jfetiruarp 25,1994
Melted Fingernails
or just something to do
Jonah Krakow
Staff Writer
An introduction: Melted Finger
nails came about when I was
locked in my room for long peri
ods of time armed only with pa
per, pencil and a questionable
sense of humor. After reading this,
you may ask yourself many ques
tions: 1) What is he talking about?
2) Why do I care? 3) Who ap
proved this?
Please take these for what they
are, they're kind of meant to be per
formed, but such is life. For those
of you who find then strikingly
similar to haiku, you can give
yourself a bonus point
A REVERSIBLE SPOON
PEOPLE WITHOUT
EYEBROWS,
PERFORMS THE SAME
FUNCTION.
SPELL " RACECAR"
BACKWARDS.
I'LL HAVE A
PEANUT BUTTER AND
JELLY SANDWICH
HOLD THE BREAD.
WHILE BEING
SHAMPOOED,
I SING IRISH FOLKSONGS
IN JAPANESE.
MY EYES ARE CLEAR,
THE MIRROR
IS BROWN.
LITTLE TIMMY GOMEZ
HAS LOST
HIS TWO FRONT TEETH
I KNOW THE SECRET
TO LIFE,
I JUST CAN'T TRANSLATE
IT.
Greeks! Clubs!
' Student Groups!
Raise as much as you
Want in One week!
$100...5600...51500!
Market Applications for Citibank
VISA, MCI, SEARS, AMOCO etc.
Call for your FREE T-SHIRT and to
qualify for FREE TRIP to MTV
SPRING BREAK '94
Call 1-800-932-0528, ext. 65.
I SIT, PLAYING THE
SPOONS,
AND REALIZE
I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO
MAINE.
I WON THE HAND
WITH A PAIR
OF ELEVENS.
SNAPPING TURTLES
MAKE BAD PETS
FOR THE BLIND.
THOUGHTS
OF APHRODITE'S LEFT
EARLOBE
RACE THROUGH MY MIND.
AN ORANGE
PAINTED BLUE
HAS NO NAME.
I LAY, HALF-ASLEEPON MY
BED,
AND GET A SUDDEN
CRAVING
FOR HOT WINGS.
I WORK
IN A CHEESECAKE
FACTORY,
MAKING CHEESE.
I WRAPPED THE PRESENT
WITH KLEENEX
AND DUCT TAPE.
WOULD HELL BE
IMPROVED
WITH POLKA DOTS
AND BUTTERFLIES?
BRASSFIELD
CINEMA 10
BkAssritLD Sii htinh. Ct:\ii i
288-7755
Mrs. Doubtfire
1:35 4:20 7:05 9:50
Blank Check
1:15 3:15 5:15 7:15 9:15
My Father the Hero
1:10 3:20 5:20 7:25 9:30
Ace Ventura
1:00 3:00 5:00 7:00 9:15
The Getaway
1:30 4:00 7:15 10:00
Blue Chips
1:35 4:10 7:10 9:50
On Deadly Ground
1:05 3:20 5:35 7:50 10:10
My Girl 2
1:00 3:15 5:30 7:5010:05
Philadelphia
1:15 4:15 7:20 10:15
I'll Do Anything The Piano
1:30 4:00 7:00 10:00
jfeaturetf
MY LADDER
IS MISSING
EVERY OTHER RUNG
I'LL HAVE FRIED CHICKEN
WITH A SIDE ORDER
OF GRAPES.
In conclusion, I hope to add
more at a later date. My brain feels
relieved now, which is more than
I can say for cold squash in a rice
field covered with velcro. Huh?
Ah, what a strange boy. Too bad
he could never communicate like
the rest of us.
I must brag, because in my long
periods of study, I have found that
a public laundromat would be a
great place for a long conversation,
or a short distance race. I have
achieved satisfaction, now know
ing that Mohammed Bemstein has
learned to tango. I must go now,
my cole slaw awaits!
U4 l T-itrl
R& \
■ - ". """HUH ,; ■ ♦. V **Wl
Bjj|jy \i ■
|jB|r
Hj
Saturday, February 26th
Sock Hop
Bryan Quad
9:00 pm -1:00 am
Sunday, February 27th
Arts Etc. presents
Nai-Ni Chen Dance Company
Dana Auditorium
8:00 pm
t 2 FOR 1 SALE! 4
\ "Bring a Buddy" /,
£ Get two sets of nails for the price of one! \
(This includes fill-in's too!) *
i h For details call Jill at: 855-9530 &
if A PERFECT 10 |J
5719 W. Friendly Ave. Greensboro, NC 27410 v
COMMUNITV 224 N. 6m St,
810-R€SOURC€S, r °, NC
INC. 273-3429
Cf )t &uiltorbian
As a volunteer,
donation lakes
approximately 75
minutes. Time is a
luxury; because oj
this you are com
pensated for the
time you spend
with us.
Compensation
can help you buy
books, pay rent or
whatever. You
receive a physical
by our physician,
regular testing and
the opportunity to
spend time relax
ing or studying.
Call tor an appoint
ment or more info.
Bring in this
ad for a $lO
bonus on
your first
donation.
11