Page Two
THE GUILFORDIAN
Entered at Guilford College, N. C., as
second-class matter under the act of Con
gress, August 24. 1012.
Published semi - monthly during the
school year by the students of Guilford
College.
Editor-in-Chief Virginia Ashcraft
Managing Kditor Marjorie Hoffman
Business .Manager Shirley Ware
Editorial Stuff —Roberta Reid, Oscar Sapp,
Helen Stabler, All.vn l'eters, Juanita
Young
Sports Kditor- —John Ilaworth
Sports Staff-Margery Iluber, Barbara
Anderson, Jack Wright
Uusincss Staff —Patricia Shoemaker, Joan
Ripperger, Helen Lewis
Reporters —ToniUngar, Betty Jane Powell,
Alice Ekerotb, Cornelia Knight,
Helen Lewis, Barbara Williams,
Patricia Lockwood, Martha Mc-
Lellan, M. J. Martin, Peggy
Trexler.
Apprentice Reporters —George Abrams, Je
rome Allen, Charles Redman. Hamp
ton llowerton, Shirley Williams,
Amoret Butler, Anne Perkins.
Faculty Advisers —Dorothy L. Gilbert,
David Parsons
Subscription price SI.OO per year
Member
Pbsocioted Golle&iate Press
Your Mark?
Remember Dr. Ljung? Remember the
straight, lines? In the absence of Lt. Har
vey Ljung we feel that it is our duty to
pinch-hit and try to impress upon you the
fact that our lovely campus is rapidly be
coming A MESS! And all because of you.
Is it a matter of life or death that you
save approximately one minute by cutting
across the campus between Mem and Mary
Hobbs? The library, in all probability,
will still be situated on the same location
whether you take time to go on the walk
built for that purpose or whether you dash
madly across the grass. Footprints on the
sands of time may be all right but on
Guilford's campus—never!
Two other main limes of traffic are
across the circles —the one in front of Mem
and the one on the way to gym. The path
across the front circles is absolutely unnec
essary. As for the one besides Founders,
you're usually five minutes late for phys.
ed. anyway, so what's the rush ? A few
seconds make little difference except in im
proving the general appearance of the
campus.
Since this is a "wet" state, it is even
more imperative that we refrain from tak
ing our hikes on the grass. At tiie present
one doesn't notice the various bald patches
and the foot-prints, but wait until spring!
Guilford's campus is enchanting in the
spring. Why mar its beauty with unsightly
paths?
Use the flagstone walks for:
A STITCII IN TIME SAVES NINE
W. O. Mendenhall
Guilford welcomed such an engaging
visitor as Dr. William Mendenhall to our
campus. Our own President Milner liad
been well received on liis trip west in the
fall, and we were more than glad to reci
procate the hospitality when Dr. Menden
liall came east on a similar mission. All
the students had an opportunity to hear
him speak once it" not more often at chapel,
in Seminar, in conferences, at. the "Y"
meeting, and to meet him personally at a
lea. liis genial, kindly personality seemed
to attract the students. He certainly had
a fund of amusing stories and anecdotes
with which to hold their attention and
illustrate his" more serious messages.
He is an impressive speaker and must
have left his mark somewhere to ripen in
someone's mind. Perhaps his visit will
Remember to keep this under your hat. but
it's being said that the rock Nell Hubbard is
sporting means things . . . And where do you
suppose June Cunningham killed that bear? I'd
like to trap one for my woman . . . Someone
should tell Oscar Sapp that no one is going to
carry the torch for him when there's fireworks
aplenty in Tennessee.
I>id .vou liear about the blonde and (he doctor?
II seems lie told her she had acute appendicitis
and she said. "Ob, doc, I bet you tell that to
all the girls
Onions to the jerks who don't know how to
behave in chapel—they certainly give this place
an Elon reputation . . . Everyone please notice
Eddy Dueliin I.elir at the Mary llohbs' piano.
Now stay on your side of the line. Jim—you've
had your publicity . . . Now how do you
suppose' the measles got started at Davidson?
I'd rather have one of Jimmy Joe's shoes than
a mirror any day! . . . How about wearing your
own kind of shirts, gals?—with the tails in!
Don't you know men like sissy things? . . . Long
John killed two birds with one stone in Winston
last week-end, didn't he? . . . Certainly was
nice to see Johnnie Sinithdeal around this week.
Here's a toast to Presnell's road house. It
can be improved only by staying open on Sun
days and Wednesday afternoons . . . They tell
me Fletcher knew he was married all the time
and that's why SHE stopped dating IIISI! My!
