Page Two.
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CHICAGO • BOSTON • LOS ANOCLCS • SAN FRANCISCO
HE SALEMIT
i WE RECOMMEND
I j
IFor Your Spring |
Reading |
--■>
My Wife, Poor Wretch —
John A. Downs.
What Price Glory? —
Dorothy HutafE
Men Without Women —
Holder and Campbell.
Pate Knocks at the Door —
Sarah Turlington
The Legion of the Condemned —
Chapel; Cutters
Is Sex Necessary? Or Why You Feel
the Way You Do —
M. Briggs
How We Think —
Baugham and Stier
Brains of Eats and Men —
Owens and McEwen
Be Good to Yourself —
M. L. McClung
What Men Live By —
M. W. R. Holderby
Life Begins at Forty —
Maynard and Atkinsoi}.
Marriage —
Fearing, Lamb and Eyan
Adolescence —
Mildred Kelly
The Problem Child in School —
M. Woodruff
Woman Suffrage —
Jean Bradshaw
Man, to Man —
Curlee and Higgins
Tools of Tomorrow —
Burrage
Stay Young —
Grace Lawrence
The Age of Innocence —
M. Bedding
Men of the Old Stone Age —
Rondthaler and Anscombe
She Strives to Conquer —
A. Withers
Why Keep Them Alive? —
Jackie and Bonnie Eay
What Music Does to Us —
Clifford Bair
Such Is My Beloved —
Mac Lean
So Big —
Betty Sanford
Main Street —
Drug Store Oowboys
I am the Fox —
V. B. Davis
Honorable Percival —
Cramer Percival
Bored — ■
F. Cole
A Certain Eich Man —
Martha O ’Keeffe ,
April Fool
APRIL FOOL
LIBRARY NEWS
Miss Siewers, realizing the unusual
possibilities of the outdoor reading
room, has just announced that it will
be used this spring for sun baths. As’
usual the Library is making the best
and most efficient arrangements pos
sible.
Preparations are to begin imme
diately. First, of course, the wall
around the terrace must be built a
■little higher so as to attract only di
rect sun rays rather than aJanting
ones. A water proof padding will
be tacked down over the present hard
flooring. At the foot of the stairs
an olive oil fountain, similar to the
ink filler indoors, will be located
and a General Electric water foun
tain will be placed in the opposite
corner. The library is also laying in
a large supply of dark glasses which
the bathers may obtain from the
desk.
Miss Siewers believes that this
system will act as a partial cure for
the epidemic of spring fever which
is sweeping the campus. Instead of
allowing this spring fever (or wish
for an all-summer tan) to overcome
their desire to learn the students
will come to the library and use the
outdoor reading room, studying and
getting their tans at the same time.
Any reference or reserve books,
may be taken out to the terrace.
Miss Siewers urges that the stu
dents take advantage of this system
and also that they make any sugges
tions they think of to give the plan
increased success.
APRIL FOOL
1st Don: “Quien estaba la senorita
contigo la pasada?”
2nd Don: “No estaba senorita —
mi esposa."
E
WORLD-FAMOUS LADY
EXPLORER SPEAKS
AT Y. P. M.
On Wednesday morning in ex
panded chapel Miss Agatha Higgin
botham delighted the student body
with the story of her travels in
Afghanistan as a representative for
the “Deader’s Digest.” Miss Hig
ginbotham, a noted writer and ex
plorer, is most famous for her re
cent best-selling books “Viewing
the Chinese” and “Around the
World in a Sampan.”
Because of the interest in China,
Miss Higginbotham reviewed quick
ly the Sino-Japanese situation and
told of her impressions of China,
where she had lived for six weeks
getting background for her books.
“A great hungry people!” said
Miss Higginbotham of the Chinese.
The great Llama of Tibet died
recently, and she quickly sketched
tha habits of the Tibetans, those in
teresting people who live on “The
roof of the world.” “I wish they
would bury him!” she remarked of
the Llama.'
