May, '^1992
The Broncos' Voice Page 5
Another Notch in the
Gun
by Sam Silva
It’s been a few years since the second
democratic election in Nicaragua’s recent
history catapulted a rather young and ide
alistic widow into the center of that
country’s poUtical arena and into a sur
prising victory at the polls. When pollsters
that the US government hired indicated a
victory by Sandinista leader Daniel Ortega
by a margin of about three percentage
points, George Bush began intimating that
the elections were a certain fraud; apoliti
cal faux pas that the American people, true
to their calling, ignored when it turned out
that after the votes were counted Chamoro
and her coalition had won.
A friend of mine with his own politi
cal bailiwick to defend called Chamoro a
fascist Then as now, publicly or other
wise, I begged to differ. I admitted that
sooner or later no one other than an elitist
dictator would satisfy the business inter
ests of our country and intentions of our
State Department, but I could not for the
life of me believe that she was that person.
And I still think I’m right. I told my friend
that she wasn’t the devil at all but an idiot,
for all of her ludicrous comparisons of
herself with Margaret Thatcher and a whole
series of “of-the-age” euphemisms about
decentralization which had nothing to do
with any kind of Nicaragua other than the
one she must have fantasized about at rich
dinner parties she attended with her friends.
I said that for a year or two she would
be immensely popular because a slew of
bread and circus US foreign aid would be
temporarily available as an interim part of
our plans but that after that she would deal
with a population which was, in spite of
things such as rationing, used to thinking
of itself under the Sandinistas as a popula
tion of citizens and not your typical tongue
for the Patron’s boot, and that because, in
essence, her campaign promises were as
ludicrous as those of one of our own
politicians, when the aid dried up, they
would be that much more annoyed.
In desperately trying to deal with a
newly organized indep>endent labor move
ment, Chamoro has begun to adopt a num
ber of Contra style thug policies, breaking
the heads of marching demonstrators and
so on, and has even appointed a former
Contra to head labor affairs at cabinet
level.
The Sandinistas in the assembly have
been rather critical of these tactics, but on
most other levels have been cooperative in
making the best of the president’s bad
policies, a fact which both Chamoro and
the US State Department are willing to
admit. I don’t think that given their mar
ginal level of activism these days the
FSLN can conceivably be the people’s
choice, but whether it is them or someone
else the next time around it will almost
certainly be a socialist of some sort, and
someone who our own dear government is
not too likely to tolerate — that is, assum
ing the elections are clean.
And this was, in essence, the basis of
my prediction: while Chamoro is willing
to bust the heads of a few union demon
strators, I don’t believe that she would be
in the business of stuffing ballots. Will she
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IF THE RECESSION 6ETS
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tCONOMC NienifMK?
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Will ovEKrytN “Roe vs. ¥ak'
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PERSONALLY, I'H H0LDN6
Ol/T FOU HuaEAi
Wlid Kmcidom
By Anthony Rubino, Jr.
Stuff We Think When The Alarm Goes Off
Sleeping 15 no mean art: for its sake one
must stay owake all 6Qy. "—Nietzsche
Only 16 more
i J Alright. I hav
class in about 33
seconds (and this clock
is fast so that's
probably more like 37
seconds). So, I'll hit the
snooz button, and if I
don't take a shower or
brush my teetli or
put on shoes... or sox.
There must ^ ^ No wait...
be some mistake,
you see. Because
I just wenf
O.K., to
O.K.,
O.K..
Where am I?
Well, I'm already
late, and I hate
walking in after
class has started.
So... Nitey-nite!
me
hours till bed-time
think we re
seeing a film
If I don't eat
breakfast, or take
a shower, and if I
run as fast as I can
when I get outside,
then I can sleep an
extra 15 seconds...
No wait...
today
anyway
WHAT'S THAT NOIS
WHAT'S THAT NOISE?!
HAT'S THAT NOISE?!
onna
put my head down
for one eentsie-
weentsie minute.
sw
m
1. "A distant relative died, and 1 hod to go
to the funeral.'—GOOD (But, be sure you
make up the relative, t>ecause If you use a
real person and ttiat person dies ttian you'll
feel really bad.)
1.1 died —BAD (Not only will this create
immediote suspicion, but it is very difficult
to prove.)
2. "1 was very very ill."—OOOD
2, "1 was very very ill because 1 washed
down a bottle of tequila with a bottle of
vodka, and spent most of the night projectile
vomiting. —BAD (Too much detail.)
3. "While off campus visiting my sick
grandmother, 1 got a flat tire."—«OOD
3. Your lectures are so boring they make me
want fo run from your classroom, screaming,
and slit my wrists."—BAD (Honest, but bad.)
run with a vice president who is some kind
of Contra deputy? If so, there may be a
solution to the puzzle. Perhaps he can
claim a fraudulent electoral victory that
leads to the glorious Somosista presidency
for life . . . after putting a bullet in this
naive woman’s skull ... and for good
measure, why not blame it on the Commu
nists.