Friday, April 1, 1938.
THE SALEMITE
Page Three.
THE UNINITIATED
COMMENTS UPON
VOLLEY BALL
The other afternoon I chanced to
amble by the gym about five a’cloek,
and heard such excited shouts and
deafening, sudden bursts of “Hoo-
rays” and clapping, that I immedi
ately decided to investigate. Crack
ing open the gym door wide enough
to peer cautiously in—for I do not
frequent this building and am some
what timid about entering it and
mixing with its regular visitors—I
beheld a most amazing scene. For
getting my timidity, I eased the
door wider and crept stealthily in
side. So interested were the girls
there with their playing that no one
noticed me; so I edged over to the
closest bench and sat watching—
spellbound. My meagre knowledge
and limited athletic vocabulary al
low me to best describe what I saw
as follows:
Two nets, one almost a continua
tion of the other, stretched nearly
the length of the floor, cutting the
‘ floor space in half. On either side
of these two nets, which by the way
were quite high, were six girls—
technically called the players. I
believe. Now these girls were thor
oughly absorbed in batting and tip
ping a ball—somewhat smaller than
I remembered a basketball as being
—back and forth over the net. Oc
casionally one of the players would
take the ball way back in a corner
on her side and give it one hard fist-
hit so that it went right over the
net without anybody else touching
it. But most of the time they bat
ted and tipped the ball back and
forth without even stopping a sec
ond; and the ball just never touched
the floor. Sometimes I thought they
just couldn’t keep it from bouncing,
but usually I was mistaken; some
one would move her feet quickly and
get undei* it like a March wind. The
most fun was watching those on the
back row just tap the ball up real
high so that a girl on the front row
could take it on over easy. Some
times that girl on the front row
wonld pass the ball to another girl
on the front row on her side, and
then, quick as a flash of lightning,
that girl would slam the ball straight
across the net toward the opposite
corner—where it was least expected.
I’m telling you, those girls were ev
ery one on their toes and waiting
for the ball.
After a little while someone in
white shorts and a black sweater
strolled out into the middle of the
floor and called a halt to the play
ing. She said she knew how they
all liked the games so much and
hated to leave it; but that they
had done so well, they really just
must go on to somehing else and
leave Volleyball!
APRIL FOOL
FACULTY ATHLETIC
CLUB WINS HONORS
IN TRACK MEET
On March 26, the tired but elated
members of the Salem Faculty Ath
letic Club returned to Salem College
to report the results of the New York
track meet. Those selected by popu
lar vote for the trip to “The Big
City,” were; Tom Holder, Roy Camp
bell, “Mac” McEwen, Frances An-
scombe, under the able chaperonage
of oui) own Dr. Eondthaler.
The group reached New York at
6:45 the morning of the great event,
the Intercollegiate Track Meet be
tween the faculties of Southern and
Eastern Universities. As Dr. Rond-
thaler had arrived the day before to
make reservations at the Hotel Penn
for them, they were delighted to find
him waiting at the information desk
with a beautiful red rose in his but
ton hole, so that they would, be sure
not to miss him.
After many greetings and “Ohs”
and “Ahs” at the size of the sta
tion, the group was escorted across
the street to the Hotel Penn where
they freshened up to be , ready for
the big day ahead of them. , ,
Of course, there was the usual tour
SPRING FOOTBALL
TRAINING BEGINS
Spring football is in full swing
here at the College. Most of the
girls are slightly overweight due to
inactivity during the two days be
tween the end of the soccer season
and the beginning of Spring foot
ball. The girls, feeling the sudden
relaxation of training rules, haunted
both drug stores during the two
days, and it is suspected that the
huskies coaxed the maids by dirty
looks to bring them extra desserts.
As a result, almost every player put
on an extra two or three pounds;
however. Coach Atkinson is confi
dent that after a couple of weeks
of strict training rules, this prob
lem will be reduced to minor im
portance.
The training rules are to be modi
fied somewhat this year, but they
will be stricter in one respect, more
sleep. The girls will be required to
get at least four hours ’ sleep each
night rather than the usual three.
They must be from dates by one
o'clock, thus giving them a good
three hours in which to do Coach
Atkinson’s “retiring exercise rout
ine.” The plan is for each girl to
perform the last exercise at the foot
of her bed so that she may collapse
into bed, eliminating having to be
dragged there by her room-mate.
The girls are extremely enthusi
astic over the new changes except
they regret somwhat the new rule
depriving them of sugar bread.
At the end of the season, a week
end of festivities will be held. A
committee composed of members
from each class team is in charge
of arrangements. At -present they
plan to have a set of five dances.