My!
Dedications
To Oscar Supp: Would that my car would
run like some people's mouths—tirelessly, tire
lessly !
To Polly Horn: Her name is neither time nor
tide: she waits for any man.
To Lovey: She's only a baseball pitcher's
daughter, but she has a mean curve.
To Tannenbaum (a fond farewell) :
'Twas just the other evening
In a fortune-telling place—
A pretty gypsy read his mind,
And promptly slapped his face!
Where have you been keeping yourself, beau
tiful?
What makes you think I've been keeping my
self?
—The Log.
"How do yon like your new boy friend?"
"lie's like the fourth ninn in the Conga line
"What do you mean?"
"You know—one. two, three, jerk!"
—The Log.
OMAR
bear fruit—maybe he was able to influence
some potential leader and inspire him with
his achievements. lie is certainly a worth
while figure 1o follow.
He is interested in college students and
has kept in touch with the younger gen
eration. He shared with us from his large
store of experiences. In one of his chapel
talks lie stressed the need for physical re
laxation, mental relaxation, meditation,
and prayer in our hurried, ever bustling
world. If one could get out of the active
stream of life, stand aside for a moment,
and watch it go by with an objective atti
tude, then come back with renewed vigor,
how much broader one's horizon could be
after looking beyond one's own back fence.
We have listened to him with interest, and
now we extend a cordial invitation to him
to return to Guilford soon.
M. 11.
THE GUILFORDIAN
Measles
Once upon a time ago
There was ft germ:
lie said. "I think the time is ripe
For folks to squirm!"
And so he set his feelers down,
For he was firm !
His wife said, "No, my dear, please don't!"
He said, "I must!"
She wept, hut he just frowned and said,
"Females be cussed!"
And went ahead and packed his hag
With measledust.
And soon at Guilford, everyone
Grew red in spots,
And till the campus then reclined
In little cots.
And now each convalescent stays behind
The gales and rots.
Imagine all the misery caused
To men and mouses—
To elephants and doodlebugs,
To skunks and louses—
Because the males refuse to listen
To their spouses!
SNAKI.
OPEN FORUM
February 1". 1144.
Ili, Quakers:
I'm just writing to tell you how much 1 ap
preciate your sending me the Uuilforilian. It
is n swell little paper ami I get a lot of enjoy
ment out of it.
1 have been sent here from Camp Grant to
start to work under the A.S.T.P. . . . After
being at Guilford this place really awes me.
They have 14,NH> students here. The place is
so big that I've gotten lost two or three times.
While waiting for the term to begin they have
us taking refresher courses in Algebra and Trig
onometry. Tlie.V'don't have anyone here to touch
Dr. Purdom when it comes to ninth, though.
I do have a couple of instructors who go "ah
ah ah hem" every once in a while, though.
Thanks again for the paper.
As ever,
NEIL O'LEARY
P.S.—Sly address is: Pvt. C. .T. O'Leary,
42001804, S. T. A. I{. i'liit. Newman Ilall. Arm
ory Ave., I'niversity of Illinois, Champaign,
Illinois.
i mortimer
i mortimer have been laid low by a siege of
measles melissa came to see me and treated me
for appendicitis i recovered i and egbert the
earthworm took a ride in (lie milners limousine
and picked up the queen at the hairdresser*
Clyde received a shock when he surveyed her
new hairdo victoria is trying to imitate it i and
victoria are arguing about the superiority of
founders waiters over mary hobhs we cant
reach a unanimous decision wee daring is teach
ing me to knit i am making a muffler to wind
around my feelers on chily days helen lewis is
bringing up eflie the alligator to lie a model
child she never cries or gets in trouble and
sleeps all night in the bathtub the bridge luig
has bitten several mary hobhites they stay up
half the night trying to win victoria helps them
by keeping score rudolpli the rat was captured
by the head hunters oil third floor and was
condemned to deatli mrs bardwell is trying to
overcome the effects of the execution with pcr
funie last monday victoria and i were cuddled
on the couch in founders when we were startled
by loud gnashing of teeth and tragic cries of
the lovelorn victoria was greatly disturbed but
it was only dean ami christy in thier weekly
battle i hope jonathan dixon will stop using
college language in front of victoria il makes
her blush she has been flirting with cuthbert
the caterpiyar in uniform she must never know
i am only seventeen i mortimer laughed until
my antennae shook when hanip howerton got a
rash on his face from too much pancake makeup
i must take victorias temperature i think she
is taking germnii measles
From th
October 10, 11117 —Algie Xewlin and Hugh
Moore, leaders of the Prep. Bible classes, treated
their youthful disciples to a 'possum hunt last
Tuesday night. Three 'possums were treed and
caught. They were all small, but that was the
fault of the 'possums, not of the hunters.
