26, 1973
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MAT^S HILL COLLEGE HILLTOP
Friday, October 26, 1973
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by Jim Baker
Before I begin to-
day’s totally uncalled-
for attack on some hal
lowed feature of Mars
^ill College, let me
inform you dear readers
just what you can expect
from my column in the
Hilltop. The space for
this article is reserved
for satire, which means,
ideally, that here one
find put into words
what we students see
everyday and recognize
us ridiculous, but just
Hon't take the time to
give it the attention it
deserves. My job is to
Put the spotlight on
Some aspect of campus
^ife. which we at the
Hilltop feel is worthy
°f irreverent note.
Every issue, then. I'll
Hu poking fun at some
thing. The subjects
i 11 pick in the future
for articles, I'm sure.
Won't be hard to find.
As We all know, there
®te a multitude of
tHings around here that
pretty weird.
Remember, though, I'm
not trying to offend
anyone, and if I do,
^®Hl, sorry about that.
0 with this in mind,
St's proceed to this
Week's recipient of my
udmittedly slanted
teporting: The Mars Hill
College Student Court.
My opinions on the
tudent Court were form-
®u during my attendance
°f the last session
w ich was held several
Weeks ago. So that my
true identity as a mem-
of the Fifth Estate
Would remain a secret, I
travelled incognito,
posing in a guise which
oo one would see
tough. I went dressed
(or dressed down,
considering my costume)
an athlete, complete
^ Hh tennis racket and
o rest. Most other
People had on coats and
^ so I have decided
the future to use a
®®s obvious disguise,
othaps next time I'll
as a faculty mem-
I had intended to
^®ud up on courtroom
^tocedure before attend-
8a court session, but
the trial got
^Herway, i couldn't
P feeling that I was
the only Ignorant
Wa^^°^ there. And after
thing a certain per-
s theatrical perfor-
nee as a Joe Columbo
tatio, I didn't even
so bad about the
lasasaiietsssKssspunasstatxuzssssssszszszsassszszxsasi
8ym
The
Suit I was wearing,
general atmosphere
of this courtroom, al
though a bit polluted
from Colombo's cigar,
was that of a comedy-
type play, which it was
in a way. It seemed
totally out of place for
the very serious matter
they were discussing
there, i.e., the guilt
or innocense of a stud
ent charged with several
grave offenses. And
since few can argue with
the verdict the court
reached, the methods, or
lack of them, used, are
another matter entirely.
It was a kind of Kanga
roo Court in reverse,
with the spectators al
most universally agree
ing that the Prosecuting
attorney should be drawn
and quartered. That
position as Attorney
General is really a bad
job—he's madd out to
be the Big Bad Wolf, the
Boogeman, Godzilla, and
Martha Mitchell all
rolled into one, when
actually his job is to
just present the offen
ses as they were discov
ered to the jury of 8
justices. The true Sai
nt of the Court is the
Defense Attorney, whose
job could better be lab
eled "Court Jester." We
all got a thrill to see
him in action. During
the trial, a true pic
ture of devotion to a
cause was exhibited by
the members of the jury,
some of whom actually
paid attention to what
was going on. I suppose
they are selected for
their academic qualific
ations, one of which is
the ability to make use
of leisure time. Since
a number of them could
be observed doing their
homework while the case
was being pled. The
Chief Justice, who likes
being called "Your
Honor" (known simply as
"sir" to his friends)
and having people stand
when he made a grand
entry into the court
room. He did a pretty
good job saying "Over
ruled" or "Sustained,"
and the frequent
recesses we had while
he was trying to reach
a decision were apprec
iated. The hard job in
the court belongs to
the Bailiff, who has to
run up and down and uj:
and down the steps
fetching witnesses. I
suggest the Chief Jus
tice make available to
the Bailiff the use of
his toy motorcycle.
No one could expect
true court quality in
Judy Echols
Sally Grant
Jimmy Hicks
Sam Swain
Susan Stafford
Not Pictured:
Dehhie Miller
Gwen Graham
Dennis Anderson Dale
Vernon Thomason
Brenda Berryhill
Terry Chenaweth
Bass
Dan Hazeldon
by Ben Sprouse CHEERLEADERS
If, during Homecoming
week, you notice a few
people bouncing around
like scared hens, don't
fret—they're the Cheer
leaders .
The Cheerleaders are
one of the most spirited
groups on campus and
don't care to show
it. The Cheerleaders
work hard to get their
job done and are really
devoted.
The Cheerleaders pro
mise a big week of act
ivities for homecoming.
Festivities for the week
include: Bonfires, pep
rallies, a funeral pro
cession, and much more.
Wear your spirit this
week like never beforel
Share some with a
friend. Show our de
voted Cheerleaders you
really care.
LADY LIONS
the Student Court, but
even I was taken back a
bit by the answer re-
ceibed to the question
"How do you plead?" The
reply was, "Well, Your
Honor, I usually just
get down on my knees
and say "Pretty please."
Equally amusing was
the protest the Chief
Justice received from
the two attorneys when
they were asked to app-
roacy the bench. "But,
Your Honor, we don't
know the bench that
well." At any momemt I
expected the plaintiff
to climb up on the rail
ing and claim he
was "sittin' on de fen
ce." Little courtroom
humor there.
I won't bother to
make suggestions to the
Court, because (1)
that's not satire, (2)1
don't know any and (3)
they do pretty well,
jesting aside. And per
haps I'd better not say
that I think the Student
Court would make a good
softball team. That
would be going too far,
don't you think?
I dedicate this art
icle to those who bel
ieve everything they
read. I just leave des
troying truisms. Tune
in next week, folks,
when the Frying Pan will
be scorching fraternit
ies and pledging.
by Benny Sprouse
In the outstanding
collegiate athletics
program here at Mars
Hill, our own "Lady Li
ons" volleyball team is
certainly worthy of its
name. These sixteen
spirited young ladies do
a fine job under the co
aching efforts of Mrs.
Morphy and the leader
ship of two devoted co
captains, Jonell Reavis
and Beth Swann.
At present the team
stands 1-1 with a 15-1,
15-1 victory over Ashe
ville High and a 15-13,
15-7 loss to Milligan.
The team faces some
tough opponents during
the next month but the
girls are very strong
and stand on equal
chance. Some of the ma
jor events in the team's
schedule include the Ap
palachian State Univer
sity Tournament in Boone
on October 26 and 27, as
well as the State Tourn
ament at Pembroke State
University on November
9 and 10.
When asked for a com
ment, Mrs. Morphy said,
"Hopefully we'll win the
rest." So back these
Lady Lions —' Back the
Best!
The Society
Advancement of
ment will meet
nesday, October
7:30 p.m., in
rary Faculty
Guest speaker
for the
Manage-
on Wed-
31, at
the Lib-
Lounge .
will be
Mr. Bill Banks, Banco
Lumber Company, Burns
ville, "Personal App
roach in Management.
WetlCome Alum mi
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