The Salemfite WINSTON-SALEM, N. C„ SATURDAY, OCTOBER 29. 1932. Soph Court Reopens For Halloween AWKSHUN SALEM Biggest Event Since Bull Run Stop! Stammer! Stutter! Pull the rope to your cerebellum and try to realize how lucky you’re just before being. Bargains.^ My dears, you’ll lose umpty pounds in the mad scram ble. Since you and me have been bosom buddies nigh on to twenty years, I’ll put a gold bug in your eor. This meeraculous awkshun salem is to be held on next Saturday night at ten o’clock A. M. on the thir- tee»th floor of the hut. Elevators will come by for all who wish to at tend. Stuff your hajikies full of nick- ies and bust buttons beating your roommate there. You simply must not miss these astounding offers. Pulleeze take heed, ye bat-brained blighters. Among the valuables to be awk- shuned off are these: 3 dozen bumps from off’n the wall in Alice Clewell Building—Ic per bump. Season tickets for the swimming pool, good from December 1, 1932 tlirough February 30, 1933—5c per shiver. 3 fine,fuzzy mops minus handles (])erhaps Messrs Rondthaler, Curlee, and Higgins would be interested) -—2c per curl. 2 perfectly proportioned dead gold fish embalmed in denatured listerine —1-lOc per scale. y-l dozen dwarf trees — Ic per leaf. 1 tennis court oatli cussed by Pop- eye, the hockey stick—5c per vibra- Other worthy articles such as pickled prune seeds, deflated pud dle ducks, oily pillow slips, pipe cleaners, spider webs, and ink splotches— ?c depending on who you —Perry Menn. CLASS OF ’35 SUFFERS FROM LACK OF FUN The dean of girls at Salem Salem College has received several worried letters from the anxous parents and well wishers of the present sopho more Class, inquring about their in creasing decrease of social life. While Miss Lawrence regrets this most keenly, and yet cannot take up on herself any iota of the blame for the deplorably empty state of the l>nk parlor on Saturday and Sunday evenings, not to mention Monday, Wednesday and Friday; Tuesday. Thursday, andsoforth, she rather hesitates to speak to the girls them selves about such a delicate matter. Siie also feels, and rightly so, that everyone should be responsible for her own entertainment over the week end ; and that if she is unable to en snare anything that looks like a ping- j*ong partner or a meal ticket to the Wee Blue Inn, or even conversation from 8:30 until 10:00, she should be sporty enough to follow the \ out addage, and not succeeding at once should try, and with all of her maidenly wiles, try again. This, re Class running for President BEWITCHING TWITCHES OF SOPHOMORES Since Mr. Matthews has put the pictures of Cokey Preston and Mar tha Neal in his display window, botli the younig women have hired e secretaries to handle their fan mail. There has also been an additional cop put on the corner in front of the shop to avoid the congestion caused by the crowds of admirers. None other than our own little Rachel Carroll was seen last Satur day night emerging from the shower 1 holding a raised umbrella, dripping with water and lathered with soap, over her. An up-to-date job of dry-cleaning, we call it. iss Way, Miss Penn, and Miss Nall went to Waymesville this week end to hear Mr. Dan Cupid’s ora- on “Sense and Nonsense About Present Costs of Living.” Business ; be picking up, they say, be cause Mr. Cupid is no longer obliged to travel by thumb and the courtesy of the public. He now drives his Anne Taylor and Pat Padrick de cided to go to Florida this week-end a scooter. After having two blow outs and being pinched for speeding, they awoke and went to Saturday morning chapel five minutes late. Something must be done about this oversleeping business. It seems that certain sophomores have bw«- reprimanded by Doctor Pfohl (?) for not washing their Why did Virginia Bailey drop her pencil in Psychology Class last week? — To prove to herself that the age of chivalry hasn’t passed yet, Margaret Ward seems to have a monopoly on the phones. She says that a phone booth is such a nice private place to spend the half-hour between ten and ben-thirty—“Good N'ight Sweetheart ’Till I Call To morrow.” Drew Dalton seems to think Ping Pong comes in pretty handy, especi ally on Wednesday nights when someone else is using the little living Claudia