Page Two
THE SALEMITE
February 1 1, 1949
(Female Tatler)
No. 69
EMELIA’S DAY
■■ When the woman get into so high a Clack,
that forty tongues run together, without hear
ing each other, the subject is certainly fash
ions, how they shape their hair, turn a heel,
lengthen their skirts and brighten their nails
as if to commit a solecism in dress were as un
pardonable a crime, as for a Salemite not. to
take all her chapel cuts. Mary Marall who is
one of the greatest gossips on campus and
knows everybody but herself, introduced this
discourse which like wildfire flew thro’ the
smokehouse; they talked how everybody ought
;to dress themselves, but the sum tittle-tattle was
scandal: that Jane Prim look’d like death war
med over, Ann Frippery hadn’t a cashmere to
her nanie and Betty Frowsy never rolled, up
her hair, and whatever girl’s appearance they
allow’d compleat, ’twere well if she had paid
her book store bill. Beauty was attributed to
pancake, virtue to lack of opportunity, good
.conduct was study’d apple polishing and what
ever girl was most popular of the whole cam
pus,. was certainly suspected by the whole
campus.
From my lodgings in Clewell
The generality of girls are by nature loqua
cious: but when through rage, females are ve
hement in their gossip, nothing in the world
has so ill an effect upon their personalities;
for by the force of it, I have seen the most
amiable become the most unpleasant and she
that appeared to be a kitten turned into a cat.
I humbly conceive the great cause of this evil
may proceed from a false notion Salemites
have of what we call a nice girl.
Drawn last year by Margaret
Baynal, this cartoon is re-printed
ty popular request. All we can .say
is we hope that this doesn’t hap
pen to you on the 14th.
The Saga Of A Wheel Or
A Poke At The Spoke
A nice girl never criticizes; never gripes,
never sees faults in others: when she gets a
‘call-down she pines, she apologises, she langu
ishes The boy to whom she is pinned knows
every pain in life with her but jealousy. Be
cause she is clear in this particular the boy
can’t say his soul is his own but she cries, “No
nice girl is respected nowadays.” What adds
to the comedy in this case is, that it is very
ordinary with this sort of girl to take in the
language of distress: She will complain of not
being able to go off every weekend, and then
the thwarted girl will throw off on everything
which she before so staunchly defended.
These shopworn angels are those who make
living unbearable; not that they can be said
to be virtuous, but they put up such a good
front; and being such as we fear to meet faults
in those who are as agreeable as they are
innocent.
D. Smith
by Tootsie Gillespie
There was once an individual born
who was destined for Great Things.
At the age of thirteen months, this
individual could walk backwards
but then, so can baby dogs (“pup
pies” in the vernacular). The
Proud Parents and Admiring Friends
all said, ^^That kid’ll go places!”
When this individual entered
grammer school, its possibilities were
unlimited. It could trip its school
mates, polish apples (a talent at
which this individual became quite
accomplished as the years progres
sed), gossip, divide fractions and
recite the Oath of Allegiance of the
Older of St. Sassy. People observed
this individual and the Proud Par
ents and Admiring Friends all said,
“That kid’ll go places!”
/IfifiAeclcdia^
We gripe about getting up at 7:30 in
order to get to breakfast. We like our sleep,
but do we realize the bard work that goes on
in the early morning and continues until late
■at night, in preparing our food for us? And
who is responsible for getting to us our seven
basic foods at breakfast, lunch and dinner?
. Taking first place in this list is Bussell
Crews who is and has been for twenty-nine
years, head cook at Salem. Not only does he
occupy chief position in our college kitchen,
but he is also head of the Parent Teacher’s
Association in Winston-Salem. Bussell has
been in the hospital for several weeks, but is
returning to his home at 1347 N; Dunleith
Avenue, this week.
.. Backing up Bussell are the seconds-in-
command, Walter Brown and Pete Page, who
have a record of service at Salem, numbering
respectively, twenty-three years and thirty-
seven years. Vandelia Warren holds her own
as the first woman to be on the battery of
Salem Cooks.
We owe them all a great deal of apprecia
tion and a big hand. We miss Bussell and
hope he’ll soon be back with us. We have
Just reason, indeed,=^to be proud of our cook
ing staff who have shown devotion and ser
vice, to Salem for a total number of more than
ninety years.
But that was only a meager begin-
ning. By the time this individual
reached high school (with all A’s
which proved beyond a shadow of
a doubt that this individual was
above reproach and knew all the
answers), it had a following of fan
atics who elected it to every office
because this individual knew how
to win friends and influence people,
much less parliamentary procedure.
This individual was known by his
or her (as you like) snappy clothes,
witty tongue and great ability to
be “in” with the teachers, who
always gave this individual an A,
or at least a B plus, because he or
she was so cute. On the other hand,
this individual always ran through
red lights, couldn’t get out of a
shower of shingles and became of
fended when around negative atti
tudes. But these little things were
unimportant because this individual
became known as a “Wheel” and
the Proud Parents and Admiring
Friends all said, “That kid’ll go
places!’’
