North Carolina Newspapers

Number 7.
A Comic Hopera In One Hop
Hidden somewhere in the South Outlandish Ocean, (If you look closely on the road map between Georgia and Zambeezie R., you won’t find it),
there is an island known as the Island of Lost Soles. The tragic name was given to this forgotten island immediately after it was discovered in 1933
that none of the savage inhabitants have had any shoes to wear since the day when a conquering race ate them; using the leather as an hors d’oeuvres
at a bouifet supper. The poor Islanders of Lost Solers are therefore forced to run about with their bare feet hanging out from under their scant clothing,
in search of food.
This food, which they run about barefooted in search of, is, we regret to say, no more of the common spinach and parrots and peas variety, than
are the Islanders of Lost Solers a race of common savages. They are certainly not common, and there are only four of them, but these four are high type,
dignified, rather pleasing, and definitely man-eating cannonballs, ready to help themselves to the first good mess of sailors or covey of gobs that happens
to get within shooting distance of their home.
Reigning over these four cannonballs is Hally Lula, the gruesome Sea Hag, who is the very epitome of nastinity. She has as a loyal and gnat-
brained servant a husky and unique combination of an ape and albatross, which “thing” delights in carrying out all of the orders of the mighty and
flighty queen. This obedient contraption is affectionately called her “Little-Alice-Blue-Goon” by the Hag, who realizes well that without the aid of its
strong right arm, she might find herself at any five o’clock, being chopped into Hag meat for her loyal subjects’ five o’clock tea.
Now for a few details about the geography of the island. In the center rises a peak called the Mount of Sunny Blisto, to which the cannonballs
retire for their afternoon naps and sunbaths. Lying to the left of Sunny Blisto is a long finger of water stretching inland and outland and all around the
island, which the, natives have named the Black Hag-goon in honor of their queen and her body guard. These two beauty spots are mentioned only in
the interest of prospective real estate dealers — in reality the only things on the Island of Lost Soles are a ■couple of palm trees for the cannonballs to
pluck dates off of and to have dates under, and a sandy shore on which is the prover'bial savage footprint.
This brings us up to the point where our vain, main opera stars first appear on the stage. Bill and Coo Robinson are twb lovey-doveys of the
first water — which is a short way of saying that no sooner w'as their wedding on board ship solemnized, than the ship sank, and they were forced to sink
or swim for the balance of their honeymoon journey. After an almost perfect Red Cross Life Saving back approach and head carry, (the wedding veil
was a slight impedient to the correct technique), Bill manages to pull his slushing bride to land. Following closely behind Bill swims his man Fish Fryday,
with his wife Saturday in tow and intact. Fryday recognizes the island as his old birthplace, and therewith shouts ‘Hallelujah!”
The Sea Hag mistaking this exclamation for her first name, hastens to the shore to give the new comers a once over. No sooner are they
onceovered than she falls in love with Robinson, and begins to formulate a plan to get his wife out.of the way, and to have Bill for her own MV. Hag.
She hastens to command the Goon to get Coo for her.
Alice B. Goon, however, being a trifle misty in the head, steals the bride’s trousseau, which is drying in the sun, and then thinks she has
done her work for the day.
Fryday employs his old friends, the cannonballs as detectives on the ease of the stolen Trousseau.
The Hag makes the Goon to understand that she must get Coo in person and chop her up in person before the Hag will be satisfied. Alice suc
ceeds in luring the young bride into a iasket, but then leaves her for a mom ent to go in search of a knife. Bill appears at just the right moment, frees
Coo, and stuffs the Hag into the clothes basket in her place. When the Go6n returns,- she delightfully chops up the hag in glee, thinking it is Coo.
That night there is a feast on the Island of Lost Soles, which makes the cannonballs live happily ever after; and since the trousseau is found
at the bottom of the basket, the lovey-dovey Robinsons are likewise.
Note to the Audience, if there is one;
There is a moment in the middle of the production during which the lights go out and there are several screams. Please refrain from making
the total number of screams add up to more than several. If you so much as breathe w'ith asmatic gasps, you may miss the final deathly ones of Hally Hag,
which loss you may regret for the rest of the winter and a good part of the spring.
Mid-Afternoon, Just After Shipwreck.
Item to be remembered: It’s a long stretch between dinner and supper; and cannonballs are likely to want a bite sometimes between meals.
Island of Lost Soles: Off in the torrid distance, Sunny Blisto is raising its head; however, it is fortunately hidden from view by the back drop
because the cannonballs are sunbathing at present on its summit.
In case you don t know
the score, here it is—
Cannonballs Dance on Stage sing
ing “We want food, we want food.”
Enter Sea Hag beckoning Goon
to follow.
Hag sings; Tune: Man on Flying
Oh, have you seen the stranger who’s
come to our shore?
A handsome young bridegroom, his
wife, and two more.
Oh, the bridegroom I love him, it’s
he I adore,
Oh, G-oony, go bring him to me.
His ship it went down in the ocean.
Then he his young bride he did
Yelled: “Captain, go bring out the
life-boat, jump in and be quick if
you please! “Oh—
They hadn’t rowed far till they
sighted our shore
This handsome young bridegroom,
his wife, and two more
Now they’ve landed here and they
’ve gone to explore
My island, the gem of the eea.
Oh, I want that young stranger so
madly, He’s marvelous, handsome
and fair,
I’ll crown him the king of this is
land, and string his wife up by
her hair, oh—
He’s captured my love with the
greatest of ease.
This daring young bridegroom from
over the seas,
Oh, Alice, go fetch him, his hand
I would squeeze
My heart he has taken away.
Bill and Coo Robinson, two newly wets from off a Honeymoon Yacht
Played by Sir Percey Byshey McLean and Princess Pat Padrick
Fish Fryday, Robinson’s man of all shirk
His Wife Saturday, so called because she’s always after Fryday
Played by Associated Presston and WMd
Baby Sunday — Playing in the garden back home, but inserted
here to complete the week-enij.

