Page Four
THE SALE MITE
February iQ
((
It’s A Riot
Or
Gramle Qet Your Qun
(A tragedy in 3 acts)
After a thorough studj^ of trends
in modern education, we discover
that the Theory of Evolution has
exerted more influence on systems
of higher education than any other
single factor. We are presenting
our findings tonight in dramatic
form. Our play has as its setting
the University of Seville, one of
the oldest and most eminent Span
ish universities, which is similar to
the majority of European and
American universities today.
Any likeness to specific persons
living or dead is entirely coinci
dental.
Dramatis Personae
Carlos Vardello, owner of Casa Var-
dello, Student Union on University
Square.
laime Lurche, soda-jerk at Casa
Vardello.
Gracia Sivers, cashier.
L u c i t a Vestido, estudiante (?),
party girl .
Ivecita Hixsona, estudiante. Presi
dent of Stee Gee, President of
i. C. S. (I Characterize Seville),
Who’ Who (1, 2, 3, 4).
Jessica Paloma, estudiante. Editor
of Sevillite, Editor of Vistas and
Invistas.
Guillermo Toddez, Pablo Pedro
estudiantes who board, room, at
tend classes in the cafe
Minecita Smith
Evay Covington, Maria Jones estu
diantes, when not ulaying sanesta
Isabel Miranda Welchez, Primary
Education Major
Don Roberto de Leach, our hero.
Don Juan of the campus.
Walter Barker
Warreno Brandt Marshals
Eduardo Sawyer
Estudiantes
Evalina Carlsona
Virginia Hogez
Lucia Carnes
Editha Kirklandia
J udita Samsona
Margarita Simsona
Mariana Reedez
Nelita Estrellita
La Spangi
Susi Duram
Maestros
Maria Dinero, D. S., D. C.
Teodor Curie, SIN, COS
Anna Perryhombre, I. O. U., P. D.
Katerina Pyrona, M. U. D.
Dali Gramle, presidente, B. L. O.
Roy Camello, B. L. U. F.
Guillermo Frances, Q. E. D.
Gregorio Cantador, B. L. O.
Sara Lichez, D. I. E, T.
Lelia Marshino, B. A. G.
Katerina Niquelsona, D. F.
Francisca Sowers, B. A, T.
Dorotea Gueth, B. A. G.
Eloise Banes, R. A. T. Chairman
of the Advisorio Boardio
Betita Riegner, D. U. D.
Stage Crew, Patsi Ley, Waldo,
Juanita Pollardio, Alicia Valaer,
Anita Chance, Jericita Voylez,
Betita Craver.
Act 1
Scene: Casa Vardello on Univer
sity Square
Time : 6 :30 any evening
Carlos V’ardello and Jaime Lurche
on stage straightening up things
around the cafe. Gracia Sivers,
cashier, sits at cash register.
Carlos Vardello (In the Evening
by the Moonlight)
In the evening after classes
You can hear the students sing
ing.
In the evening after classes
In the smokehouse pianos ring
ing.
Why their bridge games are im
proving
Is no mystery to me.
For they play every evening after
classes.
While Carlos sings, enter Minecita
Smith and Maria Jones, who take
on back tables and begin a game
of Canasta. When Jaime Lurche
tries to get their orders, they
shake heads saying no.
Jaime Lurche (Bye, Bye Blackbird):
They never eat; they never drink.
Of bankruptcy we’re on the brink.
Bye, bye business.
We’ll make a rule that they can’t
smoke,
Or else we’ll surely go flat broke.
Bye, bye business.
They’ll clutter up the place until
all hours.
It’s no wonder that our temper
sours.
Pack their bags ; send them off
Then we’ll really have it soft.
Students, bye, bye.
Enter Lucita Vestido. Sits at front
table. Looks thru huge pocket-
book for something.
Lurche: Your order, please.
Vestido: Coke—with aspirin.
