Page Four.
THE SALEMITE
Friday, Februeuy 18, 1938.
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“GIRLS WILL BE GIRLS”
With Apologies to “Esquire”
A Freshman believes:
That boys are essential to a col
lege education.
That clothes make the woman —
and the man.
That clubs make college life.
That a teacher is a fossil who
knows everything about everything.
That sleep is not as important as
bull sessions.
That a girl’s best friend is her
mother.
That a girl is disgraced if she does
not get a letter every day.
That a library is a place to live in.
That the Bookstore is a place to
buy books.
That a blush indicates pTirity.
A Sophomore believes:
That boys are not essential but
impress friends.
That clothes are nice to have.
That clubs are sometimes a bother.
That a teacher is a person who
knows everything about his subject.
That a week-end is a good time to
sleep.
That a girl’s best friend is her
roommate.
That a girl is disgraced if she does
not get a letter every week.
That a library is a place where
they keep book*.
That the bookstores is a place for
candy, gifts, chatter.
That a blush indicates innocence.
A Junior believes:
That boys are not essential.
That clothes are necessary for
week-ends.
That clubs mean dues.
That a teacher is a person who
knows more than we do about his
subject.
That it’s better to sleep before a
week-end.
That a girl’s best friend is her
lil>stick.
That a girl ia lucky if she gets a
letter every month.
That a library is a necessary evil.
That the Bookstore is a place for
necessities.
That a blush indicates ignorance.
A Senior believes:
That boys save the embarassment
of senior privileges.
That clothes are necessary to cov
er oneself.
Clubst
That a teacher is often misunder
stood.
That it’s a god policy to stay
awake on class.
That a girl is her own best friend.
That a girl is a marvel if she gets
a letter.
That a library is a place where
they have the latest “Good House
keeping.”
That the Bookstore is Mr. Snavely.
That a blush indicates true so
phistication.
VALENTINE THOUGHTS
“You’re a Valentine, Seniors, if
there ever was one. ’ ’ Many a red
heart gaily tied sentimental tele
gram, or red posie found its way to
some expectant senior. Snoopy Jo
has been ‘ ‘ snooping ’ ’ around all aft
ernoon and peering into rooms to dis
cover who received these “tokens”
of affections from their respective
beaus and secret admirers. Guess
I’ll begin with Powerhouse Holder-
by who netted four telegrams from
Georgie, two boxes of candy and
talisman roses from that long, tall
Jonfz boy. Tour roommate was
“cute” too. Sisk, those red posies
must signify something, don’t deny
it! Alice-in-Wonderland (Mary
Woodruff to you), was the cause of
some Western Union boy making two
trips to Salem. Her roommate was
the recipient of a compact and a
box of candy.
The second floor seniors got re
sults too! Have you heard? Dot and
Millie got telegrams from Ray and
Bob with the same message. Girls,
have you decided who “the sweetest
girl in the world” isf By the way,
did you see the huge box Bill sent
Ginnyf Mary, are there any more
“Sams” looset That was a lovely
CUPID HITS JACK POT
Cupid really hit the Jack Pot hard
here on Valentines day. Clewell and
Bitting were swamped all day with
Western Union lads, special delivery
boys, florists’ trucks and what not.
Miss Mattie reports that around half
a hundred telegrams were received,
and a large number of specials.
The seniors have really got what
it takes. We won’t attempt to
enumerate all the tokens of love
received by them, but herewith will
we mention some of the outstanding
remembrances sent to the girls in
Olewell and Lehman from their ad
mirers.
Louise Norris was sporting a love
ly corsage, she also got a big basket
of fruit — that fruit idea has got
its good points. Nancy Cline was
generously passing around that 5-lb.
box of chocolates she got, as was
Bonnie Bay. Kale and Dillon got 6
lbs. together, have an orange, girls.
Emily Hovey got a very beautiful
bouquet — Eve Tomli,nson really
rated by receiving a sweet bouquet
of posies, and what happened? — It
blew into the Swimming Pool! Then
there’s McCarty, we think she tops
the list by receiving a fraternity
pin! Frankie Tyson’s true love
showered her with love in the form
of six carnations, and Sybil Wim-
mer was very much remembered by
13 roses —• it’s her lucky number.
If you didn’t see “Bee” Hatt’s
orchid, you haven’t been around —
also Jean Bradshaw looked drama
tic in black with 3 gardenias on her
shoulder.
Julia Everett got a great big box
of candy, .so did Peggy Jones — hers
was a big pink heart.
Hollowell must be getting too
too sweet, instead of candy she re
ceived cold cash with orders to in
vest it in a dozen lemons. Ruth
Schnell was supremely happy with
her rosea — then the Freshman
prexy, Mgt. Patterson got a big box
of chocolates dressed up with flow
ers on top.
