Page Two.
THE APRILITE
Saturday, April 1, 1933.
THE APRILITE
Member of Society for Prevention
of Bootlegging
Edited Centurily by Inmates of
Jail^m
SUBSCRIPTION PRICE
$150.00 a Year $10.00 a Copy
EDITORIAL STAJ-'F
Kditor-in-'Ciiiki.-
Etselec Ymmalccm
Assistants
AKire Xram
Secnarf Dnalwob
Airam Tterrag
Enna Mahtrow
Naf Selacs
Enin Nosredneh
Youl Semaj
Siol Ecn^rrot
Ynnus Ybrik
Naej Shguorrub
Bnaj Relahtdnor
Edurtreg Eblawhcs
LITTLE THOUGHTS
FOR TODAY
Letter in the crannied box
I pluck you out of the crannie
I hold you here—stamp and all
In my little hannie.
liittle envelop>, if I
Could but understand if you
Have within your paper walls
A check to purchase something
new.
Afred Makepeace Shakespeare
IDIOTICS
One girl aroused her room-mate
from a sound sleep the other night,
saying that she had se^’n a ghost in
the shape of a donkey.
“Oh ! let me sleep,” the irate room
mate r'^joined, “and don’t be fright
ened at your own shadow.”
Haughty Senior (who has pur
chased a stamp)—Must I put it on
myself?
Freshman standing near (very po
litely) — Not necessarily; it will
probably accomplish mor*" if you put
it on the letter.
fright yesterday. Slie had a black
rfsight yesterday. She had a black
spider run up her arm.
Dr. Anscombe: That’s nothing.
I had a sew^ing machine run up the
seam of my trousers.
All the little Freshmen,
Horrible their fate,
Here it was Sunday night.
And they didn’ thave a date.
Three women may keep a secret
If, as it is said,
There’s one of the lot has heard it
not.
And the oth^r two are dead.
Lament to the Freshmen
They were a genial, smiling class
And fond of eating lunch,
But when the mid-t“'rm grades came
No smiles were in that bunch.
Mary had a little waist
Whore waists were meant to grow.
And everywhere the fashions went,
Her waist was sure to go.
HALF THOUGHTS |
The usual state of mind
the old brain seems completely void
of all those things which are sup
posed to constitute a column
Spring fever .... no doubt ....
and speaking of Spring .... and a
young man’s fancy turning .... oh
v/ell .... and what about a young
woman’s .... at least that’s an ex
planation fcr our mid-semester
grades
We’ve been in on several Truth
meetings .... all the rage now . . .
at least you’ll be raging by the time
you’ve been told a few things ....
a good excuse to get some of the
dear sisters told .... but they won’t
act occording to our suggestions . . .
did you hear about Garrett ....
threatening to call Popsy .... to
come and get her .... strange . . .
slie doesen’t like Truth Meetings
anymore .... We suggest a new kind
.... in which you tell the truth . . .
Did you happen to see ... . Anne
Wortham almost go in the dining
room window last Saturday night
.... better luck next time, Anne . .
By the way .... have you ever seen
.... such a brilliant gathering . . .
so many beautiful ladies .... and
handsome men .... too bad ....
some engagements couldn’t have been
announced .... And we were green
with envy .... but never mind . . .
dear readers .... (if we have any)
.... every dog has its day ....
I wonder why .... so many of us
have stopped loafing in Gooch’s . . .
What’s the matter, gals .... scared?
Tliat’s all right .... maybe we’re
nearing that corner behind which
Prosperity has been hiding so many
years .... and we’ll have a little
money .... and e.an haunt the old
hangouts .... once again.
McArn Best .... so truthful she
believes every thing Hemphill tells
her .... brace up. Mac .... maybe
Hemp can take your mother some
messages Easter
Did you happen to be around when
one of our faculty members tried to
walk down the steps at each end of
the Main Hall portico .... and
was surprised to find none there . . .
an absent minded Professor ....
Wonder why .... Martha Neal
and Mary Adams Ward have so
many low heeled oxfords .... and
why they buy a new pair every time
they go to Duke .... or Charlotte
.... do they like nice wholesome
shoes .... or what is it ... .
There is one establishment in
town .... which .... from all ap
pearances .... won’t go broke ....
Salem girls patronize it . . . Fisher’s
Dry Cleaners .... you can always
find at least five girls in there ....
attending to their cleaning .... I
wonder .... But tell us . . . what’s
the attraction over there ....
Have you heard about Hemp Ed-
gerton’s and Sue Rawling’s ride . . .
down Nash Street in Goldsboro . . .
Sue driving .... Hemp feeding the
gas .... incidentally both kinds . . .
and the people they hit ... or almost
hit .... while our two little friends
were ducking so that they could not
be seen .... get Hempie to tell you
.... VV'e practicaly tore the walls
of the Green Room down laughing
at her the other night .... If you
want to have some fun .... just
come down and join us ... . even if
you don’t indulge ....
