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Page Two, the salemite Friday, May 4, 1934. Mi-mber Southern Inter-Collegiatt Press Association Piil>!i.sliecl Weekly by the Student Body of Salem College SUBSCRIPTION PRICE ^2.00 a Year :: 10c a Copy EDITORIAL STAFF >r-m Ch'ti'f Susan CaldeT ■tant Editor Miriam Stevenson tant Editor Sara Lindsay .l -'siciate Editors— M.iry Penn Oertrude Schwalbe Mary Abslier Cortiandt Preston Mary Ollie Biles Kathleen Adkins Martha Binder Elizabeth Jerome Elizabeth Gray Mary f:. Reeves •^oecial Reporters— Mary I^ouise Hayvi^ood Mary Elizabeth Dobbins Virginia Garner Cora Eramaline Henderson Sunshine Kirby Eugenia McNew Elizabeth Torrence Jean Patterson Martha Moore Sara Ingram BUSINESS STAFF tSusiness Manager Isabel Pollock Advertising Manager.-.Jane Williams Ejcchange Manager .. Ruth McConnell Susan Rawlings Margaret Ward Dorothy Courtney Ruth Dickieson Agnes Brown Ann Taylor ■••rnulation Manager.Marthu Scniege .(Ur. Mgr Florence Ledbetter IN A ROYAL FLUSH MAY QUEEN IS HIGH Pageant — 1934 The glorious spactacle which will constitute this year’s pageant for May Day, will be an Inter-time, In terworld Queen Contest! This test is to be conducted and judged by three of the mast noted men ii captivity, namely: Mahatma Ghandi Bernard Shaw, and Maurice Cheval ier. Influenced by the sarcastic Mr. Shaw, a magician has consented to bring to life any ancient beauty whom the judges desire for inspec tion. Naturally the Englishman ii partial to such queens as Elizabeth and Titania. Ghandi, of course, is true to that Eastern kind, especially Cleoptifcra. And Chevalier, though he secretly likes them all, is in favor of the Queen Bee, and Madam Queen. After all the famous beauties have passed in review and been criticized thoroughly to British, Indian, and French-Amerihan taste, there final decision. The crown is placed where it right fully belongs, on the head of the most perfect queen of all'—Salem’s May Queen of 1934. As the pageant opens, Chevalier and Grhandi are seen standing before the May Queen’s Throne, waiting for the thirl member of their party, Mr. Bernard Shaw, to appear. Chevalier: (pointing to May Queen) There sits a girl who really should Go back with me to Hollywood. Ghandi: Look here, Chevalier, I don't see What kind of judge I am to be. I’d best go home, and be reposed, Because I’m feeling quite exposed. Chevalier: Mahatma, don’t back out on i For you and I must quite agree. If this mamselle without compare Whom we have seen enthroned Should be proclaimed anon this day The bright and glorious Queen of Enter B. Shaw, dragging with him a Magician. Magician: (holding back) My work is not for light of day. Let’s wait until— B. Shaw: Do as I say! I cannot choose a Queen of beauty Till you perform this solemn duty. Call up the queens of yesterday! This girl may be the Queeh of May If of beauties she is bes.t— More sweet and lovely than the Chev: (catching Shaw’s idea) 'We’ll stage today a world-wide test! Ghandi: (also interested) Magician, can’t you bring for me Some queenies from across the -sea? Shaw: (commanding silence with his Look here, Ghandi, don’t get gayl Whose idea was this anyway? (turns to Mag. a little wor- Go lightly on that Eastern kind. Our English Queens I fear you’ll find Are more for brains than looks—I do adore—■ Chev: (breaks in with a gesture and laugh) Becaus I, don’t be s my countrywomen are As wise, and as intensely witty As your grand-damefi, and twice pretty! Ghandi: (impatiently) Hurry Magician, bring thie queens From distant lands and ages past (whispers to Mag.) But if you have a taste forshow Save Cleopatra for the last. Gentlemen, I will do so. Which lady must I call' up first f Chev: The queen from Wonderland to s I thirst. Music “Alice in Wonderland”—soft- first, louder as a White Bab- ns across field from bushes at right. Ghandi: (jumping up on platform- holding up hia skirts) Is