All the student body will attend th©
dances which will be given in honor
of the teams. The girls will have
scores of attractive young men from
surrounding small men’s colleges
down for the occasion. The men
will be comfortably placed in small
tents pitched on the Hockey Field.
Each girl who is having a date is
responsible for seeing that his tent
is put up correctly and is generously
supplied with flowers and Oamel cig
arettes.
Further plans for the big week-end
will be announced later.
of the city ending with a ride up 5th
Avenue on the top of one of its fam
ous buses. A little excitement was
caused by Frank’s deep interest in
the window of Hart, Shaffner and
Marx, which made him miss the bus.
However, he managed to make the
next one and trailed the others by
one block. ,
Since there were a few hours to
waste before dinner the group broke
up and was left to its own devices.
Most of them retired to the cocktail
lounge where after three Bacardis,
Roy was leading the band while
“Mae” slapped the base fiddle.
The Club managed to congregate
at the prescribed time for dinner in
the Cafe Rouge, and then they went
on to the main event, namely, the
Inter-Collegiate Meet at Madison
Square Garden. After sitting down
and looking through their programs a
difficulty arose. Tom had decided
that he should enter the 4:40 to de
fend Salem’s title. What to dot His
running shorts, and spikes were down
in North Carolina. Not to be out
done he talked one of the shot put
ters into lending his clothes for the
race. The shorts were rather long
and bulged slightly at the waist as
their owner was a mere 250 pounder,
but Tom gaily girded on his sus
penders and crouched in position for
the start. On your mark! Get Set!
Bang! went the gun and the runners
were off. But look! What’s happen-
edT Tom’s shoes were too big. “Oh
golly” groaned Roy “he’s lost his
shoe!” “You mean his shoes” ad
ded someone. They were nearly to
the finish and Tom was gallantly try
ing to catch the other man. He dug
his toes in to the track to get that
extra push, but he could not quite
make another inch. He was going
to lose. But no! What’s this! He
ATH-A-LETIC SAL
Miss Ath-a-letic Sal combines all
the rare grace, charms and talents of
the super-super sportswoman. She
has the necessary three B’s; brawn,
beef, and brains. This marvelous
combination of assets guided by
proper coaching and training has
made her Salem’s most prized ath
lete. Although she is not very tall,
she is a regular giant for speed and
strength.
Once during the hockey season, she
knocked out five girls, quite by ac
cident you understand because they
just happened to get in her way when
she was heading for the goal. After
the goal was made, she went back and
picked the girls up and carried them
off the field. You see, she really has
a heart of gold — like all Salem,
girls.
Here at Salem she is justly fam
ous for her ability to, fall down and
get up on the first bounce.
Speaking of bounces you should
see her smokey tennis serve. She
throws the ball up fifteen or sixteen
feet and starts winding her arm up.
By the time the ball comes in con
tact with the racket, all you see is
dust on the other side of the net.
When the dust clears, you see the
ball embedded in the court, having
bounced not at all.
When swimming starts, they can’t
keep her outi of the water — except
when she’s diving. Her two and a
half double spank is like a picture
for form and beauty of execution.
It’s a pity we all can’t be such mer
maids as she.
Speed is her motto. She follows
this in all sports, whether the parlor
type Or the outdoor type.
She can beat anyone up the steps
from the gym. She says she owes
her success to the fact that she goes
down to practice so much. Horse
shoes are taking some of her time
now. She’s an old whizz at it. You
see she used to practice in her Gran-
pa’s barn after feeding the pigs. She
plays so hard during the week that
when Sunday comes, she takes a com.
plete day of rest. But after all,
she’s no machine and all of us here
are human and even the best have a
certain amount of resting to do.
APRIL FOOL
‘ ‘ Make me a child again, just for
tonight,” once said a Scotchman —
and Scotchmen are tight. “I am
leaving tonight on a boat trip to Aye.
Make me a child and I’ll travel half
fare. ’ ’
APRIL FOOL
He: “Who was that lady I seen
you with last night T”
She: “That was no lady, that was
my wife. ’ ’
—^The Brown Jug.
APRIL FOOL
“What kind of dog is that?” said
the friendly lady to the little boy
with a mongrel pup.
“ He’s a police dog, ’ ’ said the lad.
“Why, he doesn’t look like a po
lice dog,” said the lady.
“No, ma’am,” said the lad. “You
see, he’s in the secret service.”
APRIL FOOL
Mr. Owens: “Now, Miss Willis,
learning something T”
Willis: “No, sir, listening to
you. ’ ’
APRIL FOOL
He: “I seen you with your wife
last night.”
She: “That wasn’t my wife, that
was a lady.”
APRIL FOOL
Johannes: “Wer war die Dame,
die ich habe mit dir hetzten nacht
geschen?”
