North Carolina Newspapers

    The Salemfite
Soph Court Reopens For Halloween
Biggest Event Since Bull Run
Stop! Stammer! Stutter! Pull the
rope to your cerebellum and try to
realize how lucky you’re just before
being. Bargains.^ My dears, you’ll
lose umpty pounds in the mad scram
ble. Since you and me have been
bosom buddies nigh on to twenty
years, I’ll put a gold bug in your
eor. This meeraculous awkshun salem
is to be held on next Saturday night
at ten o’clock A. M. on the thir-
tee»th floor of the hut. Elevators
will come by for all who wish to at
tend. Stuff your hajikies full of nick-
ies and bust buttons beating your
roommate there. You simply must
not miss these astounding offers.
Pulleeze take heed, ye bat-brained
Among the valuables to be awk-
shuned off are these:
3 dozen bumps from off’n the wall
in Alice Clewell Building—Ic per
Season tickets for the swimming
pool, good from December 1, 1932
tlirough February 30, 1933—5c per
3 fine,fuzzy mops minus handles
(])erhaps Messrs Rondthaler, Curlee,
and Higgins would be interested)
-—2c per curl.
2 perfectly proportioned dead gold
fish embalmed in denatured listerine
—1-lOc per scale.
y-l dozen dwarf trees — Ic per
1 tennis court oatli cussed by Pop-
eye, the hockey stick—5c per vibra-
Other worthy articles such as
pickled prune seeds, deflated pud
dle ducks, oily pillow slips, pipe
cleaners, spider webs, and ink
splotches— ?c depending on who you
—Perry Menn.
The dean of girls at Salem Salem
College has received several worried
letters from the anxous parents and
well wishers of the present sopho
more Class, inquring about their in
creasing decrease of social life.
While Miss Lawrence regrets this
most keenly, and yet cannot take up
on herself any iota of the blame for
the deplorably empty state of the
l>nk parlor on Saturday and Sunday
evenings, not to mention Monday,
Wednesday and Friday; Tuesday.
Thursday, andsoforth, she rather
hesitates to speak to the girls them
selves about such a delicate matter.
Siie also feels, and rightly so, that
everyone should be responsible for
her own entertainment over the week
end ; and that if she is unable to en
snare anything that looks like a ping-
j*ong partner or a meal ticket to the
Wee Blue Inn, or even conversation
from 8:30 until 10:00, she should be
sporty enough to follow the \
out addage, and not succeeding at
once should try, and with all of her
maidenly wiles, try again. This,
re Class running for
Since Mr. Matthews has put the
pictures of Cokey Preston and Mar
tha Neal in his display window, botli
the younig women have hired e
secretaries to handle their fan mail.
There has also been an additional
cop put on the corner in front of the
shop to avoid the congestion caused
by the crowds of admirers.
None other than our own little
Rachel Carroll was seen last Satur
day night emerging from the shower
1 holding a raised umbrella,
dripping with water and lathered
with soap, over her. An up-to-date
job of dry-cleaning, we call it.
iss Way, Miss Penn, and Miss
Nall went to Waymesville this week
end to hear Mr. Dan Cupid’s ora-
on “Sense and Nonsense About
Present Costs of Living.” Business
; be picking up, they say, be
cause Mr. Cupid is no longer obliged
to travel by thumb and the courtesy
of the public. He now drives his
Anne Taylor and Pat Padrick de
cided to go to Florida this week-end
a scooter. After having two blow
outs and being pinched for speeding,
they awoke and went to Saturday
morning chapel five minutes late.
Something must be done about this
oversleeping business.
It seems that certain sophomores
have bw«- reprimanded by Doctor
Pfohl (?) for not washing their
Why did Virginia Bailey drop
her pencil in Psychology Class last
week? — To prove to herself that
the age of chivalry hasn’t passed yet,
Margaret Ward seems to have a
monopoly on the phones. She says
that a phone booth is such a nice
private place to spend the half-hour
between ten and ben-thirty—“Good
N'ight Sweetheart ’Till I Call To
Drew Dalton seems to think Ping
Pong comes in pretty handy, especi
ally on Wednesday nights when
someone else is using the little living
Claudia Foy is one person who
doesn’t mind Bills, either on the
first of the month or any other time.