Vestido (Frivolous Sal)
They call me Luscious Lucile,
For I give them all a thrill.
, :\ party girl alwa3^s in a whirl
Where there’s fun.
When it’s time to do my chores.
I’ve excuses by the scores
But comes the weekend
My time then I’ll spend
On the run.
Enter Ivecita Hixsona.
Ivecita Hixsona (Notre Dame Vic
tory March)
Hi, everybody, come gather round.
There’s plent}^ new for us all to
do.
The Stee Gee needs us to de
corate.
So come to the gym and don’t
be late.
The Y needs each one to make
a plan
To entertain a Granada Man.
The work, for all will be a thrill,
“1 characterize Seville.” (Waves
banner and handbook)
Lurche: What will )murs be ?
Hixsona : Double chocolate malted.
Jessica Paloma enters carrying tre
mendous load of books. Smith
and Jones go back to game after
having stopped to hear Hixsona.
Vestido and Hixsona whisper to
each other. Paloma puts books
on table. They slip off; cards
scatter, etc., ad. lib.
Jessica Paloma: (That Lucky Old
Sun) :
Up Mondaj' Morning—mj^ v.-ork’s
not done—
Four classes to look forward to.
But that lazy old girl’s (poi«ting
to Vestido) got nothing to do,
But sit in the smokehouse all day.
Three papers assigned—a theme
to write—
A thousand pages of history
parallel.
While that lazy old girl has noth
ing to do.
But get ready to go to the dance,
O what have I done to have to
work this way
From dawn to late at night?
Bet I’m the onh^ one who will
make an A,
If 1 don’t lose my sight.
Back tp the mines I’ll drag my
weary frame
And slave over books all day.
While that lazy old girl’s got
nothing to do.
But play around campus all day.
Lurclie: And what will you have,
3’oung lady.
Palotna: Coffee—black.
Guillermo Toddez and Pablo Pedro
enter.
Toddez (Man on the F
Trapeze) :
We’ve a man here at school
Who has broke every rule—
A daring jmung man who makes
all the girls drool.
The teachers don’t like him;
The men him despise
For the girls he has stolen away.
Pedro (continuing same song):
Now he’s almost always on re
strictions.
And his record none other can
reach.
For no other can stir such a fric
tion as
Mv
; y 1 n g
Our hero, Roberto de Leach,
Toddez and Pedro (same):
You must meet this fool
Who misbehaves by schedule
A daring >mung man who makes
all the girls drool.
The teachers don’t like him;
The men him despise,
For the girls he has stolen away.
Trumpet fanfare. Then Leach
makes his appearance. All the
girls move nearer his table, etc.
Leach (Coming Around the Moun
tain) :
Now that I am here the fun can
begin.
If we don’t do something rash
’twill be a sin.
I suggest a good square dance to
get us in a spin.
Throw those Chesterfields away
and save your wind.
What we want to do is live
dangerouslee.
Let’s get all the kids and go on
a big spree.
What this school really needs is
for all to feel free.
I’ll get something started soon,
just follow me—
Nothing pleases me as much as
a big row.
I’ve got id-eas that surely are a
wow!
Let me tell you what they are
and then I’ll take my bow.
They ain’t heard nothing from us
up to now.
Leach: Hey, waiter! Bring me a
7-up—straight.
Enter Isabel Miranda Welchez,
knitting argyle socks.
Roberto: Hiya, babe! (She flirts
with him and then goes to the
piano to accompanj^ herself)
W’elchez (Yes, Sir, That’s
Baby):
Yes sir, you should try it,
Yes' sir, Psych’s a riot;
Yes sir, I’m adjusted now
No sir, \'0u V'on’t regret it;
If you don’t forget it,
Then \mu’ll be adjusted too.
Yes sir, that’s the class
Where you all can pass,
, And it’s elevatin' too.