Ask Garret where she told Jack
she lost his ring .... if she blushes
then change the subject .... make
her tell you the truth though ....
’Tis strange but true ... a girl on
the campus .... met her husb.and
the other day .... after she had beeii
identified for several days by his
name .... watch out, Katherine . . .
there’s something wrong somewhere.
Everyone is worried about her bill i
.... it seems that we’re all rather
low on our money .... and that’s the
reason we’ve been getting so much
mail lately .... and speaking of be
ing worried .... and wringing of
hands .... you should see Isabelle
Pollock ... at certain boxing match
es ... . one would think that she liad
a personal interest in the fight . . .
page Mr. Busse!
Guess you know we have Dan
Cupid in our midst .... at least she
seems to think she is ... . she tried
to .shoot two of our happy family the
BELIEVE IT OR NOT—?
Miss Lawrence plays ping-pong
in the recreation room of Alice Cle-
well.
Mr. McEwen has been accused of
being Miss Riggan’s brother.
Anne Wortham is going to Virgin
ia Polytechnical Institute finals! No
wonder she bought so many new eve
ning dresses!
There is such thing as true love
—ask Unc Bowland about a certain
Mr. Rankin.
Spring is here. Dr. Rondthaler
will not have to worry himself bald-
headed anymore!
Beck Harrison never speaks of
The heart-rending, forlorn yellow
Academy sweatshirt visited the laun
dry this week!!
Everyone of the Freshmen in Ed
ucation twenty passed this semester’s
work—Is that awful?
R. Edgerton and Mariana Hooks
))assed all of their work this term!
One Freshman made the AX honor
roll!!!
When you need a book for pronun
ciation, .ask B. Philpott. She knows !
Jane Dicks has actually resolved
to limit herself to 0,000,000,000
words an hour.
Sue Rawlings and Nancy McNeely
have almost been convinced that this
is the week to change their sheets!
McArn Best is really studying up
on third!
Noise is incessant in the dormi
tories. For one hour during each
nite there is absolute quiet.
_ .Marguerette Pierce talks in her
sleep.
Bushy Mcl.ean has gone out for
acrobatics.
Miss Attainson rooms across from
Celeste McClammy.
The truth meetings on second do
no good—they are worse than the
We have beer in the state of North
Carolina!!!
Miss I.awrenee is taking a group
to the Lincoln Theatre to hear Cab
Calloway.
And lastly, believe it or not, this is
all—and you needn’t breathe a sigh
of relief. ‘
Ch-ace Pollock cried the other
night when she thought McArn was
going home and she couldn’t.
Anne I.ibber McKinnon dressed to
go out rite, and her date didn’t have
Georgia Huntington let a Sopho-
mor*^ run over her at exam time.
Georgia should be whipped!
Raeh''l Carroll got all dressed the
other night because someone told her
she had company in- the living-room.
other night .... with her little bow
and arrow .... so beware .... she
may get you ....
I wonder why . . . Matilda Mann
is so changeable . . . si.e used to
-have a weakness for Packards . . .
now its yellcw (truek'i) . . . Why
the sudden change, Matilda?
Some girls aiC so original . . . .
Dorabelle Graves and Mary Sample,
tor insiar.ce .... who eat their
breakfast at eleven at night . . . .
so they won’t have to get up the next
morning until time for their nine
o’clock class .... We think-we’ll try
^that .... I say, girls .... how do
you feel during your 12 o’clock class
That’.s all
“GREEN ROOM GOSSIP”
Pena’s George seems to be a little^
moody now. Wonder if it’s because
she sent him a German telegram!
We hear Frances Bowland ie quite
wild about Rankin’s ice cream. Why
this sudden affection for Rankin,
Did you girls know there was a
new kind of wood in school—Mc-
Arn’s is Lynwood and is she “piggy”
with it? We ask you. j
Maria can’t seem to get enough
Brown to suit her. We’d all like to
know why she prefers Brown when
that’s a winter color. (Get a new
one Garrett, it’s spring).
Celeste’s motto is: “Justice for me
alone.” (The rest can go to bang).
As for Nina Way we wonder if
Strikes will Tur-ner heart.
Jane Rondthaler seems to be tak
ing life easy. The last I saw of her
she was Leinbach.
We hear Calv-a Sharp is going to
become a Mason soon. Look like the
ladies are getting a break in Burl-
Mildred Hanes had an eventful
trip to Turkey. She came back witji
every comfort imaginable. That’s
not the worst girls—She’s actually a
Turk now!
Why does Marguerette Pierce pre
fer Dave to night—She’s an odd girl.
^Ve would like to know why I.uey
James always plays a Minor Key;
Can an yone tell us whether Bob
by hears the Tink-(le) she’s always
talking about?