that the queen? Chev: ((looking for queen) No, Ghandi, hush. The Magician’s feelings might be Eun catch the rabbit in your skirt Enter Queen of Hearts, as Music plays loudly Mag: (shouts) Her majesty, the famous queen From out the much loved story lie’s also hot from the movie screen. Shaw; (sarcastically as queen of H. mounts pedistal) A lovely queen should never look Uomestic or nkow how to cook. This lady used to make jam tarts. I’ll never vote for the Queen of Hearts. (turns scornfully away) Mag: (helping Q. of H. off and down ' ' one side) Mr. Shaw, to me it is plain Tliat you desire an English brain. Sounds of an English May ballad i folk song are heard. Sir W. Baleigh backs out on the field—spreads his red cloak on the ground for Q. Eliz. step on. She strides out manishly, boldly steps up on the platform. Mag: Sirs, tis good Queen Bess, the foe to folly. Escorted by Sir Walter Ealeigh. Eliz: Chev: Well, I declare; why do you stand and stare? Raleigh: • Highness is without a flaw, know my views on that— Eliz: 0 Pshaw! Shaw: Did you call me, madam? Eliz: That I did not! You’re an ignorant lot of Blind, conceited puffed up men Why should you judge a beauty queen? Baleigh: (aside to Eliz.) My dear, I’m afraid you shouldn’t Have said all that— Eliz; Shut up! 1 couldn’t Hold back my tongue. Baleigh: (stroking chin sadly) I’m afraid you’re through. Chev: s through. Bad tempers will t do. Mag: (hears Scotch tune) '"ake patience, sirs, her cousi Mary, Queen of Scots, draped — black, carries a false face for a head walks sadly in, to Scotch music. Chev: Look! Her head’s suspended or thumb! Ghandi: Poor lady, tho ’ you lost your head, 1 don’t believe you’re really dead. Mistress Mary, quite contrary. Of Scotland was the queen. Chev: Her face it was the fairest, Of many that were seen. Shaw; Chevalier, you waste your rhyme. For he^less women, we ’-VB no I’ll fix that for you, lady, Mow while the curtain’s drawn— (holds handkerchief before her face) I ’11 say a ‘ ‘ Bing dum ditty ■ - (snatches hand away. Queen has pulled drape from off her head) And see, her head is on! 0, Happy day! (kisses Mag.) You darling man! Now, if you want me to, I’ll bring my Scottish lassies in And have them dance for you. Scotch Dance. Ghandi: Your lassies’ skirts are short i Miss Mary, I think your dance wi fine. Here, let’s put the crown on hi new found head. Eliz: outraged) Never, never. I’d sooner see her dead. Again, I say, “Off with her head. Queen of Hearts: (who has been talk ing with Eliz.) 1 quite agree with what ’a been said “Off with her headl ” “Off with her head! ” General shouting — Scotch lassies gather around Mary to protect her. In the midst of ail the confusion, a little car pulls out on the field. Music is playing ‘ ‘ St. Louis Blues ’ ’. On top of ear are Madame Queen, Amos and Andy. Chev; I say, who’s this? Mag: (says speech of Amos and An dy announcer (radio) about seeing your dentist at least three times year.) Shaw: (horrified) I cawn’t quite see how we C£ permit A contestant of such dark coi plexion— Ghandi: (pleased with Madame Queen) I’ll fast until I fall apart, If Great Britain has one more jection. Chev: Of Madame Queen I quite approve She’s Andy’s little lady love. If radio fans who listen in. Could cast their votes, I’U bet I ped- Andy: (as Mme Queen estal) Honey chile, tun yo seff aroun Gal, yo sho gonna win dis May Day crown. Madame Queen preens herself. Every one claps. She breaks into a grin. Suddenly a Bussian melody is heard. Catherine the Great marches in, accompanied. Andy, frightened her haughty stare, pulls his lady love from the pedestal. Mag: Make wayski I sayski For Catherine the Greatski ^ The most unscroupulous oneski. Bussia fiddles will playski A dance of Mayski, And I ’11 show you how it is doneski Chev: I think this is going to be funski. Ghandi: Just took how the girlie can runski I’d not be surprised if she wonski. Bussia dance—solo