Heinrich: “Die war keine Dame;
Die war Meine Weib. ”
APRIL FOOL
He: “I seen you with your wife
last night.”
She: “That wasn’t my wife, that
was a lady. ”
stumbled! he’s fallen! lie broke the
tape first! He won the l-ace! Hurray
for Old Salem.
APRIL FOOL
DID YOU KNOW THAI-
Weazel Frazier has definitely de
cided to give up all sports and she
ha.s taken up knitting instead.
Mr. Downs and Mr. Holder have
scheduled a tennis match with Don
Dudge and Bitzy Brant. It will be
played next week on Salem’s own
tennis court.
Elouise Sample has given up part
of her time allotted to writing to
Duke and Citadel in order to take up
horse shoes which she considers
“her sport” now, for she throws a
ringer every time.
Somebody (unknown) gave Salem
the wherewithal to make a 9 hole
golf course on lower campus.
Miss Atkinson has decided that
she admires above all else, “sissys,”
Sarah Stevens has applied for a
position as coach of basketball, ten
nis, volley ball and golf at Mary
ville, Tennessee, because she feels as
does Miss “At.” that she should
“do something with her athletic
ability.”
Lillian Parks has announced that
if anyone is interested in track she
would love to coach her ay afternoon
from 2 to 5 down on the hockey
field. She specializes in 50 and 100
yard dashes — can that girl run!!
Willena Couch has made plans for
a jack-rocks tournament instead of
a tenis tournament because she is
violently opposed, to strenuous ex
ercise for girls.
The riding manager has made a
rule that all girls interested in riding,
must first take to riding scooters to
improve their sense of balance and
also they must go to the carnival
and ride the merry-go-round to over
come their fear of horses.
Miss Grace Lawrence is sponsoring
a tree-sittingl contest beginning May
1st (to avoid April showers). She has
already spoken for the senior tree in
front of Alice Clewell. Rebecca
Brame offers her umbrella in case of
rain even in May.
APRIL FOOL
He: “Who was that lady I seen
you with last night f”
She: “That was no lady, that was
my wife.”
—Notre Dame Juggler.
APRIL FOOL
Johannes: “Wer war die Dame,
die ich habe mit dir hetzten nacht
gesehent”
Heinrich: “Die war keine Dame;
Die war Meine Weib.”
APRIL FOOL
If there’s anything in this wide
world
That m^es this editor sore
It’s to hear some caustic reader
say.
“I’ve heard that joke before.”
APRIL FOOL
He: “Who was that lady I seen
you with last night t”
She: “That wm no lady, that was
my wife.”
—^Pitt Panther
APRIL FOOL
He: “Who was that lady I seen
you with last night f”
She: ‘ ‘ That was no lady, that was
my wife.”
—Michigan Gargoyle.
APRIL FOOL
He: “Who was that lady I seen
you with last night f”
She: “That was no lady, that was
my wife.”
—Colgate Banter.
FOOL
HOW TO FILL OUT A
TEACHER’S APPLI
CATION BLANK
Q. Full name T
A. Same as when empty.
Q. Present Address?
A. Here.
Q. Permanent address?
A. Sorry, it’s just a finger wave.
Q. Year of birth?
A. I don’t recall, but it was after
the flood and before the war.
Q. Weight?
A. Welter Weight (County Cham
pion.)
Q. Race?
A. Hundred yard dash, but I can
do the relay.
Q. Condition of health?
A. Very well, thank you, and how
are you?
Q' Any defect in sight or hearing?
A. I can see all right althoughi l am
stone deaf. HoweveT, children
should be seen and not heard.
Q. Any other defects? ■
Q. My I. Q. is only 43. My mother
dropped me out of the third
story window when I was a week
old and I haven’t had many
ideas since.
Q. Present position?
A. Standing on my head waggling
one ear.
Q. What position do you wish to
occupy?
A. Editor of the Literary Digest.
How about you, old fruit?
Q. What is your present salary?
A. Conspicuous by its absence.
Q. Salary you would consider per
month ?
sewing machines, stuffed
monkeys, or what have you?
Q. Please send photograph of your
self.
A. Don’t get fresh. Bozo. I don’t
send my pitchers to strange men.
Q. Give at least three good refer
ences.
A. John, 3:16; Encyclopedia Brit-
tanica, vol. 7, p. 28. Now you
tell one.
Q. What do you wish to teach?
A. Brats. What do you hope for?
Rabbits or trained fleas? I’m,
a teacher not a ring master.
Q. Name the college you attended.
A. It’s already got a name.
Q. Date?
A. Now you are getting fresh. Be
sides I’ve already got one.
Laugh that off .
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