All chant: We want Maria, Mine
cita
E. Welch at piano, strikes chords
while Maria Jones sings:
A—always present
C—can’t be late
B—be there early
then says: this program is
brought to you thru the courtes}^
of \mur Cuts Committee:
All: “We want Nelita”
Nelita Estrellita sings ((Can’t Help
Loving That Man of Mine”
All: We want Carlos—
Imitations, etc.
Leach, (who has been trying to get
in a word during ail the preced
ing) sings (Meet Me in St.
Louis) :
Meet me in the square tomorrow.
Please be there on time.
I’ll have news when you get there.
When ten o’clock will chime.
We expect to burst a bombshell—
What results will be can’t tell.
So meet me in the square tomor
row.
And .let’s all be prompt.
Leaves with Welchez Other
look daggers. As he walks
Gracia Sivers, she makes
come back to pay his bill.
Vestido: (Frere Jacques)
Gotta go; gotta go. Have
pack; have to pack.
Better get there early; better get
there early.
Rah, rah, rah! Rah, rah, rah!
Hixsona: Gotta go; gotta go.
Letters to write; letters to write.
27 meetings, 27 meetings
I. C. S.; I. C. S.
Paloma: Gotta go; gotta go. Work
to do; work to do.
See }'a in the library; see ya in
the library.
Woe is me; woe is me,
Vestido: Hasta la vista.
Hixsona: Hasta manana.
Paloma: Hasta work.
Go out. Followed by Toddez and
Pedro.
Vardello: (You Are My Sunshine)
The other night when I lay sleep
ing, :
I dreamed of a quiet padded cell, j
But then I woke up to find those i
students j
In my cafe raising—cain. ■
Oh someday maybe I can retire j
And leave this riot far behind
Where there will be no morel
noisy students !
But to my fate I’m resigned. !
girls
past
him
to
Lurche: You want the floor
hoovered ?
Act II
Scene: Square of University of Se
ville, Casa Vardello at back
Time: Next morning. School holi-
(jay—Founders Day.
Scene opens with students squat e
^dancing. Leach calling figures.
Lurche playing fiddle. Peterson,
Todd, Duham, Vardello standing
in front of his place watches
whole scene—Carnes, Simpson,
Samson, Carlson, Hodges, Woran,
When finished, all sit down and
begin calling for Spangi to do
Hat Dance. Dances with Leach.
Then scene moves to side wheie
Edith has been silting thruout
all .the dancing.
Edith Kirklandi (Stormy Weather) :
Don’t know why 1 can never keep
a man—
Lost another.
With me they all act like a
brother.
Can’t keep them any time.
Don’t know why—others steal
Lost another—
them all away.
Wish that I could .go home to
mother—
I’m so gloomy all the time.
More of this and I’ll be getting
very bitter.
Guess I’ll spend the evening as
an argyle knitter—
There’s no better way for me my
time to fritter.
Wish I could get a date.
What to do—wish someone would
give advice—
I’m so lonel_v—1 need someone
who only
Will tell me what to do; will tell
me what to do.
Mariana Reedze,—walking b}', (Her
VIother Never Told Her) :
You think I couldn’t tell \'ou the
things a \'oung girl should know
, About the ways of Seville men
and how they come and go.
I’ve lost my youth and beauty
and time has left its sad scar.
You may not know it, but take
it irom me—You're better off as
j'ou are.
Leach (Alexander’s Ragtime Band) :
Come on and hear, come on and
hear
All about our big new plan.
Come on and hear, come on and
hear.
Everv girl and every man.
We’re gonna strike for all we
can get.
Chillen, \'ou ain’t heard nothing
yet.
We’ll have the biggest strike that
is. I’m telling you.
Come on and tell, come on and
tell
Everything that \’ou desire.
Let the list keep mounting higher.
If we ask for more than we think
they will let us get.
After a while maybe we’ll have
some privileges yet.
All: Cheers, etc.
Lucia Carnes (I’m Dreaming of a
hite Christmas):
I’m dreaming of a long week
end—
One that will be out of this
world.
