Newspapers / Elon University Student Newspaper / April 2, 1998, edition 1 / Page 2
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April 2,1998 Viewpoint Spring is here. And with the arrivalof the sun and the warmth eomes a strange disease — Spring Fever! The symptoms are easy to detect — a mind that’s a million miles away, the sight of pale legs sticking out of shorts that haven’t been worn in six months and a slacker mentality. This bug has definitely struck The Pendulum staff. In fact, the Elon College campus almost didn’t get a paper this week, the Fever was so bad. None of us wanted to spend a beautiful day locked up in Moseley Center. Some of us weit fortunate enough to find “excuses” to leave going to the Elon baseball game, taking softball pictures or needing to do interviews for “Speaking Of.” The rest ofusspent the afternoon tryingto findextension cords long enough to reach Lake Mary Nell so we couid work on the paper and our tans. (Note to school: The Pendulum needs some laptops.) And while the arrival of spring does mean that graduation is approaching and classes are almost over, the year isn^t over yet. In fact, we still have almost six full weeks of classes yet. And for a lot of students these six weeks are crunch time time to do th^ project youVe been putting off, time to start cranking out those research papers and catching up on old projects. However, on a brighter note» it is possible to take notes, jread and study while frolicking in the gorgeous weather* And If you still need ideas for all those projects, papers aad presentations here’s a few outdoor ideas that The Pendulum staffljig^ly recommends: 1. The Lake Mary Nell ducks: Are they just here for the food? 2. Tanning: Is it easier in the morning or the afternooo? 3. A Day in the Life of a Slacker: A personal memoir 4. Convertibles vs. Sunroofs: A comparative analysis Enjoy the rest of the semester and we will continue to fight our Fever in order to cover yours. * The Pendubm editorial staff THE ill Pendulum Informing the Elon College Community Editor in Chief Michelle Cater News Editor Julie Koch Features Editor Giselle Pole Spoi Oiri rissie Taylor A & E Editor Chuck Buckley Opinions Editor Carrie Lancos Photo Eklitor Jenny Jamecke Online Editor Jeff Sanders Advertisini Cathy Woetfel Office Manager Melissa Pasternack Adviser Byung Lee Art Director Andrew Brickey Reporters Leann Alfred Lauren Bigge Jason Dennis Patrick Donovan Carolyn I^ampila Andrea Stoffer Sports Reporters William Bartley Kevin Lewis A & E Reporters Erik Akelaitis Brie Bittenbender Jonathon Jackson Katisha Hayes Jada Moore Photogrrahers Bethany Beaman Maggie McKelvey Crystal Pape Emily MacDonnell Advertising Andy Dietnch Columnists Rich Blomquist Andrew Hludzenski Ethan Pell John Turlington The Pendulum, founded in 1974, is published by Elon students. Address all correspondence to: The Pendulum 7012 Campus Box Elon College, N.C. 27244. Phone: (336) 584-2331 Fax: (336) 584-2467 E-mail: pendidum@nunienjd«uedu Web page: http://www.elon.edu/ users/o/pendulum — Opinions Chuck's mental yard sale I have run the gauntlet, I have covered every topic that there is: Sex, Conformity, Prostitution, Sex, Friendship, Current Events, Sex, Religion, Death, Sex, Cigars, Mon keys and Sex.,, See I got ‘em all. Since my stint as the senior columnist for The Pendulum is com ing to a close, I have been forced to clean out my desk and subsequently my mind. I have to return all the ideas that I had during my last two years as they are property of Pendulum Inc. You know the stuff, half-baked col umn ideas, anecdotes, one-liners, general commentaries on life, that kind of crap. So in order to finish this col umn and to protect myself from a massive lawsuit I have decided to dump the creative portions of my mind onto the paper you now hold in your hot little hands. Sorry about the mess. If you see a turtle on a picket fence, you know he had help. Beer. If anyone remembers last year, one of the air foils that runs around the outside of the Moseley Center game room was broken, well, that was my fault. I was standing on it for a reason I don’t really want to dis cuss here and it sort of, well, let’s just say that it wasn’t designed for that sort of thing. Bad touch! Bad touch! Women are wonderful. I think that is not only my opinion, but the opinion of every guy that ever was. I don ’ t know if the female perspec tive on women is the same. I can’t take the female point of view be cause I am, as the French say, “sans vagina” Why yes, I am a pervert. Thank you for noticing. If any of what I say disturbs your more deli- Chuck Buckley A&E Editor bucka5c0@numen.elon.edu cate sensibilities I will un derstand if you skip to an other part of the paper or even throw the whole thing away, but remember, I know where you sleep...so keep reading. I wish that the sexual meta phor for the world was a Lego block. Constant linking and un linking with all kinds of blocks of different sizes, shapes and colors. You know Chuck isn’t my real name. My real name is Adam, Yeah, I know it doesn’t rhyme with Buckley but we can’t have our pie and sit in it too. Look behind you quick! No really! Look out! Turn around!! AHHH! You missed it. Why is it that the women of all species control the mating? Seri ously, when a female thinks about sex the first question that pops into their head is not “Can I get it?” as it is for a guys, its, “Do I want it?” From my oh-so-very-limited experience, women are more con cerned with the ramifications of their actions before they chose someone to join them. Guys on the other hand first are concerned with who it’s going to be, then whether or not they should be doing it. I’m not trying to say that women have it easy when it comes to the sexual battlefield, or that you have men in glass case on the wall, ready to be broken out in an emergency situation, but y’all have got to admit there if you were to start asking random men on the street if they wanted to do the horizontal mambo, you’d have a taker with in the hour. No w if a guy did that, and didn ’ t get arrested, it would be a cold day in hell when that offer was accepted. But that’s only my opinion. It’s always fun to purge the mind. I hope you found this a thera peutic as I did. South Park What are your theories on who Cartman's father is? Jamie Doucette, junior: I want to say it’s one of the football players just because otherwise it would be too controversial if it was one ofthe main characters. It’s got to be someone whose in the back ground who would sort of sneak up. Eric Cartman: I #&%*@ dunno if it’s a Naive American or a homie from the Westsiiiddde, but he better be *%$#@ cool! It would be pretty *&%$#@ sweet if he had some Cheesy Poofs and some pie. Screw you guys, I’m going home! BEEFCAKE! Andy Villwock, freshman: I would think probably either Mr. Garrison or Officer Barbrady just because that would make it the stupidest thing. Knowing South Park they would want to make it as ridiculous as possible. Joe Bethany, freshman: The Chef, Just because he’s the most likely candidate. Stacy Billman, senior: I think it’s Mr, Garrison, he’s always attacking Cartman in class. They’re both so weird. And I think,it’s him because COItlDlldi i)V wit ^ Hf s
Elon University Student Newspaper
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April 2, 1998, edition 1
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