to this point,
pick the next president is by random low teens. “Bill Clinton’s Achy Breaky
accident. Clinton is left-handed by birth Dance.”
This is not the best way to vote, as is Perot. Dole is left-handed Bob Dole. Sounds fruity. Now
but since I can’t make people watchi||B!|| bv necessitv. I’m left-handed. I’m not calling Dole fruity. I’m
the news, I give you the “Idiot’^So, we can’t use this as a just saying that “Dole” is fruity.
Guide to Voting.” legitimate factor. You know, bananas, pineapples,
Your choice will be Dole has a good etc. Using “free-association” think-
on things like name, looksa^^^B|OT|||||||t speaking voice. He is ar- ing, my mind wanders off to
funny accent, age and possibl^^^BK^^ ticulate and easy to un- Gilligan’s Island. There was no
even what war they fought irt^|P||||H^^ Good to lis- body on that island I would have
i.e.; Dole fought in the Civii^^^^^^^^BL ten to when you need wanted as president. Except the
War for the North. fall asleep. professor. Or maybe Thurston
So if your family is President Howell III.
the South, you may not want tQ^^^^^»Clinton is an educated And thinking of Mr. Howell
vote for him. “good ol’ boy.” I hear him brings me to the final candidate, H.
Clinton didn’t fight in anj^^^^^^^Rtalking and I want to grab Ross Perot. First off, he has an
wars. He was a Rhodes scholaT^^^^^^^^Ka shotgun and go crow initial for a first name. Very suspi-
They don’t fight, they read a lo^^^^^^^^Hhuntin’. cious. And his last name has a si-
of books and smoke pot withoui^^^^^^^^H But Ross Perot lent letter in it. Once again, very
inhaling. ^^^^^^^^Bcan talk circles around the suspicious.
Perot didn’t fight in a warj^^^^K^^^Bother two. In fact, he is I guess using this logic, none
but he did serve in the militaryi^^^V^^^Hmost often seen talking of them sound like much. And the
He was in the Navy. I think h^^^r ^^^^^Bin circles. He has more name “Ralph Nader” just blows. (I
was used as radar. i^^BTexas-isms and mean- saw the movie “King Ralph” and I
Next factor: Looks, This i^^B ^^^^Hingless metaphors than a don’t want those antics going on in
an obvious one. ^^Bt“three-headed parakeet MY White House.)
Clinton. Good hair. Nd|^ft with a fire under his tail Using my foolproof system,
dyed. Nose? (Can you say W.C^» feathers.” you can eliminate all of the candi-
Fields?) Large man, fond of foodi^Bp When it comes dates and just go back to bed.
Best viewed as a two-dimen- ^J||pdown to it, you (If you are still planning on
sional photograph. may have to go with just the name, voting, turn to pages 8 and 9.)
Dole. Hair? Dyes often. Gen- Because, let’s face it, you’re in a
This Week: I
The Next president. I
Who are you voting for president and why?
Jamey Fenton, freshman: Clinton
because my parents are democratic
and they put me into it.
Cat Wahl, freshman: Clinton be
cause of his stands on education and
I am pro-choice,
TimVassas, sophomore: I have
already voted for Dole because
Clinton hasn’t done anything for
the economy and it is time for a
change.
Jennifer Dillon, freshman: Dole
because I live with two republicans
and I don’t like what Clinton is
doing with health care and small
businesses.
Casey Dwyer,freshman: Clinton
because I know his treatment to
wards women is better than Dole’s
and mostly because I am pro-
choice.
complkd by Amy Lerner
Ta Messa Carter, sophomore: I
am still undecided. I am still weigh
ing out the issues. I’m still leaning
towards Clinton.
Mike Kopec, sophomore: Clinton
because Dole doesn’t have good
relations with his vice presiden
tial candidate, he doesn’t know
what is going on and he is not a
good public speaker and he has a
mean personality.