April
Fool
She 9cel Mc0ii
Apiil
Fool
Vol. 18 — No. 5
Grigg-Cashwell School of Deeper Ignorance
April, 1953
Doualas Simpson Receives 20tli Century - Fox Contract
^ ★★ ★★ ★★ ★★ ★★ ★★
Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis To Be Commencement Spelters
Exercises Planned
for Badin Lake;
Speakers On Raft
s
j^^ofessors Dean Martin and
have consented to
tho speak, respectively, at
S^^^duating exercises to be
at Badin lake,
exercises this year will be
hoi5 l^ke because officials
the seniors will feel
like graduating there.
Win placed in the water,
be provided for the speakers
anH they may float around
vaef heard distinctly by the
inrt,- . j on the shore. Small
tho boats will be used by
?r>Q ?^^duates to go out to the
dini raft to receive their
^ipiomas. Mildred “Muscles”
giving rowing les-
S? *0 all thi seniors, and the
are working diligently to
the art.
Will u ^usic for the occasion
hk v- provided by Mr. Fry and
bp fl Grade Chorus, who will
nymg overhead in a blimp.
Will K subject for the evening
tin a o “Advantages of Qttit;
Drpf. School.” Mr. Lewis will
inii^^? , this subject in his own
style; and he also
tijip knowledge of quit-
i^^^^chool since it is one of his
thio , Liie naiis ux
Rrart ^he smallest group to
s^aauatp — -.ono r««iH.PTi.
grav^J?'-*;. since 1892. Gold-en
to +i5 diplomas are to be given
Aftf seniors on June 1.
CorriK^ rauch persuasion. Bob
clacc ^ has consented to be the
toriav.^^^dietorian. The saluta-
be James Dennis.
Chorus Will Sing
At Carnegie Hall
The Albemarle High School
efg « ” car^negie Hall,
New choSs is very for-
tuSfe^rhaSng F^ed Waring,
Benton Gets Up In The Air
■■XXI uc tiames —
^eiv High School Plant
^^cludes Seven Buildings
+-f'iV\ito
into^'jf^arle High School moved scholars con .„v,«ro there
Thio .s J^ew location on April 1. ai
..ss ȣ
fcp*'ihe%"lanl iSl^th°fmS
S'h Modern buildings. His ^gd in the cafet • g pan
8y iSf ‘^^'aftsmen included: Peg- practice. every
larrv^orton, Vance Troutman. jiging” is modern m
Whi^-prance, Dwight Little, Rex , lounge,
Snuggs, and Bob- student stor at
Thn an attractive 11 campus, is
bui®^ construction of these far end ^s^^ble a candy
was done by Mickey fashioned to everything a
Larry Crisco, Bob And they seU^e
Unde?;, Gaeth Pendergraft, gfudent „iert students saw
McLp^he supervision of T-Boe gome very Dedication
gave All these students need .f^^^gj^ory of the fa-
^n(J time, allowance, building, in high school
hard labor. mous actresses ^,uiiding. a
Py eighth graders now occu- has pointed star, niakes
stree?^ bSilding on Third perfec five poi" ^ ^hen it is
nio3 ^hile freshmen, sopho- a heajitifm. jff.
cupy Lj^^^ors, and seniors .oc- lighted at at
new campus site just Mr. G ®^jjfe-time dream
the city pond. . plant is a , ... „m11 I
- ^ ^ ’
cne city pond plant and it '^ill be a
I®, new Science building is last realized^^^^^^.^^^g to come.
Of a ^^cted in the unique shape jnodel for g ^
and has already
science Duiiams
Of structed in the unique shape
claili^o^nb and has already -r
fh“e''t/jn7hl"b*j?lling wf°be HonOP ^^rOUR T°
Hold AnHuai Toa
. Busi^P^^^^ents. . . i wnnor Society of
fJiJ^ss Administration is car- National ^e-
.m the Typing buildup Albemarle Hi^ „ Haley, new
the regular English, AlbOT ^ C- “a.j,
'laS; ShS. pn"fffiUorni5'g-
annual"*'^'** Moon” class and the '®^f”deb"ate *hei^w®'“^
d"oThe"i?Vn^^ ilfsVdentrwho
^,’^^ents, such as „j,e subject vvill be
^riffi^' Thomas Crisco, at a “tea. ^Sioi Room on the
^ills Allan, and Elaine ^ Earls P
and many other math heia
internationally famous conduct
or as their director. Mr. Waring
was selected from a number of
other conductors competing for
the honor of directing the Mixed
Chorus.
Numbers for the concert have
not yet been selected, but there
will be a few hill-billy numbers,
folk tunes, and jazz songs.
There will be three solos by
Donald Dorton, Keith Sikes, and
Barbara Holt. Mr. Sikes will
sine “Backstreet Affair”; Mr. Dor
ton has selected the “Germany
Folk Song”; and Miss Holt will
sing a number from “Carmen.”
Three AHS Girls
Find Cancer Cure
Mr. R. C. Hatley announced to
the world on April 1 the most
terrific discovery ever made in
the medical world. Three of his
most brilliant students, Eleanor
Jones, Sylvia Long and Norma
Sue Lowder, have produced a
positive cure for can cancer.