She also expres'Ses her preference
for Taylors rather than dressmakers.
—Pois Eladrick.
however, does not seem to be the
opnion of the suffering class.
The most recent disturbance along
this line was caused by a startling
telegram, sent home by a Sopho
more last Sunday night, the which,
fairly sobbing with emotion, has
brought the grieving parents of this
grl to a stark realization of her lone
ly weekends.
It read:
Don’t rate—
No date—
Your Kate.
With messages Ike this going all
over the United States the reputa
tion of the college is almost sure
be ruined, therefore, we can see
two alternatives, both of which
humbly suggest to Miss Lawrence,
and from which she must choose
or the other immediately for the re
lief of the present needy condition of
the class of ’35.
We are resolved that:
1. Either a National Conglomera
tion of Parents must be formed which
will locate and finance enough high
school heroes to keep the present
sophomore class entertained on
or both nghts of every week-end for
the rest of the year or II. that the
Psychology Professor
The psudden
and unexpected
death of that
noble professor,
N. R. McEwen
over whelming
pshock to the
entire pstudent
body of pSalem College. The psor-
rowing pSophomores are especially
to be pitied. Knowing themselves
to be the cause of the tragedy, they
'ill leave no pstone unturned until
the mystery of this untimely end is
psolved. W’'ith psplendid and paelf-
psacrificing courage every psingle
pSoph is psqueezing every available
lue until it will psqueeze no more.
It pseems that on the day of the
catastrophe nothing at all unusual
noticed about the demeanor of
the deceased. He was his psimple,
psmiling pself at the psupper table.
After the meal he was pseen to retire
immediately to his quarters. Mr. Roy
Campbell, a pspecial friend of the
corpse, pstates that he remembers
hearing the psaid corpse psay psome-
thing about grading the pSophomoi'e
psychology papers. Psad to pstate,
when the young professor closed the
door to his room he rang down the
curtain on his pshort and psurpris-
ingly psuccessful pspan of life.
At about pseven o’clock a psharp
pshot pshattered the calmness of the
Autumn evening. In the pstartled
psilence that followed a psobbing
psigh was heard to come from a
window of Mr. McE wen’s room.
Immediately the pstrange ps'ounds
were investigated. To the horror of
all, the beloved professor was found
pstark pstaring dead on the floor
of his room witili a bullet through
his larnyx and his pharnyx. Crum
pled in his hand was found the psy
chology test papers of that pride and
joy of the pSophomore Class—Edna
Higgens. Beneath her famous name
the poor, crushed teacher had forced
himself to write—I. Q. of Zero.
P. S.—
pSeveral pSophomores believe
that tihe psui-pside resulted from a
too psudden pstimulation of the'pro-
fessor’s psympathetic nervous psys-
—Perry Menn.
faculty of Salem College must take
this matter in hand and make it their
duty each Friday to canvas the town
of Winston-Salem, North Carolina,
begging if necessary, als.) knocking
in the head, and other fo.rms of
forcing every ava'lable boy in said
tov/n (Greensboroeans and co-ed also
accepted), to enlist in this noble and
praiseworthy cause. This list to be
submitted to the dean of women not
later than 6:00 P. M. Friday evening
or 4:00 A. M. Saturday morning.
Amendment: The boys may ap
pear individually or en masse, pre
ferably keeping step, if in a body, at
8 :30 sharp. Please impress it upon
them when they sign on the dotted
Ine, that a sophomore waits on no
The above motion moved, voted
upon, and oyerwhelmingly accepted
by the Sophomore class in a meeting,
presided over by Pres. Bush, this the
29t.h day of October, 1932, imme
diately after lunch in room 17.
—Pokey Creston.
Beta Alumnae:
Anne Taylor: “Liar.
The Sophomores fair have curly hair,
’Tis due without a doubt
To lingering by the laundry when
The steam is pouring out.
Nature abhors a vacuum, there
fore words, mere words are in this
Sophs Again Summon
Culpirts to Public View
(Who have bravely under
signed all of their articles in
an attempt to be nonchalant.
Imagine beng nonchalant in a
Camel City.)
