Page 10
The work of a Founder
Zack Hample
STAFF WRITER
I've been sitting in
Founders lobby a lot lately. Did
you think I was just writing in
my journal? Or simply playing
online Scrabble and reading
Baseball Weekly? Not quite. I
was eavesdropping on passing
conversations, and I wrote it all
down. I'm not using names, so
don't worry, but I am sharing ev
erything from the mundane to
the outrageous. Here's what
you've been saying:
Why would I steal your
mail? • You can tell me that to
night at midnight because you'll
so be with me • All right I'm
gonna go pee • I just wanted to
say thank you for this morning
• What's with all the construc
tion, man?! • The day of silence
people just talked, I swear to
God • What was our journal as
signment for today? • I hate it
when guys do that sh*t • I'm
tired of being associated with
Christina Aguilera • Guilford
College information • It took
me months to recover • Were
you using your sink early this
morning? • I was thinkin' about
giving blood • Hey, why are we
Would you trust this face?
having to move all the cars out
of the lot? • It's too much, I can't
handle it anymore • Why am I
such a lying whore? • Chillin',
features
chillin' • Give me a hug of course
I love you, what're you talking
about? • The way you get to the
glove compartment
is through the back
of the car • Dude,
did you see the fli
ers? • Are you room
ing in the lacrosse
suite? • Did you
guys make out? •
There are gonna be
tickets at the door •
This guy could do
anything and we'd
laugh at him • He
said it nicely, you
said ha-ha, no, you
son of a b*tch • Do
you want me to just
pick you up, or
should we meet in
English? • Except
for all the pubic hair
• They broke up,
too, so even better,
they had a good run
• No, I was upstairs
with the thingie, but
now I'm going down-
stairs, thanks for reminding me
• How are you doing on this
fabulous night? • That's the first
thing they had a videotape of •
Enjoy the day • That really
scares me • You're always
Leah Kefalos
second, I gotta go to the bath
room * Happening tonight in
the meadows, 9:30, 10-ish • Hey,
wow, this page is upside-down
Th£ Guilfprdian j
• Don't act like I don't have
power to make my own decision
• Hunt down these f*ckin' rac
v" * i k
W i
bT
I
Zack Hample with an ear for Guilford gossip.
ism people, I'm sick of rippin'
their sh*t down • I'm gonna go
cry • I'm here to haunt you • I
had a dream last night that my
arms were like, swollen • You're
the one that had it • There
weren't many people there •
Yeah, I called before about get
ting my phone jack fixed • I need
two men, please! • This is
Founders Hall, I don't know if I
said that before • Were there too
many people in it? • That sh*t
is good • On the other side of
your face, did you have shaving
cream lining your beard? • As
caf food goes, it's pretty good •
I'm nearsighted • I have my way
to get through • I wanna rock
and roll all niiiiiight and party
every day • She was doing work,
school is more important • It
was weird because the drum
mer was this like, really short
kid • I am a big fat cheater • Can
we say I'm screwed? • That's the
cool thing about Mexico • I've
been so stressed and so discon
nected from people and happi
ness • It's like, self-defeating •
The little chickens and the cows
and hens and pigs • She and I
just do not get along at all • I'm
gonna eat it twice a day • You
survived Serendipity, I think
that's the last time I saw you •
It'll be swell • I'd stick my head
in Dana Auditorium • You go
down there and you feel like you
walkin' on air • It was hard to
keep anybody's attention today
workin' doin'
this stuff,
don't you
ever take a
break? • Ha
choo!!
Bless you
•Well,
Marriott
sold it to a
larger com
pany • I
don't go to
the woods
enough, I
don't Peking
go to the
lake enough
• There's the
dude!
There's the
dude! We
should kill
him! • You
expose it to
various cir
cumstances
and then you
watch the
results • I'll
be back in a
April 20, 2001
• They're doin' me a favor, ya
understand what I'm sayin'? •
You look like a werewolf • I used
to never get porn • Then I get
the ones about do I wanna en
large my penis and no, not re
ally • I've still got jump ropes
in my office • I'll E-mail 'em and
see what they say and let you
know • Did you get my message?
• So we'll leave at like 2:30? • I
don't like Wednesday, so let's do
Thursday • Boy, it's amazing I
lived • Yeah, they got caught by
the woman in housekeeping •
Do you have a long one? • I don't
know if I'm doing this right •
You can't be steady with those
fly-by's, it's like a d*mn jet go
ing by • Hey, how are you? •
Good, how are you? • I just don't
eat meat every single meal •
This is the first time I've seen
you in the caf, boy • He's from
London, yeah • It's too garlicky
• I think pi is actually the re
sult of a Greek guy eating too
many mushrooms • I give him a
grand, he give me two back •
Come see Angels in America! •
Don't let me forget that Friday
is my brother's birthday • I've
got some time to kill before class
• Hey, are you ready to rule,
man? • Get whoever you can,
yeah • People like me who are
rather primitive, the Neander
thals of the music scene • It was
more of a Foo Fighters slash
Parliament thing going on •
They were like, really lame at
waking up and stuff • You wanna
sign up? • I hate Bryan, Bryan
is a cesspool, Milner is also a
LEAH KEFALOS