Mr. Hatley made this state
ment: “I didn’t know they had
it in them. They’ve always ap
peared rather dumb until I got
them working on this job. I’ll
admit, if it hadn’t been for my
assistance, they could have
never done anything m this
^ These three students aren’t
very well known in the high
school, for they spend most of
their time at the Stanly Theatre,
where they got a few ideas on
mixing this drug. "^he drug,
which is the real cure for can
cancer, is a combination of pic-
cadilli and sauerbraten. Both of
these are sold in the balcony of
the theatre.
Eleanor, Sylvia and Norma are
happy over their success for this
reason—they will be given a
passing grade in cheniistry for
this six weeks. Not only will it
bring them county-wide fame,
but they will pass at least one
course.
Aquadale road. Guests will be
a^ed to furnish their own re
freshments.
Discovers Exido;
Still Flying High
Over His Results
Mr. Benton has done it again.
In his experiments, the renown
ed science teacher of A.H.S. has
made the discovery of the cen
tury; EDIXO.
What is Edixo? You name it,
and Edixo does it.
In his secluded little labora
tory on top of Morrow Mountain,
Mr. Benton has worked for years,
combining every known and un
known chemical in the world.
Then last Monday, when his hair
had turned white, his shoulders
had grown hunched and his
snow-white teeth had been long-
gone, he poured a little chloro-
phyll-serutan into a bottle of al
cohol and distilled cafeteria
soup. His triple-lens glasses
slid off the end of his Roman
nose when two tiny men jumped
out of the bottle and sang,
“We’re the vapo-rub genii in
the blue jar of Vicks.”
Mr. Benton knew he had done
it; so he set about testing his
product. First he drank a little
and before he could stop him
self he had done the Charleston,
the huckle-buck and the samba
and had Callqd-the-Jack all the
way to Albemarle and back.
Then he poured some into a
pot of petunias on his window
sill and in a few minutes it had
climbed clear to the sky and
Rita Hayworth, Donald Duck and
Gargantua climbed down it and
into Mr. Benton’s window.
Mr. Benton was so floored by
this that he just sat down to
catch his breath, but as luck
would have it, he sat down in a
drop of Edixo that he had spilt,
and there’s no use to tell the
rest.
Newspapermen flocked from
all over the country to inter
view Mr. Benton. Large patent
medicine companies offered him
fantastic sums for the formula.
Mr. Benton finally decided to sell
it to the prescription department
of a local drug store, but found
Entire Play Cast
Will Accompany
Him To Hollywood
Doug Simpson, who had only
two lines in the senior play,
“The Form Divine,” delivered
them with such unrivaled per
fection that he has landed a
fifty-year contract with 20th
Century Fox. His salary is Hol
lywood’s biggest—$5,000,000 per
year.
Darryl F. Zanuck, famous Hol
lywood producer, was in the
audience of 3001 and raved,
“He’s Burt Lancaster with Ga
ble’s technique!” Mr. Zanuck
was so impressed with the pre
sentation that he has contracted
the entire cast for a Hollywood
filming of the play.
The entire cast has been ex
empted from final exams, pre
sented with diplomas, and will
fly to Hollywood on Thursday of
next week.
An unprecedented crowd of
3001 persons was taken care of
by removing the roof and one
side of the building. Mr. Cash-
well wasn’t worried over the in
convenience at all and says, “It
was no trouble at all—anytime,
anytime.” Since the gilding
was rather crowded, the Fire De
partment was called out to pa
trol the building and insure
safety.
A famous dramatic critic from
New York, who also saw the
play, stated in his column in
the “New York Times,” that
“Mona Rae Crotts is undoubted
ly a new Zsa Zsa Gabor with
bombshell talent!” “This Mar
tha Rae also is a tremendous
flnd—Betty Hutton and Judy
Garland all tied up in one beau
tiful package!”
CashwelL Hatley
Believed Guilty
The latest development in the
amazing robbery of the A. H. S.
steps is the arrest of J. L. (alias
Joe) Cashwell and R. C. Hatley.
They are being held on suspicion
of stealing the steps. Detectives
working on the case believe that
Cashwell and Hatley are part
ners in crime, for it is suspected
that Hatley made the special
vanishing solution for the steps
and Cashwell helped to put it
on the steps.
After three torturous days of
teaching Mixed Chorus, it is be
lieved that they will confess to
the crime. Judge Gary Lunsford
says if they will confess and re
store the steps their ^ntence
will be lightened. They must
wash the dishes in the cafeteria
for a year and a half and also
read Sans Famille in English for
assembly.
In the meantime Nancy Drew
Lowder and Judy Bolton Roscoe
are hard at work with their
Junior G-man sets. The S.B.I.
and F.B.I. plus the Cloak and
Dagger men sent by the govern
ment are on the job. “Cloak”
Mauldin and “Dagger” Dry are
busy finger printing all the
teachers, for the students are be
yond suspicion. They hope to
crack the case soon, so the stu
dents can return to their beloved
high school.
there was no material in the
world that would hold it, as they
all dissolved; so he just pitched
it out the window.
At last report, Morrow Moun
tain was still erupting like Mt.
Vesusvius.