The NEW BERN
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CARUkll'.r^
5^ Per Copy
1
VOLUME 4
NEW BERN, N. C., FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 1961
NUMBER 29
All joking aside, are you really
saving your Confederate money in
the hope that the South will rise
again? Well, take our advice, broth
er, and keep it under the mattress
i-- a while longer.
At this very ■ moment, thousands
of little rebels are swarming over
Yankee Land like June-bugs in a
watermelon rind. The invasion is
continuing in no small proportions,
and eventually every neighborhood
will be dominated by transplanted
Tar Heels.
As you know, the Dixie method
of mathematics figures that it takes
a dozen Yankees to equal one rebel,
so the situation was a serious one
for Northern defenders right from
the start. If the invaders can whit
tle present ratio down to, say 10
to one, they’ll have victory in sight.
Ironically, the Yankee can blame
themselves for this heavy influx of
rebels. Just check the maternity
wards of the government hospitals
in this state, and you’ll find that a
high percentage of the service cou
ples who become proud parents hail
from New York, Philadelphia, Bos
ton, and other northern strongholds.
Mom and Pop, in many cases,
want no part of the South, but
' there’s no getting around the fact
that they have a natural-bom rebel
in the family fori all time to come.
Southerners are willing to con
cede that any Northern family ac-
quiresLTiew prestige vnb^en the stork
delivers a rebel young’un to a mem
ber of the clan. Tliis, they say, is
the reason why so many of the
Unfortunately,. from the stod-
point of Southen]| pride, the latter
contention isn’t entirely .true. As a
‘ rule; a young service wife whose
husband is stationed at Camp Le-
' jeune, Cherry Point or Fort Bragg
, remains in the South to be with her
husband, and not because she wants
their first-born to be a rebel.
In keeping with the periodic .turn
over of military personnel. Mom,
the baby, and Pop, too, are usually
back up North a few months after
Junior’s arrival. His baby talk de
velops a decided Yankee accent,
' but when he squawls it’s a rebel yell.
Trying to suppress these little
fellows, and mold them over into
Yankee upstarts, is a futile imder-
taking. Once a Southerner, always a
Southerner, even if a change of lo
cale cheats you out of your just
share of collards and pot likker.
In fact, this new. genCTation of
, Northern rebels is so steamed up
about the Stars and Bars that a
movement is underway to abandon
blue and pink for swaddling rai
ment, and use grey instead. If the
grey gives out, pink is recommend
ed, but blue is strictly taboo.
No longer is it safe for a North-
r' erner to poke fun at the South, as a
parlor pastime. He may discover, be
latedly, that he is belittling his own
kinfolk.
Their birth in Dixie notwithstand
ing, none of the service babies we’ve
checked on have been named for
General Robert E. Lee. It should be
added, however, that they weren’t
named for General Grant, either, so
Southerners may be able to find a
measure of consolation in that.
The chances are the average North
ern rebel will live and die without
knowing the joy of a bate of collards
under his belt. Deprived of this
' delicapy, flavored with hog meat,
he’ll chomp on a miserable assort
ment of other greens, smeared with
butter.
Whether this will warp his life
rdmains to be seen. It is not un^
likely that quite a few cases of neu
rosis will stem from a deficiency of
Southern cooking.
Whatever may be the outcome of
the present situation, don’t you dare
get rid of that Confederate money.
It may be only a toddling army, but
those rebels are on the march again,
at long last.
s
UNDEFEATED AND UNTIED — Pictured here are the
proud Bears of the New Bern Recreation Department’s
Midget Football League. Coached by Ernest Hollowell and
Ray Griffin, they won seven straight to capture the loop .
crown. These youngsters and their opponents gave fans a
double helping of thrills during the exciting 1961 season.
Photo by John R. Baxter.
HAD EXCELLENT RECORD—Runner-up honors for this
year’s campaign in the New Bern Midget Football League
were earned by the Golden Knights, who won four games,
tied one, and lost two. They were ably coached by Ray
Batts and Larry Swindell. Other scrappy ball clubs in the
loop, in addition to the champion Bears, were the Rams
and the Lions.—Photo by John R. Baxter.