The Guilfordian, November 13, 1986
8
spotliglat
The Robert Penn
By Robert Stoddard
While most Guilco
students headed home for
some R and R over fall
break, Andrew Stuart and
Robert Stoddard hit the
road in fine, Steppenwolf,
"Born to Be Wild" style.
The principle purpose of this
mission was to hunt down
and accost the Pultizer
Prize-winning author and
Poet Laureate of the United
States, Mr. Robert Penn
Warren. As the elder
statesman of Southern
Literature in America, War
ren could be called a living
Faulkner. Stuart and Stod
dard, both English majors,
felt a call to encounter the
legend face to face, and sot
hey set out with copies of
Warren's book, All the
King's Men, in hopes of
garnering the autograph of
the literary master.
After a delay in Raleigh,
which involved some inter
state air travel by Stoddard,
the twosome woke at 6:15
a.m. Sunday morning and
strapped into a tan Tercel
(loaded with cold-weather
gear, camera equipment,
and powdered donuts) and
headed North. Both road
warriors were wearing
specially made T-shirts com
memorating the Fall 'B6
Tour. The empty, Sunday
morning interstate between
Raleigh and Richmond was
a blessing to Stoddard, who
was a nervous wreck during
much of the trip on account
of the heavy, high-speed
traffic encountered in most
of the Northeastern Cor
ridor.
After a restroom and fuel
stop, the pair rolled their
Japanese road machine
toward D.C., and Baltimore,
the last metropolitan
monoliths of the South.
These two rebels picked up
unfamilar vocal resonances
at a McDonald's just north
of Baltimore. Stoddard teas
ed the counter-girls when he
ordered his meal. "Ahhdd
laahk ub big Maak an' sum
frahs." Stuart warned him
not to hound the locals too
much seeing as they were
now out of the benevolence
of Dixie.
The travelers burned up
1-95, swept along at 80 mph
with the hell-bent-for-death
Jersey drivers. Speaking of
Jersey, Stuart and Stoddard
soon found themselves in
the grip of the grip fo the in
famous turnpike. "There
were tools out the ying
yang," said Stuart. "We
thought we were going to
have to take out a loan to
pay for them all." Stoddard
was impressed with the
Jersey rest stop areas at
which a McDonald's was
conveniently provided for
motorists.
By Sunday afternnon, the
trusty Toyota was being
piloted through a traffic jam
on the New York City by
pass. Both students had
trouble figuring out why
there was a traffic jam on
Sunday afternnon, but their
main concern was to get
away fromhe exist signs for
Harlem before they had
their car spray-painted with
graffitti. In addition to the
treacherous road conditions
wrought with potholes and
unexpected speedbumps
that taxed Stuart's evasive
driving prowess, Stoddard
(riding shotgun) was
bewildered by illogical New
York road signs such as this
one, "Reduce Speed - Get
Ticket."
Fortunately, the "Big Ap
ple" was not a radio waste
land and Stoddard located a
Latin American station for
cultural enrichment. The
radio turned out to be a fine
traveling companion,
though there was no country
music to satisfy Stoddard
and not enough Stones for
Stuart. The pair estimated
that by the trip's end, they
had heard Eddie Money wail
about wanting to be taken
home upwards of thirty
times.
Connecticut yielded a
welcome change of scenery
and pace for the two, as traf
fic thinned and fire maples
beckoned the students down
country roads. Darkness fell
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on the pair before lodging
had been found and Stuart
recalled great frustration as
they searched for a motel.
"We were wandering around
like a brunch of yahoos, then
of being lost, we nearly hit a
deer." "We finally checked
into the Sheraton Water
bury about 8:30 that night
after fourteen hours of driv
ing," said Stoddard. Stuart
and Stoddard conned the
desk clerk (ala. Eddie Mur
phy, "Beverly Hill Cop"
style) into reducing the
$98.50 room charge down to
$52.
Domino's Pizza delivered
to the ritzy hotel and dinner
was quickly arranged by
phone. The pizza bill came to
$10.98 and Stoddard gave
the delivery man sll. For
unknown reasons during the
day, Stoddard had declined
to get out of the car at
several rest stops. In his
resulting delirium, he told
the Pizza Guy to "keep the
change." Stuart braced
himself for any possible
violence from the Domino's
employee stemming from
Stoddard's second breach of
politeness to the host
Yankees.
The next morning, Mon
day, the men drove from
Waterbury, CT down to
Fairfield, just west of New
Haven. Robert Penn War
ren's home adress had been
obtained by Stoddard prior
to the start of break. Acting
on a top from a Guilford stu
dent who was a neighbor of
Warren, Stuart and Stod
dard were on the lookout for
"a coverted garage," pur
ported to be the Warren
residence. Unable to locate
the house after driving
around the author's neigh
borhood for more than an
hour (despite asking for
directions), the Guilco
faithful were frustrated and
despondent. Then suddenly,
they found themselves on
Redding Road and moments
later they passed address
2495-the home of THE
MAN!
Excitement was running
high between the two as
they parked the car just
down the road from the War
ren home (so as not to ap
pear intruding upon the ac
tual grounds.) Stuart and
Stoddard each clutched a
treasured copy of All the
King's Men and checked to
see that he had a pen, tucked
into a pocket. In spite of
their frenzied emotion, they
teid to walk non-chalantly
past the Warren mailbox
and up the gravel drive. Sure
enough, the house was a con
verted garage.
Stoddard poked the door
bell and the sounds of a
small dog barking issued
from within. Accompanied
by the yelps, was another
voice telling the pooch to
quiet down, as the chain was
heard being removed from
the front door. The red front
door opened and the
travelers beheld an elderly,
kind-looking man restrain'
ing a small black Cocker
Spaniel. "She's harmless,"
he said spritely.
"Good Morning, sir.
We're looking for Mr.
Robert Penn Warren," Stod
dard spoke up.
"That's him!!." whispered
Stuart, as the gentleman
released the dog to his wife,
who had just appeared.
"Now what can I do for
you?" asked Mr. Warren.
"We're students from
Guilford College in
Greensboro, North Carolina
and we'd like you to auto-
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