Page Two. ®l)c ^alemtte Published Weekly By The Student Body of RH Salem College Member Southern Inter-Collegiate Press Association SUBSCRIPTK^N PRICE : : $2.00 a Year : : 10c a Copy Editor-In-Chief Business Manager EDITOEIAL STAFF Helen SBiith EDITOEIAL DEPARTMENT General Editor Alice Horsefield Assistant Editors:— Florence Joyner Mary McColl Staff Assistants:— Anna Wray Fogle Helen Totten Peggy Brawley Emma B. Grantham Helen McArthur Margaret Holbrook Sara Harrison Sara Burrell Mary L. Salley Helen Savage Betty Sanford Betsy Perry Katherine Snead Frank Campbell Elizabeth Hatt FEATURE DEPARTMENT Feature Editor - — Maud Battle Staff Assistants:— Mary Turner WilUi Josephine Gibson Mary Thonjas Evelyn MeCarty Cramer Percival Leila Williams Mary W. Spence Betty Bahnson Tillie Hines Peggy Rogers Madeline Hayes BUSINESS DEPARTMENT Assistant Business Manager •— Edith McLean A^yertising Manager 1 Prather Sisk advertising staff Peggy Bowe» Virginia Taylor Rebecca Brame Mildred Troxler Virginia C^fter Margaret Patterson Grace Gillespie Jane Kirk Circulation Manager — Exchange Manager Associate Exchange Manager — Associate Exchange Manager .. Assistant Circulation Manager Assistant Circulation Manager Assistant Circulation Manager *997 Umber l»3t F^sodoted GoBe6iate Preu DiftrSmtor of GoIle6iai:e Di6est SUNDAY MORNING CO-OPERA.TION Pauline Daniel Bill Fulton . Frances Watlington Sybil Wimmer Elizabeth Piper Millicent McKendrie Christine Dobbins NationalAdvertisingSenriceJnc. ColUt* PubUsk«n Re^e$entativ0 420 Madison Ave. New York, N. Y. CHICAGO • BOSTON • LOS ANOCLCS • SAN FRANCISCO HE SALEMIT i WE RECOMMEND I j IFor Your Spring | Reading | --■> My Wife, Poor Wretch — John A. Downs. What Price Glory? — Dorothy HutafE Men Without Women — Holder and Campbell. Pate Knocks at the Door — Sarah Turlington The Legion of the Condemned — Chapel; Cutters Is Sex Necessary? Or Why You Feel the Way You Do — M. Briggs How We Think — Baugham and Stier Brains of Eats and Men — Owens and McEwen Be Good to Yourself — M. L. McClung What Men Live By — M. W. R. Holderby Life Begins at Forty — Maynard and Atkinsoi}. Marriage — Fearing, Lamb and Eyan Adolescence — Mildred Kelly The Problem Child in School — M. Woodruff Woman Suffrage — Jean Bradshaw Man, to Man — Curlee and Higgins Tools of Tomorrow — Burrage Stay Young — Grace Lawrence The Age of Innocence — M. Bedding Men of the Old Stone Age — Rondthaler and Anscombe She Strives to Conquer — A. Withers Why Keep Them Alive? — Jackie and Bonnie Eay What Music Does to Us — Clifford Bair Such Is My Beloved — Mac Lean So Big — Betty Sanford Main Street — Drug Store Oowboys I am the Fox — V. B. Davis Honorable Percival — Cramer Percival Bored — ■ F. Cole A Certain Eich Man — Martha O ’Keeffe , April Fool APRIL FOOL LIBRARY NEWS Miss Siewers, realizing the unusual possibilities of the outdoor reading room, has just announced that it will be used this spring for sun baths. As’ usual the Library is making the best and most efficient arrangements pos sible. Preparations are to begin imme diately. First, of course, the wall around the terrace must be built a ■little higher so as to attract only di rect sun rays rather than aJanting ones. A water proof padding will be tacked down over the present hard flooring. At the foot of the stairs an olive oil fountain, similar to the ink filler indoors, will be located and a General Electric water foun tain will be placed in the opposite corner. The library is also laying in a large supply of dark glasses which the bathers may obtain from the desk. Miss Siewers believes that this system will act as a partial cure for the epidemic of spring fever which is sweeping the campus. Instead of allowing this spring fever (or wish for an all-summer tan) to overcome their desire to learn the students will come to the library and use the outdoor reading room, studying and getting their tans at the same time. Any reference or reserve books, may be taken out to the terrace. Miss Siewers urges that the stu dents take advantage of this system and also that they make any sugges tions they think of to give the plan increased success. APRIL FOOL 1st Don: “Quien estaba la senorita contigo la pasada?” 