Entertainment
-A
L& ° " * *
Friendly Gossip
DO YOU LIKE YOUR ROOM
MATE?
Chris Goetz: Yeah, she's really
nice.
Velvet Montgomery: She's so-o-o
sweet! It's just like home. She
does my laundry an' ever'thing!
Sunshine Knight: My roommate
and I have really developed our
space together. I mean like we're
really interested in pottery and
we're saving for a kiln.
John Winston: Hell no! He drinks
all my beer!
Ariel Carmel: I don't know. After
freshmen orientation she was
captured by big men in red shirts.
I think they were Indians.
Ralph Emerson: He's a nice guy
but I'm feeling kinda confined in
"our" room. I break into nervous
rashes when I hear the key in the
lock.
Lunicorn's (cont'd)
said, 'That's one small step for
man, one giant leap for
mankind.' Then I looked down
and was horrified. There were
prints on the ground beside mine.
My first thought was that the
Russians had, in fact, beaten
America to the moon; my second
thought was that there must be a
moon-monster that previous
reconnaissance had not detected.
I returned to the landing pod to
arm myself with a gun so that I
could scout the immediate vicini
ty for evidence of the Russians or
a moon-monster."
Once outside again, I realized
that the most logical direction
was that of the footprints. They
led through some rocks and
gulley-like formations, ending in
a low wall. I bent down to look
over the wall. This long, thin face
stuck out at me, a face con
structed of two large, cavernous
nostrils and a thick, moist
tongue. I dropped the gun and
ran."
I finally reached the pod and
lunged so hard to the ladder that I
HOW DO YOU PRO
CRASTINATE?
Bill Doe: I rip the grill from the
candy machine and eat
everything in sight.
Hilary Grimes: I don't pro
crastinate. I study. I'd be ready
to take my finals now but my pro
fessors don't have them made.
Valarie Cane: I do my nails.
Jeff Randall: I stare at the pic
ture of my roommate's
girlfriend.
Pat Kimmelman: I go to the gym
and work out. That usually kills
about five hours.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE
MEAL IN THE CAFETERIA?
Bill Doe: Fried Steak. And when
they serve it in a thick gravy, it's
the best.
Ralph Emerson: Technically,
they serve balanced meals but
what I like most is the free milk.
Ariel Carmel: When there are
sprouts, fresh cucumbers,
mushrooms and cheese at the
salad bar, I consider it a good
meal.
almost flew over the entire
spacecraft. I climbed down, into
the pod and met Buzz's question
ing look with a blurted, 'Let's go!'
I never saw what happened to
that monster: I don't have eyes in
the back of my head (even if I
did, I would have closed them). I
couldn't quite predict how NASA
would take this or how even to ex
plain it-especially. since we saw
'Drop In Anytime' branded on the
moon when we pulled away from
it."
Thus ends the account of the
first sighting of the lunicorn.
Honest-to-Goodness
Letter
Dear Editor,
In your last issue, Henry A.
Watson 111 posed the question
"Who is responsible for David
Nash?" I am.
David Nash, Sr.
Pat Kimmelman: Breakfast. You
can eat more 'cause there's less
people.
Sunshine Knight: The roast beef.
It's so colorful!
\ Quaker Crib Notes
Abby Blunders:
Advice to the Lovetorn
Dear Abby Blunders,
I am a young man who has been
dating an older woman. In fact,
she's old enough to be my
mother. But I really feel secure
when I'm with her, and we have a
lot in common. We even have the
same blood type! She's starting
to get serious, and I've been
thinking about making the rela
tionship permanent. Do you think
a marriage between an older
woman and a younger man can
work?
Signed,
Oedipus
Dear Oedipus,
Marrying a woman old enough
to be your mother is bound to
create complex problems. Don't
rush blindly into it.
Dear Abby Blunders,
I'm a professional artist who is
very much in love with a lady
who won't believe me when I tell
her how much I care. I've
showered her with gifts, but she
says that's too impersonal. What
should I do?
Signed,
Vincent Van Gogh
Guilt Hotline
Are you feeling bad about feel
ing so good? Have you not written
your thank-you's from Christmas
yet? Call the Guilt
Hotline...noone answers but it's a
great way to vent frustration.
Scholarships / Internships
Oriental sophomores specializ
ing in the medical field who have
been paper boys for more than
three consecutive summers and
who maintain a 3.97 average may
receive scholarships and intern
ships. This reporter doesn't know
where but surely there are some
available.
Dear Vince,
She's obviously trying to tell
you something, lend her an ear or
be prepared to be cut off com
pletely.
Dear Abby Blunders,
I'm a black dude married to a
foxy white chick. Her family
wasn't too thrilled when she
brought me home to dinner, but
she loved my signifying so we got
married anyway. I gave her a
fancy handkerchief, and she pro
mised to keep it forever. But
yesterday at work, I saw a white
buddy using it. That honky was
honking in my hanky! My wife
swears she lost the hanky, but I
think there's some hanky-panky
going on. What do you think?
Signed,
Othello
Dear Othello,
Maybe you've been working too
hard and ignoring your wife.
Spend more time at home and
smother her with love.
Confidential to "A"-
Is it really worth destroying
your marriage over a piece of
fruit? If it makes your wife hap
py, go ahead - eat! It may open
your eyes.
Gay Friends
A discussion group for gay
friends and their enemies will
soon begin. All meetings will be
held in the Passion Pit, but
transportation will be arranged
by the Greensboro Emergency
Squad. Privacy will be respected
by members, but we wouldn't
vouch for the off-campus people
who have been hanging around
the area.
Stress Help Center
Are problems getting to be too
much? Call the Stress Help
Center, 757-6659. Open 24 hours,
this hotline will put you in touch
with someone who feels worse
than you. Feel better about
yourself for just the price of a
phone call.