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PAGE FOUR
mars hill college hilltop
BAKER'S FRYING PAN
by Jim Baker
Now that our mini-
mester study of Uni
dentified Flying Ob
jects is complete, I
have been authorized
to release to the ge
neral ■ piablic the
startling facts we
have discovered. The
main fact is this:
UFO's (yes. Flying
Saucers) are real.
They do exist. Up
until now, many peo
ple felt that the on
ly flying saucers a-
round were in the ca
feteria, or in the
middle of a domestic
dispute, but we have
evidence now that not
only are there real
flying saucers, but
flying cups, plates,
and silverware as
well. Many people
that report seeing
UFO's have noticed
the bright shine or
gloss of the objects.
This can be explained
easily if we assvune
that the beings in
control of the UFO's
wash their vehicles
in New Improved Lemon
Freshened Joy, which
makes even your dull
flying saucers shine
like your best flying
china. One of the
reasons flying sau
cers are so rarely
seen is that they are
so fragile, being
made of glass. I im
agine the beings are
afraid some savage
earthling will throw
a rock at his gleam
ing vehicle and break
off a chip. Another
reason UFO's seem to
hide so much is,
well, wouldn't you be
shy too if you were a
little green being?
You'd stick out like
a sore green thumb.
And we might as well
face it—UFO occu
pants just aren't o-
verly smart. I'm
aure you've all heard
of the saucer that
landed and discharged
beings who marched
stiffly up to a gas
pump and demanded
that it get its fin
ger out of its ear
and take them to its
leader. Or the re
port of two little
green men who stopped
and attempted to com
municate with a fire
hydrant, then gave up
deciding that it was
too young to converse
intelligently.
One question I've
wondered about is
what would UFO occu
pants think if they
came to Mars Hill?
Oh sure, maybe a lit
tle excitement on
Wednesday night, but
what about weekends?
These days every
one is trying to cash
in on piiblic interest
in flying saucers.
Books are coming out
every day, many of
which my class dis
cussed in the past
three weeks. Two of
the ones I enjoyed
most were "The Flying
Saucers Cookbook,"
with favorite recipes
of flying saucer cap
tains (by Ulysses R.
Crackerbarrell of
Hopewill, N.C.) and
the "UFO Coloring
Book," complete with
short green crayons
to color little green
men, by Dr. Benjamin
Sprocket of infant
care fame. Even Wo
men's Lib is involved
in the UFO scene; se
veral spokesmen (ex
cuse me—spokesper
sons) have expressed
their anger over the
phrase "little green
men," insisting that
"little green beings
of indeterminate sex"
would be more appro
priate .
In preparing this
column I was able to
interview a person
who claimed to have
been taken aboard a
UFO from Venus. Al
though he admits to
having been drunk at
the time, and that
the UFO could have
been a canal boat
from Venice, he was
able to remember in
vivid detail his ex-
The War Drags On
WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 30, 1974
74
perience in the UFO
canal boat. I asked
him if he spoke to
the occupants. -He
replied, "Well, I was
a lieutenant in the
Army during the War,
so naturally I only
spoke to the offi
cers , not the enlis
ted men. They spoke
in some strange lan
guage I couldn't un
derstand, which led
me to believe they
were from New Jersey.
One of them, in fact,
tried to sell me a
$300 watch for $15."
I asked him to des
cribe the vehicle as
he remembered it.
"It was hugh and shi
ny and smelled like
lemons. Inside this
craft, which was
disc-like, were hun
dreds of strange be
ings on bicycles that
were attached to pro
pellers . I imagine
this was some sort of
propulsion..." At
this point I thanked
him and left, before
he got violent.
Personally, the
only UFO I've seen
was just outside Mars
Hill at about 9 a.m.
last Thursday. It
was large and orange,
with flashing red
lights. Little peo
ple were getting in
and out of it, and I
was quite puzzled un
til I read the words
"Madison County Piib-
lic Schools" on its
side. I have no
doubt as to the au
thenticity of Uniden
tified Flying Ob
jects, however. As I
said, they do exist,
all joking aside.
In the next issue
of the Hilltop there
will be a survey form
to determine what
percentage of stu
dents believe in
UFO's. Be watching
for it.
FILM
FESTIVAL
Applicants:
The Human Socie
ties Department at
Mars Hill College has
announced a film fes
tival in connection
with their Illusion
and Reality course.
Each movie shows a
person or group of
people who have
formed their own ver
sion of reality. The
movies will be shown
on the following
schedule: Wednesday,
January 30, The Red
Ballon, a short made
by
While at home over
the holidays, I sat
down to read the pa
per and ran across a
full page ad on the
continuing war in Vi
etnam. I, personal
ly, didn't know that
the fighting was
still as bad as it
was when the American
troops were there.
But, it is still as
bad.
The organization
which sponsored this
ad did not ask for
money but for prayer.
The "Blue Army of Our
Lady of Fatima," as
it is called, has an
nounced a worldwide
month of prayer, in
January, for peace in
large
increase
over 73
by Connie Montague
in France in the ear
ly 1950's, and Anto
nioni's Blow Up, with
Vanessa Redgrave and
David Hemmings;
Thursday, January 31,
Wexler's Medium Cool;
Monday, February 4,
The Unicorn in the
Garden, a short film
early
made in the
1960's based on one
of Thurber's stories,
and They Might be Gi
ants, with George C.
Scott and Joanne
Woodward; Tuesday,
February 5, Petulia
with George C. Scott
and Julie Christie;
Thursday, February 7,
Fellini's autobio
graphical 8hi! and
Wednesday, February
13, Mick Jagger's
portrayal of a worn
out rock star in Per
formance.
The movies will be
shown in Belk Audi-
torixom, adjacent to
the new Wren Student
Union and will be
shown twice daily at
3 p.m. and 8 p.m.
There is no admission
charge and the public
is invited.
The large number
of admission applica
tions for the upcom
ing fall term marks
an even higher rate
than that of Fall
'73. Mr. David Mat
thews , Director of
Financial Aid, has
attributed the over
flow to several fac
tors. Among these is
the fact that Mars
Hill College is bet
ter known, evidenced
by the high nuinber of
Florida applicants•
There has also
been increased re
cruiting and more
contact with pros
pects . High school
students are more in
terested because
there is a greater
nxamber of students
working in this area-
The college, once s
month, sends all pro
spects a newsletter
to keep them informed
on what's happening
in and around the
school.
Another contribu
ting factor is our
changing curriculum-
This includes inde
pendent study, in
ternships , and tho
competency-based cur
riculum, which i®
presently on an ex
perimental basis.
With these points
in mind, it appears
that MHC will b®
bursting at the seamS
in Fall '74.
Connie Montague
Vietnam. This is in
preparation for the
celebration of the
Vietnamese New Year
on February 1, 1974.
As you think this
month of the Vietnam
ese people and their
plight, God will hear
you and God will an
swer you.
CADENZA
MARS hill colleges
AWARD WINNING
LITERARY MAGAZINE
art
poetry
prose
$75 in
prizes
DEADLINE...FEB. 8^^
SEE KEN CHAMLEE
P.O. BOX 1157-C
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