P^gSy Rogers takes the prize for
the most unique Valentine remem
brance received. She was blessed
with a big, life sized, cardboard
Charlie McCarthy. He sits down,
moves his mouth and says the most
unusual thing, oclored with that
Roger’s wit.
We’d just better not try to put
down everybody who got candy and
sweet messages on fancy Valentines.
We might, though, mention that
V. B. Davis got 3 mushy, mushy
valentines, and Martha McNair had
a darn nice valentine week-end. An
nette McNeely got flowers, candy
and a special — Davidson?
None of us ■fyill dare look another
Chocolate covered nut, caramel,
cream, or whatever — in the face
for a least a week, and some of us
will probably refuse deserts a couple
of times this week — maybe.
corsage Sam sent you. Looks like
you’ve “Roped” him. Tom sent
Tweak a broken heart (don’t worry,
girls, it was only a candy heart)?
That Citadel Cadet remembered her
with a telegram Billy sent Janie
"andy. I just peeped Ln Jo Gribbin’s
room, and tlyjse red roses from Bob
bie caught my eye. Joe sent roses
to her, “little Bose.”
Third, I haven’t neglected you.
Peggy Brawley received a compact
from an admirer. Guess who? B. B.
sent Corny a box of Whitman’s Sam
pler (guess you’ll have to let him
come to see you, eh, girlie!)
MID-TKEUVI BONEBS
The letters M.D. signify “mentally
deficient. ’ ’
Blank verse is to poetry what the
forward pass is to football.
What part did the U. S. Navy play
in the world war?
Answer: It played the Star Spang
led Banner.
Skeleton — bones with the person
rubbed off.
“The man who occupied this
room,” said the landlady, “was an
inventor. He invented an explosive. ’ ’
“I suppose those spots on the wall
are the explosive,” said the roomer.
“No,” said the landlady. “They
are the inventor.”
THE AWFUL TRUTH
OR
THERE ARE TWO SIDES
TO EVERY VALENTINE
He — at last! a letter from my
darling Susie Salem. She says she
simply adores the beauteous heart-
shaped box of candy I sent her for
a Valentine and she cannot think
of anything she had rather have. It
was so different from anything she
or her room-mate got and she thinks
I am the most thoughtful boy she
knows . . . Now I know that the
money I spent on it was worth all
of the time and trouble it took to
■save it! Of course, it was hard go
ing without lunch for several days,
and cutting down on cigarettes was
pretty bad, but as long as it made
her happy, it was worth the sacrifice
. . . She also says that she’s so glad
I sent candy instead of flowers be
cause everybody else got flowers and
she had much rather have the can
dy .. . After all, flowers last such a
short time and really are a waste of
money. I almost sent them though,
but I knew all the time that the
candy would mean more to her . . .
Hmmm, that’s funny. Her letter is
written from the Infirmary. I won
der what in the world could be the
matter with her! She says they had
a basket ball game last night, so she
must have been hurt then, only she’s
too brave to admit it. Poor little
thing! Think I’ll borrow a dollar
from Buch and send her a box of
candy. She appreciated the other
one so much, and I ought to be able
to get a Valentine Box for about
half price now . . . Oh, Buck! Ain’t
love grand!
* * ♦ « »
She — If I take that red pill it
will be with my eyes dosed. It
looks too much like a Valentine to
suit me ... I’ll admit that it is nice
to know people who will feel it their
duty to send you a Valentine, but
why, oh why, do they all have to
send candy! . . . Take Joe College for
instance (not that I want to take
him, but he’s good enough for Ex
hibit A ). I thought he had more
personality, originality, or something,
than to send me a plain old heart-
shaped red box of candy, when all
the time he could probably have
sent a bunch of posies and never
have missed the extra money. Hon
estly, boys are so inconsiderate and
unthoughtful these days. It never
dawns on them to go without a few
packages of cigarettes or extra sodaa
in order to send a girl flowers . . .
It certainly was white of me to write
Joe such a polite note, even though
I did it with my fingers crossed. Sent
carbon copies of it to Tom, Dick, and
Harry too, so I hope they don’t get
together ... A package for me?
What in the world could it be! Flow
ers, a book ... Ye gods A box of
candy, and unless I’m sicker than I
think. I’m practically certain that
it is in a heart-shaped red box! Take
it away nurse, and take me with it.
Life is futile at a point ilke this!
INCIDENTALLY
Greensboro took on added charms
this past week-end on account of Don
being there.
A dozen red roses and a telegram
told Sybil Wimmer of a cadet from
V. P. I.’s new found love. Such
power.
Forest found that Davidson was
a swell elegant place to have fun.
Was it Mac or Bunny Berigan you
found so irresistable ?
Since dear ol’ Duke wasn’t doing
so hot, in athletics, our noble pro
fessor decided he had better go down
there and inspire ’em with his psy
chological knowledge of the game.
Virginia Bruce Davis, don’t you
know you can call down Nick like
that?
Every time the clock ticks, 1,000
hens lay eggg in the United States.
