Opinions 3
Americans lured by appeal of Olestra
During my 22 years on this
planet, F ve consistently avoided be
havior and activities that would lead
me to having bloody stools.
Sure, there was that one week- •
end in Key West with Ramon, but
that was years ago and I was just a
kid.
I guess we all go through that
“experimental phase” at one time or
another. But those three days of
margaritas and massages stand as a
rare exception to my aforemen
tioned fecal policy.
That’s why I never eat any
food products that contain the syn
thetic fat substitute called
Olestra.
In March 1998, Frito-Lay
became the first company to nation
ally market food products contain
ing Olestra.
The fat-free versions of Lay ’ s,
Ruffles and Doritos that hit the
shelves featured the now familiar
“WOW” label.
And that’s exactly what thou
sands of Americans said after see
ing what Olestra had done to their
normal bowel movements.
In accordance with Food and
Drug Administration regulations,
the “WOW” snacks carried labels
that warned consumers of
Olestra’s distressing side ef
fects.
The labels stated,
Rich Blomquist
The Pendulum
blomr7d0@elon.edu
“Olestra may cause abdomi
nal cramping and loose
stools. Olestra inhibits the
absorption of some vitamins
and other nutrients.”
Unfortunately, the “WOW”
snacks lived up to their grisly bill
ing.
According to a December
1998 news release issued by the
Center for Science in the Public
Interest (CSPI), more than 15,000
consumers have filed Olestra-re-
lated complaints.
These complaints charge that
eating Olestra produced adverse re
actions ranging from severe abdomi
nal cramps to, you guessed it -
bloody stools.
The actual number of people
.who experi
enced health
problems as a
result of Olestra
consumptipn is
probably much
higher than
15,000.
CPSI sur
veys indicate
that “only a
small minority
I of people who
experienced adverse reactions re
ported their symptoms.”
So why am I writing about
Olestra now, almost an entire year
after it was first nationally mar
keted?
I’m writing this editorial to
tell the American public that once
again, y ou ’ ve disappointed me (See
“Rosie O’Donnell Nets Highest
Ratings Yet.” Electronic Media 29
July 1996: 25).
When “WOW” snacks were
first introduced, I assumed that their
tenure on the shelves of America’s
grocery, stores and gas stations
would be brief.
Surely Americans had more
sense than to buy products that
caused diarrhea and inhibited the
absorption of vitamins, effectively
converting the digestive tract to a
“Slip N’ Slide.”
Well here we are a year later,
and “WOW” chips still line the
shelves.
This leads me to the conclu
sion that Americans are actually
buying products that contain
Olestra.
Why would consumers de
liberately subject themselves to ab
dominal cramps and, as Grandma
always used to say, “The backdoor
trots?”
Maybe there are a 1 ot of people
out there who aren’t affected by
Olestra.
Or maybe America’s obses
sion with the unrealistic ideals of
ultra-thinness has led consumers to
believe that the benefits of eating
fat-free foods far outweigh the in
convenience of “loose stools.”
What many Americans fail to
realize is that keeping track of calo
ries consumed is often more impor
tant than counting grams of fat.
If your diet provides your
body with more calories than it needs
for physical activity and mainte
nance, your body will store the ex
cess calories as fat.
In other words, even a fat-
free diet can produce body fat if an
excess of calories is consumed.
So here’s my advice. Exer
cise.
If you exercise, your body
will bum additional calories (in
cluding fat calories) before storing
them as body fat.
And you won’t have any rea
son to eat chips that make your butt
explode.
Residence Life: A contradiction in terms
I’m madder’n Jerry Falwell
at a gay rodeo.
During the course of your life,
you can expect some very harsh
lessons to be taught. The ones you
can’t learn from mom or dad.
I’m talking about the ones
that bite you directly in the ass and
you can do nothing but conform to
the rules set forth by “da man.”
Don’t worry. I’m not getting
back into the teen angst stage, al
though it would be nice, the prob
lems then seem so petty now.
Allow me to Buckley this ar
ticle and throw the notion of PC out
the window.
Pure and simple. Residence
Life took me up the poop chute and
I didn’t have the comfort of K.Y.
Jelly.
So much has changed since
last year. I have been a resident of
Virginia Hall for three years now
and there’s nothing anyone can say
or offer that would get me to stay
another year. The rules are simply
intolerable.
Recently I was written up for
having a shotglass that contained a
key and a plastic baggie. During
health and safety checks, my CDC
saw the shotglass, confiscated it,
and gave me a notice saying I had to
meet with the area director.
This is all normal procedure
and if I wasn’t 21,1 would under
stand. That simply isn’t the case.
I am 21 and as a 21-year-old
I have the constitutional right to
have alcohol in my possession.
I mentioned this to my CDC
saying she’s confiscating a small
cup when I could have bottles upon
bottles of booze in my freezer.
Her response to that was she
knew that and there was nothing
illegal about it.
Here it is, kids;
shotglasses illegal, li
quor and beer legal.
Similar to California
Ethan Pell
The Pendulum
pelle6s0@elon.edu
law: killing your parents
is illegal, killing your
wife is legal. You make
the call.
Okay, I had my meeting and
the area director gave me my
shotglass back. No big deal.
A hallmate gets the same no
tice that I did, only it was for some
thing worse (Or no worse depend
ing on how you look at it).
She was written up for having
Absolut ads on her walls. I’m sure
everyone knows the ads. It’s hardly
promoting alcohol abuse, the ads
are considered by many to be mod
em art.
Last I checked, the ads them
selves don’t contain alcohol, you
can’t exactly lick an ad and get a
buzz. Trust me, I’ve seen someone
try when they were dmnk. Isn’t it
ironic, doncha think?
What’s perhaps the most in
teresting in her situation is that she
didn ’ t get in trouble for a poster that
depicted a person passed out under
a keg with the caption “Blood Alco
hol Experi
ment In
Progress.”
The rea
son she wasn’t
given a notice
for that is be
cause she got
the poster
from Elon’s
own campus
shop.
The
same campus
shop that sells beer mugs,
shotglasses, and other alcohol para
phernalia.
If Elon’s excuse for that is
those products are intended for off-
campus students, they’re kidding
themselves. Their argument is by
no means an excuse. Maybe they
should start selling shovels for all
that crap they’ve been handing out
to students this year.
I suggest they either revise
some of the campus rules or stop
selling those products in their shop.
After all this, I was told that I
would be kicked out of Virginia if I
could not find a roommate for next
year.
What happened to squatting a
room and taking a random fresh
man?
That was an option for the
past two years that is apparently no
longer an option. This has caused
more problems in Virginia dorm in
general than anything else.
Being blunt, Residence Life
needs to get their crap together.
They are unorganized and the rules
they set forth are walking contra
dictions.
If Elon were to offer me free
a room on campus next year. I’d
turn the other direction and mn like
I stole something.
There is no way, nothing
could be said or done, to keep me on
campus another year. Thankfully,
I’ll be at West End apartments. My
advice to everyone else on campus
is to move off as soon as you can
before things get worse.
I doubt Parker Realty will
forbid shotglasses and Absolut ads.
Not supporting on-campus housing
is the best way you can tell Resi
dence Life you don’t like the way
things are. For those of you that are
happy on campus, continue your
happiness. Those who are being
taken up the tailpipe, do something
for yourself.
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