Magician is looking deep into his crystal ball, he raises head, looks at the tree to the left of the court. Behind it stands a tiny fairy crea ture who peeps out as “Amaryllis” is heard. Mag; A lovely creature, famed afar. Because your Shakespeare wrote of her. By strength of magic, I recall, Titania from my crystal ball. Shaw: She’s Titania, all right, djainty and bright! But Heavens, she’s much too small. Chev; I hear a continuous buzzing static crowd gathers around the ball, all with strained eager expressions. Finally Chev. turns away, disgusted. Chev: O, On with the show, the man’s a fanatic. He looks up and sees the Queen Bee and her train coming down the hill making the buzzing sound. Just a minute, the man is right, Glance this way if you want They all look up. By the time the Bees reach the foot of the hill, there are gales of laughter. Queen Bee; (stepping boldly for ward) Sh—sh. Don’t you dare laugh at You may think it strange, my dot and stripe. But you just wait till the time ripe Then my true value you will S( Ghandi: (turning to Chev.) I just wonder who she thinks i For 0 !, old n I think you Tight, I like my women slim and tall. Titania, frightened by unsympathet ic looks of judges merely pauses a moment on pedestal, then skips to the side line. Shaw: (sadly) O, England, Merry England, Are your beauties put to scorn? Elizabeth they did not understand And Titania is forlorn. “Columbia the Gen of the Ocean' heard from the orchestra, Isabella backs on stage, holding out bags of gold to oClumbus, who pulls after him a toy ship. They are followed by Pocahuntas. Mag: With wifely threats and bags of gold. This scheming queen of ancient Spain Sent Christopher to new lands from old. And then she pulled him back again. Chev; If Izzie had let the old boy alone We’d be putting an Indian on that throne. Ghandi; Well, I for one wouldn’t be prised If a maid like this with flashing eyes, Wouldn’t be the one to take the prize. Ghandi sides with Pochas, other with Isabella, there is arguing and con versation. Mag: (with a worried expression, leans over the ball. A buzzing mus- heard, Shubert’s Bumbly Bee. ’ ’) Queen Bee has heard them, unnoticed. Queen Bee: A car, you say, and you wish me to go? Her folowers; Watch out, or your way out she’ll Chev: What can you mean, you funny things? Queen Bee: O, nothing, but don’t forget my stings. Chev: (doesn’t know exactly what peace with her. They walk a little away from the crowd. Mary, Qneen of Scota: (stepping haughtily forward, to Chev.) Say, where do you think you going with that? And when facing me, please lift your hat. Chev: (doesn’t nkow exactly what to do at first; then smiles, lifts his hat) W«ll, well, well, my dearest Mary. I- Queen Bee’s folowers: (whispering, point to Mary) Is she the one who is so contrary? Chev: (evidently having made up his mind in the Queen Bee’s favor) Indeed, my little ones you’re right. She’s always ready to start fight. Mary: (looks furious; Ohev. drops Queen Bee’s Arm and steps over ' her) But thinking it over, that’s n so bad, A prouder lady’s not to be had. Queen Bee; (clealrirg her throat; stamping her foot) Well, speaking of ladies, my friend, you see— Chev: Now don’t get excited, little Bee. Mary has turned her back; Chev. gets down on his knees to Quef Bee. Chev: From no on you’re the one for m Queen Bee: (pointing to pedestal) Do you really think I’ll have a chance ? Chev: I have it—what about a dance? Queen Bee: The very thing. Followers: (echo) The very thing. Queen Bee: All right, my train, let’s dance and swing. Bee Dance. Chev; For that I offer three big cheers! Applause Queen of Hearts; (looking And some of them are perfect dears. Queen Bee; Just one more thing I’d like to say Whenever at any hour of day You feel that you long for honey, Just come to me— Ghandi: With how much money? Queen Bee: ’T will not even be a nickel spent Just bring along one lone, sweet