EERF
Dyslexic
Edition
Okulfrantiuknt
VOLUME LXVVII, No. 10 GUILFORD COLLEGE, GREENSBORO, N.C. 27410
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t speaks for itself ...
New I.D.
Policy
p. 3
Photo by Allen Fetter
The Secret
Life of
Mrs. C. P-2
Guilford's
G-Team
By Betty (Eden) Cranium
"I rode in the truck" Reporter
With the onslaught of private
investigators and the glamoriza
tion of crime combatters,
Guilford, never far behind na
tional trends, joins the ranks with
its own G-Team. Although the
team has not received the publici
ty of other thug busters like
"Miami Vice" and "The
A-Team," they are assembled
and ready to protect the Guilco
campus in a trendy if not totally
fashionable manner.
Impressive when seen with ac
cessories, the G-Team is not
defeated by the lack of network
coverage. "We just keep re
crumpling our designer blazers,"
said Chris Deelsnyder, a Don
Johnson shoe in. "I could even
play the G-Team theme song,
Buffet style," added Chris while
attaching his sunglasses into the
V of his security shirt.
The G-Team, with the recent
acquisition of a remote controlled
truck no longer has time to rattle
doorknobs. "Those crummy
jeeps were part of our old image
as hum drum security, now we
are the G-Team!" exclaimed
David Eades. "And besides, the
girls seem to like us better now."
"The girls are 0.k.," added Jim
my Jonas, "But the truck is real
ly cool. It has a lot of buttons and
lights and runs on voice com
Leaning Student Breaks Neck
By Tammy Tight
f told you to corrnpoiuhi
Maybe it's about time. You
play with fire you get burned.
You lean back on your chair you
break your neck. Dougie Robert
son (no relation to Oscar) was
found dead in the back of Dr.
Rogers Easy Living class. Ap
parently, he had been leaning
back on the hind legs of his chair
when his hold on the desk slipped,
supposedly due to a white
[powdery substance drawn
APRIL 1, 1986
mands. We wanted a Bond type
car but the truck is really nifty."
The Guilfraudulent recently
rode along with the G-Team for
adventure filled evening. At nine
thirty the first call came over the
multi-panelled communication
console. "It's a girl in Binford,
she's locked out!" shouted Allen
Fetter, joshingly known as Mr. A
to the guys. The G-Team, all ten
af them, piled into the truck.
Yoke was visibly disappointed. "I
wanted to ride shotgun this trip."
He admitted. Screeching around
campus enough times to allow
Chris to pluck the G-Team chase
theme on his guitar, they arrived
at Binford. "Arm yourselves and
stay covered!" shouted Chris.
Aside he confided, "Of course on
a Quaker campus, the cap guns
are not loaded."
The G-Team rushed in amid the
throngs of cheering girls. Rick
Wicklin spotted the devestated
freshman, "It's o.k. honey, the
G-Team is here." Chris quickly
located the key, and assisted by
Mike Dexter and David Zubl
opened the door. The noise was
deafening, everyone was smiling
and streamers and balloons fell
from above. "It isn't always like
this," Allen Cagle said, "you
ought to see it when we write up a
parking violation. Still, even
though the G-Team is here to
help, a mini series would be,
nice."
linearity on the desk. Police are
still investigating and believe it
may have something to do with
the latest Johnson & Johnson
tampering of baby powder.
When asked to comment on the
accident, Dr. Rogers stated "Just
last week Georgie Jones, poked
his eye out with one of those sup
posedly 'safe pens' for college
students, and now this. It's in
human; something has to be done
before college enrollment is kept
down for fear of such vicious in
competent acts."