Sue Andrews has a Mann at last^
Praise Allah.
Betty, how much is Hav worth
this year?
Someon hard Jinney Nall say the
other day she’d certainly like to be
come a Hunter. Wait until you go
home Jinney, we’re all afraid of
Bushy is the most curious girl
we’ve ever seen. Do you know that
she prefers Barnes to Homes?
Issy Pollock made a flying trip to
Holland and would you believe it
she came back to school quite wild
about it? (Pardon us, him).
If all trees were Rountrees, then
Alice would be happy, (in #ase you
don’t know Alice, she’s termed Billy
up here).
Some of these days I’m afraid
we’ll have to “Berry” Nine if she
doesn’e stop having the .limmy-Jams.
May 1 hold your Palmolive?
Not on your Lifebouy.
Then I’m out of I.ux?
Yes. Ivory formed.
JUST IMAGINE!
.\nne McKinnon as a sylph-like
fairy.
Bnni Martin as a proxide blonde.
Courtlandt Preston being.ugly!
Besse Shipp with curly hair!
Lib. I.eaki' growing taller.
Ruth McConnell growing .shorter.
Dorothy Heidenreich in one of
Tommye Frye’s dresses.
Frye Pettus gaining 40 pounds.
T.uey Gulick-Rogfrs being demure-
Babe Silversteen riding horseback.
Dr. Rondthaler in an evening
dress.
Oh Yeah—! ?
HAVE TIMES CHANGED?
Yes, times have changed. A
question now may have forty sides
instead of two. We women have al
most got back to the Early Stone
Age since we have discarded all our
petticoats. We ride in airplanes,
not on dinosaur or mules, and what’s
more we don’t have to get out and
give the plane ashove or perhaps
whisper, “oats,” in his ear before the
vehicle will move. It is my honest
opinion that civilization has prog
ressed.
But there is one part of us which
has never changed (except in the
necessary wherewithal), since Adam
and Eve did wrong. Underneath
we’re still twin sisters to Eve. O
we have enfranchisement and jobs,
but there’s one thing about us which
hasn’t altered. I really believe some
of us dream about living during the
Stone Age. (We’re all fools under
neath anyway).
Let’s compare examples of my
point through the ages.
Bumphus smoothed her I.eopard
skin tightly in order to display the
excellent figure the shining lake told
her she possessed. With the tail
of a Gaaric, she smoothed finely
ground “something or other” over
her broad flat nose. Her tiny feet
(size 2-1) she eyed conceitedly. She
heard Gedunk. “He is such a nice
boy,” her mother had said.
“Yes, he is nice,” thought Bum
phus.
Ciedunk cam-.; up, looking ad
miringly at the girl. He took her
hand, “Bumphus, will you come and
live w-'ith mq 'in my cav\;?”
“No, Gedunk, I think I’m too
young,” she said, hurrying him-
awav for she heard Bohunk in the
di.^tent.
A tall, broad man, with bulging
muscles stood before her, “Woman,”
he said, “you’re,going to live in my
Bumphus looking at his adoringly
followed.
The scene .shifts a few thousand
Julia smoothed her long white
tunic trimmed with purple, more
tightly in order to display the ex-
eellent figure which a shining pool
in the garden told her she posses^icd.
She patted finely ground powder on
her Roman nose. Her tiny feet in
sandals she eyed conceitedly. She
heard Marcus. “He’s such a nice
boy,” her mother had said. “Yes,
he is nice,” thought Julia.
Marcus came up looking admir
ingly at the girl. lie took her hand,
“Julia, will you marry me? I love
“No, Marcus, I think I’m 'too
young,” she said, hurrying him away
for she heard Aurelius in the dis-
A tall broad man with bulging
muscles stood before her. “Woman,”
he said, “you’re going to marry
Julia looking up at him adoringly,
followed.
Scene moves up two thousand
Mary smoothed her silken frock
in order to display her excellent fig
ure which her mirror (and several
persons), had told her she possessed.
She patted her perkey nose and
smoothed on a little more lipstick.
She heard John. “He is such a nice
boy,” her mother had said.
“Yes, he is nice,” thought Mary.
John ran up the front steps over
to the girl in the swing. “Marv, I
love you. Will you marry me?’’
“No, John, I think I’m too young,
and besides, I have my career to
consider,” she an.swered hurrying him
away for sjie heard Tom in the dis-
A tall, broad, bulging muscled man
stood before her. “Woman” he said,
“get your hat. We’re going to get
married!”
Mary looking at him adoringly
ran for her liat.
No, we haven’t changed and so,
this might be a chapter in JVhat
Every Eligible Young Man Should
Knoxc’. What do you suppose Mark
Antony said to Cleopatra?
“Woman do as I bid!”