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THE LEXHIPEP
October 6, 1950
A SAPP’S
fibbLes
By A SAPP
Character is what you are—reputation is what you get caught at.
Tax Examiner; What’s your husband’s average income?
Wife: Oh, about midnight.
Uncle Milt can’t figure out why they call the stuff in whiskey “neutral
spirits.’’ He says that after his second drink he shifts from nsutral to high,
and after his fifth one, goes into reverse, and spends the next day in low.
Flood: A river too big for its bridges.
Etiquette; Ability to yawn with your mouth shut.
I sat alone in the monolight.
Forsaken by women and men.
And murmured over and over,
“I’ll never eat onions again.’’
Clergymen: Men who work to beat hell.
Mrs. Lewis: Your rfscitation was extremely good, Don K. The gestmes
were particularly natural. Where did you get them?
Don K.: Git what?
Mrs. Lewis: The gestures.
Don K.: I ain’t got the gestoors. It’s the hives.
“Clum” K.: What do they call the man that brings you into contact
with the spiritual world?
“Millie’’; A bartender.
Any doctor who does much walking downtown will tell you that the
best thing to take when run down is the liosnse number.
Sign in the postoffice: PLEASE DO NOT THROW CIGARETTE BUTTS
IN THE CUSPIDORS, AS IT MAKES ’THEM HARD 'TO LIGHT.
Mrs. to Mr. (arriving home at 3 a.m.); Well, did you find home is the
best place, after all?
Mr.: I don’t know about that, but it’s the only place open.
Nice Girl: A girl who spends the evening whispering sweet "nothing
doings” in your ear.
Adolescent: A boy in his early nicoteens.
They cut down the old apple tree
That blossomed each spring by the door.
And Rover has missed it since that day.
Though he never missed it before.
Man Instructor (to Nick Kearns): I’m putting this rivet in the correct
position; when I nod my head hit it r-e-a-1 hard with that hammer.
Next morning he woke up in the hospital.
’Then there was the cross-eyed professor who had no control over his
pupils.
Mr. Clark (alter trying first-hour class): Some time ago my doctor told
me to exercise every morning with dumbbells. Will the class please report
to me tomorrow before breakfast?
She: Oh, John, there was once a time when you used to stroke my chin
so lovingly. You don’t do it anymore.
He: Yes, but that was when you had only one.
The easiest way to live within your income is to have a big one.
Forger—A fellow who gives a check a bad name.
Stork—A nice old bird who kids the world.
NOTICE; A big game hunter has been missing lor days. It is feared
that something he disagreed with ate him.
’The only time a girl really dislikes being whistled at is when the whistler
is a motorcycle cop.'
Some girls count on their fingers, but a smart girl counts on her legs.
Lady Passenger: I suppose you’ve been in the Navy so long you’re accus
tomed to sea legs?
Sailor: Honest, lady, I wasn’t looking.
Compliments of
COSTNER’S JEWELERS
Woodruff Shoe Store
Fine Shoes and Hosiery
Compliments of
BECK’S BARBECUE
SMITH & FRITTS
Sport and Dress Wear
Bostonian Shoes
Compliments of the
ARMY AND NAVY
SURPLUS STORE
HILL TOP FLORIST
M. D. & Ruth B. Woodlief
"FLOWERS WIRED
EVERYWHERE”
Phone 2846 — 963 South Main St.
LEXINGTON DRUG
COMPANY
Lexington’s Prescription Drug
Store for Over 52 Years
Same Management
SNACK SHOP
TOASTED SANDWICHES
Ice Cream and Frosty Malt
COMPLIMENTS OF
,’s
E. Center Sli
LEXWGTON. N.C
Compliments of
BELK - MARTIN
FARMERS HARWARE CO.
Hardware, Paints, Sporting Goods
PHONE 519
GORDON MOTOR
COMPANY
“Your Friendly Ford Dealer”
Gordon Tractor Co.
“Gets More Done’”
PHONE 463 or 2448
MACK’S
5c, 10c & 25c
STORE
Ca
SAT. LATE SHOW, SUN., MON., TUBS., OCTOBER 7, 8, 9, 10
“LOUISA”
Ronald Reagan—Spring Byington
Charles Cobum—Ruth Hussey—Edmund Gwenn
SAT. LATE SHOW, SUN., MON., OCTOBER 14, 15, 16
“MY BLUE HEAVEN”
Betty Grable — Dan Dailey
THURSDAY AND FRIDAY, OCTOBER 19, 20
“711 OCEAN DRIVE”
Edmond O’Brien — Joann Dm
SAT. LATE SHOW., SUN., MON., OCTOBER 21, 22, 23
“TWO FLAGS WEST”
Joseph Cotton — Linda Darnell
Jeff (Broken Arrow) Chandler