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Robbie YateS'M. P. D.
October 7, 1977
by David Swinson
Believe it or not there is quite a lot
for our Montreat police to do here
besides watching over our campus.
They watch over the Gilly Graham
estate and all of the privately owned
houses as well.
Robbie threw some statistics at
me and they show that last quarter,
which ended this September, that
they spent 2792 hours on duty in the
patrol car, drove 6385 miles, and
answered 562 calls. To top that, they
made 149 investigations, and spent
34 hours in court. You may say
“well so what; to this. . .well, so
what! I thought I’d throw these
figures in anyway.
Robbie is one in a few who has
followed through with his childhood
dream, that of being a cop or a
fireman. He has fullfilled both of
these dreams for he is also la Black
Mountain volunteer fireman. If
Robbie is not helping the public as
much as he can, he is just plain
bored!
There are still a couple of us out
there who will yell, “Hey pig! | when
they cruise by in their cars, but
there is one thing that we must
realize: they are really not out there
to hurt any of us. So we should try to
help out by having a little respect for
our men in blue.But watchout, if you
are caught breaking the law they
will by no means be easy on you.
If you see a MAC student riding in
the back of a Montreat police car,
don’t worry, he’s not busted, it’s just
our Montreat policeman Robbie
Yates giving him a ride to wherever
he wants to go. Robbie is surely one
to be admired. He has been on the
police force here for IV2 years, and
has already advanced to assistant
chief. In addition, he has made quite
a few friends here on campus. You
may see Robbie at some of the MAC
sports events, or just mingling with
the students.
While talking with Robbie, it
became clear to me that he was not
out to make a big bust, although, he
stated, that the boss would like one
every once in a while. I also asked
Robbie what basic problems he
tends to run into more on this
campus and he said, “Basically the
only real trouble we have had this
year is reckless drivingjand students;
speeding in their automobiles
around the campus.’ He also added,
with a smile, “And stuff like water
fights. There were a few complaints
about that at the beginning of
the year, but in comparison to last
year, this year is looking a whole lot
better.’ For you new students this
sounds pretty good, but for you
oldies, try to keep this going as a good
year.
Meadows' Meditations Present,
Earl Zelswick
In Search Of The Big M’
Before this story goes one word!
further let me difine for all of you
unfortunates the “Big M! Really, by
the time you’re in college you should
have “touched’upon this subject.
Although Earl never did “touch’on
the subject, even he knows what it
is! (Phillippi, did you catch those
last three words?) But enough of
this and on with what all of you
freshmen guys and gals have been
waitin for since you read the title-
the definition!
The big ‘M’is short for the move.
What’s the move? The move is the
act of the human male trying to be
macho in order to empress the
human female of his choice. Get the
picture? (Just nod your heads folks)
Good, on with the story. . .
Earl couldn’t help but notice the
lass as she walked throughout the
campus with the greatest of knees.
She was different somehow, but he
simply could not recognize how!
But Earl could sense that she was
not your everyday discount-countess
(I guess it was the perfume she was
wearing that alerted Earl to this
fact), moreover a dedicated in
dividual. He felt an investigation
was all but evitable.
Research referring to her
refrained personality was his first
required requisition. A minute
stopoff at the friendly campus
library seemed fitting. While
scanning the shelves in search of the
book Romance Made Easy, Zelswick
ran upon (no one was hurt) several
interesting titles.
Reading until hes eyes fixed upon
Kissing-The First Step Towards
Marriage. While this may have
seemed humorous to the everyday
frosh, Earl found it to be remindful.
Yes remindful of the time his high
school civics teacher stated that in
famous fifgurative anectdote to his
class just before graduation day.
“Kissing is merely a persuasion for
a lower invasion.’ And Earl knew
what that lead to. After all he was in
college now, and besides he had seen
a National Geographic before!
Dismissing with this trash he read
further whereupon he cited “Turn
the Other Cheek. “Must be the
history of Medical innoculations,’he
thought. He was difinitely getting
nowhere and fast!
To get to know her better he began
asking questions in order to obtain
carl msu/CM-
answers. (Brilliant, isn’t he?) He
had remembered seeing the
periodical. The Montreat Herald,
posted at the library. Wherelse
could he find the best info on
anything but from an able-minded,
super, great, and downright in
telligent reporter? After receiving
obscene and derogatory remarks
when he called the establishment
asking for Harold, he again moved
on to another idea.
Even Earl knew that girls loved to
get gifts, and while he couldnt afford
a real gift he did think of sending a
set of nifty cards from the local
Hallmark Card Shop. He sent her
three in fact and numbered them 2,
3, and 4. When they finally met she
asked him where number one was.
“Hey baby,’ he exclaimed, “Ihi
number 1.’ For some reason she
fainted.
Speaking of their first meeting, it
occurred two semesters after he had
first saw her, and after he had gone
through 5 boxes of Kleenexes and
she 5 boy friends. (And at Ma Hall
lobby of course) The music he heard
was more powerful than Boston,
more melodic than 3 Dog Night, and
possessed less words than Led
Zeppelin. It was, it was, it was, (this
is suppose to be a climax so
howabout helping out folks by
everybody breathing in deeply)...
It was a loss, for as he began to
converse he heard a high-pitched
and annoying sound of her unknown
sixth boyfriend from across the
lobby, “Hold it right there! ’Well now
Earl wasnt going to let anybody tell
him what to do so he grasped the girl
firmly at the waist and transported
her to the other side of the room and
said rather proudly, “No. I think 111
hold it right here!’ The sixth
boyfriend promptly strided over to
Earl and kicked him squarely in the
knee cap. EarlS face turned an
angry red as he chanted “Kill,
disfigure, and break’ towards the
kicker. His biceps began to flex, his
chest widened, and just as he was
about to attack, someone yelled in
the surrounding crowd “12 oclock!’
Of course you know what happened,
Earl shot out of the lobby and over to
the cafeteria much like the dog on
the Chuckwagon commercial. Only
two things are more important to
Earl than dating and that is his
mother and food. Since his mom told
him never to miss a meal while at
college he just had to go. Alas, Earl
did lose severly, didnt he?
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