One of followers; Where on earth’s the Queen of Hearts ? Honey’s just what she needs for her dainty tarts. Mag: (gazing abstractedly into ball) Just a minute it seems t- •" French— Chev; (excited) Did you say French? Mag: Yes, I said French. Marseilies played off stage. Empress Josephine and Napoleon enter, Chev. kisses his fingertips ' them in joy. Chev: Hurrah, Hurrah, the Laurels wc Buns to them, kissing each on both cheeks. They all kiss each other. Shaw: (sarcastically) Go on, children, have your fun. Josephine: It was just be accident that ’ came by this way. But now we’re here. I’d just ap soon stay. She mounts the pedestal with aid of Chev. and Napl. As she is turning around, the two men stand in rapt attertion. A clatter is heard off Mag: (looks worried) What can be causing all that noise? Ghandi: ^Sounds to me like a bunch of boys. Ladies and gentlemen, watch my wand, Now, Hokey, Pokey, Zallie— And from the East Side of New York, The Queen of Tin Pan Alley! East Side, West Side, played by or chestra; Enter Queen of the Bo wry, dancing, every one stares. Queen of Bowry: (to Shaw) Hi, bo ’, who ’re all these ugly dames ? Cluttering up the atmosphere? You needn’t look but once to see That I’m the best looking girlie here. Shaw: I say, who is this person, please? Y^ou know. I’m a bit fastidious. Queen Bowry; Well, get a load of this, grey-beard, I think you’re down right hideous. (sees looks of crowd— stands boldly forward) Why cast on me contemptuous looks? You’re no better than a bunch of crooks. I may not be your idea of beauty. But, what say, think I’m a cutie? (tosses her head and begins to dance) Eliz: (in disgust) Is this America’s Queen? Mary Queen of Scots: Look, so short and lean! The men have all gathered round, Catherine the Great: To me she’s not the least bit regal. Empress J: Things like that should not be le gal. At conclusion of dance and remarks, Baleigh spreads his coat for her to step on before mounting pedestal. She picks it up for him. Queen Bowry: Hey, brother, you dropped some- Men laugh loudly. Orchestra begins to rumble and beat drums. People look afraid. Mag. makes a small ex plosion for which smoke is envolved. Mag: (dramatically in a showman’s voice) Quiet, men. Let the laughter cease. I’ve a surprise for you and the ladies. The underworld has pitchforked up> Persephone, Queen of Hades. More drums. Pluto and Persephone Pluto; (bellowing) Fi, Feij fo, fum, I smell the blood of an English- If Bernard Shaw insults my wife. He’ll boil in vinegar for the rest of his life. Shaw: Fi, Fei,—Ho, Hum— You’re not only blind, but you’re deaf and dumb. You’re only a myth, as we well know. Science exploded you long ago. Pluto starts after Shaw with pitch fork. Persephone pulls him back by the tail. Pro. mounts pedestal. Pro; ’Tis from the underworld, I hail. And still it easily can be seen That among these humans, weak and pale, I certainly should be crowned the queen. Queen Bee: You’ve nothing to buzz about; You can’t compare with me. Titania: If you want to know who’s fair est of all. Queen Bowry; Just cast your lamps on me. Chev. runs forward to bank of stream. Chev: Look! What ees diz I see Approaching down ze Nile? Persephone: (at his side by thi time) time) It’a my old friend, Cleopatra, On a sea-going crocodile. Crowd has come to see, too. Mme. Queen: Who’s dat dar man beside her? Napoleon: It’s Mr. Mark Anthony. Eliz: Ah, there was a Noble Boman. Pluto: You know your history. Anthony helps Cleo out of stream up the bank, puts her on veddestal—lifts his right hand. Anthony; Friends, Romans, countrymen, Lend me your cheers, I come to crown my Cleo, Not to praise her. Shaw: Noble Boman, rest your oar, I think we’ve heard that speech before. (continued on page THKEl)
Salem College Student Newspaper
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May 4, 1934, edition 1
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