Classes through on Friday
Will be great, I saj-—
Two long days for trips away.
Five days is time enough for
learning
Tilings that we don’t expect to
use.
''ll our lessons we’ll get-and yet
\V e 1! have no more reason to
fret.
Margarita Simsona (Anchors
Aweggh):
Fnhmited cuts we need, unlimited
cuts.
M e’re old enough to know wLen
we should go to classes-
lo our maturity, let’s drink a
toast.
w’
, ‘.never, never have the right
to boast.
Pina
T»on’t complete my work-,
•ever.
Fwhna Carlsona (Always) •
IJont complete my worl
Teachers think I shirk-ever.
™rimr^* in this steady
Sure tiiat I’ll go blind sometime
sometime.
Evalina Carlsona cont’
n‘sht-we need.
indeed!”
We w^ould be quite bright:
Work with all our might
If we had more light—a’u
All sing “Best wishes to ySv”' .
Durham bows. ’
Virginia Hogez: (Study War v
More) : ^ No
We’re gonna lay down our
and books
When every class is through
Amt gonna, do homework-
more. ''0
J udita Samsona:
I’m gonna bury my records
Down m the May Day Dell
Ain’t gonna ’predate music L
more.
Bach „
Beethoven
Brahms
Tom Jones -p ^
ni papjf
parallel
Toddez:
l’m_ gonna bury my novel notes
Amt gonna study English
more.
Dorotea Moran: (In Mv Merrv
Oldsmobile) :
Eet me have mv- Chevrolet
So tliat 1 can get away.
Every one here needs a car
For to class it is so far.
Think of all the time we’ll save'
If we have them we’ll behave.
And we won t crowd buses goino-
to town, °
If we have our cars around.
Roberto de Leach (The Old Gray
Mare):
The little red book won’t be what
it used to be
We’re making changes now.
Students repeat and all march out
singing. Throw handbooks on pyre.
Carlos k'ardello, left on stage,
(Don’t Fence Me In):
O give them cuts, lots of cuts
I.et them run around all day.
Don’t cramp their style.
Let them play every night;
Let them flashy cars display,
Don’t cramp their style.
What they're getting here in
school won’t help them any
\\ hen they gr;iduate to earn a
pretty penny.
Give them what they ask, or else
you’ll frustrate them plenty
Don’t cramp their style.
Act III
Scene: University^ Administration
Building, Room 100
Time: That afternoon. Faculty
Meeting.
Organ plays “Pomp and Circum
stances,” Marshals come, from
back of auditorium, stand down
in front of stage. Faculty marches
in.
Dali Gramle, presidente, announces
that the faculty will sing alma
mater, “Strong are thy walls, 0
Seville.” (Sung to the tune of
“Pistol Packing Mamma”)
Faculty' Hymn:
Mark the sound of lily pool voices
Ringing loud and clear.
Now the faculty has gathered
For its noontime cheer.
Hail to the brightest ones of all,
Clear their brilliance shines.
Hail all hail to thee, o great ones,
Hail, o faculty.
Cheer: Rooti toot toot, rooti toot
ttot
We all teacli at the institute.
K. Niquelsona arrives late.
Roy Camello, secretario, reads min-
mes of last meeting.
Last January 8 the faculty met,.
And it was a meeting we’d like
to forget.
We all filed in and sang the Alma
Mater. ^
The discussion on cuts kept get
ting hotter.
No decision was made, for
thouglit we’d wait
To make an announcement at a
later date.
Senora Pywon announced that
new books ,
Have added much to the libiary'S
looks.
Announcement was made of a
new gift of money
Vk'hicii makes the faces of a
bright and sunny.
A committee w'as appointed °
study' the need ,
Of students in college who don
know hoyv to read.
A complaint was made to all tie
house mammas—
Girls lounge in smokers in tie'
pajamas.
(Continued cn page five)