biE: 000/1
Vol. X No. 0-12 (The Fool Moon)
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Finger Senior High School, Finger, N.C.
Aries 1, 2001
This Is Your Life, Anchovy!
Anchovy prepares to rid ASHS of the freaks.
Mafia Leader Hits Albemarle
Controversial information
was brought out last month in a
secret interview with a reliable
source. After an intensive
investigation by THE FULL
MOON staff members, this
report was compiled. The
names have been changed to
protect the innocent.
Rumor had it that the front
office had been penetrated by
big-time gangsters from Chic
ago. Ring leader Alma Capone
was believed to be behind this
whole business.
With daring abandon, under
cover reporters staked out the
office for an undisclosed
amount of time. By hiding
behind files and sleeping nights
in the safe, a startling expose
began to form.
It seems that Capone has been
lifting articles from the Lost
and Found, and selling them at
a 100 per cent profit. Until now,
students had been led to believe
that unrecovered merchandise
was given to charity. Now that
the truth has come out, her
operations are closing down.
Copies of the report have been
mailed to the FBI and local
police headquarters. Another
copy is locked in a safety
deposit box in the vault of the
Home Savings and Loan. It is
our hope that all students with
lost articles be cheerfully
reimbursed.
Saturday night in the big
town. All the “Donnies” are out
looking for trouble. Defender of
the right, and probably the
wrong, known to the reds of the
town as Andy “Anchovy”
Harwood is on the prowl. He
takes his name from his
hangout down at the Prince.
“Anchovy” is known for his
stand on law and order. He’s a
tight laced son-of-a-gun who
advocates throwing all the
long-haired hippie freaks in jail.
As he cruises the downtown
business district on his Suzuki
150, obscenities can be heard
ringing from the towering
skyscrapers where the “fre
aks” are shooting up.
When fighting erupts between
the “reds” and the “freaks”,
Anchovy always arrives in the
nick of time. Innocent bystand
ers have been heard to remark,
“if it weren’t for Anchovy, the
freaks would run all over the
“Donnies”
From the editors of THE
FULL MOON, all we can say is
“keep up the good work, Andy.”
A Hot Time In The
Old Town Tonight
The Pick Of The Crop
Recycle this news
paper.
Give it to a friend.
I Sun Rays |
Annual Yearbooks...
According to the Yearbook
staff, this year’s annuals will be
distributed June 7.
For The Removal Of . . .
The Health Careers Club is
sponsoring a surgical seminar
April 2-3. Appendectomies and
open-heart surgery are featured
this year. Debra Bryson and
Mary Emmons, chief surgeons,
are performing. All in need see
Susan Mauldin for an appoint
ment. Bring your own toenail
clippers.
An unbiased group of judges
selected from the townspeople
recently chose the following
members of the Senior High
faculty and student body as
Superlatives for the ’72-’73
school year.
Most Talented: Tracy Hicks
and Joy Ussery; Most Athletic:
James Van Gordon and Mrs.
Westerlund; Best Dressed:
“Wheezy” Swan and Lori
Rusher; Most Studious: Mike
Lee and Cindy Harwood;
Cutest: Tommy Ross and
Cheryl Mount; Neatest: Bernie
Holt and Lynn “Bree”.
Most Popular: Forrest Bowen
and Ruthie Gulledge; Most
Courteous: Jeff Redwine and
Miss McKenzie; Wittiest: Rob
ert Rushin and Bonnie Little;
Quietest: Chick Morris and
Christine Garber; Resident
Plowjocks; James Cagle and
Karen Greene; Most School
Spiritied: Mr. Smith and Miss
Misenheimer.
‘Tubber’ Award: Anthony
Tyson and Fran Greenlee;
Prettiest Teeth: Andy Ritchie
and Teresa Montgomery; Most
Likely To Succeed: Donald Lee
and Mrs. Kesler; and Best All
Around: Jerry Henderson and
Susan Doby.
Congratulations to all of these
people; Senior High’s finest. We
only hope next year’s Superla
tives can come close to
matching this year’s. These are
among the finest Superlatives
chosen in Senior High’s history.
Words Of Wisdom
BY; US
It was a sunny day in June
and suddenly John saw it. And
he said, “This is the time for all
good men to come to the aid of
their countrymen.” And then,
like a streak of lightening, the
big bad wolf jumped out of the
-tree and killed the alligator that
was eating up grandad.
So I went into the bathroom
and threw up. It’s been nice
seeing what goes on here. To my
surprise I discovered that my
figure is like that of a paper
clip. It seemed to me that this
situation is terrible. This
injustessness of tranquility is
the assurance of believing' in
antidisestablishmentarianism.
So, I’m still waiting for the
French poodle I was promised
six years ago. Also, my
girlfriend has mono. Because,
kiss him she did. Therefore the
story about the giant elephant
excretion is not valid. They got
him for illegal search and
seizure.
