The Foothills View
May 6,1982
The Foothills View is a community newspaper published
each Thursday by the Gardner-Webb College Press, Inc.
Member, North Carolina
Press Association, 1982
Dave Robertson,
Managing Editor
Commentary
The editorial page of The Foothills View
The Humble Farmer
Whenever I stray from my usual
routine, my neighbor Gramp Wiley feels
obligated to comment on it the following
morning.
“Didn’t I hear two cars doors slam in the
hermit’s dooryard last night?” he chuckl
ed.
the top of it and put in a ten cent washer.
But you can’t buy a washer for the improv
ed faucets today. They’ll tell you at the
hardware store that you have to throw
away the whole unit and buy a new one for
$40.”
“I don’t mind throwing away a steam
u
The Great Depres
sion was caused by
products that never
wore out. No one ever
had to replace
anything, and the
economy collapsed. ”
The thunderbolt about
Fidel Castro — that he is
dealing with Gen. Vernon
Walters and considering a
shift in allegiance — is
altogether fascinating and
calls for several com
ments, among them:
(1). Why did Secretary
Haig let on? Is it because
he knew that the news was
about to leak and elected to
preempt the beat? This
would seem strange
because, after all, the
rumor could have been
On The
Right
By Robert Skoglund
“Americans would
think it as likely that
Castro would join the
West as that Hitler
would take out
membership in the
Anti-Defamation
League. ”
By William F. Buckley
“Yes,” I replied. “I had to slam it twice
— didn’t shut tight the first time.”
Gramp enjoys that tyoe of answer more
than he does the truth -- it leaves room for
uninhibited speculation.
“Pretty dark over there too,” he cackl
ed. “Didn’t see no lights.”
“I always use candles on Edison’s birth
day,” I said. “What better way to honor
the man who invented the light bulb?”
Gramp pounded his fist on the arm of his
rocker. “Bah. Inventing the light bulb was
easy. And what good did it do?”
“Why it lit up everyone’s home.”
Gramp looked at me as if I were a small
child. “Edison’s original light bulb did
nothing for the economy of this country,”
he shouted. “The first light bulbs lasted for
12 years.
“My Uncle Ern, who was very patriotic,
knew that wasn’t right. After months of
research in his barn, he developed a bulb
that would blow out in six years.”
iron or a toaster every six months when I
know it’s for the good of the country,”
Gramp said. “The Great Depression was
caused by products that never wore out.
No one ever had to replace anything, and
the economy collapsed.”
“Technology has done wonders for the
country’s economy,” I agreed.
“Some new inventions don’t help the
economy,” Gramp said. “I’ve seen
Japanese robots assemble automobiles on
television. Our auto makers won’t use
robots because then they’d also be able to
make a better car at a lower cost — it
would destroy our present system.”
“It’s too bad that industry’s watchdogs
were sleeping when other labor saving
machines were invented,” I said, “if some
patriotic person had suppressed the com
bine, we’d have 100 percent employment
today.”
I began to see the light. “If you’re think
ing of increased profits, that’s a hundred
percent improvement over the original,” I
exclaimed.
“We could even raise our immigration
quotas,” Gramp cried. “Haitian boat peo
ple, criminals from Castro’s prisons, and
our friends from Mexico would all be
welcome. We could sell them all scythes
and let them harvest corn and wheat.”
more or less denied, as is
routine in the world of
diplomacy. A1 Haig could
have said that General
Walters was indeed in
Havana, but that his
discussion was limited to
the problems of refugees,
etc. And probably he’d
have got away with it, in-
asmuch as most
Americans would think it
as likely that Castro would
join the West as that Hitler
would take out member-
ship in the Anti-
Defamation League. What
was Haig up to?
(2) And is it — patriotic,
to dredge up a word some
of us were opposed to in out
youth, to discuss so
delicate a negotiation?
(3) Hoe does one feel
about a man who, on the
altar of Marxist theology,
has enslaved a whole peo
ple for over 20 years,
sadistically singling out
dissenters for 20-year stret
ches in the contemporary
version of Devil’s Island?
The strategic conse
quences of Titoism 90 miles
from Florida would be
greatly to rejoice. Subject,
to be sure, to evidence con
firming that from now on
the United States had
grounds to shift its tradi
tional posture. Whereas up
until the great day we were
the superpower that growl
ed at the Soviet-Marxist
state a few miles offshore;
now we would be the pro
tecting power of the Marx
ist state offshore —
guaranteeing it
(presumably) against any
efforts by Soviet irreden-
tialists. The same people
who were once hired to kill
Castro we might now
covertly engage to act as
his bodyguards. President
Reagan would have pro
claimed that the Western
hemisphere was how safe
for Marxism, provided it
was of the ihdigehous
variety. Quite a day.
(4) The Soviet Uhion is
said to be speudiog at the
rate of $8.5 millioh per day
ih support of Cuba.
(5) Accordihgly we must
assume that the Soviet
Uhion is up in arms over
the whole business, con
templating maximum
pressures. Do we — the
paradoxes of our world can
become insufferable —
have a stake in the good
health of Fidel Castro? If
this is what A1 Haig is hin
ting at the probability of,
then those of us who drag
ourselves to Havana will (I
now speak for myself) de
mand the highest national
award for patriotic devo
tion to duty.
“Uncle Ern wasn’t satisfied with that,”
he continued with a modest look at his
thumb. “Before he quit he had the perfect
light bulb; it blew out and had to be replac
ed in only three months. ’ ’
“Can you think of a product that hasn’t
improved in the last 50 years?” I asked.
“I guessed he wasn’t the economy’s only
golden boy,” I sniffed. “What about the un
sung hero who improved the brass kitchen
faucets we had when I was a kid? When a
faucet would drip anyone could unscrew
“Well, nowadays a pair of socks seems
to last me forever. When I was a little kid
my socks used to wear out in three days.”
Mini-Skirt Or Not?
Gramp leaned back in his rocker and
looked at his feet before continuing: “Of
course I never had a pair of shoes until I
was 20.”
Nearly half of 1,200 American adults
surveyed say they “don’t care one way or
the other” about the mini-skirt coming
back into style. One-third “really don’t
want it to come back” compared to 19 per
cent who “really want it to come back.”
Men and women disagree on this fashion
trend. Among men, 33 percent want to see
the mini-skirt return; only 7 percent of
women do. Fifty percent of women say
that they do not want it back in style, as
compared to only 13 percent of men.
Fifty percent of males and 41 percent of
females “don’t care one way or another.r
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