Foy is one person who doesn’t mind Bills, either on the first of the month or any other time. She also expres'Ses her preference for Taylors rather than dressmakers. —Pois Eladrick. however, does not seem to be the opnion of the suffering class. The most recent disturbance along this line was caused by a startling telegram, sent home by a Sopho more last Sunday night, the which, fairly sobbing with emotion, has brought the grieving parents of this grl to a stark realization of her lone ly weekends. It read: Don’t rate— No date— Your Kate. With messages Ike this going all over the United States the reputa tion of the college is almost sure be ruined, therefore, we can see two alternatives, both of which humbly suggest to Miss Lawrence, and from which she must choose or the other immediately for the re lief of the present needy condition of the class of ’35. We are resolved that: 1. Either a National Conglomera tion of Parents must be formed which will locate and finance enough high school heroes to keep the present sophomore class entertained on or both nghts of every week-end for the rest of the year or II. that the Psychology Professor Psui-Psides The psudden and unexpected death of that noble professor, N. R. McEwen over whelming pshock to the entire pstudent body of pSalem College. The psor- rowing pSophomores are especially to be pitied. Knowing themselves to be the cause of the tragedy, they 'ill leave no pstone unturned until the mystery of this untimely end is psolved. W’'ith psplendid and paelf- psacrificing courage every psingle pSoph is psqueezing every available lue until it will psqueeze no more. It pseems that on the day of the catastrophe nothing at all unusual noticed about the demeanor of the deceased. He was his psimple, psmiling pself at the psupper table. After the meal he was pseen to retire immediately to his quarters. Mr. Roy Campbell, a pspecial friend of the corpse, pstates that he remembers hearing the psaid corpse psay psome- thing about grading the pSophomoi'e psychology papers. Psad to pstate, when the young professor closed the door to his room he rang down the curtain on his pshort and psurpris- ingly psuccessful pspan of life. At about pseven o’clock a psharp pshot pshattered the calmness of the Autumn evening. In the pstartled psilence that followed a psobbing psigh was heard to come from a window of Mr. McE wen’s room. Immediately the pstrange ps'ounds were investigated. To the horror of all, the beloved professor was found pstark pstaring dead on the floor of his room witili a bullet through his larnyx and his pharnyx. Crum pled in his hand was found the psy chology test papers of that pride and joy of the pSophomore Class—Edna Higgens. Beneath her famous name the poor, crushed teacher had forced himself to write—I. Q. of Zero. P. S.— pSeveral pSophomores believe that tihe psui-pside resulted from a too psudden pstimulation of the'pro- fessor’s psympathetic nervous psys- —Perry Menn. faculty of Salem College must take this matter in hand and make it their duty each Friday to canvas the town of Winston-Salem, North Carolina, begging if necessary, als.) knocking in the head, and other fo.rms of forcing every ava'lable boy in said tov/n (Greensboroeans and co-ed also accepted), to enlist in this noble and praiseworthy cause. This list to be submitted to the dean of women not later than 6:00 P. M. Friday evening or 4:00 A. M. Saturday morning. Amendment: The boys may ap pear individually or en masse, pre ferably keeping step, if in a body, at 8 :30 sharp. Please impress it upon them when they sign on the dotted Ine, that a sophomore waits on no The above motion moved, voted upon, and oyerwhelmingly accepted by the Sophomore class in a meeting, presided over by Pres. Bush, this the 29t.h day of October, 1932, imme diately after lunch in room 17. —Pokey Creston. Beta Alumnae: Anne Taylor: “Liar. You The Sophomores fair have curly hair, ’Tis due without a doubt To lingering by the laundry when The steam is pouring out. Nature abhors a vacuum, there fore words, mere words are in this Sophs Again Summon Culpirts to Public View THE STAFF (Who have bravely under signed all of their articles in an attempt to be nonchalant. Imagine beng nonchalant in a Camel City.) Pokey