2nd Don: “No estaba senorita — mi esposa." E WORLD-FAMOUS LADY EXPLORER SPEAKS AT Y. P. M. On Wednesday morning in ex panded chapel Miss Agatha Higgin botham delighted the student body with the story of her travels in Afghanistan as a representative for the “Deader’s Digest.” Miss Hig ginbotham, a noted writer and ex plorer, is most famous for her re cent best-selling books “Viewing the Chinese” and “Around the World in a Sampan.” Because of the interest in China, Miss Higginbotham reviewed quick ly the Sino-Japanese situation and told of her impressions of China, where she had lived for six weeks getting background for her books. “A great hungry people!” said Miss Higginbotham of the Chinese. The great Llama of Tibet died recently, and she quickly sketched tha habits of the Tibetans, those in teresting people who live on “The roof of the world.” “I wish they would bury him!” she remarked of the Llama.' Passing quickly to Afghanistan, "vyhere she is now taking magazine subscriptions and incidentally gath ering material for another book to be called “After Afghans, Whatf” Miss Higginbotham described that beautiful country. Bring culture to the Afghans is in teresting work, according to Mi^ Higginbotham. After reading one sample copy, the natives clamor to get in their subscriptions. They par ticularly enjoy the: quips of Dorothy Parker on the “Fatter” page. “Yes, it’s surprising what good literature can do in a short while. My guide through the jungle, called Iggtawah- ra, is now absorbed in “Life with Mother” and he listens faithfully to all President Eoosevelts ’ fireside chats. He favors Paulette Goddard (by the way, do you suppose she’s really married? — all the Afghans want to know), for Scarlett O’Hara.” With this interesting side-light, Miss Higginbotham went on to de scribe an Afghan boar hunt. “It’s really terribly exciting, ” she said. “Sometimes it gets a little slow. Then we have to take all the “ Dead er’s Digests” out of the hip, pockets of the beaters. You see, they think they can get in a short article be tween boars, and they just get car ried away by the book supplement and forget to whack the bushes.” “Education for women is in poor straits in Afghanistan, though. It’s very pathetic. The wives sit-around their husband at night, and he reads them ‘Towards a More picturesque Speech ’, but of course, it would mean much more if they could read it for them.selves! If only Salem College were in Afgghanistan, what it would mean!” she said sighing. “Ah, young women of America, you are the hope of the world and the Af- ghanistans! ’ ’ said Miss Higginboth am. After describing her encounter with a python. Miss Higginbotham sat down amidst riotous applause. APRIL FOOL APRIL FOOL Jasper Deane lacked in bean. Though he thought he was rather keen; He was outwitted by a gal With luscious charms — they called her Sal. Around about the time of Spring She left Jasper on the wing. And so the story goes like this: Jasper thought he couldn’t miss; He sent Sal a ten-cent ring And wrote to her; “Aren’t I the thing?” Sal wrote back, “Here take your ring, You blank, blank, blank, blank blank, blank thing!” APRIL FOOL He: “Who was that lady I seen you with last night f” She: “That was no lady, that wag my wife.” —^Pitt Panther. APRIL FOOL He: “Who was that lady I ^en you with last night f” She: “That was no lad^, that ira# njy wife.” —Michigan Gargofle. Friday, April 1, 1938. WHAT THEY WERE READING IN 1928 (Quoted from Literary Annals of yester-year). “Sweet Sybil of the Sweatshop; or the Millionaire’s Mate,” by Lau ra Jean Libby. Outstanding among recent fiction is this gripping drama of young love. The story at first glance is light and simple, but the thinking reader will view it as a step upward in intellec tual development. As a study iiji ethics it is unsurpassed in tender ness and vividness. Passage like the following are unforgettable — “Sud denly she rose to full queenly height and her features began to work con vulsively. Uttering a terrible hoarse cry her face sloiyly iiy^hitened to a death-like livid hue and her eyes di lated luridly like glowing coals of fire. ’ ’ “Proudhan’s Solution of the So cial Problem ’ ’ — Henry Cohen, Ed. Here is a charmingly amusing lit tle volume written from the