North Carolina Newspapers

    Z 541
VOL. XVIII.
WINSTON-SALEM. N. C., THURSDAY. MARCH 10. 1938.
Number 19.
Profs Present “HELEN AND THE TROJANS”
Paris
in
or
the
Spring
This play was written to provide
an easy, modern method of teaching
Greek to the kiddies. It it is success
ful, the so-called playwrights will
promise to die of surprise before
writing another. If it fails, your
money will be refunded at the door,
ACT I.
Place: Ajax’s Greek Cafe, which is
owned and operated by Menny
Leyus and Helen Leyus.
Time: Take 900 B.C., add 1938 A.D.
see what you get.
ACT II.
Scene 1.
Place: City Hall of Troy, Trojan
council meeting.
Time: Tuesday afternoon.
Scene 2.
Place: Mrs. Priam’s parlor, Work
Like-A-Trojan Woman’s Club.
Time: Half an hour later
Place:
Time:
ACT III.
Outside the walls of Troy.
Marches On!
ACT I.
When the curtain rises Ajax is dis
covered at the counter serving hot-
dogs to a number of Greeks who are
walking about the stage munching
their rolls and chatting.
Ajax:
(Tune: Reuben, Reuben, I’ve been
thinking)
Have a liot-dog spread with mus
tard
Flavored with a spicy leek.
Nothing .so allays the hunger
As the cooking of a Greek.
We have solved tlie servant prob
lem
All the Spartan women say
Since we started patronizing
Ajax and his Greek Cafe.
Chorus:
We have solved the servant prob
lem
All the Spartan women say
Since we started patronizing
Ajax and his Greek cafe.
Enter Menny Leyus and Ahkilleasy
carrying golf clubs.
Menny LejTis: Hello Ajax — hot
dogs for two.
Ajax: Howdy, boys. Well, if it isn’t
Menny Leyus and Ahkilleasy.
Ahkilleasy:
(Tune: I’m called little Buttercup)
Yes, I am Ahkilleasy
The noble Ahkilleasy
Whom the populace all have
adored
But when no plots are brewing
And nothing is doing
I’m frankly excessively bored.
(He motions for the crowd to
gather)
Let’s strengthen our armies
And build up our navies
Barbarian hordes we can cow
We’ll pile up expenses
For national defenses
And a grand international row.
Chorus: (with enthusiasm)
Let’s strengthen our armies
And build up our navies
Barbarian hordes we can cow
We’ll pile up expenses
For national defenses
And a grand international row.
Menny Leyus:
(distressed) (Tune: Solomon Levi)
My pacifistic tendency
I see that you abhor
But I’d rather run a restaurant
Than wage a bloody war
I love my fellow countrymen
To battle I’ll not stoop
I’ll keep on raising onions
CHARACTERS
Dramatis Facultae
I
Menny Leyus, Grecian diplomat, driven to running a restaurant
during the depression Mr. Holder
Helen Leyus, his wife, a snake in the Greek grass Mrs. Ogburn
Ajax, curb-jumper for the restaurant Mr. Snavely
Paris. Trojan youth, come to Greece for the week-end, to attend
the Alpha Beta dances Mr. Bair
Ahkilleasy, Greek warrior Mr. Oerter
The Delphic Oracle, chaperoning Delphic damsels for the
week-end Miss Barrow
Aunt Minerva, Goddess of Wisdom Dr. Willoughby
Diana, friend-goddess of Minerva £)r. Smith'
Priam, King of Troy Dr. Anscombe
Hector, ferocious Trojan warrior, nicknamed * Heck*' by his friends.
if he has any Mr. Downs
Benny Hur, Roman immigrant who, because of his fame as a chariot driver,
has been made Trojan Postmaster and Deliverer of Mail.. Mr. McEwen
Sockra Tease, another immigrant, this one from Greece, who is so wise that
he now holds the position of Chairman of the School Board .. Mr. Curlee
Soakus. Trojan Chief of the Fire Department Mr. Campbell
Croakus. Trojan Chief of Police Called out of town to stop a hold-up
Mrs. Priam. Priam’s wife, and President of the Work-Like-A-Trojan
Womans Club Miss Lawrence
Mrs. Hector, wife of Hector
Miss Porter
Mrs. Hur, wife of Benny Hur Miss Hixson
Mrs. Tease, wife of Sockra Miss McLean
Mrs. Soakus, wife of Soakus Mrs. Meinung
Mrs. Croakus. wife of Croakus Miss Brown
Miss Heckyouare Miss Jackson
Miss Androm McKee Miss Perryman
Alfalfa & Omega, twin Trojan soldiers of the guard „ Miss Vogler, Dr. Wenhold
Delphic Damsels: Miss Maynard, Miss Zachary, Miss Weaver. Mrs. Curlee.
Miss C. M. Stocktori, Miss Read, Miss J. Knox. Miss McAnally. Miss
Atkmson. Miss Blair, Miss Byrd, Miss Turlington.
Greeks: Miss Stimpson, Miss Ogburn, Miss Perry, Miss Nifong. Miss Cash,
Miss Horton, Miss Eggleston, Miss Sumner, Mrs. Ball. Miss Read, Mrs.