Alice-Blue-Goon — Haut of the Jungle
Played by M. Neal Petite
Hally Lula — The Sea Hag Played by H Pennsoroso
Cannonballs — Four Weeklings ’
Played by:
Monday Carroll
Tuesday Carpenter
Wednesday Morris
Thursday Adams
Tom Tom Played by Black Dot Moore
As a tom tom beater, Black-Dot has been called the most famous
organist of the entire Senior Opera Company.
And let us speak seriously for a moment
power behind the piano.
Tick Fraley is the real
Goon shakes head, and scratches
it in puzzled fashion.
Hag sings: And You Were Mine
Oh, he’s so wonderful, so marvelous,
so gorgeous, so divine—
He’ll soon be mine, ’Hell soon be
Hag sees that Goon is still stand
ing there humbly. Hag singe:
Tune, Minor Prelude:
Go, Goon, Go, Go, Go, Go, Go, Goon,
Goon slinks away fearfully. Hag
sings: Tune, When Johnny Comes
Marching Home:
When Alice comes marching back
again, Hurrah, hurrah.
She ’11 bring me a handsome liusband,
then. Hurrah, hurrah.
I’ll paint my cheeks and I’ll die my
I’ll be so pretty he’ll stand and
Oh, I’ll marry him when Alice
brings him home. BXIT.
Enter Bill and Coo, Fryday and
Saturday, all staring about. Peer
into empty pot. Bill sings. Tune;
On the Road to Manday.
Oh, my darling, here are we, On
an island in the sea
Fryday; Give three cheers, it’s
my ole hometown, and it sure looks
good to me.
Coo: Well, go hunt up all your kin
folks, and have them make ua some
Sat. Bcconning to Fryday.
Come, let’s go and milk a cocoanut,
•She’s hungry as can be.
Coo. Tune: Thanks:
Oh, thanks, Bill dear, for saving my
life. You’re so big and strong and
You’ve kept me from a death be
neath the ocean wave.
Bill: Oh, darling Coo, I’m nuts
over you. There’s nothing more to
Our ship has sunk, but I will build
a nest right here.
Coo: Oh, how ducky, you do say
the sweeting thinks. I’ll help you
build a nest for two.
Am I lucky. Tie me to your apron
So we can bill and coo, beneath the
tropic blue
I’m married to a beautiful girl, Say
baby, do I rate?
Oh, gee, it’s great. You’re Tarzan,
and I’ll be your mate.
Fryday and Sat. enter carrying
food in shells. Fryday sings.
Tune: I’ve Got Rhythm:
Fryday: I’ve got oysters.
Sat; I got lobsters.
Coo: I’ve got Bill, dear.
All Who could ask for anything
Fry: I brung shrimp fish.
Sat.: Dat’s our main dish.
Bill: I’ve got Coo here.
All: Who could ask for anything
All eat ravenously.
Sat. sings (Nasty Man);
Oh, Miss Coo, my deah—
Youse gwine take a cold I fear
Ef’n you leabs dos ewt clothes on.
You’ll get pneumonia just shose
you born. (Bill sneezes, coughs).
Fry: Oh, Mistah Bill, lookah heah,
lookah heah,
You is sneezin’ mighty queeah—
Take dem damp weddin’ clothes
right off
Er you’ll be down wif de whoopin
Ooo; (All I Do—Tune).
But these are all the clothes Ihave
The rest went down, oh—
Mine went too, except these few.
Fry: To chinertown, Mm, Hm—
Coo: My trousseau sank beneath
the wave
Another stitch I could not save.
Bill: What’ll we do, my dearest Coo?
You’ll catch the flu.
Coo: (Beat of My Heart).
Oh, I will go behind this bush
Take off my gown and bridal blush
And let you hang them in the sun
to dry.
Bill; And I will go beihnd this tree
For I’m as sleepy as can be
And let you take my swallow-tail
and tie.
Sat; Yes ma’am.
Fry: Yes sur.
Bill: I’ll stretch out flat and take

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