Passing quickly to Afghanistan,
"vyhere she is now taking magazine
subscriptions and incidentally gath
ering material for another book to
be called “After Afghans, Whatf”
Miss Higginbotham described that
beautiful country.
Bring culture to the Afghans is in
teresting work, according to Mi^
Higginbotham. After reading one
sample copy, the natives clamor to
get in their subscriptions. They par
ticularly enjoy the: quips of Dorothy
Parker on the “Fatter” page. “Yes,
it’s surprising what good literature
can do in a short while. My guide
through the jungle, called Iggtawah-
ra, is now absorbed in “Life with
Mother” and he listens faithfully to
all President Eoosevelts ’ fireside
chats. He favors Paulette Goddard
(by the way, do you suppose she’s
really married? — all the Afghans
want to know), for Scarlett
O’Hara.”
With this interesting side-light,
Miss Higginbotham went on to de
scribe an Afghan boar hunt. “It’s
really terribly exciting, ” she said.
“Sometimes it gets a little slow.
Then we have to take all the “ Dead
er’s Digests” out of the hip, pockets
of the beaters. You see, they think
they can get in a short article be
tween boars, and they just get car
ried away by the book supplement
and forget to whack the bushes.”
“Education for women is in poor
straits in Afghanistan, though. It’s
very pathetic. The wives sit-around
their husband at night, and he reads
them ‘Towards a More picturesque
Speech ’, but of course, it would mean
much more if they could read it for
them.selves! If only Salem College
were in Afgghanistan, what it would
mean!” she said sighing. “Ah,
young women of America, you are
the hope of the world and the Af-
ghanistans! ’ ’ said Miss Higginboth
am. After describing her encounter
with a python. Miss Higginbotham
sat down amidst riotous applause.
APRIL FOOL
APRIL FOOL
Jasper Deane lacked in bean.
Though he thought he was rather
keen;
He was outwitted by a gal
With luscious charms — they called
her Sal.
Around about the time of Spring
She left Jasper on the wing.
And so the story goes like this:
Jasper thought he couldn’t miss;
He sent Sal a ten-cent ring
And wrote to her; “Aren’t I the
thing?”
Sal wrote back, “Here take your
ring,
You blank, blank, blank, blank
blank, blank thing!”
APRIL FOOL
He: “Who was that lady I seen
you with last night f”
She: “That was no lady, that wag
my wife.”
—^Pitt Panther.
APRIL FOOL
He: “Who was that lady I ^en
you with last night f”
She: “That was no lad^, that ira#
njy wife.”
—Michigan Gargofle.
Friday, April 1, 1938.
WHAT THEY WERE
READING IN 1928
(Quoted from Literary Annals of
yester-year).
“Sweet Sybil of the Sweatshop;
or the Millionaire’s Mate,” by Lau
ra Jean Libby.
Outstanding among recent fiction
is this gripping drama of young love.
The story at first glance is light and
simple, but the thinking reader will
view it as a step upward in intellec
tual development. As a study iiji
ethics it is unsurpassed in tender
ness and vividness. Passage like the
following are unforgettable — “Sud
denly she rose to full queenly height
and her features began to work con
vulsively. Uttering a terrible hoarse
cry her face sloiyly iiy^hitened to a
death-like livid hue and her eyes di
lated luridly like glowing coals of
fire. ’ ’
“Proudhan’s Solution of the So
cial Problem ’ ’ — Henry Cohen, Ed.
Here is a charmingly amusing lit
tle volume written from the cosmic
point of view. It argues in a chatty
manner that space may have changed
from a hyperbatie continuum to a
Euclidean. A changing value of pi
on the other hand is not inconceiv
able. The* radical hypothesis is p*y-
chologically useful since it leads in
evitably to the conclusion that the
limited evolutionary hypothesis are
also metaphysical if held as final and
as excluding the radical hypothesis.
Such an idea has been advanced by
Heracleitus. But. when a scientific
hypothesis is elevated to a complete
photographical theory such claims
cannot be safely ignored.
