10
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BY LAURAH NORTON
Features Columnist
It's easy being a full-grown,
certified punk rocker. We don't have
to spend a lot of time on our clothes
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Wouldstthouwoome? Bring thyself to me, then, with a
dead rat.
PHOTO BY AMY ROUSE
and hair (the idea here is to look like
you slept in a dumpster and bought
your pants off a junkie who spent all
night throwing up on them).
The music's not a problem ei
ther; anything that involves lots of
maniacal screaming, banging and an
occasional heartening cry df "Anar
chy! Oi! Oi!" is fine. Being an adult
harbinger of chaos doesn't come with
a lot of responsibilities...or so I'm
told.
It's the younger punks I feel
sorry for. All that youthful unrest
Campus Candid
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Guess which middle-age man in this picture has discovered Rogaine
COURTESY OF PHOTO ARCHIVES
Features
must be unbearable. Imagine being
a kiddie punk. Oh, the angst!
It's hard to feel hard-core when
you're wearing Osh Kosh Begosh.
Velcro-strap Power Rangers sneak-
ers aren't good for
curb-stomping, and you
wouldn't feel too tough
skanking through the pit
in pastel yellow bibbed
overalls.
How alienated
they must feel. So re
jected.
I think that lines of
toys should be designed
for this forgotten sub
culture, the little punks
among us.
I'm thinking 'Old
School Punk Barbie'
here; she'd come with
a painted leather jacket
and lots of scratched
vinyl records from obscure garage
bands. Her accessories could be
pink safety-pins and a tasteful heroin
needle, or maybe magenta DKNY
combat boots.
Tres chic!
For the hard-core male toddlers,
there should be Transformers that
actually turn into punk-rock
stuff...they can't relate to rocket
ships and phasers and all that crap.
A beaten-up Chevy covered in spray
paint and anarchy symbols ..now
that's something that fills even the
youngest hard-core heart with joy.
I'd like to see a 'Tickle-Me Sid
Vicious' doll that projectile vomits
vodka and barbiturates when kids
squeeze his sunken belly. That would
be adorable.
Or maybe a Superman-style ac
tion figure that's special weapon was
an adamantium (like Wolverine's
claws) mohawk.
I'd play with that.
For those political punks, the toy
companies could manufacture so
cially educational toys.
GI Joe should come out with a
line of "Punk Rock Punching Bags"
for the military figures to kick the
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crap out of. I'd especially like it if
the Punching Bags had "Special
Cracked Rib Action" and spit blood
and teeth out when you push a but
ton on their backs. If nothing else,
our infantile rockers could learn to
cover their heads and stomachs when
some big guy is thrashing them with
a tire-iron.
If that's not educational, man, I
don't know what is. Or maybe a
Speak 'n Spell that came with Sex
Pistol and GWAR sound bites ..the
kids could learn to sing and read from
their favorite ultra-violent songs!
The future's looking brighter
and brighter.
The Guilfordian
April 10,1998