May 10, 1922 —War rich Nicholson entered the
wrestling events in the All-State Athletic meet
held in Durham, May 3 to (>. Warrlch was de
feated by Taylor of Wilmington after ten min
utes of snappy wrestling.
February 19, 1944
QUIPS and QUIRKS
By TWO JERKS
People have complained about our riding
•liinic T. so much and suggested that we give
her a plug. We think she is the most beautiful,
nicest, sweetest, most sincere, and best all
around girl on the campus—hows' that for a
plug, kids? We are glad to see "Junior" Grts
wald back on the campus; these former Guil
fordians just can't stay away. We know that
there is a man shortage and all that, but our
fellows don't exactly like the idea of certain
women on the eamims tearing after visiting
teams —they ought to quit holding back, and
throw all of their excess charm our way in
stead of wasting it on outsiders.
Guilford has long had a good reputation
in college circles when it comes to sportsman
ship and respect to visiting teams and officials.
It is a common courtesy NOT to boo officials
,uil the other players at any time—think before
you act and we'll uphold our reputation. The
turnouts for the ball games this year haven't
been up to par, and school spirit is certainly
lacking. If every player knew that 100% of
the student body was backing him, win, lose
or draw, he and coach would feel a lot better
about it —how about it, let's come out and sup
port. the school, the team, and the coach!
"Beefy" is quite a guy, but lias a very bad
sense of direct ion, we think. T'other night at
W. he found himself on the ground floor
of the girls' dorm —what was he doing?—your
guess is as good as ours. Hit; John— "How did
you find the ladies at the danee?" Jimmy Joe—
"Ohh, I opened the door marked 'Ladies' and
there they were." Dean has cultivated a do
mestic attitude here of late—he even does
Christy's shopping. Fletcher lias been making
headway with I're-Babbi student Lowry, but
we noticed in the paper the night after he
dated her lie slipped from sixteen to six points
a game—tell us. Fletch, what 011 earth went 011?
First little baby in maternity ward: "I'm a
little boy baby." Second of the same: "How
can you tell?" First: "My name is Ilenry."
Doc: "It's a girl." Guilford Grad: "Gad.
Another mouth to buy cigarettes for." The
difference between a spinster and a bachelor
is that a bachelor has never been married, but
the spinster has never been married or any
thing. Sciuires: "I don't like that Dixon boy."
Warlike: "Why?" .Squires: "lie whistles dirty
songs." Then there is the one about the little
dog that was always putting his nose in some
one else's business. Dean: "You look broken
up. What's the matter?" Matt: "I wrote home
for money for a study lamp." Dean: "So what?"
Matt: "So they sent me a lamp."
One of our good friends from last year re
cently got married. He and lii.s bride decided
to honeymoon in New York. The other (lay
we received a letter from him: "Off and on,
ui> and down; off and on, up and down, all
night long. If you ever get married take my
advice and don't get a room next to an ele
vator." Catawba coach: "Com'on, snap it up,
you guys. You're playing like a bunch of ama
teurs." Too true. You don't have to go to
college to learn how to neck—but it helps.
Hunter: "I have a couple of squirrels here I'd
like for you to lix up for me." Taxidermist:
"Why, yes. How do you want them, sir?"
Hunter: ".lust put them in a friendly pose."
Taxidermist: "Do you want them mounted?"
Hunter: "No. Just shaking hands will be all
right."
"When Eve ate the apple.' said .lute,
As he gazed at his daughter's chic suit,
"Her modesty rose,
She began wearing clothes:
Mother, pass daughter the fruit."
O
Co-ed at Guilford : "1 like guys with blue eyes
and greenbacks."
Tanneiihuiim says that his greatest achieve
ment at (i. C. is his part in the Pan-Athenian
Profession—brother, that was rare! Jimmy Joe
thought W. C. girls had the gall to date minks—
but found out later that it was merely a taxi
cab driver (Royal, at that). We know that we've
disappointed a lot of people by our column this
time, but you know that we can't write any
thing that doesn't happen—and nothing's hap
pened since last isstie tit to print. Everyone
seems to have at least calmed down and started
to really study (this is the biggest joke in the
column). We've used the same personalities
over and over, and they're tired of it, and so
are we—we know the Morons, the Founder's
crowd, and the Queen could use a rest, so here
it is.
Frap and Stretch.