This is a humorous little friendly
argument alid we anticipate many a
heated campus discussion, though
withal good-humored.
APRIL FOOL
Pierre: ‘ ‘ Qui est la dame que j ’ai
vue avec vous le dernier soir?”
Henri: “Ce n’est pas une dame,
elle est ma femme.”
APRIL FOOL
Once a molice pan
Saw a bittle lum,
Sitting on the sturbcone
Chewing gubber rum;
Said the molice pan.
Won’t you simme gum?
Tinney on your nix-type,
Said the bittle lum.
APRIL FOOL
CEIiEBRATED SAYINGS
t
—It isn’t the original cost; it’s the
upkeej)—Solomon
—The first hundred years are the
hardest.—Methuselah.
—An apple a day, keejw the doctor
away.—Adam.
—Is it hot enough for you?—Nero
—It won’t be long now.—Sampson.
—Step on it.—Sir Walter Ealeigh.
—Baby needs new shoes.—Cleopatra.
—Oh Henry—Ann Boleyn.
—What a whale of a difference. —
Jonah.
—Came the dawn.—Mayor Walker.
—Don’t give up the) ship—Levine.
—After me the deluge.—Volstead.
APRIL FOOL
He: “I seen you with your wife
last night.”
She: “That wasn’t my wife, that
was a lady.”
APRIL FOOL
Mr. Higgins (in geography lesson)
—“Now, can anybody tell me where
we find mangoes?”
Peggy Bowen—“Yes, sir; Where
every woman goes. ’ ’
APRIL FOOL
Virginia Breakwell: Mother, you
know that old vase you said had been
handed down from generation to
generation ?
Her mother: Yes, dear.
Virginia: Well, this generation has
dropped it.
APRIL FOOL
Air Lieutenant: How would you
like to have a hop in my airplane.
Steward: No, »uh; Ah stays on
terrah furmah, and ^he W9re )|n>iah,
de less terrah,”
— APRii. rppt
■\Vhy don’t the maids make more noise early on Sunday
mornings? After all, nobody ever wants to sleep then and it
is, very disconcerting for us to have to do our assignments for
the next week in complete silence. Also, unless the maids are
kind enough to make a lot of noise with their brooms and dust
pans how will we ever wake up? Will the maids willfully de
prive us of the pleasure which we derive from hearing them
croon slow, melodious hymns in the hall in the early hours?
Several students have been sufficiently interested in this
problem to present a petition to Miss Essie, the head house
keeper to call a meeting of the maids and to present this re
quest to them for their approval and co-operatiqn. If any of
the Salem girls has another suggestion to offer concerning this
problem she may drop her idea written on a sm'all piece of paper
into the boxes provided in the Day Student’s Building and in
Alice Clewell Building. Soo» we will have noiser and more
sleepless Sunday mornings! Thank you, Salem!
—Miss X.
WE WANT A
PICKUP
The ten o 'clock bell rings. Prom a corner of the botany
lab. two girls slowly rise and stagger toward the door. One of
them, exhausted, drops upon a nearby desk.
“Madge,” she pants, “I simply - - can’t - - go on — an
other - - minute - like this, I need a pick-up.”
Such is the case of countless Salem girls. A breakfast
consisting of mere fruit juice, cereal, coffee, eggs, bacon, milk,
prunes, toast, jelly, and butter is hardly enough to sustain a
growing girl through three hours of the hard mental and phys
ical strain of cjass work.
Dr. pi ptetiks pf Hahvahd University at a recent Medical
ConventiQU io New York City, said:
“young, maturing ijainds and bodies need nourishment.
For those who fojlpiv actiye routines, frequent refreshment pe
riods should be provided.
Shall Salem girls be undernourished? We' claim it as our
right to demand that the student body assemble each day in
the college dining room for a brief, mid-morning snack pf milk
and crackers,^ and that every studeut be compelled to participate,
in order that Salem may maintain her ideal standard of robust
yoijng wpmanhood.