4
THE TWIG
A hundred years ago a forest stood
here;
A man with powder in his gnn went
forth to hnnt a deer;
But now the times have changed some
what; they’re on a different
plan—
A "dear” with powder on her nose
goes forth to hunt a man.
A college paper is a grand invention,
For the school gets all the fame;
The printer gets all the money,
And the staff all the blame.
He: I’ll be yours on one condition.
Sue Layton: That's easy. I entered
college on six.
She: I’m glail I don’t like lemons.
He: Why?
She: Because I hate lemons, and if
I liked lemons I’d have to eat them.
There is a club in New York de
voied to the laziest men in the world.
Any attempt on the part of a member
to huriT is punished with a fine. One
day a member was seen driving by the
club committee at a fast rate of speed.
Summoned before the committee he
excused himself by saying that he was
too lazy to take his foot off the accel
erator.
IT USUALLY WORKS
•‘Do you know how to make a peach
cordial?”
“Sure, send her some candy.”
A new clerk, dictating a few days
ago, was in doubt as to the use of a
certain phrase, so he said to the ste
nographer:
"Do you retire alone?” and the wist
ful-eyed one replied rather sleepily:
"No, I sleep with mamma.”
“Are you the groom?” asked the be
wildered oW gentleman at a very
flaljorate wedding.
“No, sir,” was the reply of the em
barrassed young )nan, “I was elimi
nated in the preliminary try-out.”
"Whom did you vaniuish today. 0
OctaviuK?”
“Grc-al C’jcsar, ynn got your Gnul!"
Early to bed
And early to rise
Makes most fools miss
Tlie best of their lives.
Old l^dy to Prisoner: “What do
those numbers on your back mean?”
Prisoner: “That’s my pen name.”
WAKY: I’OKEST GLEE CLUB TLANS
SEVERAL rillPS
{Continued from page one)
“la your roommate in love?”
•‘Is he! He’s so bad he makes me
wake him up every fifteen minutes
after he’s gone to bed so ho can go to
bed again thinking of his girl.”
Under the leadership of their di
rector, Prof. K. T. Raynor, the boys
are making great plans for the spring
season. Trips are being arranged for
the Eastern acd Western parts of the
State. The first trip of any length
will be to Waynesville, and at this
time the club will be gone for three
or four days and will give at least
four or five concerts in that section ot
the state.
“I’ll have you know—hic-hic—tluit
I’m a part of the Standard Oil Com
pany.”
“And what part are you?”
“Hlc—one of the tanks.”
‘‘C!oodbye, my dear; I must leave
you.”
“How much?”
Oi> I'llE WEATHEK A LA
WALT 3IAS0N
(Continued Jrom page one)
a silver linin.’ Somewhere in the
world the sun’s a shlnin’! Tho good
ness knows I wish it would shine here
awhile.
This is being writ during study hour.
You know what that is? Well, I’ll tell
you. It’s the time you are ’sposed to
study. But here’s what happens:
You go to see the people on your hall.
If they are not studying you stay and
talk to them because you all don’t have
anything else to do. If they are study
ing you stay and talk, to ’em because
you don’t think it is good for them
to study. It might hurt them. Thai's
study hour. They have some ••Busy"
signs that look real sweet on the doors.
Do write to me. 1 can see clear to
the dining room—there’s my mail box
all the time.
This isn't much. But you know
news is a scarcity. (That doesn’t
mean I’m scairt of it!)
Love,
Mvii.\.
“Has Been Chose”
They say to write on "Has Been
Chose,”
I really can’t guess why.
I have worked whatever brain I have.
I’ll feel as if I shall die.
It's a “typographical error,” they say,
(If you happen to know what they
mean);
At least it's something about something
That once it seems has been.
And It seems as If all this silly fuss
Is ’cause some one forgot "lee”—
It’s only a little mistake, you see,
But if It was wrong—what then?
You don’t see much sense in this, do
you?
I can't say it's very big—
But as I say it’s an error
That appeared in last week’s Twig.
So after this to avoid a fuss.
And such a silly rhyme.
As well as all these foolish words,
And wasting perfectly good time,
The next time you are writing for
TiiK Twio,
And you speak of “Has Been
Chose,”
For heaveni’s sake don’t forget “lee”—
It’s Important! With that I close
When Mother puts out the light, tiny
Katherine says: “Put it back, it makes
my eyes dark!"
