Newspapers / The Guilfordian (Greensboro, N.C.) / March 31, 1993, edition 1 / Page 1
Part of The Guilfordian (Greensboro, N.C.) / About this page
This page has errors
The date, title, or page description is wrong
This page has harmful content
This page contains sensitive or offensive material
®fl£ ®oof or&tan Volume = A x H Security beefs up... Bo Vine Cow Security is finally mooving in the right direction. "She's a little hefty (1542 lbs) but she sure has nice calves," said officer Roger Nibble. Bessie, a local dairy farm re cruit, has joined the Guilco's elite security force. "We firgure if she doesn't work out, we'll have a re ally big barbeque down by the lake." Bessie, when questioned about ennn-Lou Fuller and Becky-Lou Browning Hee Haw! WQFS hog wild with new format Scott Thomhlil Ghost Writer There comes a time in every radio station's broadcast when it must answer a tough question. How do we best serve the commu nity? Guilford College's WQFS - 90.9 FM is faced with this dilemma now. Perspiration.. 3 Cups 10 V sr Dht -.2 :y^ being a cattle-yst, would not re spond. She did, however, moove. Commander Merrytime Weed ing explained, "I don't know if Guilford had cows prior to now that was before I came here." When confronted about this, Bessie's nostrils flared, as her brother had previously served time in the Guilford calfeteria. "She's udderly clueless!" Bessie snorted. Weeding was reinterviewed. Asked if Bessie's brother had in fact been here, she said, "Cows are very sensitive. I think Guilford General manager Jennn-Lou Fuller said, "WQFS has strived for many years to please the surround ing community of Greensboro and especially Guilford College. "We are currently at a cross roads with the station's format." The path WQFS has chosen to take may shock some, but not all. The managers and directors af the alternative music station have decided to cause achy, breaky hearts for many College students and go with a country program ming theme. Fuller explains, "we are WQFS truly believe this is what the com munity wants and needs. With the scarcity of country music in this area, it's essentially our duty to move with the times." The change from the Lemonheads and Butthole Surfers to Billy Ray Cyrus and Garth Brooks is not a total shock for some to the station's loyal listen ers and disc jockeys. Matt Rudzinski, a listener since Continued on p. 12 Gllfraud College, Groansboro, N.C. will certainly be a nurturing en vironment." Does that make sense? The Goofordian tried to get to the cud of the matter. Weeding exclaimed, "I think you've milked this one for all it's worth!" Weeding and Nibble had a se cret meeting. Sheepish sources informed The Goofordian of part of the conversation: Weeding expressed grave con - cern that [Bessie] was being perceieved as a... coward. Alien in Mr. Rogers Neighborhood Just call me "V" Ucky green dude There was more than any kind of "Quaker inner light" shining through the windows of Presi dent Rogers' home Thursday night. Bill and Bev had visitors. And this was no ice cream social. Max and everyone else, hold on to your hats for this one. An alien visited Ragsdale. No, not an "illegal" alien. This alien had a green card. And a green body to go with it Guilford admits youngest student ever Tiny Tot Kinder Gartener Unbelievable. Just when you thought a school couldn't go too far, Guilford did. You would think that an insti tution in financial despair could find other ways to drum up re sources. Taking budgets away from residence halls is one thing. But when you offer admission into a college—any college—to a five-year old, you start to ques tion the ethics behind the reason ing. Just this Thursday, Guilford College received an application for enrollment from Amy Gath ers, currently a student at Freemont Elementary School in Rural Hall, North Carolina. By the end of the same work day, a letter was in the mail to the Gathers' home alerting her that she had been accepted into Guil ford. "I don't want to talk about it," said school president Bill Rog ers, obviously embarrassed about the situation. TP* Nibble assured her that she wasn't: "Come on, Merrytime. I wouldn't give you any bull." Weeding replied, "Well if you did, I'd have to hide myself," [referring to Artist s version of the alien The alien was described by the witnesses as "a male version of the Wicked Witch of the West...you know, like in The Wizard of Oz" At approximately 10:13 pm, Bill and Bev had brushed their teeth and were on their way to bed, when an "I will," piped in men' s baseketball and golf coach Jack Jensen. "You gotta look back twenty years to when this all started. "After we won our NAIA national basketball championship, everyone and their brother—well, and their sister, too, I know I gotta watch myself with all this PC stuff—they all wanted to come here. "When a lot of people got rejec tion letters because there was no room, well we got a bad rep as a school. Then we had to borrow all this money and now we are where we are. "I dunno, maybe we hurt ourselves by being so. good and well recog nized." "That has nothing to do with it," claimed Bev Rogers, wife of the president. "I know Bill can't talk, but I gotta say something. "If Amy can keep up in the class room, I see no reason to bad-mouih us accepting her. Plus, the art depart ment seems real impressed with her coloring ability. "I mean, this fits right in with Guilford's dedication to diversity." The financial aid office refused to March 32. 1993 her own hide]. Expressing concern about li ability issues surrounding Bessie, Kant Copcsak, director of bull fa cilities and planning, resigned. odd whirring sound surrounded their home. "It sounded so familiar, like it could have been Mary's pace maker, but I knew she wasn't within a 200-meter radius," said Bcv. The origin of the noise was ap parendy, the spinning wheels of the alien's bicycle. Enveloped in a bright ball of light, the man de scended upon the Rogers', who sat shell-shocked on their bed. Bill immediately called Max Carter before contacting security. "I knew if anyone had good relations with a being of this sort, it had to be Max," Bill said. comment on whether the fact that her parents could pay full tuition had any influence on the decision to admit her. How does Amy feel about the whole ordeal? She has no qualms. "I'm not scared of anything," said Gathers. "The only thing I'm scared of is when my nightlight doesn't work. "Oh yeah, and Amanda. Amanda is scary when she pulls my hair." Gathers fell well short of the national average SAT score, flirt ing with double-digit scores on the verbal section, which also rendered her athletically ineligible. "I foresee a quick improvement in her capabilities," said Franz Heimerschmidt, Amy's personal tutor. "She is very bright for her age, but needs more rest than your average student." No word as of yet whether or not Guilford will adopt a mandatory nap time enforced between class periods. As a result of the admission, Mary will resign (she thinks the tot's too short to use the I.D. scan ner).
The Guilfordian (Greensboro, N.C.)
Standardized title groups preceding, succeeding, and alternate titles together.
March 31, 1993, edition 1
1
Click "Submit" to request a review of this page. NCDHC staff will check .
0 / 75