PAGE FOUR
MARS HILL COLLEGE HILLTOP
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 8, 1974
FRIDAY,
BAKER'S
FRYING PAN
by JIM BAKER
J
Section One: It's
all out in the open,
now. . . I understand
there is somewhat of
a showdown brewing in
the Art department.
One of the insturc-
tors there is reveal
ing his doubts about
the artistic merits
of portraying the
human body on canvas.
Now I'm not sure
what's been streeUcing
through his mind, but
evidently he feels
that if people were
menat to be seen nude,
they'd have been born
that way. My hat
(and so on) goes off
to you, sir.
Section Two: If
you have tried to buy
anything other than
one of the outrageous
ly expensive soft
drinks in the Snack
Bar lately, you prob
ably came up against
their new time-and-
labor-saving-easy-do-
it - yourself - jiffy
forms. Designed by a
former Pentagon rffic-
iency expert, these
forms were meant to
speed up service and
make everything much
simpler. they have
neded up causing peo
ple to spend thirty
minutes trying to
figure the darn
things out. To ill
ustrate my point,read
the transcribed typi
cal conversation be
tween a typical cus
tomer (whom I'11 call
"C") and a Snack Bar
employee ("SB"):
SB: Could I help you?
C: Yes. I'd like a
cheeseburger wit let
tuce, tomato, and —
SB: Please fill out
this form, sir.
C: Well, all I want
ed was a chees —
SB: I'm sorry, you
cannot be served un
less you fill out a
form.
C: Oh, all right.
Let's see - "date of
birth:. That;s easy
enough.
SB: Kindly fill out
the form silently,sir.
C: Sorry, what;s this
"Have you ever suffer
ed from dizziness,
fainting spells, or
seizures?" I only
wanted a cheeseburger,
not a life insurance
policy. My gosh—
"Are you or have you
been a member of any
subversive organiza
tion?" What do they
think I'm going to do
smuggle an order of
French fries across
the border? Wait
here's an easy one:
"Married". I'll just
put a check in this
sapce here. . .
SB: I'm sorry sir,
we cannot accept
froms with check
amrks or X's. Rule
number fourteen dfear-
ly states this. Kind
ly erase your check
and fill out the form
properly.
C: Hey, Listen, I'll
settle for a plain
hamburger if you'11
forget this nonsense-
~SB: Trying to bribe
an empolyee of the
Snack Bar is a very
serious offense,sir.
C: I'm sorry. Could
you explain this to
me, please; why do
you ask for my rel
igious affiliation?
Do you serve kosher
cheeseburgers x some
thing?
SB: Please, sir, we
only do our job here.
We do not expect any
emergencies, but
should you become un
conscious after eat
ing something here,
and become unable to
answer questions, it
would save time for
us to be albe to not
ify the appropriate
clergyman.
C: Hey, you know
that cheeseburger I
wanted? Well, I've
kind of decided I
wans't as' hungry as I
thought. Let me just
have a coke - here I
put "one small coke"
on this form.
SB: You only wish to
order a drmk?
C: Yes.
SB: In that case,
sir, it was unnecess
ary for you to fill
out a form at all.
Rule seventeen clear
ly states - sir? Sir?
are you leaving, sir?
I hope you get the
idea. I never thought
I'd have to put up
with red tape in my
hamburger. Pickles
are bad enough.
Section Three: End
ing on a Jolley note.
This just occured to
me. Do you know what
you would call a not
too interesting but
very important test
lecture given by one
of the History prof
essors?
Underwood's Deviled
Ham!!!!!!!
BIGGER AND BETTER ENLARGERS
Rochester, N.Y.
a new book, "Bigger
and Better Enlarging"
has been written to
aid beginners in
learning basic en
larging techniques.
Authored by Don
Nibbellnk, a producer
in the Presentations
and Promotions group,
Eastman Kodak Company,
and Rex Anderson, a
color specialist and
recent Kodak retiree,
the book is published
by Amphoto and distri
buted by Kodak.
"This is a logical
first book for the
beginner enthusiast
who wants to make en
largements in black-
and-white or color,
and it is a basic
companion to the very
successful advanced
darkroom book, 'Cre
ative Darkroom Tech
niques,'" noted John
Fish, director, Ko
dak's consumer mar
kets publications.
The colorful dark
room primer is de
signed to be read
straight through be
fore the novice begins
work. After initial
review of the con
tents, the book can
be used easily as a
reference work by the
beginner who is aided
by the use of red and
black text comer tri
angles, to indicate
pages dealing with
black-and-white, co
lor, or techiniques
applicable to both.
The coding is main
tained in the table
of contents and the
index.
The book is written
in straight forward
language avoiding un
necessary technical
terms. Techniques
are illustrated with
color and black-and-
white photographs.
extensive before and
after pictures, and
simplified drawings.
Jan Evans selected Football Queen for 1974
lion swimmers
PREPARE FO R MEEt
The Lion Swimmers
finish their fourth
week of wet paws as
they prepare for the
first meet of the
year next Friday
afternoon, Nov. 15 at
4:00, at UNC-Ashevil-
le.
From its origin as
the Mars Hill Swim
Club, the swimmers
went through a divi
sion this past week
dividing the 28 mem
bers between those
who were swimming for
fun and exercise, and
those who wanted to
compete on intercol
legiate meets.
The division left
about 14 swimmers for
the competing team
which is quite re
spectable in colle
giate swimming for a
first year team.
In NAIA meets,
there are 13 swimming
events and 6 events
in both 1 and 3 meter
diving. The Li_on
team is without
PAT. PEND!N6
butterfly and indi
vidual medley events
will be Jo Ann
Harrelson and Janet
Hill and in the 200
and 500 meter free
style events will be
Gary Williams and
Eric Garner.
The above persons
plus several others
will be competing ii^
the relay events as
the Lions seek to
open the season with
a win as they build
for the future.
.divers and they are
needed badly to keep
points on the board.
In the upcoming
meet, freshmen will
dominate the Lion
team which takes on
the much more experi'
enced UNC-A swimmers-
Participating in th®
100 and 200 meter
breast stroke will
sophomore crai9
Williamson. The back
stroke will feature
Margaret Boyd an
Gary Williams. 1^
Figures and formulas
which might impede a
beginner are placed
in a qecial reference
section at the back
of the book.
In addition to ba
sic subjects, the
boo^ outlines unusual
and special printing
techniques including
ground-glass printing,
dodging with matte a-
cetate, combination
printing, the modem
use of paper nega
tives, and many other
subjects.
Measuring 61/2 by
9 1/2 inches, the
$9.95 book has 288
pages with more than
130 photographs in
both color and black-
and-white. "Bigger
and Better Enlargipg,"
AG-19, is available
at photo and book re
tailers.
by
of
to
A
C
Oot
VdL
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