2 March 11, 1999 OpiIllOnS
ytewjfomt
Why 2K? Because we love you
Lasttime I checked, the journalism/communications major was the
second largest on campus, second only to business. We have something
like 550-plus JGM majors floating aboutin a blissful multimedia stupor
and getting a damn fine workout while they’re at it. You would too, if you
were stuck trapsing cross-country from Carlton to Alamance to Powell
and back to home base in Model just to get to your classes.
But we console ourselves with the knowledge that within the next
two years, we will be consolidating into a building ofour very own.
For those who didn’t know, with the opening of the new library, the
JCM department, in all its wily deviousness, will commandeer the old
library building for its own evil purposes. Refurbishment and the
building of an addition will commence and soon we will have a fully?
functioning Gomm-Lair!
ItMl be great! No more looking like an ass when you confuse the
art and music wings, no more suffering through band practice while
you’re trying to edit your student film, no more reading between the
music scales to find your professor’s lecture notes, no more theatre
majors, music majors or art majors... just us! We can’t complain!
Umm... you haven’t been in the library lately, have you?
Okay, so maybe I’m underestimating the power of a good gutting,
but one fact remains the same: We’re getting a second-hand building.
Oh, not like we’re the first or anything. The poor business school
is shoehorned into the misnomered Long building, which used to be the
student center. In there you’ve got roughly 725-plus majors sandwiched
into the square footage of the average gym locker.
Meanwhile the science and PT majors over in the luxurious new
science building, as a Human Services major friend of mine and I found
outlast week, are treated to classroom, lab and office space which put his
departmental closetin Alamance and my borrowed music room toshame.
All I could do as 1 toured the science building with my fHend is grumble
“second-largest major” to myself and consider getting a chemisty degree.
I’m not begrudging the science majors and their importance, nor
am I unhappy that the JCM department is getting a building to itself, albeit
aused one. Ijust wish the Elon Vision would clean off its stadium-stained
glasses and see that JCM, business, humanities, social sciences, educa
tion and all the other departments have personal space issues too.
* Carrie Lancm Editor in Chief
Informing the Elon College Community
Editor in Chief
Carrie Lancos
gingl
Voss
Sarah Voss
News Editor
Alan Medeiros
Opinions Editor
Chris Rash
Focus Editors
Chuck Buckley
A & E Editor
Lisa McChristian
Sports Editor
Troy Adams
Photo Editor
Emily MacDonnell
Business Manager
Courtney Henson
Advertising Manager
Katie Sullivan
Office Manager
Carolyn Lampila
Online Editor
Jeff Sanders
Asst. Online Editor
Bill Monken
Reporters
Lauren Bigge
Marie Blackett
Katie Bonebrake
Ashley Brown
Zac Busby
Patrick Collins
Josh Cotter
Stefanie Fox
Suzanne George
Johannah Lawrence
Letitia Lee
Bree Myers
Natalie Ordine
Josh Phoebus
Tammy Tripp
Jessica VitJik
Photographers
Megan Anderson
Jen McCort
Crystal Pape
Kristy Wolfgang
Columnists
Brie Bittenbender
Rich Blomquist
Alex Ferguson
Chris Knight
Ethan PelT
Anna Thysell
Copy Editor
Eric Ramos
Adviser
Byung Lee
The purpose of The
Pendulum shall be to Inform
and entertain the Elon College
community. The Pendulum
shall be a forum where all
members of the college
community are able to express
their ideas and opinions.
Address all
correspondence to:
The Pendulum
7012 Campus Box
Elon College, N.C.
27244.
Phone: (336) 584-2331
Fax: (336) 584-2467
E-mail:
pendulum @ elon.edu
Web page:
http://www.elon.edu/
pendulum
So how are you going to be
spending New Years? “I’m going
to go to New York and be part of
history.” “I’m going to have wild
passionate sex with my girlfriend
(or boyfriend) to cement our love.”
“I’m going to be hiding in my bun
ker with a shot gun waiting for the
coming apocalypse.”
While all you useless tech-
heads are busy not solving the mil
lennium bug, I’m going to be dig
ging a privy trench in my back yard.
Let’s face it people. The world
as we know it is going to come to a
screeching halt on January 1,2000.
I mean the fecal matter is headed
toward the fan and all we can do is
put on a happy face and lots of
layers.
You know I feel like a real
idiot now. I mean look at me. I’m a
flippin’ Film and Broadcast Com
munications major. The electricity
is going to go and all the technology
I’ve learned how to use is going to
be flushed down the toilet.
Look at us! We’ve all just
wasted the last four years of our
lives learned about things that will
be obsolete in eight months! To all
the Health Education, Sports Medi
cine and Military Science majors,
let mejust say, “Good call!” You’re
going to survive the longest.
But, to all you Music theatre,
Art and Economics majors, y’all
best start running now, ‘cuz the
Philosophy and History majors need
to eat something.
Now I wish that I’d have
majored in something useful like
Blacksmithing. Elon should really
consider adding to their general
studies requirements classes like,
“Berries and Roots You Can Eat,”
“Snare Setting” and “How to Skin a
Bear - 101.”
It would be great.
The school slogan would
be “You will survive Ar
mageddon!” Instead of
Chuck Buckley
The Pendulum
bucka5c0@elon.edu
the “Fightin’ Christians”
we would be the “Fightin’
Bad-ass Heavily Armed
Christians.”
Instead of building a new li
brary, we would set up a rifle range.
The ropes course would never have
been used as much. We would do
away with this whole meal plan
nonsense. There would be no more
complaining about the quality of
the food. Oh no! Students would
learn how to make a bag of rice, six
strips of beef jerky, and a pound of
beans last for a month and a half.
If Elon was a “survival” ori
ented school we wouldn’t have a
housing problem. If you haven’t
been assigned a room, grab a tarp
and hit the lawn.
Quadruple the number of stu
dents accepted. There would be six
to a room.
Elon Outdoors would get real
hard-core. In it we would learn how
to prepare a human body for
consumption... administration
would have to look the other way of
course... We
would only
do it in an
emergency.
E V !
and Habitat
for Human
ity could
start work
ing on set
ting up bun
kers and us
able farm
land.
Classes would no longer re
quire textbooks or activity packs,
but they would need bows, small
arms and machetes. You could get
extra ammo at the campus shop.
There would of course be se
lective breeding, but we wouldn’t
get into that until a year or so after
the fall.
I’m really only trying to say
two things with this column:
1.) The end is nigh and you
had best be ready for it
2.) Soylent Green is made of
people! It’s people!!
Vision
How do you feel about the Elon Vision campaign? Where would
you like it to move the college in the near future?
Mike Dugan, junior: “I
think its good that Elon wants to
move forward. The construction is
just a sacrifice that we have to be
willing to make. I think it’s worth
it.”
Kelly Reimer, junior: “I
think the vision is incredible. It is
good that we know where we are
going and that ideas are being imple
mented by organizations on cam
pus. Its really great that Elon’s
students are well informed about
the future of the school.”
Brian Spence, sophomore:
“I think its good that Elon has
started to focus on other things
besides campus beautification. We
have made a good start but more
work needs to be done.”
Kristin McMillan, junior: “I don’t really know enough about it. I can’t effectively answer that question.