Page Two
THE SALE MITE
March 5.
^^The Investigation Of Salem^^
Written, Directed and Produced by the Salem College Faculty
Narrator: Welch (“Miss Student
Teacher of 1926”)
Chorus: Antigone (Horne), Pan-
tigone (Riegner), and Edwin
Shewmake)
Passim (Colette)
Act One
Salem at Work (mostly)
Scene I
“The Inception,”
Cast;
Professor (Curlee)
Little Eva (Covington)
Little Minnow (Smith)
George Washington (Sawyer)
Setting: Classroom in 1772 or 1779
Song (sung by G. W.)
“Everyone knows ME!”
Why I’m a chopper downer of
cherry trees;
I was a Valley Forge in the big
freeze;
I’m a gentleman, a soldier, and a
scholar,
I crossed the Delaware with a boat,
the Potomac with a dollar;
Betsy Ross made a flag for me,
And Betsy Brandon sat on my
knee;
I’m always pictured in cuffs and
laces,
I’m known for having slept in vari
ous and sundry places.
On February 22, school children
will sing with a lusty din,
■ That I was first in peace, first in
war and first, first, first in the
hearts of my
Narrator and Chorus.
maduke and Meatball . . .)
We’ll see you in our dreams !
Narrator and Chorus '
Secene III
Scene II
“Orientation.”
Cast:
Miss Flink, Miss Flank, Miss Flunk,
and Miss Fluke (Hart)
Freshmen (Hixson, Heidbreder,
Sullivan, Simpson)
Setting:
3 or 4 different classrooms during
Orientation Week.
Song (sung by freshmen) “The
Halls' of Ivy” (altered lyrics)
We hate the halls of ivy
That suppress us here today.
And already we’re fed up
And wish to run away.
To this hallowed poison ivy
We, wish we were immune.
Though this is just September,
We wish that it were June.
We’d like a place more jivy
With not a single rule .
Oh, w'hy didn’t someone tell us.
This ain’t like high school!
Oh, hang these walls of ivy!
But we’re stuck with them, it seems.
So farewell to Jack and Sam and
Harry
(and Bill, and Butch, and Mar-
“Counseling”
Cast:
Professor (Todd)
Student (Nicholson)
Setting:
Prof’s office, September.
Song (sung by Prof.)
“A Fervent, Plaintive Plea” (Gil
bert & Sullivan air from “Patience”
with lyrics altered)
I’m the counsellor at Salem
I’m the counsellor at Salem,
Overwhelm’d with many a tale;
Back and forth the students go.
All prepared to weep and wail;
So they come to worry me
With a fervent, plaintive plea.
Though my book I try to scan
In a rapt ecstatic \Vay,
Like a literary man
Who despises female clay,
I hear plainly all they say.
All those lovesick maidens they!
Now is this not ridiculous, and is
this not preposterous,
A thorough-spaced absurdity, ridi
culous, preposterous.
Explain it if you can!
Song (sung by student)
“Too Young To Tango” (with
lyrics unaltered)
I’m old enough for huggin’, but I’m
too young to tango, etc.
I go for jitterbuggin’, but I’m too
young to tango.
But I’ll grow up someday.
Now I’ve learned to dance to the
square dance
And waltzing is as easy as pie
But when they start to do the tango
My heart starts racin’ like a bird
on the fly!
Gee, what I’ve been missing, cause
I’m too young to tango, etc.
I’m old enough for kissin’, but I’m
too young to tango,
But I’ll grow up someday.
Narrator and Chorus.
Setting: Classroom.
Song (sung by students) ,
“The Term Paper Blues” (Med
ley of blues tunes)
Chorus (tune of “Alcoholic
Blues”
We’ve got the Blues
We’ve got the Blues
We’ve got those gol dern TERM
PAPER BLUES.
Solo I (Karnes)
No more dating
up in one.
It’s just a matter of defining the
terms that we both use;
We maintain and furthermore or
dain
That we remain
Let’s go thisaway
Let’s go thataway.
Narrator and Chorus.
Lost my social rating
Oh, how I am hating
Those term paper blues.
Solo II (Yard ell) (Tune—St.
Louis Blues)
Woke up this morning
A plain and simple girl
Woke up this morning
A plain and simple girl
Now I’ve got my topic
And now my brain’s in a whirl.
Solo III (Scott)
No late rising
Midnight sessionizing ^
Oh, how I’m despising
Those term paper blues.
Solo IV. (Barrier)
Woke up this morning
Thought my problems were solved
Woke up this morning
Thought my problems were solved
Now I’ve got my topic
My whole life’s got involved.