Waiter: Customer says his steak is
too small.
Manager: Put it on a smaller plate.
PURELY CLASSIC
Purely classic is this formal gown
designed by Dolly Tree and worn by
Myrna Loy, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer
star. Tbe gown is fashioned from
white, frost crepe, and its high
waistline is emphasized by vary
ing width bands of patent leather.
The panel front and twisted shoul
der straps are interesting.
ON WRITING AN
ESSAY
“At the sound of the musical note
it will be exactly two thirty-five,
Campbell’s Tomato Soup Time.”
Two thirty-five! Well, I have a
Bible class at three (an ungodly
hour), so I think. It’s high time for
me to make my year’s first venture
into English teomppsfition, as on.e
said venture is due quite early to
morrow morning. At the beginning
I must confess that thus far I have
no idea of subject or method of
procedure. It is when I am in a
predicament like this that I yearn
for advice from Mrs. Dorothea
Brande, or another of the psychomen.
tologists who I am certain could give
me definite rules as to how to go
about writing an essay. But, as there
is no hope of such expert help, I
shall proceed to make my o'vn rules.
I have at least a two fold purpose
for writing; and am toying with one
idea of making it three-fold.
My primary motive is to accomo
date my teacher, who feels that the
practice of writing is advantageous
to anyone. She doesn’t know me
very well yet; but I appreciate the
point, of course, unless English
Teachers believe writing is construc
tive, they couldn’t bring themselves
to wading through student’s ramb
ling themes, tactfully pointing out
suggestions as to how to procure more
unity, more coherence, and much
more emphasis.
At the same time I’m doing this
accomodating, I can’t help realizing
at what self-sacrifice I’m essaying to
write this essay. I’m just thinking
back over the countless dreamy,
freshman nights I spent struggling
with unwilling themes, crumpling
sheets of note book paper, continual
ly admonishing and rebuking my
sleepy brain to function as other
people’s do. But I will forget the
past, because after all. I’m a junior
now.
Secondarily, I’m making this noble
attempt because I’ve decided that
now is as good a time as ever to
begin impersonating mjy fieachers.
My reason for trying to impress her
this early in the year is quite simple.
It’s much easier to impress at the
begining of the year than to post
pone the job until later, making the
instructor go to the trouble of chang
ing her first impression (I’m using
this word exclusively in order to
give this essay the necessary em
phasis. I’m trusting that the unity
and coherence are innate).
I think it is time for me to choose
my subject; and that to me is the
FEATURE STAFF TO
SPONSOR CONTEST
Prizes and Ribbons To Be
Adarded For Poems
It is an unusual girl who has not
written at least one poem by the
time she is eighteen years old for
that reason, the Feature Staff of the
“Salemite” is going to sponsor an
original poetry contest. All mem
bers of the faculty and of the stu
dent body are eligible. Any number
of poems may be entered by one
person. The contest will start on
Monday, February 21, and all entries
must be in by Monday, March 14.
The names of the contest winners
will be on the feature page of the
“Salemite” on March 18.
The rules of the contest are as fol
lows:
1. All poems must be original.
2. The poem does not have to be
what is known as “true poetry.”
It may be merely rime.
3. All manuscripts must be written
in ink.
4. A prize will be given for the
best poem.
5. Ribbons will be given for:
a. The best poem submitted by a
student.
b. The best poem submitted by a
faculty member.
c. The most original poem.
d. The funniest poem.
6. All manuscripts are to be left
at the “Salemite” office, or are
to be given to any member of
the Feature Staff.
most difficult part of theme-writing.
It has been suggesed that I write on
“Getting Along With Men.” Now
everyone who knows me also knows
that I just can’t get along with
men — even in the dark. This sub
ject I will discard without further
explanation.
I think I’ll write on “milk.” As
I was drinking a glass of it today
I began thinking, an old failing of
mine and was amazed at the amount
of material that existed in milk. In
this world of corruption I can think
of nothing more wholesome and re
freshing than milk — especially if
pasteurized.
If, through my treatment of milk,
I can lead even one person to a larg
er understanding of life, or if I can
extend his perspective, I shall cer
tainly feel that this attempt has not
been in vain. This is my mind and
last reason for writing.
There goes one bell Three o'clock
and time for class. I shall have to
end this essay and condense the milk,
even though my treatment of the
subject was not as full as I intended.
Perhaps after I’ve graduated I shall
have the time to delve more thoro
ughly into the subject.
In conclusion I must apologize,
because the allotted number of words
in this essay was two hundred and
fifty, and I have already overspent
niy allowance.
That treacherous phantom which
men call liberty.
We are all quick to imitate what
is base and depraved.
A sight to dream of, not to tell.
He most lives who thinks most,
feels the noblest, acts the best.
If a man empties his purse into
his head, no man can take it away
from him.
He is happiest, be he king or
peasant, who finds peace in his
home.
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