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THE TRAGEDY OF
By the edge of Soccy Fielda,
By the winding, weedy waters,
Crouched a chief with all his war-
Squatted Hocka—^Indian chieftain.
Round about liim knelt his warriors—
Frightful, painted, bloody braves;
Knelt and peered through leaf and
Peered, but never batted eyelash,
I-ooked, nor ever waved a feather.
I'or the tribe behind had sent them.
And the folks back home were pray
Praying that they’d be successful.
For the tribe was in great trouble,
Direst that had yet befallen;
For you see they had no women—
All their honies had departed
Seeking contracts in the movies;
Left behind them only fat squaws—
Ugly, shrewish, lean and fat squaws
And the tribe was far from wealthy
Suffering from ye Hoover panic.
Possessing nought with which to
Lovelj', black-eyed Indian maidens,
Cherished pride of other nations.
So the tribe had picked tlie bravest,
Meanest, boldest of the warriors.
And liad sent them out to capture—■
Take by force and, willy-nilly,
Bring back with them pale-facr
Preferably from Salem College—
Known afar for eharm and beauty.
Known above all otiier dauglitcrs
For their sweet and womanly graces.
So the warriors sat and waited,
Eyeing whertt the maids were gatli-
Picking out tlie niftiest models,
Till the chief should give the signal.
Suddenly a whistle sounded:
Sereeclu'd, and liardly had subsided
'Ere ’twas drowned with mighty
Frightful sound for Indian ear
Then, before tliey couhl rceover,
'Ere their friglitened nerves were
'I’heir eyes belield a hideous vision—
Far surpassing wildest nightmares.
For the pale and fragile damsels—
Frail and willowy, clinging maidens
Rushed together in a fury.
_ y _ ~
Now we’ve gathered here tonight
Sing we of Salem’s glory
She w'ill always stand for right
Wc honor her with all our might
Think of all the happy hours
Think of the games we’ve played
Salem, now our Alma Mater
Our loyalty will never fade.
To the balls 1 To the goals!
To the fields and its glorious
To the shins! To the sticks!
To the stiffness that causes us
Let us yell, let us shout.
Let us broadcast our loyalty far
\A'e declare, we will swear
That hockey’s tlie n-arne fnr nil _
Kicked and cuffcd and crowned each
Flayed and fought and fell together.
Shouted, screamed and shrieked to-
AIl to gain a ball—quite dirty
Insignificant, worthless spherelct.
Aghast, the warriors faced each
If the maids were thus affected
By an innocent little pigskin,
What direful fate at last would
To mere, ordinary Indian warriors
At the hands of pale-faced maidens ?
Turned they then and fled distracted,
I'led through brambh;. tlu)rn and
Uttering faint squeaks of terror
Uttering their weak yelps of fear.
Better far a beautyless nation
Than a home with such she-devils!
“Look at the lovely radio set I
got today dear, and only a
“Oh, I fc..-got to ask.”
“You look sweet enoi:
igh to eat ”
He whispered soft and low.
“I do,” the fair one i
“Where do you want
Dot: “Aren’t the t
Aggie: “Yeah, and
ain’t there lots
Judge: “He says
your honor, I
did not. He was sen
seless long be-
fore I laid hands on
“Sue Jane: “I want to get a new
Clerk (in music store): “You’re
not so good-looking yourself.”
Mother—^Willie, please keep quiet.
My Head is just about to split.
Willie—Aw, gee, Ma. If I keep
quiet can I see it split?
The Name That Belongs with Good Furniture
THE PLACE FOR VICTOR RECORDS