The zenith of his or her career
came when the faculty, administra
tion and board of trustees of an in
stitution of higher learning were
graced with this individual’s pre
sence. He or she was immediately
elected to all manner of offices,
which were dolefully neglected be
cause this individual spent so much
time polishing various apples scat
tered here and there around the cam
pus. But he or she was still cute
and teachers, being only human,
couldn’t resist giving this individual
an A, or at least *a B plus! This
“Wheel” picked up a few helpful
habits 'such as memorizing for tests,
funning errands for Important Peo
ple and advocating ideas that made
as much sense as Bugs Bunny on the
throne of England. No-one could
deny, however, that this “Wheel”
was an eloquent talker in circles and
was grade A at assuming Serious
Expressions, in fact so much so that
he or she got a Big Head that noth
ing but a self-forged halo would fit.
After a while, he or she took to
separating himself from the bulk of
his fellows who were too Conven
tional to endure. This individual,
together with a few of his or her
species, found a Place where all
could sit around and appreciate one
'another and laugh heartily at the
Others, who didn’t have the Light,
who laughed too easily and told
.jokes that Weren’t Even Funny.
Due to the lack of fresh air and
sunshine, the “Wheel” and his or
her cohorts began to shrivel and
decay, like some of the ideas they
tossed around. Tlie “Wheel” be
gan to loose His Or Her Grip on
things, grades dropped from A and
B plus to B and it rained all the
time. The “Wheel” began uncon
sciously glancing at the obituaries
and Things Looked Bad. Dogs be
gan to turn tail and run when they
encountered this individual and so
did Admiring Friends and Campaign
Managers. People stopped saying,
“That kid’ll go places!” and star
ted saying, “That kid’s going no
place!” and sure enough, one night,
the “Wheel” up and disintegrated,
puffed up so with his or her own
self-importance that there was a
Chemical and Moral Reaction.
Moral: Don’t count your chick
ens until they hatch and if they do
hatch, boil them in oil. They may
turn out to be Wheels.
A Knit Fit
by Logan Vaught
There are numerous things that one may knit—
V Sweaters and shawls and a blue shaving kit.
And long scarves and dresses and striped skiing hats.
And ties and bedspreads and blankets for cats.
But knitting can follow the strangest of styles.
And the newest of these is knitting argyles
Argyles with triangles, squares, and lines.
Knitted with bright-colored yarns and twines.
With thousands of needles and dangling bobbins.
(Folks make them in pattern^ of cardinals and robins
And diamonds and trapezoids, circles and angles)
Just think of- the wool that everyone mangles.
But if youknow the Pythagorean theorem
You can knit these socks and never fear em’.
With the help of math and a logarithm
You can knit and have no trouble with em’ . . .
There are myriads of things that one can knit.
But when fs^ced by argyles, I shall quit.
Like most new ideas,, the concept of world
government has received adverse criticism
from people who attack it for diametrically
opposed reasons. On the one hand, are those
who say that a world government as planned
by the United World Federalists, of which the
Salem chapter is a student branch, is a med
ium for spreading Communism, and the Fed
eralists are a “Communist front organization”.
This idea is particularly prevalent in the South.
Others, paradoxically, say that for the United
States to propose a world government now
would be a direct antagonism to Bnssia. Obvi
ously, both of these accusations cannot be true
at the same time. In fact, on examination of
the facts involved, it would seem that neither
is .the case.
The very nature of the proposed govern
ment, which would be patterned after our own
federal system but would allow the member
nations to keep their preferred systems, is too
democratic to be confused with totalitarian
Communism. Perhaps the best tangible proof
that the Federalists are not Communistic is the
following excerpt from a letter written by
Fred Woltman and released to UWF for use.
Mr. Woltman won the Pulitzer Prize last year
for his work in uncovering Communism in the
schools, and is known as a thorough investiga
tor for the Un-American Activities Committee.
There is no truth whatsoever to the rumor
that the United World Federalists, Inc. is
a Communist front. I have been follow-
ing its activities rather closely over the
past year or so because of the inquiries
that have come in about it.
It supports the Marshall Plan, which is al
ways a conclusive sign. Moreover, its
idea of a world federal government runs
contrary to the aspirations of international
Communism, and certainly, the foreign
policy of the Soviet Union.
Conversely, the attitude of the Federalists
towards Bussia’s joining the world govern
ment is most hospitable. The average Federal
ist would be the first to protest if the move
ment were taken over in this country as a tool
of militant anti-Bussianism per se. Bnssia
would be invited—indeed, urged—to join, just
as she has joined and been Recognized in the
United Nations. And, just as she has been
realistic enough to enter the UN, she might
enter a world government, although her heart’s
desire is world communism.
Certainly a union of nations on such a plan
would not be nearly as exclusive of Bussia as,
for example, the North Atlantic pact that
Truman is supporting. The United States,
Great Britain, France, the Netherlands, Bel
gium, Luxembourg and possibly Norway are
now proposing a security alliance. If we may
believe Bobert Magidoff’s assertion that the
Soviet government, in order to keep its people
isolated and content with its economic stan
dard, is trying to make them feel that the out
side world is oppressing and surrounding them,
^en it seems that we’re playing right into the
Kremlin s plans. People do not choose sides
unless they expect a contest.
If we are turning to outside treaties for
our security, we obviously no longer trust the
present world organization. One alternative
IS strengthening the UN to efficiency. This
too may fail, but it seems far safer than mak
ing separate treaties. To ally with the whole
world IS a measure of unity; to ally with only
part 01 it IS a measure of division.
%
Mary Peirano Aiken
AlTfje Salemite
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