Hanes, Mrs. Creech, Miss Thompson and Master John Downs, Miss
Kirkland.
Trojans: Miss Carpenter, Miss Vest, Miss Bloxton, Miss Hodges. Miss Yates.
For hot-dogs and onion soup —
Tra, la, la, la, etc.
Chorus repeat
Helen’s voice, off-stage: Manny Le
yus! Menny Leyus, where aie
yout
Chorus: (tune Solomon Levi)
Here comes glamorous Helen, and
we bet she’s on a tear
She’s horribly conceited since
Achiles called her fair
She’s sure to stir up trouble and to
get us in a mess
With her social aspirations and her
talks on how to dress.
Enter Helen (tune Clemintine)
Helen sings:
Menny Leyus, Menny Leyus, tell
me what you’re staring at
We’re invited to a tea dance by
a Beta and his frat
No denying I am dying just to
truck and shake a toe
The players would like to ma:ke
the following acknowledgements,
and to thank heartily the i>eopIe
who helped Helen and the Trojans
put on this show: Programs, cour
tesy of the Salemite; costumes,
some of them courtesy of May Day
Committee; others of them (bed
spreads), courtesy of various
housewives; G-reek armaments, hot
dogs and chocolate milks, Ajax’s
costume, sugar bowls, mustard,
etc., courtesy lUiss Blanche Stock
ton; signs used for decoration in
first act, courtesy Gooch’s; great
quantities of moving, bringing in
greenery, aind setting up scenery,
courtesy Mr. Talley and his boys;
Trojan Horse, courtesy Eoy & Mr.
Burrage; accompaniment. Act I.
courtesy Miss Helen Savage; Act
n, courtesy, Miss Virginia Lee;
Act m. courtesy, Miss Sara T.inn,
Leave your hot dogs and your
cronies for we-ve simply got
to go.
Menny Leyus:
(Tune: Reuben, Reuben)
Helen, Helen, I’ve been thinking
And I hope you will not scoff
For instead of going dancing
I am dated to play golf.
Helen: Achilles, will you take me to
the dance?
Ahkilleasy (same tune).
Helen, Helen, I’ve been thinking
And I hope you will not scoff
I’m a sportsman, not a dancer
And I’m dated to play golf.
Helen: Ajax, I’ve got to get to that
Beta dance.
Ajax:
Helen, Helen, I’ve been thinking
And I hope you will not scoff
You should stay and keep the cafe
While we all go out to golf.
Menny Leyus: That’s an idea.
Chorus: Yes! Tesl
All sing:
Helen, Helen, I’ve been thinking
And I hope you will not scoff
You shall stay and keep the cafe
While we all go out to golf.
Exeunt.
Helen:
(Tune: Did you ever think when
the hearse rolled by)
Those Greasy Greeks, they make
me sick
I’ve certainly got a right to kick
They leave me to watch their pan
and pot
By Juno! the Spartans are not so
hot!
In this dingy hole I will not stay
I’ll walk right out of their darned
cafe
I’m much too young to be put on
the shelf
And I’ll go to the dance if I go by
myself.
There is a noise outside — enter
Paris through the window. He
is carrying a suitcase which he
drags in after him.
Paris:
(assuming a dramatic pose. Tune:
Drink to Me only)
Drink to me only with thine eyes
And I’ll not ask for beer
Feel no dismay nor yet surprise
To see a Trojan here.
I came up for the Beta dance
And then I saw by chance
Pair Helen’s face needs but a
smile
Her beauty to enhance.
Helen: What a dashing mannerl
How absurdly gallant I This must
be naughty Trojan Paris!
Paris:
(Tune: The Flowers That Bloom in
the Spring)
Tlie maidens that blossom in Troy,
Tra, la
Are exceedingly homely of face
Though I’m a susceptible boy,
Tra, )a
“As they’re clumsy and lacking in
grace’’
And that’s why I find that they
bring me no joy
Though I am a highly susceptible
boy
Tra, la, la, la, la, Tralalalalala
Tra, la, la la la la la.
But the maidens that blossom in
Greece, Tra la
Have set my poor heart in a whirl
And I’m suddenly feeling a hunch,
Tra la
That Helen’s the best of the bunch,
Tra la
0 Gee; she’s a wonderful girl
1 am getting a hunch that I ought
to have lunch
With beautiful Helen, the best of
the bunch
Tra la, etc. (They do a little dance
if they happen to feel like it).
Helen: Paris, take me to the Beta
dance, to Troy, anywhere, just
to annoy Menny Leyus.
Paris:
(Tune: Chorus of Jingle Bells)
Write a note. Write a note.
This is what we’ll say,
Helen’s left with Paris and She’s
gone to Troy to stay
Helen:
(Finds paper and pencil and writes
as she sings)
See this note, see this note
Helen’s run away
She’s gone with Trojan Paris and
She’s gone to Troy to stay.
(They pin the note on the counter
and seize Paris’ suitcase)
Paris and Helen:
(Tune; We won’t bo home until
morning)
Wo won’t be back in the morning.
We won’t be back in the morning,
We won’t be back in the morning,
And we won’t be back at all.
(Continued on Page Two)
    

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