Newspapers / Elon University Student Newspaper / Aug. 22, 2003, edition 1 / Page 3
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The Pendulum Opinions Welcome to Eton’s version of ‘Dear Abby. ’ This weekly column will entertain you with questions from the minds of actual Phoenix students. THE GURU A road map to dating at Elon There is a running joke here at Elon that goes: If you have ten people in a room, seven will be girls and three will be guys. Of the three guys, one will be gay, one will be taken, and the other will be a jerk. While this saying is not always 100 percent accurate, unfortunately it is mostly true. Dating at Elon is definitely an adventure. However, it is not one of those exploratory “adventure” hikes in the woods. It is more like an up-hill climb through a treacherous landscape, filled with gigantic boulders and occasional mud slides. But like any difficult trek up a mountainside, the satisfaction you gain once you are success ful is insurmountable (all puns intended). In order for you to make it to the top without breaking your leg (or your heart), I have creat ed a map. Your own personal Survival Guide to Dating at Elon. 1 People really do change from high school to col lege. You will come to notice, as you become more adjusted, that people here are not like your high school friends. It may seem as if overnight people go from one extreme to another. From serious relation ships to suddenly single. From all alone to practically engaged. And from blushing virgins to virtual Lolitas. But don’t worry. You will have more than enough time to catch up. The important thing is to not be pressured into doing any thing you do not want to do. Which leads me to my next piece of advice: 2 College guys expect a lot more than you may bar gain for. Remember all those times your mother warned you about college boys? Well she wasn’t making that stuff up. It’s the truth. And if you ever happen to run into any of my female friends, this warning is extended to males as well. The older and more experi enced people become, the more they assume will happen. So while you may think that he (or she) is coming back to chat,-let 44 me warn you that s/he may have something else in mind for your mouth. A friend of mine once escaped such a situation by secretly wak ing her suitemate and claiming that she needed to talk to her. To this day I doubt that her “date” believed her half-asleep suitemate needed desperately to talk to her at 3 a.m.—but at least he left. 3 Rape does happen, even at Elon. Although we may all joke about living in the Elon “bubble,” real world problems do happen. Parties are great, and the boys are even better, but you must be careful. Always have a friend know where you are at all times. Please, please, please watch your drink. And never forget that “No” means no, not “maybe.” N-0 are the two most powerful letters in the world. Never forget that. 4 Not all guys are bad, but at a school dominated by females, the good ones are harder to find. Elon, as you will soon find out, is practically an all-girl school. While this can be a wonderful thing for building life long friend ships, it’s also a perfect breeding ground for cat fights. After all, nothing makes you want some thing more than when you can’t have it. And like a swarm of women bearing down on a shoe sale, women are very protective of their male companions—and even their friends. Because there are so many females, some men feel that they can get any girl they want. After all, when something is in short supply, it does become a rarity. And just like caviar, the boys become more and more exclusive. And trust me on this one; it takes a while to realize that what you have been chasing is really just a bunch of fish eggs. Yes, this is scary. But no, not all men are fish eggs (although some do smell like them.) Like any good math problem, the shortage of quality boyfriend material is solved by simply look ing at the male-female ratio. With such a small male population at Elon, its easy to understand why Joe Schmoe feels he can get any girl out there. 5 The pace of college is hard to get adjusted to, but the pace of college relationships deserves a first place NASCAR trophy. Think about your high school relationships. You spent almost every weekend together. From Friday night to Sunday evening you were inseparable (especially if your parents weren’t home). So by the end of four weeks, you had gotten to know each other pretty well. After all, you had spent eight days together. Welcome to college, where you spend every waking moment together because you don’t have anywhere else to go. So what may have taken you a month to progress to in high school will now only take you two weeks. But before you start waving that checkered flag, take a deep breath and slow down. Although you may think you know one another, it does take longer than the lifespan of a zit to get to really know someone. Remember, the tortoise won the race, not the hare. 6Not every kiss ends with a “happily ever after”. This, darlings, is the real world; where hook ups happen and end up being great Sunday brunch stories. You know the saying, “ You gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince (or princess)?” Well this is the time to do it. Don’t go out on the week ends expecting every little “peck” to lead into some romantic moment and an even tual relationship. This is Elon, not a Disney movie. Enjoy your wild times, and relish in your embarrassing moments—you have to have sto ries to tell the grand kids after all. Send a question to ‘The GURU’ at elonguru@yahoo.com Friday, August 22, 2003 • Page 3 5 essential sites for freslimen Brittiny Dunlap Opinions Editor 1 www.collegehumor.com- When you need a break and a good laugh, Collegehumor.com is just the place to go. It is a site created by college students, for college students. All the content is sub mitted by students from colleges across the country. 2 www.geocities.com/gotoelonif- Created in the spring of 2003 by a collaboration of Elon students, the You know you go to Elon if web site swept across campus like a wildfire. Students, teachers, administration, and even parents checked out the site listing all of the inside jokes about going to Elon. www.magorder.com- This web site is a fun guide to surviving college. It provides tips for get ting along with your roommate and even explains the Greek let ters. It focuses on life outside of the classroom. 4 www.half.com- For those of you on a tight budget, half.com is a perfect place to get your books. Make sure you order in enough time and order the right editions, or you may be starting class with out your textbooks. www.elon.edu/pendulum- To keep up on all the latest news and information at Elon, check out the Pendulum online. And like a swarm of women bearing down on a shoe sale, women are very protective of their male companions-and even their friends. 99
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