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lithium battery.
"Picture a little squirrel backpack/' said
Dodders. "It isn't too heavy, and it doesn't
interfere with their balance or agility."
The fast, jerky movements of the squirrels
will propel a magneto — a magnet free-
floating around a coiled spool of copper wire
— and charge the battery.
"It's actually the same technology used
in those little flashlights that you shake and
they light up," said junior and environmental
studies major Jessica McGill. "It is also used
in car alternators, believe it or not."
According to Dodders, applying this
technology to squirrels was a long time
coming. Environmental Sustainability
Coordinator Jim Dees is pleased that
Guilford is on the cutting edge of this
development.
"It seems right that Guilford pioneer the
way for some really innovative, energy
saving strategies," said Dees in an email
interview. "By going out on a limb, we pave
the way for other institutions to do the
manager for the Center for Principled
Problem Solving, confirmed that squirrel-
related attacks on humans are rare.
The squirrels will be lured to Founders
with tasty nuts and the musical stylings of
same.
Greensboro resident Rodger French
sees the squirrel-harnessing endeavor
as the perfect opportunity to overcome
his life-long fear of squirrels.
"When I was five, I saw a kid trying
to pick up an injured squirrel that had
fallen out of a tree," said French. "Next
thing I know, the squirrel latches onto
his index finger. The kid starts flailing his
arm trying to sling the squirrel off. Around
the fourth swing, the squirrel comes off, and
so does his finger."
Kim Yarbray, project and communication
The squirrels will be lured to Found
ers with tasty nuts and the musical
stylings of indie duo CocoRosie.
indie duo CocoRosie. The music is known
to put the squirrels into a trance-like state,
making them docile and friendly.
In this easy-to-handle state, volunteers
will be able to slip the vests onto the squirrels.
When the battery is fully charged, a light
will flash, signaling maintenance crews to
replace the battery with a fresh one.
"We are thrilled that so many
departments are working together to take
advantage of the natural resources we
have available to us," said Yarbray.
"And what do we have in greater
abundance here on campus than
Sciurus carolinensis?"
This project is the first of many
rodent-related energy projects to take
place on Guilford campus. Plans are
also underway to harness the energy
produced by the constant itching of
students plagued by bedbug infestations.
To become involved with this and similar
initiatives, contact Dodders via email with
the subject line, "SQUIRREL POWER
NOW!"
’Radical' waterslide to be installed over lake
By David Pferdekamper
Staff Writer
It's budget blowout time for Community Senate, and
everything must go.
"We've been very careful with allocations this year, and
iTs paying off now," said Community Senate President Dana
Hamdan. "We have enough Benjamins left for a way radical
project."
This is in-line with the newly revised Community Senate
bylaws, which now state, "Community Senate shall use any
budget surplus for whatever project is deemed to be the most
sweet by the student body."
And, after an extensive process of throwing darts at
options on a wall. Community Senate has found the most
sweet project
"We realized that the lake doesn't get enough use, probably
due to the extensive amount of goose poop," Hamdan said.
"So we decided to fill that sucker up with chlorine and
construct a giant waterslide so students can splash in style."
The waterelide will start at the top of Milner and empty out
into the lake after a long series of twists and turns.
"We talked to every single student on campus, and they
all thought it was a great idea," said Community Senate Vice
President Patchouli Oerther. "This is the most diverse project
Community Senate has ever undertaken since the last one."
"Senate was very active in soliciting feedback from the
community — in addition to our regular Senate meetings,
we also held our regular budget meetings," said Community
Senate Outreach Co-Chair Wear.
When asked to comment. President and Professor of
Political Science Kent Chabotar said, "I'm ready to get my
soak on."
"I don't know if this is the best use of money, but I cannot
deny that it will be really freaking awesome," said Vice
President for Student Affairs and Dean of Students Aaron
Fetrow. "No one will ever have to go across town to Emerald
Pointe again, thanks to our new Thrill Rides and Beyond
initiative."
"I am psyched," said Professor of English Jim Hood. 'This
is going to attract a much more diverse group of students
to Guilford. Senate is making it rain, and we're getting the
benefits."
"One of our core values is excellence," said Assistant to the
President for Planning and Management Jeff Favolise. "Let's
face it — you can't get more totally excellent than this. This
is as excellent as the huge battle in 'Return of the King' or
something."
However, the project is not without its detractors.
"I'm very concerned about how this will affect community
here at Guilford," said Director of the Friends Center and
Campus Ministry Coordinator Max Carter. "Senate says it
will improve community, but they're really just throwing
money at it. You can't throw money at community because
community doesn't have hands, and it can't catch die money
and use it."
"I don't think that Community Senate realizes that epic
sweetness is not a core value," said Assistant Professor of
Religious Studies Eric Mortensen. 'There is no flag for epic
sweetness, and without a flag, it cannot be a value. They
should focus on getting a flag first."
Despite these concerns, Commumty Senate is moving
forward with the project.
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