Volume LXXJI N0.6
The Uncensored Voice of the Salem Community
****S€fiior Last Wills and Testaments****
l, Karen Lewis, being of frazzled
ind and weary body, do hereby
jueath the following...
To Melanie: Spaghettios on bread, a
ifetime supply of bagels, and Axl
:ose...what more could you possibly
To Liz: Nuclear potatoes, designer
rugs, a bar to tend in the Caribbean,
iand a salute to the babysitter-type-
3h***...I can't believe you still pull it
pff! To Amy: A box of Wheat Thins for
every occasion, and endless supply of
pones for your nose, no more face-
pckings, and my children to raise—
;do a good job or else!
To Tara: A leisurely walk (for a
change!), no more copy-editing, as
many activities as you can possibly
manage, and the honorable title of
Second Official Scorp/Tarantula
To Melissa: A bright and happy fu
ture with the "Hankster," my old
Jstomping grounds in Durham, and all
[the Bunky Balls in RTF to play with...
To Christiane: Inspiration to be "too
sexy for your shirt," the world fa
mous "Delilah look," and much hap
piness with Lee... ‘
To Jill: No more bummed smokes,
pigeons always looking in your win-
[dow, that Conununications degree,
[and that gangster boy forever!
To Signe: A great Dane to "take it
from the top" with, a different Biscuit
for every season, and no more 160
mile road trips to Greenville...
To Sasha: A watch that actually tells
you the time, no more "stonaach," a
kitty that will always "want to play,"
and a Green Card so you can come
live with me in Chapel Hill...
To Valerie: Mr. J's favorite character
"Regina," an end to hassles about
senior pictures, and NO MORE
honors independent STUD
To L.B.: Guilt-free farming sessions,
no more English classes, and the leg
acy of a truly great feline's nickname...
To Stephanie: Spiders, Jell-O Shoot
ers, and all the TV you can watch...
To Nell: An official handbook on Stan
dards of English Punctuation and
Grammar, a "Liz-Finder" because I
never knew where she was, and big
brothers who are nice to little girls...
0 Cathi: Weird salad dressings, a
reak from tendonitis, and beaucoup
To Katherine: My undying respect for
and jealousy of your strength of character
and beautiful voice...
To Allyson: No more loud conversations
in the bathroom and a tradition for every
day of the week...
To the 1989-1990 Freshman from second
floor Gramley: A year without getting
into trouble with any campus authorities.
To Alice, Shan, and Sarah, respectively:
Public Safety Officers to tease. Phallic
symbols everywhere. Jolly ranchers for
you-know-what...and to all of you, the
best of luck next year. Keep up the good
To Gwenster: The courage to carry on in
the face of terrible copy and tight dead
lines, a cute but grown-up look, a man to
take away your obsession, the Scorps'
coveted yearbook photo and my love as
your Big Sister—forever.
I, Terri Ann Smith, being of overworked
mind and clutzy body, do hereby leave:
To Jennifer Aber, my little sister All of
my love and my wishes for good luck
next year. I also leave to you my ability to
fall down and not get hurt-nnaybe that
will help you while riding Spot.
To PJ Smith: My memories of Steven Tyler.
I hope they bring you as much fun and
laughter as they have brought and will
continue to bring me.
To Alice Peschl: One sentence, 'Tm just
going to dye my hair blond."
To all of the underclassmen Psychology
majors: The rat labs, the biofeedback labs,
the two-hour classes with Dr. Faye and
the wish of GOOD LUCK with history
To Dr. Partin: My thanks for all of the
dumb jokes and for all of the smiles that
you have given me. You could always
tell when I needed to hear the one about
the asparagus and for that I will always
Finally, to all of the underclassmen I
leave one last thought: Enjoy the years
while you can! They are wonderful years
and don't last long enough!
Ingrid Banner Gregory:
To my little sister, Beth Andrews: Con
tinued happiness and all the excitement
and anxieties of two more years at Salem.