cosmic point of view. It argues in a chatty manner that space may have changed from a hyperbatie continuum to a Euclidean. A changing value of pi on the other hand is not inconceiv able. The* radical hypothesis is p*y- chologically useful since it leads in evitably to the conclusion that the limited evolutionary hypothesis are also metaphysical if held as final and as excluding the radical hypothesis. Such an idea has been advanced by Heracleitus. But. when a scientific hypothesis is elevated to a complete photographical theory such claims cannot be safely ignored. This is a humorous little friendly argument alid we anticipate many a heated campus discussion, though withal good-humored. APRIL FOOL Pierre: ‘ ‘ Qui est la dame que j ’ai vue avec vous le dernier soir?” Henri: “Ce n’est pas une dame, elle est ma femme.” APRIL FOOL Once a molice pan Saw a bittle lum, Sitting on the sturbcone Chewing gubber rum; Said the molice pan. Won’t you simme gum? Tinney on your nix-type, Said the bittle lum. APRIL FOOL CEIiEBRATED SAYINGS t —It isn’t the original cost; it’s the upkeej)—Solomon —The first hundred years are the hardest.—Methuselah. —An apple a day, keejw the doctor away.—Adam. —Is it hot enough for you?—Nero —It won’t be long now.—Sampson. —Step on it.—Sir Walter Ealeigh. —Baby needs new shoes.—Cleopatra. —Oh Henry—Ann Boleyn. —What a whale of a difference. — Jonah. —Came the dawn.—Mayor Walker. —Don’t give up the) ship—Levine. —After me the deluge.—Volstead. APRIL FOOL He: “I seen you with your wife last night.” She: “That wasn’t my wife, that was a lady.” APRIL FOOL Mr. Higgins (in geography lesson) —“Now, can anybody tell me where we find mangoes?” Peggy Bowen—“Yes, sir; Where every woman goes. ’ ’ APRIL FOOL Virginia Breakwell: Mother, you know that old vase you said had been handed down from generation to generation ? Her mother: Yes, dear. Virginia: Well, this generation has dropped it. APRIL FOOL Air Lieutenant: How would you like to have a hop in my airplane. Steward: No, »uh; Ah stays on terrah furmah, and ^he W9re )|n>iah, de less terrah,” — APRii. rppt ■\Vhy don’t the maids make more noise early on Sunday mornings? After all, nobody ever wants to sleep then and it is, very disconcerting for us to have to do our assignments for the next week in complete silence. Also, unless the maids are kind enough to make a lot of noise with their brooms and dust pans how will we ever wake up? Will the maids willfully de prive us of the pleasure which we derive from hearing them croon slow, melodious hymns in the hall in the early hours? Several students have been sufficiently interested in this problem to present a petition to Miss Essie, the head house keeper to call a meeting of the maids and to present this re quest to them for their approval and co-operatiqn. If any of the Salem girls has another suggestion to offer concerning this problem she may drop her idea written on a sm'all piece of paper into the boxes provided in the Day Student’s Building and in Alice Clewell Building. Soo» we will have noiser and more sleepless Sunday mornings! Thank you, Salem! —Miss X. WE WANT A PICKUP The ten o 'clock bell rings. Prom a corner of the botany lab. two girls slowly rise and stagger toward the door. One of them, exhausted, drops upon a nearby desk. “Madge,” she pants, “I simply - - can’t - - go on — an other - - minute - like this, I need a pick-up.” Such is the case of countless Salem girls. A breakfast consisting of mere fruit juice, cereal, coffee, eggs, bacon, milk, prunes, toast, jelly, and butter is hardly enough to sustain a growing girl through three hours of the hard mental and phys ical strain of cjass work. Dr. pi ptetiks pf Hahvahd University at a recent Medical ConventiQU io New York City, said: “young, maturing ijainds and bodies need nourishment. For those who fojlpiv actiye routines, frequent refreshment pe riods should be provided. Shall Salem girls be undernourished? We' claim it as our right to demand that the student body assemble each day in the college dining room for a brief, mid-morning snack pf milk and crackers,^ and that every studeut be compelled to participate, in order that Salem may maintain her ideal standard of robust yoijng wpmanhood.