Ka-i'k Joxkh TAYLOI!, '14.
T. C. was naming several planels,
and mentioned Uranus.
Robert (aged two) spoke up: “Ii’s
not Uranus, T. C. It’s Unc’ Remus,”
OKirniuiiK Hoitx W.\«st.\ki^ '13.
Joy, aged five, was feeling very ton-
dcM-ly of a little scab on her knee, when
Mother came into the room,
“I’m just debating with myself
whether I’ll pull this scab off,” she
remarked.
Ldi'i.sn S.vrrKKWiUTK. ’14,
A deaf woman entered a church with
an ear trumpet. Soon, after she had
seated herself an usher tip-toed over
and whispered, “One toot and out you
so.’’
Student: You say you don’t feel
well? I'll bet you’ve got acute indi
gestion.
Coed: Aw, g’wan! I'll bet you say
that to all the girls.
"I hear Mr. Jones left everything he
had to the orphans’ home.”
“Is that so? What did he leave?”
“Twelve children.”
“Cutting class, eh?”
“Yes, illegal holiday,”
Love is like hash—you have to have
plenty of couildence In it to enjoy it.
NOT SUl'POSEI* ro HE
I'OETUY
’'Had 13con Chose” came out last
week
jMade us feel as weak as weak
liiit everyone knows—
'rhat a typographical error was
“Had Been Chose!”
iflBWX
THE FAMILY MENAGERIE
Remarked little Tommy: “Every
body in our family is some kind of
an animal.”
“What do you mean?” asked his
mother.
“Why, mother, you’re a dear, you
know.”
"Yes, Tommy.”
“And baby is mother’s little lamb;
I’m the kid; sister Is some chicken,
and dad’s the goat.”—Ex.
LEARN THE PIANO
IN TEN LESSONS
TENOR-BANJO OB
aiANDOLIN IN FIVE
LESSONS
Without nerve-racking, heart
breaking scales and exercises.
You are taught to play by note
in regular professional chord
style. In your very first lesson
you will be able to play a popu
lar H'umber by note.
Send for it on Api’roval
The "Hallmark Self-Instruct
or,” is the title of this method.
Eight years were required to
perfect this great work. The en
tire course with the necessary
examination sheets, is bound in
one volume. The first lesson is
unsealed which the student may
examine and be his own “JUDGE
and JURY.” The latter part of
the "Hallmark Self-Instructor,”
is sealed.
Upon the student returning
any copy of the “Hallmark Self-
Instructor” in the hands of music
broken, we will refund in ful> ali
money paid.
This amazing Self-Instructor
will be sent anywhere. You do
not need to send any money.
When you receive this new
method of teaching music de
posit with the Postman the sum
of ten dollars. If you are not
entirely satisfied, the money paid
will be returned In full, upon
written request. The Publishers
are anxious to place this "Self-
Instructor” with the seal un-
'.overs all over the country, and
IS in a position to make an at-
iractive proposition to agents.
Send for your copy today. Ad
dress The “Hallmark Self
instructor” Station O, Postoflice,
Box 111, New York, N. Y.
J. C. BRANTLEY. Druggist
Jgsnt for
ELIZABETH ARDEN’S Toilet Preparations
Meet your friend at our fountain
PHOTOGRAPHS
From Your Annual Negatives Can Be Promplly Supplied
SIDDELL STUDIO
DIAMONDS — WATCHES — JEWELRY
LAND’S
103 FayctleviUe Street
Inquire About Our Special Discount to Students
Vegetable Soup
Stuflctl Olives
Mashed Potatoes
Ice Cream
SUNDAY DINNER, 75c
Fried Chicken
Waldorf Salad
Orange Tapioca
Coffee, Tea or Milk
Chicken Soup
Pickles
String Beans
Pie
The Fairmont Tea Room
Where you get Home Cooking and quick service.
2410 Hillsboro St.
Wear-
134 Fayetteville Street
STYLE GARMENTS
more or less intimate- - -
Fashion tells us that the new outer apparel
demands that underdress be in strict accord
with both costume and occasion. Style, tex
ture, color, comfort and fit . . . all contribute
to that well-dressed look and feeling.
Hosiery, too, is an important feature. Har
mony is a real style influence this Spring, so
choose carefully these units of your dress
ensemble. At this store are these wearables—
“different,” in new slyles, of good taste—
right in quality.
^oijlan= Pearce (5o.
**Raleigh*s Shopping Center”