Remember: "Drain her (Salem) for all she
To Julie Smith: Laura and Enc—they are
To Ashley and Elizabeth: I gladly pass on
the stress, aggravation, and thrills of Big
To the class of 1992: I give my best
wishes for the future.
I, Juliet McCall Dyal, being of sound
mind and body, do hereby b^ueath the
To Allison Bruce, my lil' sis: Many trips
to Davidson and Wake Forest with cooler
people than me.
To Sherry Mendenhall, Cherie Norton, et
al...: May you always wear your back
pack on both shoulders.
To Margaret Pike: A grand entrance and
a funny face of your choice!
To the Archways: The best of luck and all
my thanks for a great year!
To Lisa Findlay: A trip to Wheaton Col
To Laura Dossinger: New York!
I, Catherine Elizabeth McKay, being of
sound body and eager mind, do hereby
To some lucky high-school graduate: My
To Cherie Norton: My car keys— I can't
give you the key chain 'cause it's buried
underneath the tree that the Senior class
planted in the Maydell! The actual auto
passed away and is now in Salvage
To Deana Bass: A solid year's worth of
bulk mailings to prospective students
along with a year's supply of French notes
for whatever class you may take next.
To Laura Pez and B^ySh^hy: Thel200
least utilized verb conjugations in the
entire French language (African, Cana
dian, and Parisian slang included), and
two Diet Cokes which you can come pick
up anytime during exams.
To Dr. Borwick: A lifetime supply of
Tootsie Pops in memory of all those three-
hour night courses you taught and lots of
luck as Associate E)ean!
To all underclassmen: A lifetime of happy
memories of your four years at Salem!
I, Anne Loman Tucker, being of ques
tionable mind and slightly overweight
body do hereby bequeath the following
things to the following people:
To Janet Welte and Anne Redding: All
the unsavory Sigma Pi brothers and
enough of their free beer to take to all the
other parties at Wake.
To Lisa Findlay and English Hopkins:
Enough Alpha Sigs to provide you with
weekend hook-up pleasure until you
graduate.To Angela Aaron and Reb^a
Grubbs: Hours of humorous refectory
conversation.To Steffan Hambright:
Enough daytime fantasies to keep you
awake during English.To all the smok
ers: All the cigarettes I've bummed.To
Nina Byrne and Kristen Epting: My
Keymonica and the music of our Alma
Mater.To Mr. Jordan: A huge stack of
messy handwritten papers and several
"Please don't call on me" looks.
And last, to Dr. Meehan: A large pan of
turkey tetrazinni and some new chalk.
I, Tara Elizabeth Newton, being of
sound(ly crazy!) mind and hyperactive
body, do her^y bequeath:
To ^ristiane: One day at a time - the
willingness to call my bluff and to
continue to work things out, happi
ness always, no matter how things turn
out between the two of us.
To Sasha: Car maintainence workshop,
a bikini to match your own standard
measurements, no more chemistry
courses in the near future! Many more
beach trips to relax you in today's world,
a man to love minus the handlicking
phenomenon (unless of course you
initiate it!), and a secure future with the
added benefit of friends being oidy a
phone call away.
To Psych nruijors and cohorts (Debbie,
Debbie, Cain, Jean, Melanie, Terri, and
Tracy) : Stats, rats, and the dreaded
predecessors of the field, the end to
longest classes at Salem, no matter how
interesting, and an award of standard
deviation in the psych which we can all
To Liz: A volunteer for any future
seminar projects, a chance to redo our
first year together!? Someone else will
ing to attempt the balancing act of climb
ing a loft and dodging kicking feet in
the attempt to wake you up; another
go-around in Spain.
To Gwen: A mental notebook of crea
tive ideas to change, lengthen, and
shorten all those copy blocks, a punch
ing bag for those late nights in front of
the computer, the freedom to do what
ever you like, whenever you like with
those expressive hands of yours!
To Laura: The end to four years of
heaven and hell, another celebration
dinner, memories of a mysterious ren-
devous, a fight with the holly bush,
and lots of laughs. Another year with
our friend Emma, your own personal
spell-checker, the continuation of an
always improving frienship; a toast to
both of our futures and to many more