Solo V. (Melvin—French accent)
No more dozing
“Je n’ comprends pas” posing
Dieu how I am loazing
Zoze term paper blues.
Solo VI. (Pyron)
I’ve got the blues
I’ve got the blues
I’ve got those gol darn term paper
blues.
No more testing
Now I’ll just be resting
Gad! How I’m detesting
Those TERM PAPER BLUES.
Narrator and Chorus.
Monotonous, monotonous monoton
ous.
END OF ACT ONE.
LNTERMISSION (10 minutes)
ACT TWO.
Salem at Play
Scene VII.
“How to Study”
Cast:
Chorus
Students: (Scott, Melvin, Vardell,
Karnes, Barrier)
Special Student: E a r t h a Byrd
(Byrd)
Setting; Smokehouse.
Song (sung by Eartha Byrd)
“Monotonous” lyrics altered)
Everyone gets into a dull routine
If they don’t get a chance to change
the scene.
I could not.be wearier
Life could not be drearier
If I lived in Siberia—ahhhhhhh
I’ll tell you what I mean:
I met a rather amusing fool.
While on my way to Istanbul
He bought me the Black Sea for
my swimming pool
Monotonous
Any old door opens and shuts for
me
Minnie Smith provides free cuts for
me
And Hugh Gramley is nuts for me
Monotonous
Setting: Gingham Tavern.
Cast and Floor Show Numbers:
Orchestra; Heidemann, piano-
For what it’s worth throughout the
Jacobowsky, drums; Lewis, “string
bass;” Vardell, rhythm sounders,
etc; Peterson, accordian.
;
Dress: Hillbilly costumes.
Can-Can Dancers: First group;
Sawyer, Shore, French; Second
group: Singer, Yarbrough, Camp
bell.
Table-dates: (Seated at each
table) No. 1: Siewers, Starr, Hix
son; No. 2: Cash, Samson, Simp
son ; No. 3; Spencer, Lowe.
Waitresses: Perryman, Marsh
(cokes and cigarettes served)
Master of Ceremonies: Donald
Britt
1. Orchestra — “Table-dates”
dressed as college boys and girls
walk on stage in groups and indi
vidually during the music.
Kilter—Master of Ceremonies
2. Can-Can Dance — First group
of four enter from elevator (Church
St.) vestibule. Second group enters
on second refrain from other side.
All eight join in dance on last re
earth
I’m known as femme fatale.
But when the yawn comes up like
thunder
Brother, take me back to Taj
Mahal.
Jacques Fath made a new style for
Scene IV.
“Music Lesson.”
Cast.
Teacher (Starr)
Student (Sandresky)
Scene V.
“How to Write Term Papers”
Cast:
Instructor (Pyron)
Worrydell (Vardell)
Sparrow (Barrier)
Spot (Scott)
Melvina (Melvin)
Kerny, (Karnes)
Scene VI.
“How Professors Relax.”
Cast;
Professor Singer
Professor Lewis
Referee—(Biggers)
Setting:
Gymnasium.
Song (sung by Lewis and Singer)
“Your Philosophy” (Tunes: “You
Were Meant for,,Me” and “Let’s
Go Thisaw^ay”, lyrics altered)
Your philosophy.
And my philosophy,
Augustine would approve, and fall
in the groove;
We’ve,got all the theories, rolled
I even made Charlie Medlin smile
for me
A Camel .once w-alked a mile for
me
Monotonous, monotonous.
I could not be wearier, etc.
Margaret Sim.pson makes schedules
for me
Alice McNeely breaks rules for me
Lizzie Welch burns down schools
for me
Monotonous
Although I know I’ve acres of gold
I m not sure of the amount.
It might be exciting some day
If I learned to count!
Winston Churchill sends me pots of
frain. After dance is completed,
dancers go by two’s to join men
at card tables,
3. Virginia Hodges (solo)
4. Madame Flora, (mind reader)
Joan Jacobowsky
5. Apache Dance—Frances Horne,
Charles Medlin
6. Johnny Ray—Dr. Gramley
7. Dixie—All stand and come for
ward on — first chorus including
everyone in show standing back
stage; Second chorus Everybody
sing.
tea
Blandina Biggers gives me Vitamin
B.
And oh, furthermore, Clem likes me
Curtain
1 like mountain music
Good old mountain music
Played by the Rill Hill Billy
Give me rural rhythm
Let me sway right with effl
I think the melody is grand
I’ve heard Haivaiians play
By the land of the Whicky-Whackf
But 1 must say—
They can’t beat the lurkey in
Straw by cracky
I like mountain music
Played by the Rill Hill BiHy
(Credit: Montaldo’s)
the
Band-