Page Two.
THE SALEMFITE
Saturday, October 29, 1932.
I AM A LOWLY GREEN WORM
Athletes-Foot Ball Game
Coaclied by Absorbine, Jr.
N'umbsculls
Maxim- Marccll.- . ...
t'raiic. s Bowling
Jessie Jaiiu’s
Klizabeth Ciil)banl .
Garncllc Stormy
Celeste Hiir|)
Maria Attic
Tlieres Chef
Moon.shine Kirby
Fish Seales
lallowc’en football game, the Numbsculls Vs. the Igno-
lyed July t, on the tennis court. It is exj)ected that
ke a lower score than the opposing one. A quarter will
condescendi-ng to attend. The line up and down is as
I gnorainus
Wrong End Gertrude Schmayyo
.. Right Knd "
East Tracker
. Wes
. North Ciuardman
South Ciuardman ...
.. Center Fumbler .
.. H. tter Half
. Worst flalf
._ Mai 1 Drawback
. Chief .Setback
Gona Sink
.... California Graves
Harpo M:
K.atherine Delineator
Madeline Blacksmith
.\IcArn Wors^
.. !• rance.s Sheepbetli
■Marv Adams Zone
I'.dna Mayorman
Virginia Tiger^
ly Jail.
FRESHMAN POEM
I.et’s all drink to the I'reshuian
Class;
Never have I seen such a motley
Flunking every subject they should
pass,
Lame of brain and li)) of sass
With no a|)ologies to the Freshman
Class.
r.ct’s give a toast to the green worms.
I.owly creatures, ever s])rcading
gem
is
When ca
lied on in class each one
squi
W'e knov
.• they can’t last ’till the
end
of two terms.
With r
10 apologies to the green
Miss :
Lawrence inspecting rooms
about tei
1 thirtv: “What are vou do-
ing here
Havn't you a class?”
Marv
Nison Andrson: “Yes. but
I’ve beei
n waiting here since break-
fast and
the vanishing cream hasn’t
Mr. Campbell: “Can you give
an exam])le of wasted energy!’”
Anne Wortham: “Telling a hair-
raising story to Dr. Rondthaler.”
A court room filled with people —
on the stand
Before relentless Judges, on her
A voung girl hoarslv pleading for
■ her man
Her eyes were wet, her voice
atremhle, “Please
Please let me have him !” Thereupon
Sweet words to fall from Frannic’-
lips, her liand
Outstretched—The .fudges under-
And pla‘e in it the picture of her
(Jarrett and Hooks, their hands be
hind them tied
Turned up their eyes toward
Heaven—Pale and white
They waited their fate on that
tumultous night.
The sentence fell ! Two helpless
goldfish died
From Fright.
PERSONALS
Frances Bowland is going home
for the Christmas holidays.
Immediately after the picture of
the swimrjiing te^in was taken Cele§-
McClainmy (lived into the water
of the pool hoping the photographer
would tarry long enough to get her
picture for Pathe News.
Every night Gertrude Schwalbe’^
parents call her from their home
Alaska she gets hysterical.
McArn Best sp^nt last week-end
at the infirmary. She thought that
three days there would count
of her two week-^nds therefore she
received special permission to get
sick before the six weeks grades
Rachel Edgerton is still trying I
get that fly off the ejid of her nos
“Gatherroundgi^lsandletmetellyou
lamgoingto^^lonthisweekend.” Just a
little sample of Beck Harrison.
Edna Alderman drove to Lake
land, Florida and back last Sunday
afternoon in order to spend a
hoyrs with her parents.
Florence Ledbetter is trying to
a doctor’s, excuse for gym since
found out that the Freshman :
were bright red.
Katherine McCall is anxious
lo.se thirty pounds before Christmas
holidays.
When Shiek Meets Shiek
Or
Slapstick on a Broomstick
(In which they flee, fight and fade
out as all good fellows should).
Time: Havabig Standard.
Scene: You aint seen nothing yet.
Place: Designated by an orange X.
X (which was orange before the
black was put on).
Characters:
Main one—Sophie—The heroine —
.slender, beautiful, and wise. Age
59. May be acted by any or every
member of Freshman Class.
Supporting Cast: The hero, a brave
lieutenant of the Rik-Rak type—
(he always came back).
The traditicHial Horse-face Clotz,
dire and toothless villian.
Commenoe:
I.
The heroine runs to and from and
to again across the stage; she yelleth
and sereameth, yea, and belloweth.
Hist, the villyun is behind her, yegg-
To and fro, sereameth, runs, runs
again—quite an athlete.
Sophie—
A Sophomore: How long is
average medan.-’
Mr. Ciirle: I don’t know. What
do you think. Miss Williams.
The villian claps his hand over he
broad mouth and dripping eyelets.
“Guess who ’tis,” lisps he in hi;
most honeyed tone.
“Can it be my hero, Wowatese.’
stop . . . “But no . . . here her
voice sinks into a dispairing and hor
rified baritone as she realizes the
truth. “Don’t lie to me, Horseface,
you said you marrie d a successful
wife, but I can see you have domestic
hands.”
What a poignant moment of sub
lime tragedy—fitting only for the
entrance of' our own hero, Aggie-
memnos Laughing Water.
‘ Aggie’s preparation for loattle;
1. Removes McIntosh and rubbers,
al.so tie, coat, collar, shirt,'sTloes,
toupee, cork leg, and cuticle.
Downs daily dose of Listerine.
Presents visiting card to Horse
face.
Leave go of the daisy of my
heart,” he shouts. “If not I shall
bend my brows at you.” (Bend, bend,
accompanied by a horrid look and
10x12 tombstone ifi the direction of
Horseface.
“Heih! Heh! Heh! Twa, twa.”
The above is the death rattle of the
dastardly villyun.
Act 7,359:
The old couple, Sophie and Aggie,
are in the process of quarrelling
(yes, they were married, in case you
didn’t catch on, and the number
7,H59 is only to designate which bat- ■
tie this is.) Our girl Sophie is the
first to sue for peace.
She said:
“Come back, love, and verily I
will peel this chestnut for thee and
pluck the earth worms from thence”-
But she meant—
“And make you swallow and chew
’em up along with everything else
vou’ve said.”
“Xay, traitress,” quoted he from
Tom Malory, “not until you tell me
if you was with that green knight
when I saw you in the other room,”
(is he trying to sound classical or
saracastic, Sophie cannot decide,
so-)
Sophie, in a very collegiate mono
tone: “And who, may I ask, was
that with you the other night in
the Green Room? ”
Utterly baffled and subdued by
this final thrust, our hero creeps
alone out into the night and vents
his rage by snatching out policemen’s
teeth to make pie beds for the fire-
Contributions Appreciated.
—Pokey Creston.
What’s wrong with this “Joke,”
Sophomores? Howse yo’dawg?
m HEROIC CUTLETS OF LEARNED BOOK WORMS
(PATHE NEWS, SEES ALL, KNOWS ALL, CATCHES SALEM FACULTY IN THEIR UNAWARES)
Ur. ,\nscoinl)p miswerinit
Coat of arms to be placed
on the p;reenroom door,
tenderly dedicated b y
Salem’s beloved faculty.
Miss I.eftwltch be
fore she developed
•Mr. McEwen when only
« chubby little individual
at Duke University.
MR. BURGE
In a costume designed especially
fur him by Patou.
Miss Fuller in a weak moment drinking
Campbell's Soup.
drug store. Par
don us, he slip
ped behind the
oOCaCola bottle.
Mr. Oerter
When be found that it wa
a dime instead of a nickle.