Creston Perry Menn Ninny Jail 'S 1 Wabbic Bay “ Cfl Lushy McBean J - Largaret Mong H g Bartha Minder Grib Lay 1 1 Pat Padrick (We fooled you) Goosey Rulick Logers Wila Lomble Cachel Rarroll g Tetty Buttle i« M''argaret Mard Nartha Meal g-3 Flaudia Coy Wane Jilliams ’S ^ Hedna Iggins Lank Frinney a Jara Setton SOPHOMORE CLASS YELL ‘Hickory dickory ^ock. The mouse ran up the clock; The clock struck one; The mouse ate lunch.” GOBLE GOBLINS Hello Fattie! No you’re not having a funny dream; you’re just standing in front of a mirror, and in case anyone is worried about that queer rumbling noise that is heard around the dining room at meal time, it’s the combined sophomore 3000 pounds, gliding gracefully to its respective seats. But don’t worry, a new ceiling with a non-skid tread has just been put up and the walls and floor are good for several years yet. The cafeteria is where everybody leaves his appetite—if any. It is the hall of great dimensions, wherein the Saga of the Dishpan and the Song of Supping Soup resound lustily. The sophs have certainly mastered the Law of Diminishing Supply; fol low them and you can’ go wrong. Fish around under the table for the napkin, then hold a private tug- o-war with your neighbor after you find it. This stimulates the appe tite and is also a good ole custom of the class of ’35. The S. C. obtained its power to remove buildings by gobling daintly 208 rolls, 5,200 beans, 104 stuffed peppers, 208 pieces of pineapple, not to mention the cheese and lettuce, also 52 pieces of pie and several knicknacks tliat were harbored in convenient pockets. Just in case anyone is interested in reducing, th following formula has never been known to fail; Take one can of Dutch lead, mix thoroughly with one jar of Carter’s glue. Ap ply with fingertips, massaging thoroughly the sections of greatest worry. Then cover with half-dry Portland cement. Work this well into skin. Remove with Duco paint remover. Scrape surplus off with razor. You will never be bothered with overweight again. —Largaret Mong. Don’t Open Till Hallowe’en But Don’t Wait on Christmas Beware: Let all read this r'lt of haheus campus impartially and un flinchingly before overturning this page. Office of the Salemfite Oct. 29th Hallowe’en Dear Soeurs, Enclosed please find incriminating and embarrassing evidence against all four classes of Salem College, for which evidence each class is hereby called before a reopened Sophomore Court, where the misdemeanors of the offenders will be made public, anl the eyes of said public be open ed to the innermost secrets (heart and otherwise), not only of the Freshmen, Juniors, and Seniors themselves, but also of the instruc tors in the institution (even though w have seen fit to place the faculty case at the hindermost end of the Freshman page—quite an appropri ate location for the wise ones and we congratulate ourselves on it). No doubt, after reading through this scandal sheet, if you indulge i such low pastimes, you may have the mistaken idea that each class con tributed its own page, and therefore give credit where stale tomatoes and odiferous eggs are due. Doin’t be misled. Anyone with the mentality of a Freshman should by now be able to discriminate be tween the real yellow journalism of a sophomore and such scratching as the other illiterates in school are able to make. Again we repeat, this court may now be reopened for the benefit of all classes of students. You may, however, if you blush easily, skip the page allotted to your particular class, but be sure to do your duty by read ing the others and thus bringing them to justice. Now let the eggs fly where they We hope to remain—all in one Respectfully yours, The Staff of Strife. Apply to (Pokey Creston). On Xmas night the Freshies sleep With stockings off their toesies (Minus their silken ho.sies) Commencement day the stately Seniors Send each other roses The Juniors think on Valentine Of naught but love and posies. Thanksgiving is a happy day when Salem College closes. But On Hallowe’en the Sophomores Of rats and mice and fingers of ice And pns and sins and wicked device And tweaking teachers’ noses. IN LOVING MEMORIAM Rachel Carroll, who dove one time too many! When las seen she was but a shadow perched on the diving board.