Pokey Creston
Perry Menn
Ninny Jail
'S 1
Wabbic Bay
“ Cfl
Lushy McBean
J -
Largaret Mong
H g
Bartha Minder
Grib Lay
1 1
Pat Padrick
(We fooled you)
Goosey Rulick Logers
Wila Lomble
Cachel Rarroll
Tetty Buttle
M''argaret Mard
Nartha Meal
Flaudia Coy
Wane Jilliams
’S ^
Hedna Iggins
Lank Frinney
Jara Setton
‘Hickory dickory ^ock.
The mouse ran up the clock;
The clock struck one;
The mouse ate lunch.”
Hello Fattie!
No you’re not having a funny
dream; you’re just standing in front
of a mirror, and in case anyone is
worried about that queer rumbling
noise that is heard around the dining
room at meal time, it’s the combined
sophomore 3000 pounds, gliding
gracefully to its respective seats. But
don’t worry, a new ceiling with a
non-skid tread has just been put up
and the walls and floor are good for
several years yet.
The cafeteria is where everybody
leaves his appetite—if any. It is the
hall of great dimensions, wherein the
Saga of the Dishpan and the Song
of Supping Soup resound lustily.
The sophs have certainly mastered
the Law of Diminishing Supply; fol
low them and you can’ go wrong.
Fish around under the table for
the napkin, then hold a private tug-
o-war with your neighbor after you
find it. This stimulates the appe
tite and is also a good ole custom of
the class of ’35.
The S. C. obtained its power to
remove buildings by gobling daintly
208 rolls, 5,200 beans, 104 stuffed
peppers, 208 pieces of pineapple,
not to mention the cheese and lettuce,
also 52 pieces of pie and several
knicknacks tliat were harbored in
convenient pockets.
Just in case anyone is interested in
reducing, th following formula has
never been known to fail; Take one
can of Dutch lead, mix thoroughly
with one jar of Carter’s glue. Ap
ply with fingertips, massaging
thoroughly the sections of greatest
worry. Then cover with half-dry
Portland cement. Work this well
into skin. Remove with Duco paint
remover. Scrape surplus off with
razor. You will never be bothered
with overweight again.
—Largaret Mong.
Don’t Open Till
But Don’t Wait on Christmas
Beware: Let all read this r'lt of
haheus campus impartially and un
flinchingly before overturning this
Office of the Salemfite
Oct. 29th Hallowe’en
Dear Soeurs,
Enclosed please find incriminating
and embarrassing evidence against
all four classes of Salem College, for
which evidence each class is hereby
called before a reopened Sophomore
Court, where the misdemeanors of
the offenders will be made public,
anl the eyes of said public be open
ed to the innermost secrets (heart
and otherwise), not only of the
Freshmen, Juniors, and Seniors
themselves, but also of the instruc
tors in the institution (even though
w have seen fit to place the faculty
case at the hindermost end of the
Freshman page—quite an appropri
ate location for the wise ones and
we congratulate ourselves on it).
No doubt, after reading through
this scandal sheet, if you indulge i
such low pastimes, you may have the
mistaken idea that each class con
tributed its own page, and therefore
give credit where stale tomatoes and
odiferous eggs are due.
Doin’t be misled. Anyone with
the mentality of a Freshman should
by now be able to discriminate be
tween the real yellow journalism of
a sophomore and such scratching as
the other illiterates in school are
able to make.
Again we repeat, this court may
now be reopened for the benefit of
all classes of students. You may,
however, if you blush easily, skip the
page allotted to your particular class,
but be sure to do your duty by read
ing the others and thus bringing
them to justice.
Now let the eggs fly where they
We hope to remain—all in one
Respectfully yours,
The Staff of Strife.
Apply to (Pokey Creston).
On Xmas night the Freshies sleep
With stockings off their toesies
(Minus their silken ho.sies)
Commencement day the stately
Send each other roses
The Juniors think on Valentine
Of naught but love and posies.
Thanksgiving is a happy day when
Salem College closes.
On Hallowe’en the Sophomores
Of rats and mice and fingers of ice
And pns and sins and wicked device
And tweaking teachers’ noses.
Rachel Carroll, who dove one
time too many! When las seen
she was but a shadow perched
on the diving board.

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