Today is Friday and it’s
gonna stay that way all day
long.
A survey was taken recently
of what non-dating students like
to do on their free Saturday
nights in the “big town”. (\^’d
rather not repeat what the
dating students said.) Many
shocking and surprising ans
wers were received.
Various subjects were touch
ed upon, some too risque to
mention.
The more affluent activities
for the aristocracy of Albe
marle and surrounding com
munities include lighting cherry
bombs in front of Prince of
Pizza, circling through Har-
dees-Weiner King-Winks and
Pines, hanging out at the mall,
visiting John’s (Garrison, of
course), sitting on the benches
in front of the courthouse, and
cruising to Norwood (otherwise
known as ‘the woods.”
The upper class kids also take
in the “skin flicks” at the local
drive-ins, keep up with Walt
Disney at the Center, march
single file through the down
town metropolis uttering un
known syllables, molest pol
icemen (or get molested), climb
on the sculptures at the library,
turn WAYS on full blast and ride
through town scaring peace-
loving citizens, search for
good-looking female pick-ups
(or vice-versa), and last but not
least, roll favorite (?) teachers’
yards and cars.
The students in the lower
social classes usually take trips
to other metropolises such as
Charlotte, Salisbury, and Con
cord for their Saturday, night
thrills. But by the actions of the
aristocracy, it is evident that
Albemarle is^ “the place to be”.
THE STAFF FOR THIS ISSUE OF THE NEWSPAPER*
ISAS FOLLOWS:
Editor
Associate Editor
Business Manager
Advertising Manager
Feature Editor
•Sports Editor
Class Editor
Photo Editor
Beverly Sanges
Brenda Burris
Cathy Sinclair
Kathy Neel
Patti Hairyes
Bonnie Chandler
Shelia Barbee
Terry Colpitts
Gold, Brad Perry, Crystal Waller Melissa
Moose. Carol Rabe, Jenell Hudson, Pattie Oettinge^ Bain Jone;, eS
Coble, Rosemary Almond.
Laughs - Cheaper By The Dozen
Gunch Takes Title
In a contest between 23 other
beautiful girls in the South
Stanly gym Saturday night,
lovely Miss Maudeen (Maude)
Gunch walked off with the
coveted title of Miss South
Stanly.
Judging was based on talent,
poise, speaking ability, grades,
evening gown and bathing suit
competition, and of course,
beauty.
For her talent presentation,
Maudeen did a pantomime
dance to Elvis Presley’s current
hit, “You Ain’t Nothing But A
Hounddog”.
After the pageant, Maudeen
attended a ball in her honor at
The Norwood Grill. Music was
provided by Flash Cadillac and
the Continental Kids. For the
occasion, Maudeen chose a
semi-formal red chiffon dress,
sticking with the school colors.
The waistline was accented
with white sequins and rick-
rack. The shoes were silver
satin with rhinestone buckles.
Rhinestones and sequins em
bellished her bouffant hairdo.
Along with her new title,
Maudeen received a $450
scholarship to Stanly Technical
Institute, a trip to Charlotte
donated by the Fish Camp, and
200,000 green stamps.
Concerning her win, Maudeen
related, “Jeepers, I’m jest
tickled pink to be Miss South
Stanly. I thank ye all, thank ye
so much.”
Dad: No!&?$&?!!
Mother: (In absolute horror)
Anne you didn’t!
The preceeding lines come
from the play “Cheaper By the
Dozen” which has just received
the rating of “R”. Presented in
the play are lurid sex scenes,
child brutality and profane
language. But the rating of “R”
was achieved by an unwhole
some display of teacher
mockery.
All in all, however, it contains
comedy unexcelled in this
schools recent history. Everone
is invited to see this master
piece Friday, April 13.
Father lets fly profane
language in recent rehearsal”
I
Or Else ’ Leaves Sophs Cold
Maudeen Gunch is Miss South
Stanly Fire Queen.
The entire sophomore class
was expelled yesterday follow
ing a mass demonstration.
After Mr. Hawkins’ announce
ment that students “throw trash
in the trashcans and not on the
ground-or else,” 202 sopho
mores, led by Mike Lee,
president, calmly licked the last
bit of ice cream off their
popsicle sticks and threw them
on the ground. Amid gasps from
the upperclassmen, the sophs
stomped the sticks into the
ground and returned to their
fourth period classes.
When asked for a statement.
Lee said; “It’s not that I don’t
like the new law, it’s the
principal of the thing.”
Mr. Hawkins stated that
because of the actions of a few
students the entire student body
would be punished. “I was
appalled by the demonstra
tion,” Hawkins exclaimed.
Students will no longer be
allowed to eat in the cafeteria
and will be forced to buy lunch
at Hardees. The administration
will pay no heed to any pleas for
mercy.”
The ruling will go into effect
today.