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By Will Dodson
FEATURES COLUMNIST
If I had a tube of hair gel for
every cyborg cop movie I've seen,
I'd look almost as cool as Gary
Young. An aside here before I
begin: I consider cyborg cop mov
ies to be a separate genre from
maniac cop movies. Cyborg cops
are metallic and shiny, and ma
niac cops are just crazy. They are
totally different.
Anyway, when you talk cy
borg cop movies, you have to
mention the definitive Robocop,
directed by Paul Verhoeven. In
keeping with the breast fetish he
showcased in Basic Instinct and
Showgirls, he gave Robocop huge
metal boobs. But this movie, un
like most of the ones I watch, was
not about boobs. No, this one
was about big fat butts.
Robocop's big fat metal butt rep
resents a corporate America that
rots the country's moral fiber.
Robocop (Peter Weller) was,
like most cyborg cops, originally
a regular cop from Detroit who
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was shot the hell up by bad guys.
Doctors and technicians melded
his flesh to machine to create the
Is it time to be an android, not a man?
perfect law enforcement officer.
These technicians are employed
by 0.C.P., a corporation full of
bald white men with big fat butts.
The buttmen want to lease the
services of Robocop, make more
Robocops, and privatize law en
forcement so they can take over
When you absolutely have to study
By Amanda Roop
STAFF WRITER
Here's the situation: you've got
30 minutes until class and haven't
read the assigned chapter. Sound
familiar to the English majors?
Guilford is full of secluded ar
eas where one can read without dis
traction. The tranquil atmosphere
of our campus is especially helpful
when you're trying to do homework
since you retain more information
if you read in a quiet place and stay
focused. There are as many differ
ent places to study as there are stu
dents; the trick is discovering a
place that's right for you. "I read
on the inflatable couch on the sec
ond floor of Shore," said Hannah
Miller. Many students attempt to
study in their dorms, which isn't al
ways the best choice. Dorms are full
of noise and distractions, especially
if your friends are continually drop
ping in "for a few minutes" to visit.
( How DOES SBOO/EXTRA INCOME'
sound to you?
Amazingly\yroMde opportunity.
Send self-addressed stamped
envelope to:
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6547 N. Academy Blvd., Dept. N
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Detroit.
O.C.P. are the ultimate in
crass capitalism. The bottom
line is how big and plush their
office chairs are. Because as we
all know, the more money you
have, the bigger your butt gets,
and the bigger the chair you sit
in has to be. The head of 0.C.P.,
naturally, has the biggest ass I
have ever seen in my life.
AMY ROUSE
Sometimes it is difficult to find a quiet place to study
One obvious place to study is
the library. It's always quiet, and
is full of comfortable chairs in hid
den corners. CCE student Greg
Ray likes to read on the Library's
second floor, "so when my eyes
wander I can look at traffic out the
window." Again, it's better to read
without distractions, and a win
dow can be very distract
ing...especially when you have to
plow straight through five long
Psychology chapters.
Lounges in busy buildings,
such as Founders, don't have the
sort of atmosphere that is condu
THE GUILFORDIAN
OCTOBER 2, 1 998
So the money rolls in, but
Robocop's human side eventually
becomes aware of his exploita
tion by the buttmen. He follows
a trail of crime all the way
to the top, where the biggest bot
toms are. These rich guys are re
ally bad. They use their money
to snort cocaine and buy
prostitutes.
As Billy Idol once said,
"All that matters to [them] is pos
sessions. Even women are pos
sessions to them." You said it,
Billy Idol.
Robocop saves the day as
only a true American hero can:
he blows all the bad guys away
in a deluge of severed append
ages and semi-solid chunks of
bloody flesh. Their death
screams unlock the oppressive
chains of capitalism which bind
us to middle-class mediocrity.
The only way to stop the old
rich white bald men who run ev
erything is to shoot them in the
face one by one. Robocop, for God
and country, has started the ball
rolling. Do we have the courage
to follow him to freedom?
The way to salvation is
at hand!
cive to studying. The Underground
and the Cafeteria aren't much bet
ter. Why should you study when
you can talk to every acquaintance
that strolls by?
"The Hut is a great place to
relax and read," says Cody Doran,
a junior. The Hut is a great ex
ample of an environment in which
studying is easy. It is quiet and
secluded most of the time.
Many people have a favorite
tree or bench they stake out when
it's time to get some serious home-
Please see Studying, page 5