THE GOOFORDIAN
Greensboro, NC
Senate celebrates positive year
♦As the end of the year nears, senators reflect on the stupendous success this year
BY MARJORIE HALL
Dictator-for-life
In the wake of the fabulously
successful Guilford Prom, senators
are happily taking time out to reflect
on Senate's incredibly positive year.
Senate has put together many
events with record student involve
ment this year, like Harvest Fest, the
school trip to Harper's, and the an
nual "Catch Don McNemar Not Smil
ing" contest, which had no winner this
year.
Coming up soon is what Senate
hopes will become a new Guilford
tradition, the Guilford Community
"Day of Violence." During this
event, senators and concerned com
munity members will be picking
fights on the steps of Founders.
"I think it is really important that
the students on this campus get all
of their hidden aggressions out," said
director of campus ministries Max
Carter. "There just has not been
enough of that on campus this year.
And some of these people really need
beatings."
All in all, senators are pleased
with the year. "I think that this has
Explorers discover hidden physics dept.
♦Joint student-professor team braves the uncharted King basement to unlock its mysteries
BY JONATHAN CARTER
Staff Writer
The existence of a physics depart
ment has been the subject of a long-stand
ing debate at Guilford College. Last week
that debate finally ended when explorers in
the King basement confirmed that the de
partment does indeed exist.
For years, those who did not believe
in the department argued that there was no
physical evidence or firsthand account re
lating to it. They dismissed the department
as imaginary, something people dreamed
up because they wanted it to exist.
Physics department believers con
ceded there was no real evidence but said
that the amount of rumors and stories was
staggering, too much to be the result of a
simple fantasy. They also pointed out that
You may not like us, but at least we get a fancy office with new computers
been one of the most positive years
Guilford has ever had," said Senate
treasurer Colin McFadden-Roan. "It
has been nothing but a pleasure for
me to be involved in student govern
ment in one of this institution's fin
est years. I just can't help smiling,
all the time."
"I just love working with all of
these people," said John Robichaux,
who ran on Senate President Molly
Martin's ticket last year as secretary,
but resigned from his position to dedi
cate himself to maintaining conver
sation in the Guilford College
VAXnotes. "Especially Molly. I
would support Molly no matter what
she decided to do."
Senators have been especially
happy with the unusual brevity of
Senate meetings this year. Meetings,
which begin at 3:30 in Boren Lounge,
are frequently over by 3:45, leaving
the senators more time than ever to
enjoy the laid-back and amiable at
mosphere that has permeated the
campus all year long.
"I believe that Senate this year
has been doing it's best to celebrate
and affirm this community," said
Martin.
sometimes mysterious, unknown professors
would attend faculty meetings and that the
design of King Hall seemed to leave enough
room in the basement for another depart-
ment, although no
one ever explored
past the basement's
mens room.
That changed
last week, when the
administration de
cided to finally end
the debate bv send-
NtVi/MM/ \yj UVIIU
ing a joint student-professor team of ex
plorers into the King basement.
Jason Bentley, a student, said, "It was
getting pretty late in the day when we got
down there. We made it to the men's room,
and then we wait right past it! I still can't
believe that. We just wait right past it!
Ridicule is the best test of truth —£ord Chesterfield
It was a weird place... Strange
documents on the walls, odd
devices in the rooms...it creeped
me out. Who could live down
there? " —Tricia Hallo ran
Btf jjH lEjßr^^Hß
tltiw
7"W*f f '^VV^
iv &yfl
11?^.' - ; . j
I *mßm I fl
" A t
times,
Senate's job is
difficult, but
anyone look
ing at this year
has to agree
that this year
has been just a
wonderful ex
perience for
everyone in
volved."
"I wish
every single
year could be
exactly like
this one," said
Guilford Col
lege President
Don
McNemar.
"Every
thing is so
stable and ev
eryone is so
happy that I
barely have to
do anvthing at
all!"
Self-proclaimed "best friends forever" romp in the aptly
named "Passion Pit."
Who's done that before?"
The explorers knew they were on to
something when they encountered a door
marked "Physics Department."
Then, after a
disconcerting trip
down a narrow,
sloping corridor,
they found them
selves in the depart
ment itself. Al
though it is believed
that many outsiders
have visited the department before, this ex
pedition was the first official trip into the
unknown.
"It was a weird place," said Tricia
Hallo ran, another student. "Strange docu
ments on the walls, odd devices in the
rooms...it creeped me out. Who could live
down there?"
The expedition made contact with
some of the professors in the department.
One was reported as saying, '"What the hell
is wrong with you? We've been here since
the place was built! You mean you never
noticed?"
Of course, the denizens of that place
probably think differently than we do and
this statement should not be taken literally.
Professors from the expedition agreed that
these denizens probably lived underground
in caves previously and constructed the
department only three or four years ago.
Still, now that the department's existence
has been proven, a new era of exploration
will begin.
"This is really amazing," said Bentley.
"It just makes you realize how much there
is that we don't know."
April 1, 1998